The Rouge (Jaehyun - One Shot)
pairings: Fem!Reader x Jaehyun
warnings: consumption and mention of alcohol, cursing, fingering, public sex, explicit sexual situations
genre: smut, angst, fluff if you squint
synopsis: You have always put Jaehyun on a pedestal like he is some godly creature and in a way, he is.
beta-readers: Special thanks to @alreadyblondenow and @sly-merlin if it weren’t for you two this would have rot in my drafts.
tag lists: @ncteaxhoe, mentioning my nets in case the tags are acting up again @nctcreations, @kpopscape, @neo-the-stars-net, @nct-writers.
a/n: This will probably be a series for manic panic pixie dream boys featuring jaehyun, sicheng, and taeyong. Now that I have posted this I’ll go write Sicheng’s part. Not proof read so excuse the mistakes and if you would like to do so please chat me whenever! Please am v dumb. Enjoy! - xo aria
“that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures.” - Nathan Rabin
Staring at your back with such intensity, I thought I would bore holes at the back of your skull. But you didn’t even seem to be aware of my heavy gaze since no movement on your part was committed. If only you would turn around and spare me a glance of that, I am sure of, my eyes can attest to my ever undying devotion for you. No, but you are ignorant of my feelings, or if I daresay ashamed of them. So, here I am content with just staring at your back while perusing your jet black silky strands at the nape of your neck, broad shoulders, a body gifted with sinewy muscles, and a lithe figure. Suddenly, a loud bell awoke me from my insignificant scrutiny. I squared my shoulders and internally lectured myself at my obvious and pathetic gaping at your person. Gathering my things and quickly divesting them in my backpack; I moved for the door. But as soon as I turned around and saw you advancing towards me. I was cursed to be rooted on the spot where I stand; befuddled and fidgeting as to why you are approaching me. Before I embarrassed myself, for being a salivating adolescent drooling all over you while you walked towards me. I decided to soften the hit by attempting to make a hasty retreat. Sidestepping your direction I let my feet lead me towards that door pure adrenaline running in my veins. For I know, once you cast your eyes upon me and spoke with that lovely sotto voice of yours everything will change. My left foot took the first step, and I never looked back, not even conscious of what I must look like, and what a coward I am. All was up to that door, for that door is freedom. Freedom from my insipid longing for you, dreaming of what it’s like for you to reciprocate my attention. Since I first met you at that moving van when you moved to the neighborhood. You were supposed to be my friend, the one with whom I can play with. But no, when you ran towards the porch greeting me with your beautiful smile. Everything changed. Two more steps to go then I can escape. For it’s due to long, these frivolous feelings welling up inside me eating me on the inside out. It was supposed to be just a petty crush, but it took root in my gut and blossomed into assaults of different emotions when it comes to you. My hand on the doorknob just a twist of my hand and the door will open. Do you still remember the bracelet you gave me or the way you peek at your window afterwards to stare at me? Maybe you don’t, but me I do, and oh so clearly. I never wanted that moment to end for in that moment I thought that there was a possibility of you and I. What a grave mistake, and a horrible misconception for after that you acted as if nothing happened. Crushing the hope that settled in my chest. Life does go on though. And here we are in our senior year, where we are on the verge of adolescence and at the gate of adulthood. The cold metal of the doorknob felt so foreign against my skin, the coldness of the metal seeping into my overheated flesh, I twisted my hand, the creaking sound of the door opening was like siren wails in my ears. Then you called me:
My hand was frozen from its place, my body doing what is contrary to what my mind is saying. Run it said and never look back. I knew once you utter my name all was defeated, I knew whatever you ask of me I will do. It is so unfair to feel the way I do since I know all of these gut-wrenching emotions are one-sided. You never did feel the burden did you, Jaehyun? It was always me, taking the fall but you were never there to catch me. While I, on the other hand, all you have to do is call my name and I will abide by your wishes. If I continue to walk out of this door, away from you I will leave in one piece unscathed and with my dignity. If I stop this farce between us once and for all? Can I move on and forget about you? I was a slave to my own feelings, I never knew it was supposed to feel like this. It was supposed to make you giddy and happy all the time but this was the opposite. It’s killing me slowly but surely. All I want is some closure between us before we part ways; we may not have a relationship, but I am sure there was something between us. Don’t we? I don’t know if I want to label it, for if I do it will be unrequited love. I being the victim, Give me some closure Jaehyun that is all I ask. I deserved it from suffering that much. I maneuvered my body to face you, my back at the door. Away from the only chance of escaping you. Just this once, I will do the right thing and not be a coward, for all I ever do is run.
I answered in a small voice, my head cast down at the floor. Egg-shell white the color of the flooring with an occasional smearing of dirt. I drag my stare away from the flooring slowly building up the courage to look you in the eye. Sweeping my gaze at you slowly ascending from the floor to your feet, your jeans, to your simple white shirt. Then your masculine jawline, your nose, then, at last, those eyes. Those warm brown eyes that I fell in love with I never did understand why? I just did. I am doing everything not to bolt up the door and flee away from you. All at once, you are suddenly up close to me while a few moments ago, I was content looking at your back. Then you spoke again with that voice of yours that caused my heartbeat to flutter.
“________, Can we partner up for the project?”
You looked at me in the eye, as if pleading me to agree, as if I have the strength to reject. You never realized how strong your hold is on me. But of course, I am only good at one thing - studies. I have long accepted that fact. No big deal.
I answered trying not to let my emotions rang the sentence out. I want it to be filled with vast nothingness like I want all my feelings for you to be void. I tried to flash a smile at you willing the end of my lips to curl upwards, or something that resembles one. You stared down at me piercing me with those succulent eyes the ardency of your stare too uncomfortable for me to bear. Like something wants to crawl out under my skin, I turned my head sideways. I look at the once more closed door, and the shiny metal glinting at my eyes as if teasing me for not running away a while ago. I reached towards the doorknob and twisted the door open, it was that easy. But nothing is ever easy with you. I started walking in the direction of the hallways. Wanting to feel the safeness that it may give me, away from you if I only listened to myself a while ago, and not let my emotions ruin what all I have left. But you called again and I enraptured by the voice looked at you.
