signs that your family is abusive:
you feel the urge to hide from them whenever you’re vulnerable
you cannot bear the idea of them seeing you cry
when you’re hurt or in pain, you don’t go to them because you feel they’ll tell you that you deserved it or that it was your fault
you don’t feel like you can confide in them, either because they don’t seem to care, or try to control how you act, or yell at you and punish you, or use the information against you
you feel very self-conscious around them and keep expecting criticism and insults
you can’t tell them about your struggles because you already know they’ll side against you
you keep things in your life secret from them because you have a feeling they would ridicule, humiliate, and judge you if they knew, or take everything away from you
you feel scared of letting them know when they hurt you
you feel scared and guilty when you so much as think about them in a bad way
you feel the urge to remind yourself of all the things they did for you, whenever something bad comes up, to be sure that you’re seeing them the way they want to be seen by you
you’re scared of being accused of being a burden to them
you’re scared to hold them responsible for things they did to you, because you know they would argue otherwise, and insist they had full right to do what they did, or that you made it up
you have the inner sense of dread that nothing you ever do or say will be taken seriously by them, and your life will always look like a joke to them
you dream of living far away from them and feel guilty for wanting to cut them from your life
you don’t feel like you’re really important in comparison to them, it feels like it’s better to just step aside and let them be important, your life doesn’t matter as much anyway
you’re worried about how your every action might affect their life, their reputation and social standing
you feel that they’re ashamed of you and you’re trying your best not to bring further shame on the family
you feel like you’ll owe them for the rest of your life and nothing you ever do will be enough to erase the debt, and this fills you with dread and feeling of being trapped
you don’t count on their help when you’re in trouble, you’re scared of them finding out and punishing you for being in trouble in the first place
you don’t count on them sharing their resources with you, you know you have to be grateful for how much they’ve given you already and feel like you have no right to ask for anything more, even if you need it
you can’t feel warmth or safety when surrounded by family, instead you wish you didn’t have to be there, and seek a place to hide and protect yourself
holidays spent with family are just painful and something you try to endure instead of enjoy
you can’t imagine a world where you’re free and not defined by these people
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