I miss it, I miss you

I cut my teeth on secondhand sentiments

[altruprism]

private and selective multimuse written by holly (they/them, 21+). sideblog to @leatherforhell.

featuring muses from leverage, six of crows, percy jackson, original lore, and more.

[carrd] [memes] [header] [mobile header]

in depth character pages under cut

Parker Zoe Moira Fin Winter Fancy Bianca Lymadil Jie

[pisces-core]

[sodapopmermaid]

she wants attention and im watching my show instead. how dare i

[altruprism]

like i knew he was safe and it was fine bc it’s sally but i did go like 😬

[mounchii]

The Moon✨🌕

[altruprism]

percy is so brave for standing up to his mom at the end of season 2 bc if sally jackson turned and looked at me and said with a tone that implied Great Consequences “I wasn’t asking” i would’ve been like yes ma’am whatever you say ma’am

[altruprism]

she loves him so much it makes me crazy

[heylsgowt]

[altruprism]

i wrote seven whole things. where is my treat

[bringthunder]

BIANCA ( @altruprism ) said, you taught me this. / accepting

𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐇.  𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐇  𝐇𝐄  𝐃𝐈𝐃.  regrettably,  verso  DID  teach  bianca  to  be  -  in  layman’s  terms  -  as  much  of  a  rat  as  possible.  screw  everybody  else.  keep  yourself  alive.  you’ll  avoid  cigarettes  and  watch  your  tongue,  and  you  won’t  do  anything  TOO  risky  -  these  were  his  lessons,  coupled  paradoxically  with  notions  that  she  should  never  push  herself  too  hard,  that  she  should  try  and  RELAX  here  and  there.  be  a  kid.  a  dead  kid,  sure,  but  be  a  kid.  

verso  clicks  his  tongue  against  the  roof  of  his  mouth.  his  right  hand  strays  to  run  through  his  hair,  then  loiters  on  the  nape  of  his  neck.  he  drums  his  nails  against  the  soft  skin  until  the  sensation  grows  boring.  then  and  only  then  does  he  turn  his  gaze  from  the  ceiling  to  bianca.  

❝  yeah,  well,  i  didn’t  think  you  were  paying  ATTENTION.  ❞  it’s  a  jest,  a  quick  jab,  but  there’s  still  an  air  of  caution  about  the  matter  at  hand  wafting  around  him.  ❝  you  ever  hear  the  phrase  DO  AS  I  SAY,  not  as  i  do  ??  this  is  one  of  those  times.  probably  should’ve  given  you  THAT  disclaimer  at  the  start.  ❞  

he’s  already  running  options  through  his  head.  he  can  mitigate  the  damage  from  this  well  enough:  his  grandfather  likes  him,  castellan  allegedly  tolerates  him…  yeah,  this  won’t  be  the  end  of  the  world.  reason  enough  for  a  lecture  on  both  of  their  ends  maybe  (not  to  say  that  he’ll  pay  ATTENTION  to  it),  but  nothing  that  would  bring  either  of  them  to  ruin.  nothing  that  would  lose  kronos’  favor  -  which,  verso  realizes,  might  be  worse  for  the  girl  time  brought  back  rather  than  the  man  time  freed.  

what’s  he  gonna  do,  verso  thinks,  send  me  back?  

the  thought  drives  a  nail  of  paranoia  into  the  back  of  his  mind.  YES,  actually,  the  titan  could.  YES,  actually,  his  grandfather  might  find  such  an  idea  tempting.  YES,  he  might  go  back  down  there-

verso  diverts  that  train  of  thought  with  a  cigarette  between  his  lips  before  it  can  grow  too  loud.  the  kid  doesn’t  need  to  see  him  break  the  cool  facade.  not  now,  anyways.  

❝  don’t  worry  about  it,  yeah  ??  just  don’t  do  it  again.  remember:  do  as  i  say,  not  as  i  do.  ❞  

[altruprism]

Bianca has spent weeks upon weeks trying to acclimate herself to life outside of herself. The life she holds is alien to her now, and may never be familiar again, but she can at least practice at understanding others. She studies the birds on the top deck and listens to the conversations that pass her by. She inches closer to the crowded areas every day.

She forgot-- almost entirely-- that people don't really like her, either. That for most, death is a fear and not a comfort.

The friction burns on her palms and fingers are enough to keep her eyes occupied. Bianca doesn't want to look at him, even if he doesn't seem too angry. Hated fingers press at the shining flesh and she watches it turn white, then red again. She's pretty sure she still has blood at the corner of her mouth. It isn't hers.

The apology she was gearing up for seems a bit moot now. Her original words were thrown in preemptive defense, but anybody with sense would know that this is too messy to claim innocence. Although, to be fair, the other kid did start it. And he was older.

"I'm screwed, aren't I?" Verso hates when she says things like that, but she says it anyway. All that work for nothing. All that talk about a common cause, and she dashes it on the rocks.

[bitethroats]

ᯓ☆ one  book  pulled,  then  two,  then  three.  NONE  of  these  are  what  she  wants  if  the  steep  furrowing  of  her  brow  is  any  indication.  her  free  hand  rises  to  tug  her  beanie  down  snug  over  her  temple  (over  her  horns  which,  as  a  result  of  the  LAST  bit  of  magic,  haven’t  exactly  SHRUNK  BACK  DOWN  completely  yet)  then  raises  by  her  side  and  waves  from  left  to  right,  hoping  to  snag  the  attention  of  a  passing  ATTENDANT.  

❝  ay,  do  you  have  any  books  on  ORACLES  ??  ❞

@altruprism (moira) / starter call

[altruprism]

Moira has passed by Lavender thrice already, waiting for it to be exasperated enough to ask for help. When it finally happens, she laughs, joyful and friendly and entirely artificial. People always seem to think that she's being snide or insincere when she uses her real laugh.

"I'm actually a bit of an expert," She says. "I have information on innate precognition, ritual clairvoyance, spoken and written prophecy, anything you could need."

Her hands press together behind her back, palm to palm. The stretch gives her something to focus on. Etiquette is necessary-- she hates to be impolite-- but she's always struggled with socializing.

[altruprism]

continued from here with @punchdup

She's all smiles and flustered pride until he asks about her opponent. Bianca's expression flickers once, twice, before she schools it into something that could be seen as casual.

"You can swear, I don't care about that stuff." It's a poor excuse for a change in subject, but it's all she has.

[altruprism]

continued from here with @punchdup

Moira already has a box of tissues extended, waiting for him to take one. Or a few. He may need several.

"It's not that I don't care," She clarifies, a bit defensively. "But I know everything that's going to happen. Imagine the whole movie got spoiled for you beforehand, and then when you did watch it, the person next to you kept telling you the lines before they happened."

A pause. "Besides, it's all bit gruesome to be sad. I'd be more angry than anything."

[hasturs]

moira ( @altruprism ) said, ”I saw everything.”

hands  tangle  in  sullied  blond  hair.  nails  scrape  at  a  scalp  once  scorched  by  the  midday  sun.  lungs  shudder  as  a  too-deep  breath  is  taken;  they  flatten  ‘gainst  the  ribs  from  the  inside  out.  the  ensuing  exhale  is  harsh  through  gritted  teeth.  it  carries  the  taste  of  stomach  acid  back  against  the  flat  of  a  useless  tongue,  the  scent  of  last  night’s  madness-made  mistakes  smothered  by  artificial  orange.  

❛  me  too,  ❜         comes  the  host’s  response,  aching  and  tired.  hands  drag  themselves  down  his  face,  fingers  briefly  snagging  on  the  bottoms  of  his  eyes  and  pull  until  the  soft  pink  of  the  muscle  underneath  is  visible.  they  relinquish  when  the  library’s  air  starts  to  sting,  and  the  hands  rest  under  his  chin.  they  are  a  more  comfortable  pillow  than  the  bare  of  the  library  desk,  but  only  slightly.  

❛  i  saw  everything’s  everything.  the  idea  of  it.  what  everything  feels  like,  i  saw  that.  ❜         the  head  turns  from  her,  mouth  hidden  ‘gainst  the  inside  of  his  crossed  arms.  eyes  fix  on  a  shelf  on  the  other  side  of  the  room.  

❛  i  wish  i  just  saw  a  part  of  everything.  maybe  i  could’ve  handled  that  better.  ❜  a  pause.  his  eyes  return  to  her.   ❛  how  did  you  handle  it  ??  ❜

[altruprism]

Moira is sympathetic at the best of times, at the worst of times-- she's been told she even worries aloud in her sleep. Here sits a creature bound together by empathy. She's not quite sure yet how helpful that will be.

Still, needs must; the redhead untangles her fingers from where they play anxiously in her hair so that she can card them through straw-colored strands. It's almost matronly in its motion as she settles flyaways and sets him looking far more put together on the outside than he is underneath. It's a bit too much for a first meeting, she realizes, so Moira moves the hand to rest on his arm.

"Me? I spent a long time trying to ignore it. Things would always end up pushing through eventually, and it never stopped hurting. My family..." She searches for the right phrasing, a thumb rubbing soothingly at his arm. "Everybody has their way of dealing with things. I decided I couldn't take it anymore and I jumped in with my arms open. It still hurts, but there's more freedom in it. There'll be a way to sort this out, you'll see."

[polarean]

@altruprism [ bianca ] said, " what happens if you don't come back? "

charles is gonna come back. he knows it same as he knows that the sun is gonna rise and the wind's gonna blow and the buses are gonna be late just when you need them to be on time. he knows it because he has been in a fight as hard as this one before, and come out hurt, but breathing ( so long as he's breathing, then he's okay ) but also : because there is no piece of him, no bone or scrap of flesh, that won't fight, fight, fight until it is obliterated. he wants to live. today is no different.

and even so, the worry in bianca's question makes his heart ache. mismatched eyes land upon her, not soft ( he doesn't do soft very well ) but understanding, even so. not because he has ever felt the same, defender that he has always been, when violence darkened his doorstep, but because he's sure he's heard this question before. his sister had asked it ---- he's been trying for years to meet the promise that he'd come back for her ---- and then, so many scared kids whom he'd tucked beneath his wing. someone had to.

that's what it is ---- charles doesn't venture out to kill tartarus - spawn for glamor or heroism or whatever camp half blood says about throwing oneself into death's maw. he does it when no one else will ; he does it because someone must.

" you don't gotta worry about that. i'll be back sooner or later. " there, the same answer he has given in the past as well, in a voice that isn't confident, really, but firm, a promise that it'd be wasted on him. he wishes people would listen, when he said such things ---- wishes no one bothered be scared for his life, when he wasn't worth the concern. death is the one who should be worried, dare he try and touch me! " 'm not gonna leave you hanging. wouldn't dream of it. "

[altruprism]

Oh, people say they'll come back. People will make all sorts of promises once they have what they want. Bianca knows this, and knows that Charles is no different-- so why is it so difficult to let go?

This is the point where apathy should wash over her, to bring her to distant shores of nothingness and lost memory. Instead, she is stuck firmly with her feet on the ground. It's terribly annoying.

"Sooner or later isn't good enough," She says. Regret pierces her tongue immediately. This is not the right way to get what she wants, even if she hates that she wants it. Everything would be so much easier if she didn't want it. Nico would be okay if she didn't want it. But she wants it, desperately, and whining about it won't do much good.

"I didn't-- I didn't mean it." She's staring at her shoes now, the grooves they've been carving in the earth as she shuffles back and forth in her anxiety. It's embarrassing to backtrack, but what good has her ego ever done her? "I'm sorry. Just-- I'll come with you. Or something. Please."

She reaches for him, then, wanting comfort, and immediately snaps her hand back to her side. She's still angry. He doesn't need her clinging to him. Bianca stuffs her hands in her sweatshirt pockets to avoid being tempted again.

[altruprism]

why does life have to life so much when i just wanna write drafts

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— Melissa Cox