are you there?

loneliness in a world full of billions of us seems so strange. is it just me?

[verpasstzuleben]

[konoko]

[alvynalone]

when i was a teenager i thought like this.

it wasn't until my late 20's, early 30's that i learned to think otherwise. it wasn't even a question as stated above.

it was a clear statement in my mind for many years. i am fortunate to have learned to be more internally kind. i believe i still deal with some residual damage.

going to therapy has helped me heal a lot from such emotional damage.

al alone

[alvynalone]

[alvynalone]

Exposing the Narcissist

Welcome to my Channel! My name is Clarice and with over 35 years of dealing with #Narcissists, I am now ready to share what I've learnt. Th

here is another channel with hopefully helpful information about narcissist behaviors and ways to be safe from narcissists.

it is better to not ever be involved in than it is to work on healing from being exposed to such a relationship.

whatever you do, do not give up on having healthy relationships going forward. life is far better when we do not give up hope.

al alone

[alvynalone]

🕉💜🌍🌌

[alvynalone]

our lives are priceless but we are often given the impression they are worthless by material standards.

al alone

[alvynalone]

being depressed doesn't always feel like sadness. sometimes it's just a blankness. it's like a giant blob of feeling nothing at all.

long periods of feeling like this contributed heavily to my questions of why continue living life.

al alone

[kingkyliezzzle]

[mentalquotes]

friendly reminder

it may not feel like it, and it may be hard to believe, but you are loved and appreciated  

[alvynalone]

being raised in an abusive environment can be a real detriment to healthy emotional development. i think 1 reason why is that the experience creates a space in a survivors mind that finds abuse acceptable.

if the people who care for your well-being teach you what is normative in life, having abusive parents is a vicious setup for future mental health issues. self-worth seems to be directly affected by ongoing abuse.

the idea that we deserve to be abused is not helpful or healthy. life is priceless. none of us generally deserves abuse. being angry with someone or a set of circumstances does not change this.

love does not abuse.

accepting abuse is not a part of loving anyone. it is especially not a part of self love. i had to learn this. i am still self abusive in certain ways. the healing process is always a work in progress.

to repeat, life is priceless. love for self is essentially a function of knowing our own worth.

you are worth more than accepting abuse from anyone, including you!

al alone

[alvynalone]

i don't believe anyone can make me feel a way. choice has a role. i do believe i can feel how others perceive my presence. i can also observe how others behave when we interact or not.

one of the worst parts of being alone the way that i am today is having no one to converse with. i used to have phone numbers of people i thought i could talk with. i realized at some point that none of the people actually wanted to talk to me. there would be not contact if i didn't initiate.

i stopped calling them.

now even when i do exchange numbers with people, they generally only want to text. i don't like text conversations much. the only individuals who have exhibited any interest in ongoing text conversations have been women who were romantically pursuing me. none of them has lasted for various incompatibility reasons.

i am still interested in sending letters in the mail or email messages. i don't know anyone who shares such an interest. i've attempted to use social media to find similarly interested individuals. that has yet to produce any constructively ongoing results.

i seem to attract or be attracted to the wrong kinds of people. it is highly frustrating at times. the awareness is worse when i'm in a depressive state. that's essentially what i'm in as this is being posted.

it's nice to have people with no agenda to talk to once and a while. it doesn't need to be every day. it also doesn't need to be a bunch of different people. that's a part of being friends to me. i could be quite wrong though. i don't think i know what a friend is all that well.

al alone

[0nly-an-illusi0n]

[stay-close]

“Do not confuse my bad days as a sign of weakness. Those are actually the days I’m fighting the hardest.”

— Unknown (via meineluft)

[alvynalone]

[alvynalone]

Surviving Narcissism

Are you in a toxic relationship and you want to get out? Do you think your partner, boss or friend is a narcissist? High control; low empath

i found this today while poking around aimlessly on YouTube. my depressive behavior patterns occasionally include random knowledge consumption.

my last long-term relationship was with someone who apparently identified me as a narcissist. life is filled with so many ironies. in my efforts to heal from the horrors of our mutually toxic relationship i began to learn about gaslighters and narcissists. i discovered just how dangerous my repeated decision to maintain my presence in our relationship was. according to her, she was forced to be in the relationship. that's why she was a serial cheater. it was my fault.

i'm sharing this channel in the hopes that someone sees the content and learns to get out of their unhealthy relationship sooner rather than later. i didn't learn this info until after i had already been exposed. now i know not to ignore the red flags i identify intuitively. i've also learned more about how to identify red flags consciously through observation.

i hope you learn too.

al alone

[alvynalone]

i believe i was raised by a narcissist, or at the least an incessant gaslighter. i am not sure the 2 are synonymous. my mother and father never got along so she raised me when they split.

she was apparently a very emotionally troubled person. as i grew closer to adolescence i began to observe her habitual lying as a problem. i got away from her in my late teens. she took my escape as a personal attack. eventually i had to stop communicating with her to protect my emotional well-being.

when i left my mother i moved in with my father. at the time i thought it was a great idea. i had always wanted to spend more time with my father. our time together was spotty because of my mother's constant interference. as it would turn out eventually, my father was a whole other set of problems.

it took me years to recognize that i could not trust either of my parents. i believe i am still struggling with trust issues in my interactions with other people. i think it contributes significantly to my current state of loneliness. ironically, it's not because i haven't been very trusting of others.

unfortunately i have been too eager to establish relationships in many instances. as a result i often put my emotional health at risk unnecessarily. i did this for most of my adult life. the damage is pretty significant. it isn't hopeless though.

i think the good thing overall is that i haven't completely given up on meeting some people eventually. i have also learned a lot from the pain of my failed relationships. i'm still learning. that's part of the reason i am alone now. i've learned it's better to be selective than to fear being alone and settling for whoever seems available.

al alone

[perfectfeelings]