Sweet Seals For You, Always
Noah Kahan
Xuebing Du
Today's Document
Sade Olutola
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

ellievsbear
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pixel skylines
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Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
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TVSTRANGERTHINGS
tumblr dot com
occasionally subtle
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
One Nice Bug Per Day
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@alwaysalreadyangry
I don't think this is an appropriate response to an article about South Asian farmers losing their teeth because temperatures are now reaching 45 Celcius.
The average Tumblr blogger has such poor manners that even a pig would be embarrassed to bring them home to its mother.
After I suspected a climate connection to tooth decay, I conducted systematic saliva pH testing across my patient population and documented
okay so i think i found the article op's (and me in my tags) talking about. being exposed to over 40 celsius (120 farenheit or so) for the whole day means youre sweating a LOT (the article says rashid- the farmer at the centre of the text- drinks around 17 liters a Day. humans usually only need 3, so i presume the rest is mostly used for sweat). so much so that the organizm reroutes water from other parts of itself to not die of heatstroke - salivary glands included, which means that 1. they have very little saliva in comparison to a healthy human being 2. what little their bodies DO produce is incredibly acidic, falling to ~5.5 ph from the ideal of 7ph. Teeth dissolve. Quickly. There's a mention of someone losing 8 teeth in two years
im not reading the whole article now (headache -_-), but later on the author of the article says about 30 million people (employed in agriculture) are at risk for extreme dental health problems. 30 million people at risk of not being able to eat solid food. 30 million people at risk of not being able to find work. being able to marry. being able to be part of their community. being able to speak clearly
this is. fucking horrible feels like an understatement, but it is the best i have. this exceptionally, terribly inhumane, and the pakistan goverment's lack of a plan to adress this is embarassing
look at the republican calendar and see which animal/plant/item is associated with your birthday ok. if you're born january 14 you get the day of the cat
solidarity for everyone who was born on the day of the cistern or the watering can or something like that
work has taken the kind of insane turn which is like well we can’t ban a member of the public who was convicted of assaulting a member of staff (AT WORK) within the last six months because the wrong person previously sent him a letter banning him for an insufficient amount of time. i am extremely tired.
cat remains perfect. more news at ten
from Poems for the Millennium v.4: The University of California Book of North African Literature
i spend approximately 23 hours a day trying to work out how to write a story or novel about dream sharing that isn’t just inception fanfiction. the final hour? thinking about black sesame soft service ice cream and why nobody wants to give it to me
Okay. I was on my beloved AO3 and I saw something that made me do a double take. So, now I really want to know…
What is your AO3 user ID?
I’m an OG user 5 digits or less
Six figures baby!
I’m in the millions…
I’m so curious to see how long people have been on AO3! I know some people have been on there since beta/invite only, but I would love to see what the number is on tumblr!
The grammar of ornament - Owen Jones - 1856 - via Internet Archive
Being knocked out for more than 5 minutes means very serious brain damage but humans not having a turn-off button would do immense damage to our collective storytelling. So many films and books and videogames just wouldn't happen if writers stopped bonking their characters on the head. Insane.
The year is 1492. You are the Catholic Monarchs - both of them. Isabel and Fernando, tanto monta, monta tanto. You have just finished kicking all of the Muslim powers out of Iberia, and you’re feeling so pleased with yourselves that you expel the Jews about it. You have a problem, though - there’s this annoying Genoese moron named Christopher Columbus who keeps waving some bad math at you, insisting that the world is actually smaller than everyone thinks it is and he could totally sail to India by going west. He gets on your nerves so much that you just give him a couple of ships and send him off. He definitely won’t make it to India, but maybe he’ll find some little island and give all of your newly-unemployed hidalgos something to keep them busy. He’ll probably just starve to death in the middle of the ocean, and then he’s no longer your problem.
The year is 1519, and you are Hernán Cortés. You and all of your compatriots are stuck in the most effective way to make someone a bad person: put them in a situation where they must become incredibly wealthy and powerful incredibly fast or else they will die horribly. Transatlantic voyages are absurdly expensive. Anyone in the ‘New World’ who isn’t rich enough to afford their own army is deeply in debt, with no collateral but their own sword-arm. It is an environment that does not reward half-measures. It does not even reward full measures. It only rewards putting a brick on the gas pedal and crossing your fingers - if you kill one person then you’re a murderer, but if you kill hundreds of thousands of people then you're a paragon of glory and the Spanish crown will make statues of you.
The year is still 1519 and you are Moctezuma II, Huēyi Tlahtoāni (great ruler) of the ‘Aztec Empire,’ also known as the Triple Alliance, or the Mexica. You know a thing or two about half-measures not being rewarded, because you are in a process of rapidly expanding and consolidating a nascent Mesoamerican empire. You are quite good at your job - even before you ascended to the throne, you cultivated a reputation as a skilled warrior, a dedicated student, and a devout worshiper. Your name means something like ‘lord who frowns in anger.’ It’s a fitting name, because the process of ‘imperial expansion and consolidation’ generally involves killing lots of people. To make matters worse, some weird hairy white guys showed up out of nowhere and they keep demanding an audience with you. You try every trick in the diplomatic handbook - deferment, threats, flattery, bribes - but everything you do just seems to make them more single-mindedly focused on your destruction. Later, after you are dead, they will claim that you thought they were gods.
The year is 1545, and this whole ‘colonialism’ thing is starting to peter out. Trans-Atlantic voyages are still ruinously expensive, and the pickings are getting slimmer every day - it’s not like you can go loot Tenochtitlan a second time. You’re starting to wonder if it’s time for everyone to pack up, go home, and forget about… holy shit is that a mountain of silver? Is that an honest-to-god mountain with more silver in it than every other existing silver mine on the face of the earth combined? Yes. Some call it Potosí. Many will call it “the mountain that eats men.” In a single moment, colonialism goes from a plundering campaign for recently-unemployed soldiers to a permanent institution. The alchemists back in Prague and Vienna never learned how to turn lead into gold, but the mercenaries and taskmasters in Potosí found a much simpler equation to turn blood into silver.
The year is 1571, and the economy of the Ming dynasty doesn’t feel so good. Their experiment with paper money was a failure, to put it gently. The experiment with paper money failed horribly. It turns out when you try to have paper currency but you don’t have sophisticated counterfeit protections and there’s also a booming cottage industry of people making paper in their cottages, well, you can guess how that ends. So you’re trying to shift to a silver economy. But then you run into an even bigger problem: you don’t have enough silver. So if you start demanding taxes in silver, the price of silver will skyrocket, which means taxes will skyrocket when the economy is already ailing from the whole ‘paper money’ thing. Some hapless scholar-official in Guangdong is nervously watching a peasant sharpen his pitchfork when he gets word from a messenger: some gweilo just showed up at the part with literal shipfuls of silver and they want to buy silk, tea, spices, and porcelain at outrageous markups.
Within living memory, the world was still ‘medieval’ in many ways - slow, parochial, zero-sum, carefully arbitrated by tradition and precedent. Legible. And now Spanish sailors take Bolivian silver on ships guarded by West African mercenaries and Japanese ronin, sailing to their colony in the Philippines to rub shoulders with Chinese officials, Indian sultans, and Malay merchants. All because some dipshit from Genoa got his math wrong and wouldn’t shut up about it.
The moral of this story is that I’m going insane.
#Ironically Columbus made the world small
plucking anomalous hairs out of my body to the sound of rushing in my ears and no thoughts in my head at all. my ancient primate ancestors are standing behind me screaming YES… YES!!!! ANOTHER ONE!!!!! and it is them only who i heed
Agnes kept walking over our laps to try and decide where to sit and ended up sitting across both of us, so she could receive the maximum amount of love at once
going to remain a hater towards the other bennet sister FOREVER bc the author used to be in charge of BBC2 and she CANCELLED THE HOUR AFTER TWO OF THREE PLANNED SERIES ALL BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T PERSONALLY ENJOY IT.
then she left to go and write a novel and surprise surprise what gets made into a tv show…
did anything crazy happen in ur town?
yes
no
one next to mine
one my friend/family member/partner lives in
results
Which of the following moments in British politics was funniest?
David Cameron allegedly fucking a pig (2015)
Theresa May Brexit deal sees worst parliamentary defeat of any British PM (2019)
Dominic Cummings' social distancing scandal is named #Cumgate (2021)
Matt "Eat Out to Help Out" Hancock caught having affair with his aide (2021)
MP resignations reach critical mass under Boris Johnson (2022)
The Queen dies 2 days after meeting Liz Truss (2022)
Liz Truss who doesn't outlast head of lettuce (2022)
Nigel Farage has to run in by-election against Count Binhead (2026)
I'm American and I never read news from outside of my country
Something else entirely (I'll tell you in the tags)
Note: don't let your recency bias decide this, actually think back to what was the objectively funniest time on the internet.
Isoda Kuryosai - Cat pawning at goldfish