…And some of it is I think because we have a cat in our family, and I chose to have the cat. And here’s just one example of why she [my wife] thinks I’m odd - I’m not going to go into the Big List. Because, you know, it’s only a one hour show, and uh… she’s not here so let’s put it all on her.
But I’m guilty of one thing, and that’s calling my cat in a weird way, in a weird fashion. Is any cat people here tonight? People who love cats?
[some audience members cheer]
[more audience members cheer, some whistle]
Cats! Huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, we have a cat, I love cats and we bought a cat. And it’s up to me to look after it, because she [my wife] couldn’t- she’s not a big cat fan, but she’ll put up with it. So I get to call the cat in for dinner, and I’ve always loved cats and she thinks I call the cat in a weird fashion. And you can judge for yourself tonight, catties. Dogs? Shut the fuck up.
I’m on the front door step calling the cat, and this is how I call the cat in, and it’s very normal to me. It’s like this:
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWUDIWUDIWUDIWUDIWUDIWUDIWUDIWUDIWUDI!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBUUPBUUPBUUPBUUPBUUBUUPBUUPBUUPBUUPBUUPBUUPBUUP!!!! RAHTEEYAH!!
And every time I do it, my wife Rosie comes through: “Oh! Why??? It’s fuckin’ embarrassing! The guy across the road always opens his curtains and has a good fuckin’ stare at cha! What about Here, Pusspuss? What?? are you doing???“
And I’m like: “You don’t know, you don’t know. I’m connected with cats, alright? I’m practically a cat! I mean, the guy across the road’s looking ‘cause he- he’s getting a cat soon and he wants to learn how to do it!”
“That’s how you call a cat! It’s important, let me show you. You don’t understand, okay? Cats, you gotta start off with the:”
“That’s the frequency they work at! It’s a very- that’s the Cat Frequency!”
“I mean, they hear that, no matter where they are in the neighborhood their fuckin’ ears prick up!”
Oh shit here we go!! Someone’s calling!
“Alright, that’s the first bit.”
WUDIWUDIWUDIWUDIWUDIWUDIWUDIWUDIWUDI!!
“That is the direction modulator, alright? So once-”
[audience laughs, rhys wheezes]
“Ju-Just trust me! Once the ears are pricked up-”
“You can tell where it’s coming from with that, you see? It directs you.” Heheh. “And then-”
PUUPPUUPPUUPPUUPPUUPPUUP’s ..puuppuupuup’s…
“That’s the meal type! Puuppuup’s is dinner, okay? Makamaka is breakfast. It’s a whole thing. It’s an ancient Egyptian language that they speak! Cats are from the underworld. Doesn’t matter, you don’t know.”
“That’s the name of the cat! To distinguish him from the others! So he’s like: Ears prick up! Direction modulator! Oop, it’s dinner! And then… that’s me!!! It’s fuckin’ me!!!”
[audience claps and cheers]
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