Revolutionary Beauties

Mobile-Run Hamilton RP blog. I probably won’t say no if you ask me to rp but I don’t really come over here often anymore???

[amateurhamrps]

((From the Cards Against Humanity starters - to any of your beautifully written muses from Wash)) "I drink to forget alcoholism."

Alex took in a deep breath. “That is some dark shit.”

[inscrutablegeneral]

George watched him curiously, staring for longer than intended. “Why would they forget?” he asked and propped his chin up on his palm, elbow on the bar top. “I don’t believe you’re very forgettable.”

[amateurhamrps]

“I don’t know. I think I’m the type of person people want to forget.” He took a good chug to punctuate. “I’m pretty annoying.”

[inscrutablegeneral]

George set his glass down and scooted closer, wrapping an arm around the younger man in an awkwardly positioned hug. He wasn’t sure if it was sympathy or the buzz, but the statement had made his heart sink. “I don’t think I could ever forget you, Alexander.”

[amateurhamrps]

“I would hope not, Sir,” He said after a moment, avoiding the other’s gaze. “I spend a lot of time with you, after all.”

[inscrutablegeneral]

A sigh left George’s lips as he tried to think of a response. “You do,” he agreed. He tilted his head and hummed. “I know I don’t ask often enough, but are you alright?”

[amateurhamrps]

“Most of the time I’m just fine— but things do tend to weigh on you after a while, you know.” He shrugged as though it was nothing.

[amateurhamrps]

((From the Cards Against Humanity starters - to any of your beautifully written muses from Wash)) "I drink to forget alcoholism."

Alex took in a deep breath. “That is some dark shit.”

[inscrutablegeneral]

George watched him curiously, staring for longer than intended. “Why would they forget?” he asked and propped his chin up on his palm, elbow on the bar top. “I don’t believe you’re very forgettable.”

[amateurhamrps]

“I don’t know. I think I’m the type of person people want to forget.” He took a good chug to punctuate. “I’m pretty annoying.”

[inscrutablegeneral]

George set his glass down and scooted closer, wrapping an arm around the younger man in an awkwardly positioned hug. He wasn’t sure if it was sympathy or the buzz, but the statement had made his heart sink. “I don’t think I could ever forget you, Alexander.”

[amateurhamrps]

“I would hope not, Sir,” He said after a moment, avoiding the other’s gaze. “I spend a lot of time with you, after all.”

[amateurhamrps]

((From the Cards Against Humanity starters - to any of your beautifully written muses from Wash)) "I drink to forget alcoholism."

Alex took in a deep breath. “That is some dark shit.”

[inscrutablegeneral]

George watched him curiously, staring for longer than intended. “Why would they forget?” he asked and propped his chin up on his palm, elbow on the bar top. “I don’t believe you’re very forgettable.”

[amateurhamrps]

“I don’t know. I think I’m the type of person people want to forget.” He took a good chug to punctuate. “I’m pretty annoying.”

[amateurhamrps]

((From the Cards Against Humanity starters - to any of your beautifully written muses from Wash)) "I drink to forget alcoholism."

Alex took in a deep breath. “That is some dark shit.”

[inscrutablegeneral]

George shrugged as he downed yet another shot. “Might be getting too old for this,” he mumbled and waved a hand at the bartender to order a drink. 

[amateurhamrps]

“Just maybe,” Alex rested his head in his hands, watching the other get ready to drink himself silly. It would be a sight when he escorted him home, that’s for sure.

[inscrutablegeneral]

George shot Alexander a look, keeping his gaze set as he took a gulp of whiskey. It was always his drink of choice. He knew he’d already made the terrible mistake of drinking light and dark liquor and would suffer in the morning, but he didn’t care. “I don’t think any of y’all understand… anything.”

[amateurhamrps]

“I understand sometimes, but I am but a humble dumbass,” He commented distractedly, glancing back up at George.

[inscrutablegeneral]

A scoff came as a reply. “Don’t you ever let me hear you call yourself dumb again,” he muttered. “And watch your language.” He shifted in his seat and paid for a beer, sliding it over to Alexander. “You aren’t stupid by any means. I meant in terms of life and morality. You’re young is all.”

[amateurhamrps]

Alex thanked him lightly and took a drink, but he’d space this one out. He couldn’t be getting smashed if George was twice as drunk. Bad idea. Then again— who got drunk off one beer? “I know some things, I swear. I just don’t think people remember that I do.”

[amateurhamrps]

((From the Cards Against Humanity starters - to any of your beautifully written muses from Wash)) "I drink to forget alcoholism."

Alex took in a deep breath. “That is some dark shit.”

[inscrutablegeneral]

George shrugged as he downed yet another shot. “Might be getting too old for this,” he mumbled and waved a hand at the bartender to order a drink. 

[amateurhamrps]

“Just maybe,” Alex rested his head in his hands, watching the other get ready to drink himself silly. It would be a sight when he escorted him home, that’s for sure.

[inscrutablegeneral]

George shot Alexander a look, keeping his gaze set as he took a gulp of whiskey. It was always his drink of choice. He knew he’d already made the terrible mistake of drinking light and dark liquor and would suffer in the morning, but he didn’t care. “I don’t think any of y’all understand… anything.”

[amateurhamrps]

“I understand sometimes, but I am but a humble dumbass,” He commented distractedly, glancing back up at George.

[amateurhamrps]

((From the Cards Against Humanity starters - to any of your beautifully written muses from Wash)) "I drink to forget alcoholism."

Alex took in a deep breath. “That is some dark shit.”

[inscrutablegeneral]

George shrugged as he downed yet another shot. “Might be getting too old for this,” he mumbled and waved a hand at the bartender to order a drink. 

[amateurhamrps]

“Just maybe,” Alex rested his head in his hands, watching the other get ready to drink himself silly. It would be a sight when he escorted him home, that’s for sure.

[amateurhamrps]

((From the Cards Against Humanity starters - to any of your beautifully written muses from Wash)) "I drink to forget alcoholism."

Alex took in a deep breath. “That is some dark shit.”

[dog-poundsystem]

Alexander Hamilton headcannons

glory or wisdom ?  love or power ? violin or piano ? fire or water ? air or earth ?  forest or river ?  black or white ?  left or right ? heads or tails ? theatre or cinema ?  give or take ? dawn or dusk? gold or silver ?  art or music ?  morning or night ?  venus or mercury ?

Tagged by : @loyalservants (thanks babe ❤)

Tagging : @lancelotforgot @ask-liza-schuyler @corixr @risk-of-gamblin @wielderofwizardlymagicks

[amateurhamrps]

I would’ve picked the same things, my dude, can’t add anything to it!

[amateurhamrps]

im back for as long as my muse will stay and fuck yall i want some domestic ass jeffmads as dads (Don’t I always),, hrngh im James

[heckagay-blog]

((Just gonna drop this here, @amateurhamrps)) John had been dragged to some sort of pride event/party/maybe a parade? He wasn't sure. He didn't really want to be there- but Lafayette had insisted he come, then left him for some hot guy he'd spotted before they could even reach the mass of people. Now he was stood next to a first aid tent, nursing a gross warm Sprite and fidgeting with the band on his wrist.

@amateurhamrps

Alexander steps into the facility, grinning. A stranger high fived him and several complimented his outfit, which consisted of purely rainbows. His shirt had ‘GAY’ written on it in big blocky letters, his shorts had been tailored by his dear friend, Hercules, and his high tops were made with colorful laces. He looks around after he had been left alone.“Holy shit, I’m so gay,” Alexander mumbles to himself as he spots the freckled boy from across the grounds. Instead of deciding to walk over and begin conversation, he admires him from afar. He had wanted to speak to the attractive man. Alas, he was struck in awe. Alexander’s eyes watched as he played with his bracelet, and he tried to make out what colors it was from afar.

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander shut his eyes and fell asleep with John in his arms. It felt nice to cuddle with him again, even nicer to know that he was at least slightly comforting him.

[amateurhamrps]

John slept peacefully. The next few weeks were spent with on and off physical therapy. And even more after that.

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander helped as much as he could. The kids spent a lot of time at James’ because most nights Alex either didn’t have the energy to drive home or didn’t have the heart to not stay with John.

[amateurhamrps]

John was getting better at hopping- and he was doing okay with crutches, too, but he would occasionally break down because all of this was his fault.

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander would pull John into a warm embrace whenever he broke down and sing to him until he calmed or fell asleep. He didn’t think it was his fault at all. In fact, Alex believed that if he’d never come along then John would be alright.

[amateurhamrps]

It was all John’s fault. He’d gotten shot, he’d neglected to take care of his wound, he’d gotten his leg cut off as some sort of universal revenge. But he tried his hardest to be a normal dad and boyfriend. He was doing alright, so far. Not great.

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander didn’t mind, he was just glad that John’s health was doing better. At one point, though, Alex seemed to just give into the stress. He was sleeping less and less, working less and less, and caring less and less.

[amateurhamrps]

John had to tell him he needed to do those things. “If you don’t want to work, I will pick up a job. That doesn’t matter. But please, baby, sleep. You’re hurting yourself doing this.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander stayed quiet and looked away, shrugging. He picked up work a bit, but didn’t do anything about his horrid sleeping scheduele. He figured he’d be alright. He didn’t need ro sleep, what was the point? He just lied awake next to John thinking about if things were different.

[amateurhamrps]

John just wanted him to go to sleep, to enjoy rest and eat a little bit more too. He got stressed out over it himself, taking slow, slow crutch walks, trying to think of a solution for Alex.

[heckagay-blog]

Most of Alexander’s days were spent at work, but on his days off he’d just blankly stare at the television that he didn’t bother turning on. He was slowly falling into a problematic pit of the same boring routine every single day.

[amateurhamrps]

John didn’t know how to fix it. “A-Alex? We should go for a walk. You need some fresh air, babe.. I’m getting.. worried about you. It’s making me sad.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander looked over at John with half lidded, very faintly bloodshot eyes and giggled slightly. “Okay,” he agreed and stood on his feet. He looked around for a moment, then back at John and giggled again.

[amateurhamrps]

John raised a worried eyebrow and grabbed his crutches, standing himself up and waiting for a moment to balance out. “You- you ready, baby?”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander nodded and headed towards the door, keeping his pace slow so he wouldn’t leave John. He opened the door and stepped aside to let him out first. He seemed to be different- looser in his movements and a bit brighter in his mood. Probably because he was high.

[amateurhamrps]

John didn’t really notice until he caught on.. to the smell. “Oh. You’re high. I woulda joined in if I knew,” He commented, hopping and wincing at the sound of crutches on the ground, wincing even further at the weird stares people gave. “Next time, I guess.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander snickered as they walked and leaned in to loudly whisper. “Yeah I’m high, but don’t tell John. He’s already real’ bad. Worried and stressed. Kinda my fault. But shhhhh, it’s a secret.” He noticed a guy staring at them and raised his hand, giving him the finger. “Take a picture, asshole! It’ll last longer!”

[amateurhamrps]

“It’s not really your fault. And I’m not gonna get upset with you for getting high- it eases stress, I get it. Helps you relax.” He hopped further forward- and the guy actually took a picture. Probably to post on some social media or the other, maybe to make up a story saying he did something heroic and generous for John. But he obviously didn’t.

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander had half the mind to go kick the guy’s ass, but refrained. Generally he wouldn’t care what size you were- if you fucked with John he’d at least try to fuck you up- but the man seemed to be at lest twice Alexander’s size and strength. He really didn’t want John needing to patch him up.

[amateurhamrps]

John was alright with it. He wouldn’t tell Alex, but when he went on walks on his own people stared and took pictures and videos all the time. He tended not to pay attention, but sometimes it just really got under his skin, made him either frustrated or uncomfortable, sometimes really sad.

[heckagay-blog]

“Y'know, I love you a lot,” Alex murmured and almost reached for his hand, then remembered he couldn’t. “You’ve never failed to be the most attractive person I’ve ever seen. My handsome, big hearted, brave husband.” Alexander couldn’t really recall much at the moment- the weed he’d gotten from Hercules was what he’d referred to as loud and Alex had never gotten high before- but he saw the ring and automatically assumed they already did it.

[amateurhamrps]

“I love you too,” John smiled softly, snickering a little. “I love you a whole lot, and I feel the same about you. But, babe, we’re not married yet. You’re high off your ass- your guy must deal some really, really good stuff. The weed never puts me in that crazy of a mental state. Everything just gets a little fuzzy around the edges.”

[heckagay-blog]

“’S from the big boy Hercules. Y'know he’s real talk n’ buff. Kinda hot. I’d hit that,” he joked, leaning over to peck John’s cheek. “You’re hotter, though. Kinda blurry at the moment, but I can still tell.”

[amateurhamrps]

“No worries, I feel like everybody would fuck ‘im. Guess I’ll have to hit him up for drugs some time- but last time I tried to visit him I got shot, so maybe not.” He ‘walked’ forward, humming a soft little tune. “You’re hot too, y'know.”

[heckagay-blog]

“I know,” he said with a smug smile. “I’m real’ hot. Hopefully gonna be hotter when I go get my hair cut.” He walked close to John and glared at all of the people who stared. It eventually started to piss him off to the core. “Oh my god, he got shot! Stop fuckin’ staring at him you insensitive pricks!” he yelled, standing closer to John.

[amateurhamrps]

“Sure you’ll be hotter. You look hot in anything you wear and you look hot with anything you do.” John hadn’t even really noticed the people staring anymore until Alexander yelled- he’d been too lost in his thoughts. The people looked away, and John smiled in thanks at Alex. “Thank you, babe.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander mumbled under his breath as he wrapped a protective arm around John’s shoulders and made sure to move with him so it didn’t make it any more difficult to walk. “Assholes need to mind their own damn business. It’s not like you’re any different than them. If anything you’re better than they are.”

[amateurhamrps]

John kept walking- the bright side of all this was that he was getting some muscles. Thought it made him look more rugged and manly, or something. “Yeah.. I mean.. thank you. I’ve.. given up on minding the people that stare. Sometimes it upsets me, but I try to not let it get to me.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander huffed. “You ever need some cheering up, you tell me. I’ll do my best to make my Jacky happy,” he teased lightly.

[amateurhamrps]

“Okay.. I’ll- I’ll tell you. I love you, Alexander. Love you more than I think words can really express. And that.. means a lot.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander did just as he promised. Every time John seamed even the slightest bit sad, Alex would force himself to boost his positivity and cuddle as much as he could. He’d kiss John constantly and hold him prospectively.

[amateurhamrps]

John loved the attention, so he made sure to give Alex attention right back whenever Alex needed it. Which was apparently always, but John really, really didn’t mind.

[heckagay-blog]

((Alex is a prospector now apparently shhshhsha I mean protectively)) Alexander enjoyed the love coming from John and thought things were doing better, truly believed they were going to be alright. He was honestly making the biggest effort to be okay, but his mental health just kept dragging him down.

[amateurhamrps]

John was trying to make things better for Alex, but his one leg thing both literally and metaphorically slowed him down in everything he did. He took care of his kids in a wheelchair, took walks on crutches, and had phantom limb pains so bad he was ready to quit everything. But he kept going.

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander didn’t. He just stopped functioning as a human being all together. He rarely ate or slept, but he did work regularly. He couldn’t stop doing that, even when he felt like he wsn’t really there.

[amateurhamrps]

John found himself, the actual handicapped man, taking care of his fiancé. Helping him to bed. Making him meals. Tucking him in occasionally. He did anything and everything for Alex, despite the toll it took on his body- it was.. hard.. to pick up Alex and then use a wheelchair to get him to bed. Very.

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander would always make a very weak attempt to push John away, to tell him to stop. It never really worked. He’d just put his hands on John’s just and mumble incoherently. He didn’t know why this was all happening- why he was being a complete asshole- but he couldn’t do anything about it. Every single time he tried to get up and move around his stomach would churn and his ears would ring.

[amateurhamrps]

John hated what had become of his Alex- but he couldn’t do anything about it but help in any way he can- spend his days wheeling back and forth to take care of Alex and the kids, make dinner and not even eat any of it. He wouldn’t admit it was emotionally taxing, but it very much was. His routine had really worn him down to nothing.

[heckagay-blog]

One night Alexander just rolled over to face away from John whenever he brought dinner. “No,” he mumbled. “I’m not going to eat. You- You need to. You need help a hell of a lot more than me and I’ve- I’ve been the absolute worse.”

[amateurhamrps]

“I’m fine,” John insisted, setting the plate down on the bedside table. “I eat chips and applesauce and sometimes I have a granola bar. I don’t care about dinner- I have to spend my time on you and the kids- otherwise you’ll waste away and I’ll be the worst fiancé ever.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander trembled slightly and shut his eyes to prevent himself from crying. “You shouldn’t have to spend your time on me or them. I should be taking care of them. I should be the one working my ass of. For fuck’s sake, John, you’re an amputee and I’m over here being less of a man that my god damn father.”

[amateurhamrps]

John dragged himself onto the bed with his arms, hugging Alex soon after. “It’s okay, baby. All I need you to do is do your job. And you’ve been doing that. I can do everything else- you’re doing enough, making the money for us to survive.” He kissed his shoulders. “You keep us afloat, I keep us alive. That’s how it works.”

[heckagay-blog]

“No it isn’t,” Alex argued. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you. I promised I’d help you out.” He took a shaky breath and buried his face into the pillows. “I just… I can’t. I’m so sorry, but I can’t. There’s something wrong with me, John. Every time I try to help I feel like I’m going to pass out.”

[amateurhamrps]

“I- I don’t know.. I don’t know what kinda mental condition that would be, but it’s not good- and- babe, really, I can do things just fine on my own, my only problem is that I’d be no good in a workplace..”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander cried and cuddled close to John, apologizing repeatedly for not being there for John in a time where he needed it most. He ended up going to the doctor to see what was wrong- maybe get help so he could properly be in a relationship. Apparently he had chronic fatigue. No matter what he did, the smallest of tasks were tiring for Alexander and he never had enough energy to get everything done.

[amateurhamrps]

So John did everything he could to help Alex, just the same as he had been doing- except this time Alex had a medical label attached. So John’s days went: wake up, breakfast for the kids, breakfast for Alex, shower, generally keep everyone alive, lunch for everybody, back to generally keeping everyone alive, dinner for everyone, and sleepless night of staring at the wall and hoping Alex would be better.

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander was getting worse, and oh- he’d fallen into a pit of depression. He didn’t want this, didn’t want to put so much responsibility and stress on John. So he just left. He went to work one day and just didn’t come back home. Partly because he fell asleep at his desk and partly because he didn’t want to go back. He didn’t want to see John again. Every time he looked at him his heart just broke and he wanted to cry because it was all ultimately his fault no matter what way he looked at it.

[amateurhamrps]

John had tried his best to help- when Alex left, he threw a fit that resulted in him calling James, begging him to take the kids so that if he broke anything else they wouldn’t be scared of him. John spent the rest of the night in bed, beating the headboard until his knuckles bled. “I did everything for you! I do everything I can and you leave again and again! Then you get upset because you think I’m gonna leave you! You’re an asshole, a piece of shit!” He didn’t mean it- he was just wound up.

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander was informed through Thomas that James had his kids. Apparently the two had patched things up and were back together. He would have cared, but he really couldn’t. He just shrugged. “Tell John I’m sorry, but I just can’t do this any more. I can’t keep not being able to do anything for him,” is all he said, so James left. Whenever John came over to get the kids he told him what Alexander had said.

[amateurhamrps]

John sighed deeply. “I get it. Whatever. But he only gets- only gets one more chance.” He hugged James, told him that if Thomas made any trouble he should come to him, and gathered the kids up to go. John had to find a job, clearly, so he did what he could and got a job as a cashier where he didn’t have to move around a lot. He stood most of the day, hands on the counters to brace himself, and had to act cheery. Well, he didn’t- but he knew most people would appreciate a cashier with a good mood.

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander never came back home. He ended up crashing on George’s couch. Martha constantly offered for him to sleep in the guest bedroom but he declined, thought he was too much of a bother anyways. He had enough money to buy his own place, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to do anything.

[amateurhamrps]

John was back where he started. A single dad not making enough money to support himself and his family, but damn it he was trying. He didn’t know where Alex was- he didn’t know where to return the ring. He wanted to- thought Alex should take it if it wasn’t going to be put to use, that it would be unfair for him to have it.

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander, after being pestered by George for days on end, eventually sent John a message. [Text: John] I’m sorry. And that was the end of it. That’s all he knew to say, all he knew to do. There was nothing else he could do- although he did have a plan to give John the money they were saving for a house.

[amateurhamrps]

John had been working when he got the text- he only responded once he was home. [Text: Alex] Okay. I wish you were home, but it’s easy to tell you’ve thrown away your last chance. And then John went on with life, knowing full well every time he saw Alexander after that there would be no love involved. Just the awkward attempts at being polite that comes with an acquaintance or an ex-lover.

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander found out where John was working with a bit of help from Hercules, Lafayette wouldn’t speak to him. He entered one day and walked up to the counter, staring at John. He took the satchel he had off of his shoulder and slid it across. “It’s, uh… It’s your money. Your money we had for a house n’ your prosthetic,” he mumbled. His voice was extremely scratchy and hoarse and his eyes were red like he’d been crying, which he had been.

[amateurhamrps]

John’s eyes went wide. “I.. thank you, Alexander.” He looked down. He could feel the tears coming, so he hopped his away around the counter and hugged Alex tight. “I miss you.” He took off the ring. “Take it. It was your mom’s, you should keep it.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander returned the hug and took in a deep breath, frowning. “No, no. Please- John, keep it. Or sell it. Chuck it in a river because you hate me Whatever. It’s yours. I gave it to you.” He shut his eyes and held John a little tighter. “I’m sorry I’m such an asshole. I’m sorry I left, and- I know you don’t want me around anymore so just… Tell Pip I’m sorry. Tell ‘em I love ‘em and I’m sorry.”

[amateurhamrps]

“God, why do you think I hate you? I still love you- I could never not love you.” He handed him the ring, other hand against the counter. “And I don’t care. It’s important to you, I understand. You need to keep it. I’ll.. tell the kids what you said. Pip will understand, at least. Have..” He took a deep breath. “Have a good life, Alexander. Please take care of yourself. I’m sorry it wasn’t meant to be.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander stared at the ring in his hand and started crying. He wipes at his eyes and cleared his throat, standing up straight. “Yeah… Um- Yeah,” he muttered and shook his head. He bit down on his lip and looked back up at John. “This was all… my fault. I know- I know you’re going to try to say otherwise, but it is. If I were just a little bit less of a whiny bitch then this wouldn’t be happening.”

[amateurhamrps]

John just nodded. “Okay, Alexander. Whatever you say. At this point, I can’t say anything else about this.” He patted Alex’s back and waved him away. They only ever saw each other in passing, after that. John never found anybody else to tolerate him.

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander got into drugs to the point where George had to kick him out because he was stealing his prescription medication. He didn’t have anywhere to go and couldn’t get his own place as he was now jobless. Hercules let him crash at his place for a while until he stirred up so much shit on that side of town that people were looking for him. He was homeless at thus point and kept the ring. He knew he could’ve sold it for a place or food or something to help him survive, bur he just couldn’t. It was all he had left to remember John.

[amateurhamrps]

John, meanwhile, just stayed doing what he was doing. He used the money Alex had saved for them when he couldn’t make rent, using it to keep his family in a home. It was.. a shock, one day, when he was going to work and found a scrappy looking Alexander. He dropped the crutches, fell on his ass. “Alex?” He whispered, trying to get himself standing. “Oh my god.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander looked up at him, eyes half lidded. “Mmm?” he groaned. Once his brain clicked and he realized who it was he frowned and looked back down. “John…” he mumbled and cleared his throat. He sat up straight and wiped at his tired eyes. He helped him back up to his feet and supported him on his arm until he gave him his crutches. “Um- Hey, how- Are you all right? Did you just hurt yourself?”

[amateurhamrps]

“I’m- I’m alright.. I’ll be okay- holy shit..” He immediately called in to work to say he wouldn’t be there that day- that he had something to attend to. “Oh my god, Alexander. I need you to come back and live with me- you’re clearly living out here. I don’t care about how much work I have to do, I do not want you getting yourself killed.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander’s eyes widened and he shook his head as he took a step back. “No,” he said aloud. “No- John- I can’t- I can’t do that to you again. You don’t deserve to be treated the way I treated you.” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine, just- You have enough to worry about already.”

[amateurhamrps]

“Alexander!” He shouted. “You’re making me more stressed and sad and angry not being around than you did when you kept saying you were being an ass- I can take care of you! I don’t fucking care about how you treat me, I just want you safe! I’m used to the people I love being shitty, and you are the absolute least shitty out of all of the experiences I’ve had- now you’re going to my apartment, no ifs, ands, or buts.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander jumped and flinched at the shout, hand falling to his pocket. He slowly untensed and didn’t argue anymore. “O-Okay…” he mumbled and swallowed. “Fine, I’ll- I’ll go with you… I just don’t understand how you can still love me after all of this.”

[amateurhamrps]

“I still love you because you’re still mine. I know you still love me too, damn it.” He crutched back home and made Alex a proper meal, handing it over to him after settling into the wheelchair. “Eat. I’m going to clean.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander just stared at John the entire time, confused and a bit upset that he couldn’t do anything in return. He ate leisurely, taking small bites and pausing here and there to let his stomach settle. He’d adjusted to not eating much- some days not at all.

[amateurhamrps]

“You can have a shower, I still have some of your clothes.” So John set out to clean the apartment as he could, getting on the floor and dragging himself around a lot to clean under things- he didn’t care, he was pretty used to it.

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander took a very well needed shower- he smelled like a wet sewer rat- and found some of his clothes in his old drawers. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants and one of John’s sweatshirts, wrapping hid arms around himself. “I can help,” he mumbled as he approached John.

[amateurhamrps]

John pulled himself back into his wheelchair, sighing in relief. “Oh, thank god. I couldn’t do that on my own, honestly. Saves me about twice the effort than it will take you.” He slowly wheeled back, smiling warmly at Alex, as if silently thanking him.

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander dropped to his knees amd scooted forwards, beginning to clean. “It’s the least I can do, honestly,” he mumbled- his brain was mostly focused on his task. “You’ve taken me into your home and given me food, John. I can’t be thankful or helpful enough.”

[amateurhamrps]

“It’s probably the only thing I’ll let you do. Clean under things. You’re my roommate, now. We have to have some sort of compromise.” The word ‘roommate’ left a bitter taste in his mouth. It was wrong having a ‘roommate’ that fathered two out of your three kids. It was.. depressing. But he wouldn’t let it get him down. Well, he was failing.

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander shifted to look at John. “I… I can’t be your roommate, uh, dude..? Whatever- I just- I can’t. I can’t pay rent or buy food- I don’t have a job, John. I can’t get a job. I smell like marijuana all of the time and if I had to take a drug test you’d find fourteen different types of pills in my system within the past day. Plus, I don’t… I don’t think I should be around the kids. I don’t even think they noticed I was gone.”

[amateurhamrps]

He sighed deeply. “Alexander. Shut the hell up. The kids miss you every day, I already said I don’t care about paying rent, I just want you to clean what I can’t. I have cologne, try to cover up the marijuana. And.. I wish I could help you with the pills, but there’s nothing I could really do about that.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander shamefully looked down and scratched the side of his face. He fidgeted for a moment before just returning to cleaning up. “You don’t clean anything. I’ll handle all of it. That'l be… That’ll be my part around here. Cleaning up and keeping things neat.”

[amateurhamrps]

“Okay, Alexander.” Something in John screamed for him to hug him warmly, to nuzzle into the crook of his neck and just stay there like he used to. But he couldn’t. John’s little beard remained, but it hadn’t gotten any longer or scruffier. Just stubble, still.

[heckagay-blog]

When Alexander was finished he scooted himself backwards and came up, hitting his head on the coffee stand. “Fuck!” he shouted and groaned as he carefully sat up as to not hit it again. He rubbed the back of his head and laughed lightly, looking over at John. “Guess that’s what I get for never doing anything around here,” he mumbled and brought himself to his feet.

[amateurhamrps]

John hissed in sympathy. “Do you need an ice pack or something? I mean, I don’t have any ice packs, but I’ve got sandwich bags and ice cubes so that should probably be enough.” He looked down, rubbed his face. He did it a lot- it made him just a little sad but not too much. He focused spending his money on keeping his family alive- as a result he’d stopped taking injections. Too much extra after everything was said and done, rent and bills were paid.

[heckagay-blog]

“No, I’m fine,” he murmured as he cracked his neck. “I do it almost every day anyways, hit my head. Most of the time it’s not by accident.” He moved to crouch down in front of John slightly and hug him. He just pulled him into a warm embrace, kissing his cheek in a friendly manner. “I’m going to try to do my best. Clean up around here during the day until I can get a job- then clean up around here when my shift ends. Maybe- Maybe George will give me my job back. That paid well. Then I can help pay for things like rent and food.”

[amateurhamrps]

John frowned deeply at Alexander’s first statement, accepting the hug and the kiss on the cheek. “Alex? Please only kiss my cheek- or any part of me- if you’re willing to get back together with me. Thank you.” He saw Alexander pull away quickly, like he’d been burned, and looked away. He only nodded at the rest of what he had to say, pausing for a moment after Alex was done. “okay.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander’s eyes were watery and he turned to wipe them, clearing his throat. “Yeah- Uh, sorry, I should’ve asked if you were… okay with it… first…” he trailed off. He scratched the back of his head and kept his eyes low. “So, is there anything else or is, um, is everything done for today?”

[amateurhamrps]

“I’m not saying that was unpleasant- or that you can never kiss me again. I’m just saying I would very much prefer knowing I could kiss you anytime I want to any more heartbreak.” He propped his head on his hand. “Nothing else yet.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander nodded and looked around for a moment, awkwardly sitting down on the couch and pulling his knees up to his chest. He cleared his throat once more and offered a small smile in John’s direction. “You look nice. I mean, you, I-” He huffed frustratedly and covered his face with his hands. “I was just trying to say you’re looking very masculine in a supportive way without coming off as a douchebag or flirty, but… Whatever.”

[amateurhamrps]

He smiled warmly and pulled his hands together, setting them in his lap. “Thank you, Alex. I wouldn’t mind flirty. And, you know you’re not fooling anyone- I’m looking a little less than masculine than normal and I know it. But I’ll be okay. I can give away some things that make me happy for the sake of my family, every parent does it.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander looked sadly at John and shook his head. “John- No, you-” he stammered and frowned. “Your happiness with your body and your appearance are very important. You shouldn’t just throw those things away. I get it, you need to provide, but have you at least looked into cheaper methods?” Alexander cared all too much about John’s transition. The fact that he’d stopped taking testosterone just because of financial issues bothered him to the core. Because if Alexander would have manned up and never left in the first place maybe John wouldn’t need the shots by now. Maybe it would’ve finally stuck with his system and he wouldn’t have to worry about not being able to afford a few ounces of hormones and some needles.

[amateurhamrps]

“I.. haven’t yet. I generally wouldn’t have the time, and..” He shrugged. “I haven’t used my phone in a little while- don’t have the money for my plan anymore, and I stopped charging it to save on electricity, since I don’t see a point I’m using it for anything else without internet. Don’t have anybody to call, the only thing I would use it for is google searches like that.”

[heckagay-blog]

“Don’t stress about it,” Alexander said quickly. “I can- I have to go to the library to use the internet all of the time, I’ll look it up for you,” he offered softly. “I just- God, John, I hate that you stopped. I know it’s your body amd your decision, but I also know that’s not what you ever thought you’d do. Taking those shots every Sunday made you so happy. Your face would just brighten because for the first few hours your voice would be extremely deep. I know, I was there. I helped, I wasn’t being a-” He stopped himself from saying the self insult that came to mind, instead opting for just shutting his mouth and leaning back. “I love you. I still really, really care about you. I just want you to be happy.”

[amateurhamrps]

John began to cry. A lot. “Thank you Alexander- thank you-” He turned to face Alex, taking a deep breath and launching himself out of the chair at him. “Thank you. You’re so sweet when you’re not beating yourself up. I love you, I care about you too, all of it. Why else do you think I let you back in my home? I wanted you safe and happy.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander hugged him tightly and nuzzled his face into his neck. He stayed quiet, rubbing his back and playing with his hair. He smiled softly and hesitantly pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “I missed you,” he whispered. “I missed lying next to you at night and waking up in the morning to sleepy kisses. I missed holding you and actually being there for you before I became the world’s worst boyfriend. I missed seeing you every single day, because no matter what was happening your face could always make me happy.”

[amateurhamrps]

John finally felt happy. All he’d ever wanted from Alexander was his love. Not his support. Not his help around the house. His love. And occasionally the financial help, but John had been working. “I missed you too, Alex. I missed all of that. Even missed making you food and then lying down next to you, missed reassuring you you weren’t horrible, despite how annoying you got with the self-hatred sometimes. I’d do anything to stay next to you.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander turned his head to peck John’s cheek, then his lips. He pressed a long, sweet kiss to his lips and held him close. When he pulled away he resisted the urge to just keep kissing him. “God- I missed that. I just missed everything. I missed- I missed the kids. So fuckin’ much. I’m no better than my father. I promised that I’d never be like him, swore that I’d be around for them.”

[amateurhamrps]

John was giddy, pressing hard into the sweet kiss and holding onto Alexander tightly, not wanting him to let go, ever. “I’ve.. missed all of this too. And- you’re far better than your father. You still love us- I knew you wouldn’t be gone for long.. oh, baby.”

[heckagay-blog]

Alexander nuzzled his face into John’s neck and nosed at his skin. “I do still love you all. I love the kids- I love our kids to death,” he murmured and sighed. “I just have a lot of trouble doing things. I get… tired really easy and it makes me feel so useless.”

[amateurhamrps]

“It’s okay. It’s diagnosed and it’s not your fault. You’re not useless. You’re going to clean up around here and help us, and do it at your own pace. I promise I won’t yell or get mad or anything.”

[anthonyhamiltonrp-blog]

Mama

Anthony had just turned 13 years old. He was laying in bed with his Momma as he didn’t want to leave his side. His body was growing to be ad big as James. He looks up at his momma sleeply. “Morning Mama…”

@amateurhamrps

[anthonyhamiltonrp-blog]

He frowned and sits up. “I-i’m so sorry….” he looks down. “I don’t want to think about my birthday… i only want to spend my time with you.”

[amateurhamrps]

"God, baby, it was never your fault." James stroked his hair. "And- of course. Of course you can." He was being extra soft today.

[anthonyhamiltonrp-blog]

Mama

Anthony had just turned 13 years old. He was laying in bed with his Momma as he didn’t want to leave his side. His body was growing to be ad big as James. He looks up at his momma sleeply. “Morning Mama…”

@amateurhamrps

[amateurhamrps]

James was still half asleep, overly big shirt bunched up enough his soft expanse of brown back was visible. He blinked a few times. “mm? oh, mornin’, baby.”

[anthonyhamiltonrp-blog]

He giggles and kisses his cheek. “How are you?” He smiles sleeply nor realizing its his birthday. He didnt care he had his mama.

[amateurhamrps]

James squeezed him softly. “m'fine.. wait- happy birthday, baby.”

[anthonyhamiltonrp-blog]

He blinked “what? Its my birthday?” He blinked confused

[amateurhamrps]

"Mhm. 13 years since my life went to shit and then got a lot better."

[anthonyhamiltonrp-blog]

Mama

Anthony had just turned 13 years old. He was laying in bed with his Momma as he didn’t want to leave his side. His body was growing to be ad big as James. He looks up at his momma sleeply. “Morning Mama…”

@amateurhamrps

[amateurhamrps]

James was still half asleep, overly big shirt bunched up enough his soft expanse of brown back was visible. He blinked a few times. “mm? oh, mornin’, baby.”

[anthonyhamiltonrp-blog]

He giggles and kisses his cheek. “How are you?” He smiles sleeply nor realizing its his birthday. He didnt care he had his mama.

[amateurhamrps]

James squeezed him softly. "m'fine.. wait- happy birthday, baby."

[anthonyhamiltonrp-blog]

Mama

Anthony had just turned 13 years old. He was laying in bed with his Momma as he didn’t want to leave his side. His body was growing to be ad big as James. He looks up at his momma sleeply. “Morning Mama…”

@amateurhamrps

[amateurhamrps]

James was still half asleep, overly big shirt bunched up enough his soft expanse of brown back was visible. He blinked a few times. "mm? oh, mornin', baby."

[impassivegeneral-deactivated201]

psa

im in love with damien

[amateurhamrps]

me the fuck too!!!!

good post!!!

[amateurhamrps]

Janelle stood on the stool so she could see her reflection in her mom's mirror perfectly. Her tongue was stuck out in concentration as she worked to loosen the braids that kept her hair from her face. It took about five minutes but she parted her hair and put on a pair of her mom's earrings. She giggled excitedly and ran downstairs to the living room where her mom was watching tv. “ Look mommy! I look just like you now.” She beamed at the woman in front of her. “Aren't I pwetty mommy?”

@ask-janelle-reynolds Maria looked up from her show- God, she needed a nap- and smiled at her daughter, eyes getting sort of wide. “You look lovely, Ellie-” She’d decided early on Jan was too much of a middle age woman name, so she’d gone for a different nickname for her adorable little girl. “You look so very pretty..”

[ask-janelle-reynolds]

Janelle giggled and plopped in her mom’s lap. “ Thank you! You look pretty as always mommy. Can I wear my hair like yours forever?” She laid her head on Maria’s shoulder quietly for a few minutes. “ Can we play a game? I’m bored. Maybe we can have a tea party or paint our nails? What do you want to do?” She looked up at her with those big, curious, brown eyes.

[amateurhamrps]

"No, thank you, baby girl.." Maria laughed softly, playing with Janelle's hair. "Your hair will get all rough and tangled if you wear it like mine forever." She just held her daughter for a little while, perking up when she next spoke. "Oh- alright, maybe we can make cookies?"

[amateurhamrps]

Janelle stood on the stool so she could see her reflection in her mom's mirror perfectly. Her tongue was stuck out in concentration as she worked to loosen the braids that kept her hair from her face. It took about five minutes but she parted her hair and put on a pair of her mom's earrings. She giggled excitedly and ran downstairs to the living room where her mom was watching tv. “ Look mommy! I look just like you now.” She beamed at the woman in front of her. “Aren't I pwetty mommy?”

@ask-janelle-reynolds Maria looked up from her show- God, she needed a nap- and smiled at her daughter, eyes getting sort of wide. "You look lovely, Ellie-" She'd decided early on Jan was too much of a middle age woman name, so she'd gone for a different nickname for her adorable little girl. "You look so very pretty.."