If you love me, feed me books.

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@ame-this
If you love me, feed me books.
Man...dreams are weird. This morning (while sleeping) I dreamed that I had decided to freeze my eggs bc I was on the fence about having kids (which I am in real life). But when I went to the egg bank to collect, I learned that there had been a mix up and now some B celebrity couple (no idea who they are aupposed to be) had accidentally used my eggs to conceive a child. Next thing I knew, I am stalking these poor poeople and contemplating how to steal their newborn baby. The emotions I felt were so intense that when I awoke I still had all of this rage and baby-envy in me, plus self doubt and confusion. My morning was completely ruined by all this.
Also in my dream, my hands were covered in warts and blisters.
I am led to believe that in my dream I might have been a modern day evil witch who was about to steal someone's baby for my own.
And I don't know what to do with this new info on my subconscious. 🤔😖
gays dress like everyone from Jurassic Park tbh
Fair point
Not even sure if these are types of gay, but here we are
You forgot the T. Rex
Omg you’re right, I forgot the T-Rex!!!
@the-only-useful-lesbian
The dinosaur is an amazing punchline but Dennis Nedry not making it on this post is pure ‘Hawaiian Shirt Gay’ erasure.
um...did tumblr lift the nudity ban. after making my weekly "woe is me" update, I scolled down to see a recommended post of a penis in a chastity cage. And it was under a random tag i follow. wtf?
Am I physically ill?
Or is it the depression?
is relationship permanence a thing with ADHD people or am I just making that up?
Like do you also feel the same way about people when you see them after 3 weeks or 3 years, even after little to no contact? To the point where you come off as overly warm and friendly and make people you used to know uncomfortable?
Or are you neurotypical?
Guess who committed to monthly counseling and going back on antidepressants (and doubling the dose)?
This bitch!
I am going to try Cerebral since it seems to be low cost and I can pay for it with my HSA funds. I talked to my prescriber today and she was super sweet.
I kust watched an indepth breakdown of the character arc of Rory Gilmore, and not one article or book I have ever read has told me more about myself, my lifeand my current predicament. Apprarently, the answer to my exestential crisis is to actually struggle for a goal, which I, a former gifted millenial, have never had to truly do. Lol. life is truly weird.
I have managed to stave off my exestential issues all week. Until today. I think I need an award. Or a drink.
I have managed to stave off my exestential issues all week. Until today. I think I need an award. Or a drink.
One would usually think a mental breakdown is a sign of mental unwellness. But I honestly feel more sane than I have ever have.
For most of my life, life just kind of happened to me. I wasn't an active participant. I went to college and got a degree in accounting because someone else suggested that my mild personality would be best suited for it.
But that sweet and soft personality wasn't really me. I had been affected by parental trauma and emotional abuse. I was scared. All i wanted at that time was to get a good job when I got out. I chose the business route and stuck to it.
Now I am a CPA with supervision over several projects. But I do not feel fulfilled. This is an extremely privleged life. I am very aware of that, and that is what's making this so hard to deal with. Other people would gladly take the job that I have grown weary of, and probably be better at it.
I think what i experienced yesterday, for the first time really, was profound grief. It was as if I just learned someone important to me died. And that person was the little dreamer I was before life happened to me. And I miss her terribly. I don't know what i am going to do yet about it. But i have to do something to honor her memory.
I put 3rd peircings in my lobes by myself to keep up with the zoomers.
Am I chuegy?
You know, I don't have any proof of this, but i think this caused my mental breakdown yesterday.
I mean an existential crisis is bad enough during the day time but have you tried the late night version too?
I just did something impulsive.
just for fun, I applied for a degree in environmental science with a focus in conservation with snhu online.
I would have fund it with loans, but i am interested in seeing how much of my credits would transfer.
i am not even sure where I would work if I decide to change careers. Wildlife and Fisheries, mb? And it's highly possible that will chicken out.
But damn it, I owe it to myself to at least consider this path.
This morning I had an existential breakdown and read my tarot. discussion below.
you hear about recovery not being linear (”there are ups and downs”), but actually it’s more like a game of wack-a-mole. this is not a bad thing
to extend the metaphor: when you’re at the beginning of your recover (less kindly known as rock bottom), you have a garden full of moles. you have a mole popping up every 5 seconds, and maybe it’s the same hyperactive mole, maybe it’s a bunch of moles taking turns, but whether they all look the same, you have a garden full of the fuzzy bastards.
so you pick up a mallet and start hitting. maybe you’re bad at using the mallet, maybe you get better over time, but after a while you get tired, bc you’ve been at it for ages and a mole is still popping up every 5, 10 seconds. what you don’t realize is, you’ve actually nerfed a lot of the moles. it’s just now there’s more space for the other ones to come to the surface and start making noise. but if you keep. swinging. the mallet. eventually they’re gonna slow down.
My recovery began when I started treating my depression & moved away from an abusive environment. It took a long time for me to realize I was recovering, bc as soon as one thing improved, another popped up. As my depression improved, I became more alert and active–and discovered that my brain fog & self-isolation had inadvertently been covering up my sensory issues. I had enough energy to start school again–and bc I wasn’t sleeping & lounging all day, I was suddenly aware of my concentration issues. One mole bites the dust, another pops up.
but the secret is: there are a finite number of moles in the universe.
4 years I’ve been wacking away at these fuckers with a mallet. I’ve taken turns wacking depression and its cronies suicidal ideation & self-harm, followed in succession by previous dormant crap related to anxiety, adhd, spd, c-ptsd, and other 👎 acronyms. And behold: progress. (Atm i’ve finally convinced the furry piece of shit called Executive Dysfunction to come out of the ground, which is exciting bc wrangling this bastard means finally getting to work on longterm personal projects again.) Moles still pop up from time to time, but my life has a lot more space for me in it
the moral of this story is: if u hit a mole over the head for long and hard enough eventually it learns to mind its own beeswax. KEEP WACKING
KEEP WHACKING💖💖💖
I put 3rd peircings in my lobes by myself to keep up with the zoomers.
Am I chuegy?