[amekoromo]

Vision is fucked can't afford new glasses never any water here hard to get washed lots of tiny cuts and bruises today from things to do. Set up the cyclone wire. Don't like dealing with other people.

Things are too fuzzy to make writing 'conducive'. Can't see, hard to sit down and type for too long, because the vision is too fuzzy now. Should update TLaTH soon. Turning point happens soon. Plot Revelations. Things happen (things change). Etc.

Dying of starvation by December... 👎

[amekoromo]

Breads from Breads

[amekoromo]

Before tried to make a 'sidebloge' with actual name but seems tied to this account no matter what gets 'blocked' (no notifications messages etc cannot see). Troublesome may make actual different bloge new e-mail someday but not now, want to read postes, very bored. 'Life' [sic] at stake soon [no more jobe = can't afford medication].

[amekoromo]

- 'Real life' circumstances have been troublesome, and - health and vision are failing -. To imagine the future where it is no longer possible to draw, it's upsetting, but it (will) happen(s). BreadAVOTA is very simple, not so interesting or original, but many things happened (though nothing really changed). - wrote this on the main blog, but it is [...] 'effectively cancelled'. Nobody can afford to actively work on it anymore. Although when - first started to draw the story, it was under the expectation that it would not be finished, because of - dying, so it's no surprise, but still, that BreadAVOTA managed to reach six years old, is a nice achievement (?), isn't it (?) Even if very few will ever see or hear of the work, it is enough that at one point [...] it 'exist[ed]'.

There is a counter for the elapsed *time between illustrations, and checking for 'the last time the main characters were drawn together', but it turns out, there was none, so this is the only drawing of them all.

Anyway, it is the final year at dagrind [...] Not sure how to afford the usual stuff, and for sure, - eyesight isn't going to get better anymore... notgood.

In the beginning, part of the intention&enjoyment of the work is to write on the matters disregarded by most [so much of the story's foundational themes: lovelessness, schizoid personality disorder, ipseity disturbances, hebephrenia, an ideology of thought-materiality distinctions, etc.], so while sophomoric, the feeling engendered in - was of a sort of significance, 'expressing' or 'representing' an 'important' idea. But over the years, disillusionment and apathy and merely moving past has rendered the things that used to seem so important to acknowledge irrelevant and even troublesome, or it was always troublesome, but the trouble has ceased to be worth anything. Nothing written is 'meaningful' or 'novel' or 'interesting'. The only 'selling (blech) point' is 'it exists', but not really, even it 'existing' was infeasible.

It happens, and predictably, - made - to be exactly the type of [...] that for this happening to happen would be the most-happened-to [...] In spite of everything and against proper 'constitution', - in the end falls to the mortal foibles of wishing that what one 'creates' 'matters' [...]

This was the last drawing of Jacques. In the associated webnovel, Jacques is given a backstory, a literalisation (as done before) of typical conceptualisations of the schizoid personality structure in classical psychodynamic literature: terrible mothers, and children who receive no response to their calls. Notably, this parallels that of the backstory already given to 'the Media', where the 'proto-Marginal' confronts God, or the one where he confronts the Demon [who?] about it, about the entire genesis of their 'personality' borne of being one who cries out to the darkness, and is never heard.

In retrospect, - wonders if the story I gave Jacques has finally over(ridden/written) the original 'foundational' core of his character, so it feels that the most important aspect of the entire work has been nullified by mere, shallow self indulgence [...] How can it be 'meaningful' anymore? Not even the creator can respect what it's supposed to 'mean'. That sort of thing has been bothersome [...] also worried the damned book is too milquetoasted [...]