Xiana hurt me , I should have left after new years to be honest , but I gave her a chance , what hurts is that she didn’t even think of the consequences before doing some shit like that , you think I was gonna forgive that and move on ? I don’t have any regrets for my decision for the first time in a while. I’m tired of dating people like that. I really don’t like emotionally volatile ass people sorry for being fucking lame for saying that but I don’t. it’s so draining and unpredictable. I can handle moody I can handle sensitive but violent on any level is to fucking much. I think I need to listen to my gut more now. I’m tired of dating mfs and I’m okay with being completely alone now
what advice would you give to someone who's completely lost in life in their 30s and don't know what to do? AAAAAAAAAAH im going to cry
i'm there in the turmoil with you. i spent so much of today with this knot in every muscle, that i'm both moving an not moving. there were several times today i about burst into tears. i don't want to give you advice yet. because i don't think that's what we need. there's plenty of advice out there for people lost like us. a lot of it makes sense. but sense isn't what we're looking for, i think.
what we need first is probably closer to an acceptance. not acceptance really, but something like it. whatever we are right now, whatever our perceived faults, lostness, failures, that's what we get to be. we have to train ourselves to see what we are, feel what we are, as a neutral force. i don't have proof of this, but my intuition is telling me that i can live the life i want only after i can see myself as a neutral thing. neither good nor bad. neither progressing nor failing. i need to see myself as a person that just is. i can see a bird or a squirrel as a creature that merely exists, no baggage. i need to do that seeing towards myself too.
standard advice probably won't work until we work out something even more basic: that we're here on the same level as any other living thing. nothing is losing or winning, deep down, because it doesn't work that way.
getting to that base acceptance-like state of being is probably going to suck. because we're not used to it. a lot of things need to be confronted, or acknowledged. but i think it's needed.
sorry i don't have advice yet. but i'm working to get there. i hope to have something for you soon. i've got my things to sort out at the very base.
