Among The Flies

Solitary Sociality

[amongtheflies]

I flew all this way. Now here we are. You and me in this single room, consuming other worlds.

—The smartphone always wins.

[amongtheflies]

You aren't around when shit gets heavy, and my whole life has been an exercise in heavy lifting.

Me to her, but only in my head

[amongtheflies]

I want to be excited about something again.

[amongtheflies]

The Long Journey Home

Teardrops: Wayward thoughts that have escaped the mind. Thoughts seeking refuge somewhere south where soul trumps intellect, and nothing need make sense. Thoughts gone rogue, on the move, turned wet with sweat. 

Directions: From the eye, take a jump for the cheek.  Roll, roll, roll. Dodge the mouth, up and over the chin. Propel down the neck, and traverse the vast plains of the chest—therein beats a drum. Pa-rum-pa-pa-pum.

Legend has it >> If one teardrop can keep step with the beat of the drum, then it can lose all disguise—and a runaway thought may just find its way.

[amongtheflies]

I am sorry if this upsets you. I, too, was upset at the time—which only upset me more later.

[amongtheflies]

Think of every town you’ve lived in. Every room you lay your head. And what is it that you remember? Do you carry every sadness with you, Every hour your heart was broken? Every night the fear and darkness Lay down with you.

— Hem, from the song “Half Acre”

[amongtheflies]

You can feel so far from so close.

Mat Kearney, from the song "Ships In The Night"

[amongtheflies]

I enjoyed seeing you today, all relaxed and beautiful.

[amongtheflies]

There She Is—Is She There

It is a sunny Sunday in April. I am seated in my parked car, sweating bullets.

Well. Crying bullets.

To my left is a moving mess of flies—hovering, buzzing, dancing, playing musical chairs in thin air. 

I slip on my sunglasses in case someone passes.

There she is (again). The blonde in the blue Honda. Sitting, sweating, crying in her car in the parking garage. No windows open, but her distress on full display.

This is not unusual. I have been in this car in this moment before. But the sadness usually hits late at night when I am driving nowhere in particular, and the darkness can make light of my suffering by costuming it in shadows.

Today, there is only sun, a faraway spotlight illuminating the drip on my face—a mix of emotion and mascara.

In terms of shading the shame, these sunglasses are no match.

I look again to the flies. Surely, they aren't real. Escaped thoughts—hovering, buzzing, dancing, playing party games in my head. That's what they are...

But no, they are there. Swirling. Starting. Stopping. Every last one of them, just searching for a chair.