I know I’m behind with the times...
But Happy New Year everyone! :D And welcome all new followers! Thank you for choosing a weirdo like me. ^_^
We are a little over a week into the New Year. Mine has already been filled with drama from the future in-laws, and that of my own...but it’s all going pretty well...so far... XD
This year, I made a non-intoxicated decision not to do any stupid fucking resolutions. Why? Because I already know my goals. They’re the same ones I’ve been working on for the past couple of years. I didn’t lose sight of my goals. I have made progress in all of them. You could say I’m a jack of all trades, but master at none. My fiance has taught me, more so than anyone, that life fucking sucks. People lie to your face about their intentions. It does not matter if its your parents, grandparents, guardians, etc.
For example, My parents raised me to be a Christian, and I am no longer a Christian. I am their “failure”. (Let me explain a little better... even thought they feel like they have failed because I don’t follow the same path they want me to....they push their failure onto me, making me the failure.) The random times they want to “forgive me”, and they don’t believe that I could have come down such a terrible path on my own...they believe I was influenced by my fiance. They push their failure onto him, making him the failure, and hating him instead of me. I have explained to them time and time again, that shit is not a fucking thing. I have always been on the fence about being a Christian, and coming into this new spirituality, things I know I see and things the bible say don’t add up. It’s that, and they way my parents and their Christian friends have treated me, my fiance and my daughter as a whole. But I didn’t act upon my doubts until after he and I started dating I quit going to church. Now he and I are the bad guys.I don’t want a relationship with basically any of my family. Extended family included. I’ve come to peace with that. I’m the outcast in my family. I always have been. I’ve always been judged, ridiculed, and laughed at by everyone, including them. It’s taken me until 25 to realize it, but I don’t like who I am when I am around them. And that’s ok with me. I’m at peace with all of this. Just because we are blood, does not make us family.
I love the person I am becoming, and I love my fiance. He helps me better myself, along with me helping him. We help lift each other up when the rest of the world tries to bring us down. I’m a calmER that I was a year ago. I don’t do INSANITY, but I do other things that help me stay moving and active. I’m going to start running again, but I don’t have crazy unrealistic goals for myself. I’m healthy, in-love, have a beautiful small family, and I love myself for the first time in a long time. I may have alienated a lot of people along with way, but I don’t want anything to do with people who are naysayers about any of my new found paths.
I have almost all of my tools. I may not know how to use them, but I’m going to fight like hell to keep becoming some one that I am proud to be. So 2016, BRING IT ON BITCH! :)
annaxmalina
