Funny One

trust me. im amusing older than a minor. a respectable human with a taste for the vintage life and Veggie Tales

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

movie titles in the next five years

English: a horror story

The Tek Deck Team: How 5 mini skateboards find the meaning of friendship

Toy Story 10: The Return of Raggedy Ann

Static: No one is safe from it

Landline: a dystopian story

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

weird dreams be like

having Goofy serenade you and deliver the line "this bacon teeaam is just a dreeaam" to the tune of the " the burger king had a burger queen" meme.

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

Hey, so I don't know if you're still doing the funny high school stories, but I have a WILD one. So back in my freshman year of HS (2013), our football workout room was vandalized with all kinds of spray painted taunts and slurs. Everyone automatically assumed it was kids from our rival football team two cities over (which would have made since, since at the time of the incident we were a week away from the two schools first game against each other of the year). Idk how, but it was found out a couple of weeks later by the police that the culprits were actually two of our own head football coaches. The police were able to track the sale of the spray paint that night, and it came back to one of the coaches. His phone was searched and the evidence was in his text messages with the other coach. They both got fired and it was a weird few weeks for a while.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

i can see it now:

"Coach, we found a can of the vagrant's paint in the hallway!"

Coach, rubbing his chin with a paint covered hand like the Matchmaker from Mulan: "gee whilikers how'd that happen?"

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

greatest line heard at Ripley's Believe-It-Or-Not museum

so outside, there is a replica statue of Michelangelo's "David". As i stood at the base, one balmy day in April, examining the replica with scrutiny, a mother and baby came over. Silently, she gazed at David's "prized possession", out for the world to see. I couldn't make out if she was disgusted or confused. She left and i figured she was off to wash her eyeballs (hehe balls). But no. she was off to get her husband, saying "come here honey. there's a man in his birthday suit!"

I think about that family from time to time.

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

in my high school on a random Thursday in October we held the Great Custard Debate. started with my friend posting to the group chat they were taking shots of custard. naturally everyone is like. wtf! custard? some started saying custard is NOT a beverage. others said, well, technically, it is/can be. another friend sent a google survey about this to the whole school about whether custard is a beverage. my friend group spent the whole lunch break and several classes debating it. we had many people come up to us and pitch in to the debate. as far as I know it was never resolved, no one changed their mind and the first friend still takes shots of custard when they feel like it. started many memes and I remember it very fondly every time I make custard or the baby bird goop I call ‘custard’ for my birds too

i mean.. if the custard is consumed as savagely as the Teletubbies do then i would think custard is drinkable... to a point that is.. one would be expected to accept the consequences of the dreaded... NOO-NOO. Noo-Noo knows when custard has been consumed.. and he is ready to attack the leftovers.

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

Did you happen to watch the A Night At The Museum franchise a little too much recently? I that that might be behind your dream!

as a matter of fact, no XD i haven't seen those movies in years. i've been engulfed in One Piece lately.

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

food for thought.

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

Hello my friend 🙏 Sorry to bother you, but I wanted to share with you a very personal humanitarian matter 💔, I am Osama Al-Qarnawi, a Palestinian refugee, living in Belgium. I am writing to you with a broken heart and a shattered soul, because my heart is with my mother, father and brothers in Gaza, under siege and bombardment, without electricity, without safety, without medicine, and without the most basic necessities of life. I hear their screams every day over the phone as they search for clean water, simple medicine, or a morsel of food to satisfy their hunger. I fear every day that this might be the last call. I launched this campaign to give them some hope and security, to help them endure and endure this ordeal. 🙏 Every donation, no matter how small, makes a big difference. 5 euros could replace a meal, 10 euros could replace medicine or a candle to light a dark house. Any donation or support from you by participating will save a life. I ask you to share this message and spread it on all your social media pages. Thank you very much in advance for your help and support 💔😭🇵🇸🌹 https://gofund.me/9821e7b7

i am poor. my apologies friend. i hope you contact someone who has a job, money and a home of their own

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

Shakespeare's Richard the 3rd

Rich: hi! i'm gonna ruin everyone's lives and YOU get to watch! :3

(proceeds to wed a widow at the funeral like a bawss, wreak havoc on everyone else and commits atrocities like the goblin he is)

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

star trek but make it vegetables

so im watching veggie tales (bc life) and they made a STAR TREK THEMED EPISODE. French peas are Klingons. the bridge is a literal bridge. the captains log is, you guessed it, a flying log and the science officer is MR SPORK. They cross reference Doctor Who, 2001 Space Odessey AND Star Wars XD uhura is madame blueberry as WHOAREYOU. i love every inch of this short 😭✨😭😭😭😭✨✨✨✨oh i forgot. their engineer chief is a jamaican veggie who is "so much more relaxed than that scottish guy we used to have"

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

(reposting my content from the meme community)

THIS JUST IN

The penguins of Heard Island have been tariffed by the United States's leader(?)!!!! We take you now to Flips Webber for in depth coverage....

Flips: yes thank you, Alex. Well, here at the island, the penguins are outraged. Like Amber, we have made no valuable contributions to the country WHATsoever so it poses a great confusion to us all. I mean... we're penguins... we're BIRDS. Even if our fish WAS for trade, which it most definitely is NOT, we wouldn't think to trade our valuable sustainable food sources for a Tesla. I have here a citizen of Heard Island to give her personal opinion on the matter, Peggy.

Peggy: what the actual flipping FLIP?! Since when did we trade with humans? Like, the only human we jive with is penguin model photographer Jacque Cousteau.

Flips: Thank you Peggy, we feel you. Back to you, Alex.

[vinfluorine]

apparently the tariff was because of heard island's exports of electrical equipment and computer parts to the US

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

........Hi. I'm Pingu, CEO of Igloo Tech. We make it a point to provide high quality ice chips to Google and Apple because we think they need to cool it with the advertising.

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

(reposting my content from the meme community)

THIS JUST IN

The penguins of Heard Island have been tariffed by the United States's leader(?)!!!! We take you now to Flips Webber for in depth coverage....

Flips: yes thank you, Alex. Well, here at the island, the penguins are outraged. Like Amber, we have made no valuable contributions to the country WHATsoever so it poses a great confusion to us all. I mean... we're penguins... we're BIRDS. Even if our fish WAS for trade, which it most definitely is NOT, we wouldn't think to trade our valuable sustainable food sources for a Tesla. I have here a citizen of Heard Island to give her personal opinion on the matter, Peggy.

Peggy: what the actual flipping FLIP?! Since when did we trade with humans? Like, the only human we jive with is penguin model photographer Jacque Cousteau.

Flips: Thank you Peggy, we feel you. Back to you, Alex.

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

Veggie Tales is underrated

no i'm sorry but it IS. Sure some may object to it because it taught christian lessons but who doesn't want their kid to learn how to be a good person? David and Goliath is retold with a giant PICKLE. How can you NOT wanna watch that?? FRENCH PEAS are the philistines and a small asparagus is David.

Let's not forget my most favorite rendition of Daniel and the Lions Den. We get the BIGGEST SLAPPER of a song out of 3 wise green onions who consider stuffing Daniel's ears full of cheeseballs just because he could tell the king what his dream meant. They decide to tell the king that people should pray to him, a living being. Daniel is put in the den and remembers that basically, it could be worse... AND THEN HE LEAVES and goes "bye guys thanks for the pizza!"

So, yes their bible stories are simple and easy to understand and the Silly Songs with Larry slap the hardest. Especially Dance of the Cucumber. Did I mention that the guards at the wall of Jericho are also french peas? they go "hon hon hon ze little pickle wants to see US leave" "you can never get over the giant wall, tiny pickle!"

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

How to tell if you've had too much

you keep saying you're fine

no one will top you off

everything seems wobbly

you missed the best man's speech

youre incoherenrnt

regbhjaelsuhg o;er

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

.......................................................................(passed out)

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

ITS APRIL FIRST EVERYONE COMMENT THEIR PRANKS. I'LL GO FIRST

I'M BLASTING THE SOUNDTRACK TO VEGGIE TALES THE PIRATES WHO DON'T DO ANYTHING FROM MY CAR WHILE AT DRIVE-THRUS AND CALL IT DRIVE-BY PIRACY

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

How to write a scientific proposal.

Introduction:

You're aware that there are two sides to all of us. Each of us is the embodiment of two distinct and opposing forces: Good and Evil, each fighting for supremacy inside us.

Hypothesis:

If we could separate these two forces, we could control and ultimately eliminate all evil from mankind. My experiments with animals have led me to believe that the day is not far off when this separation will be possible. To achieve it I must be allowed to try my formula on a living human being. (the rest of the proposal covers what you would do in the experiment and prove it with a little bit of science math).

you're welcome

[amusingclownwiththoughts]

Cabaret should be the theme for june this year

picture it. the world is in disarray, two nutcases are taking over, being fabulous is no longer a vibe, but in June?? life is BEAUTIful. the girls are BEAUtiful. even the orchestra is BEAUTiful.

And each week is the next song in the soundtrack.

Thoughts?