Anorexia Recovery & Crazy Life Stuff

[anafighter2016-blog]

Hate Everything, But Ana

My girlfriend, Jess, broke up with me to go back with her baby daddy & apparently I'm controlling & childish according to her. Her baby daddy told me she was gonna break up with me to go back with him, but I didn't believe him because he says that all the time to start drama. Then, I woke up to her text this morning. I hate myself. I'm going back to my anorexia because apparently that's the only thing that will be loyal to me. My friend, Brandon, has had a crush on me for months. He said he's gonna take me out tomorrow to help me get over my girlfriend. All I know is that if we are successful & I date him, when Jess comes to my party, it's gonna be awkward introducing them to each other. I don't even want to have a party anymore because whether Jess & I are together or not people are still gonna make it awkward for us by talking about it, my friends all have drama with each other, some of my friends have said they're gonna confront Jess about breaking my heart again & everyone is going to force me to eat when all I want to do is starve. It's going to be a disaster. Anyway, anorexia being my only friend means I'm gonna go back to starving myself again. I'm gonna do it right this time

[anafighter2016-blog]

Upset Yesterday, Excited Today

Yesterday, I was supposed to hang out with my girlfriend. She said days before that we would meet up at 12:30. I decided to throw her a surprise picnic with music from her favorite musical playing in the background. She texted me yesterday saying that a family emergency came up & that we needed to push it back to 2. I said it was fine. I go over to the spot I told her to meet me at & set up everything. I sat there for an hour waiting for her. Within that hour, an old lady let me play with her dog & some mean people from high school saw me twice; when Jess was supposed to be there they were asking me questions & when they saw me packing up they made fun of me for getting ditched. I decided to pack up after an hour because she wasn't answering her phone & it started to rain. I was so upset that I curled up in my bed & whenever my parents forced me to get out of my bed, I would scream & yell the whole time I would do something. My friends could tell something was wrong & I was mean to them. Today, my girlfriend texted me & apologized for what happened. She then said she would come over, but that ended up not happening because her mom didn't get home to watch Zaine. But, she told me how good I am at having sex & says that since she's free all day tomorrow that she'll spend the day with me. So, now I'm in a good mood

[help-me-im-dyingx]

i’m used to it but i’m going to give up soon

[anafighter2016-blog]

Worried About My Nephew

So, somehow the court is letting my nephew spend the weekend with his dad, even though the court's orders were that my nephew can't be around his dad without a court officer. I'm worried that my nephew will be harmed by his dad

[anafighter2016-blog]

I Fucking Hate Antonio

So, my girlfriend's baby daddy always has to start drama. He kept blowing up my girlfriend's phone with calls while her & I were driving around & having fun. She finally answered because she was sick of him calling. Even though he knows that the daycare has papers saying he isn't allowed near his son, he threatened to go there. He also recruited one of my girlfriend's closest friends to start saying she slept with him even though she didn't. She decided it was best to drop me off at my house before going to the daycare. I begged her not to & told her I would behave. She said she'd feel safer if I was at home & not at the daycare with her. She said with the state of mind Antonio was in on the phone, she was afraid he would try to physically hurt me at the daycare if I was there. I fucking hate how Antonio always tries to ruin mine & Jess's relationship. First, he actually sleeps with her while we are dating. Then, him & 2 other guys lie to me about her cheating on me. Now, he has to ruin mine & Jess's day together by making a scene at the daycare & threaten to hurt me. He makes me want to die & go back to being anorexic more than anyone else because his bullshit is getting to the extreme

[anafighter2016-blog]

Hate Thinking This Way

So, this boy, Jonathan, told me he was hooking up with my girlfriend while her & I have been together. It ended up being a lie. Then, her baby daddy sent me the same message, which this one I knew was a lie without even asking her. Today, she cancelled our plans at the last minute. She said it was for a job interview. She hasn't answered any of my texts for a while & I'm starting to worry that she might be hooking up with Jonathan or Antonio. I hate thinking this way, but whenever either one of them texts her, they text me or she doesn't answer for a while, it's what my brain goes to. I know if Zaine is having a rough day or if she's having a rough day that she won't answer for a while, but something just feels off. At the same time, her & her parents have told me how much I mean to her & that she wants to be loyal to me & she's told me that she promises to be loyal to me. I just don't know what to think

[anafighter2016-blog]

Crazy Day

1. My girlfriend & I had sex in my room at my house. My parents found out & my mom yelled at me telling me it was disrespectful, even though they said Jess & I can hang out in my room as long as my room is clean 2. This guy started telling me she was cheating on me with him & now is saying he's not because she caught him in the lie

[anafighter2016-blog]

Back With My First Love

On Saturday, when I got home from Joffrey, my girlfriend & I got back together. She promised to stay loyal to me & told me that she wanted to get back together with me for a while. Her therapist & her mom made her realize she loves me more than she thought. The baby daddy is completely out of the picture because in court he threatened to kill himself, her & their son. He also failed a psych evaluation. He's not allowed around her, their son or me. Her lawyer is working on a document to keep me safe when I go back to school to make sure that he is not allowed on campus. I'm so happy to be back with her. We've never been happier

[ineedana]

Am I the only one?

Am I the only one who watches ana videos on youtube but not the recovering part, just the parts where they tell you how they did it?

[broken-mind-wanting-perfection]

Nope, I do too

[anafighter2016-blog]

I do this still & I'm trying to recover

[8-bitstories-deactivated2020062]

[kids-of-the-sad-generation]

[anafighter2016-blog]

Wish Everything Could Go Back To The Way It Was

A few weeks ago, I had a girlfriend, I had a best friend & they didn't argue. Now, I don't have a girlfriend, my best friend demoted me to friend status & punishes me & they probably still argue with each other. I had mixed emotions yesterday at my friend's graduation party & am having negative emotions today. At my friend's graduation party, I was having so much fun & my "best friend" (Karina) brought a guy from her boyfriend's job to try to set me up with. The guy was nice & everything & we danced & it didn't bother him that I had a girlfriend, but all I kept thinking about was how Jess was supposed to be there with me & all the fun her & I could've had if we were still together. This morning, I told Karina how my parents are doing something for my birthday on August 5 & how she was invited along with her family & boyfriend. She told me that she had work that day & couldn't come. Last night, she said that all of her jobs were done by the beginning of August. So, I know she's probably punishing me for her argument with Jess or for not being ready to go on a date with the guy she set me up with or both

[anafighter2016-blog]

The Tears Won't Stop

Wondering when the crying & pain of being dumped by my first love will stop. All day I've been thinking about moments I'm having this summer where she would've kissed me & then have to tell myself that I most likely won't be kissed by her anymore. When will the tears stop?

[anafighter2016-blog]

Heartbroken

This morning my girlfriend broke up with me. I told her mom about how her baby daddy abused her in front of me. Her mom called the cops & her baby daddy almost got arrested because the cops walked in on him abusing her. She broke up with me & stayed engaged to her baby daddy. Later on in the day, after talking to her mom, she finally broke up with her baby daddy as well. She told me that she needs to take a break & learn what a healthy relationship is. She said if we still have feelings for each other, then we can decide if we should try again or remain best friends/sisters. She told me not to put my life on hold & that if I have feelings for someone else to go for it. I was shocked when this happened because we had such an amazing day yesterday (minus her baby daddy abusing her) & I was trying to protect her. I was crying all day, but some of my hometown friends came to my house after they got out of work to cheer me up & succeeded. My parents are allowing me back in the house, though, which is good

[anafighter2016-blog]

Pissed Off 5/30/17

My girlfriend's baby daddy woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me he was thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend, then not breaking up with her & ending with they're engaged. I don't know how much longer I can handle the drama from this relationship before it kills me or my head explodes. I'm also wondering that if they're engaged, if there is even a point to me dating her

[anafighter2016-blog]

Happiness 5/29/2017

Today, my best friend & my girlfriend figured out how to get along after I sent them both the same truthful text. Jess (my girlfriend) said she will be civil with Karina (my best friend). Karina said she will be civil with Jess, but it means that her & I can't be besties anymore & that I have to learn to behave & grow up. Also, I took a Buzzfeed quiz to see what my most attractive trait is. The quiz said my eyes, but my girlfriend said my smile is what got her

[the-lane-i-travel-feels-alone-d]