sin shady.

i don't bite. well, that's another lie. kaspar | 20 | elite four member affiliated pokémon oc with agron region

[analyshade-blog]

                           “i cannot believe avery betrayed me like this.”

[analyshade-blog]

👩 + how on earth did u make such hellspawn

lillian wells (née reese)mother, age 42

                         her eyes narrow, and she clicks her tongue the second the question is asked.a good response, naturally.lillian knows full well they aren’t speaking of the angels she breeds and gives away to people who ask her to, as they were trained to be the nicest pokémon they could possibly be.

so this ever so rude person has to be talking about the other problem in her life, the one that latched her so tightly onto a man she had no cares for. the damned boy.

“that boy’s all his father.” she huffs, rolling green eyes. “i doubt a single drop of me is in that boy. he’ll be the exact same, no matter what he says. warm words and cold actions.”

[askbooancaandco]

Send me a 👩 for my muses mother to answer any question

Alternatively send me 👨 for the father to answer any question

[analyshade-blog]

[Text]: And he probably thinks I’m in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything

[txt] if he’s fuckin’ bothering you dump the shot over his head like one of those bitches from the real housewifes of norite[txt] if he tries fucking with you without permission after that call me and i’ll come and fuck his ass up[txt] i mean unless those shots rlly are makin u love him[txt] just remember its the alcohol makin him a 10, he’s probably a 4 and a half[txt] do you wanna wake up next to that

[analyshade-blog]

[Text]: This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I’m too hungover to ask questions

[txt] not the electrician but it’s nice to know i’m the first person you’ll come to if someone is in your house under the guise of being the electrician.[txt] have fun with no hot water[txt] see ya drazie ❤

[rpmememaker]

Yet Another TFLN Meme

[Text]: it glows. i had to have it. [Text]: i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren’t you proud of me? [Text]: you told me your favorite colors were “pink” “no pants” and “Mexican food” [Text]: I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack [Text]: YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET [Text]: This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I’m too hungover to ask questions [Text]: I think my nap took me to another dimension [Text]: i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs [Text]: I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I’m conflicted. [Text]: I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA [Text]: i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang. [Text]: He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were “stay away from my princess parts. they’re renovating.” [Text]: It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes. [Text]: If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you. [Text]: The real estate’s complaint had the words “loud squealing at 2am” in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night. [Text]: Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less. [Text]: was it mean of me to chase him screaming “DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!” [Text]: I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents. [Text]: If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh. [Text]: Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today? [Text]: I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job [Text]: And he probably thinks I’m in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything [Text]: I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk. [Text]: i said good morning to each one of his abs personally [Text]: A true measure of a good friend is how long they respond to their friends drunken illogical texts. You’re a champ. [Text]: Apparently I’m a “fire hazard” [Text]: Just did shrooms. Don’t feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing’s happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money. [Text]: I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car. [Text]: do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it’s really, really cool when u think about it [Text]: Well I’m about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I’m disappointed in how little alcohol is in me [Text]: im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper “I’m not wearing underwear” but idk if thats a heartfelt apology [Text]: Ducking stuck downtown…all the fuxkig roads are blixkded [Text]: we’re making bets on your personal life [Text]: Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being…

[analyshade-blog]

✖

meme.

five - my muse will send your muse a drunk, emotional text

[txt] THE FfFUCKING[txt] WHWY WHY WHY[txt] IVE BEEN HERE TOO MILLON YERAS [txt] WYH WOTJN IT TURN ON

[indieresource]

SEND ME A ✖ AND I’LL GENERATE A NUMBER FOR ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:

one: my muse will send a text confessing their feelings for your’s two: my muse will call your muse confessing their feelings for someone else three: my muse will leave your muse a note the morning after four: my muse will send your muse a drunk, suggestive text five: my muse will send your muse a drunk, emotional text six: my muse will send your muse a text not meant for them seven: my muse will leave your muse a tearful voicemail eight: my muse will call your’s about an emergency nine: my muse will call your muse to tell them everything they love about them ten: my muse will call your muse to invite them somewhere eleven: my muse will text your muse “riddles” to guide them to a mystery date spot twelve: my muse will send your muse suggestive pictures thirteen: my muse will send a fluffy text while half-asleep

[ellswoods-blog]

“It’s Avery,” he corrected, not even trying to suppress the sly smile that appeared when hearing mention of the other’s apparently bottomless wallet. Not that he couldn’t afford to buy them for himself, but drinks always did taste sweeter when they were free. 

“And a cocktail will be fine. Any kind will do.”

He planned on sampling the entire menu, after all.

[analyshade-blog]

                            his typical grin, resembling that of the cheshire cat, appears when the other introduces himself. avery, huh? a fitting name for someone with the appearance of a fairy. though the meaning was something more related to elves, no?

“a cocktail, huh?” kaspar turns to the bartender, smiling to his eyes. “y’here that? a jack rose and a tequila sunrise, thank you very much.”

he places his chin in his hands whilst he waits, turning his eyes back to the pretty boy beside him. “so then, avery, i guess it’s nice for me to introduce myself since you oh so kindly did. kaspar’s the name.”

[analyshade-blog]

❝I am currently dating a tall bottle of Jack Daniels.❞

                            “i don’t fuckin’ blame you, draze.” kaspar laughs, gulping down the cup of coke and scotch. “with the fuckin’ way the world is, can’t fuckin’ blame you.”

[analyshade-blog]

❝Halloween? More like Hallowe-’re getting fucked up.❞ its not even october--

                             “hoo boy. what sort of fucked up are we getting?” he snickers, taking yet another sip from the bottle of beer he’d bought. “the kind where we both drink ‘til we don’t remember or am i going to remember my encounter with you, pinky? i like the second, personally.”

[analyshade-blog]

from here. | @ellswoods

                              “was worth a shot, pretty boy.” she shoots a wink, before signalling the bartender. “what’s your poison, pinky? i’ve got all night and plenty of money to waste on alcohol.”

[analyshade-blog]

Drunk/Drinking Starters

❝I do not get drunk-- I get awesome.❞

❝I didn't fall... the floor just needed a hug. ❞

❝Wanna know what rhymes with drunk? Sex. ❞

❝Nothing tastes as good as drunk feels.❞

❝I've had... eleventy twelve beers.❞

❝I've been cheating on you with a guy named Morgan. He's a captain.❞

❝I'm not as drunk as I use to was.❞

❝Halloween? More like Hallowe-’re getting fucked up.❞

❝What do you expect me to do- I'm drunk!❞

❝But then I remember that alcohol existed.❞

❝It’s not called slurring your words. It’s called talking in cursive and it’s fucking elegant.❞

❝I’m totally walking straight, but this damn Earth is drunk!❞

❝If you can’t suck a cigarette, you sure as hell can’t suck a dick!❞

❝I wanna bae you up.❞

❝You're so drunk when I'm pretty.❞

❝It's 10;30 and I'm already fucking wasted…❞

❝I'm almost sober...❞

❝We are best friends now. Yeah c'mere, let's get drunk again.❞

❝Why do people wear boxers? They’re just like small pants.❞

❝I am currently dating a tall bottle of Jack Daniels.❞

❝I’m in Pirates of the Caribbean right now..❞

❝Take me drunk I’m home.❞

❝Let’s go dress up like Batman and Robin and patrol the neighborhood.❞

❝Your kitchen is so far away. Who designed this shit?❞

❝Your cat... has it always had a German accent?❞

[analyshade-blog]

send my muse a pick up line

We’re going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck.

You might be asked to leave soon. You are making the other women look bad.

What do I have to do to be your booty call?

What has 36 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.

With my IQ and your body, we could make a race of superchildren!

When I’m older, I’ll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I’ll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.

That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.

Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.

Your ass is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.

Were do you hide your wings?

Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.

Sit on my face and let me get to ‘nose’ you better?

You know what material this is? [Grab your shirt] Boyfriend material.

There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?

Your shirt has to go, but you can stay.

Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you falling for anyone else.

Wanna play midget boxing? You get down on your knees and give me a couple blows!

Your place or mine? Tell you what? I’ll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.

Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?

So, what are the chances of my balls slappin’ your ass tonight?

We’ll probably never see each other again, so let’s screw.

Wanna play “kite”? I lay down, you blow and we’ll see how high you can make me.

Will you be my girlfrien? I left out the ‘d’ cause you’ll get that later!

Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?

The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?

So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?

You make me wish I weren’t gay!

Writes on a napkin: “Smile if you want to have sex with me.”

The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.

Wanna play Army? I lay down and you blow the hell outta me.

What is your favorite color? [Color] Mine too! Seems like we are soulmates.

Will you marry me for just one night?

Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.

The only thing I want between our relationship is latex.

What are you doing tonight beside me?

Wanna fuck like bunnies?

Try me once and if you don’t like it, what have you wasted?

What, six hours of your life? It’d be more if you want foreplay.

You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!

You look like trash, may I take you out?

[analyshade-blog]

@phcnic

                           “oh yes. tell me more.” the sarcasm drips off his words as he sits across from a blue haired man scoffing down food like it was his last supper. presumably, he was just taking advantage of kaspar’s generosity to pay for someone else and ordering the most expensive food. or.. the most food. who knows. he doesn’t, but his wallet very much will.

the man had helped him out, all he was doing was paying him back. this was hardly a random act of kindness, there was no chance that the ghost specialist was nice enough to do that, despite his otherwise friendly nature.

but sweet arceus, this man could eat. it’s either that or he’s just been saved by a homeless man who just needed a snack. either way, if the paparazzi catch him, it’ll look good on his behalf. a chance to add some good to that reputation of his.

“so what were you saying? something about a lillipup?” he raises the tea cup to his lips after asking, not breaking eye contact once while taking a sip out of the drink. “please, tell me. i’m absolutely dying to know.”

[analyshade-blog]

@cherryspring

                              a bored sigh is huffed out, long legs kick back and forth as he sits atop a park bench, clearly lifting his upper body a bit in order to keep his feet from sliding across the ground. days off were the worst. kaspar absolutely despised them because it meant that it was unlikely for a trainer to be coming to challenge them, and if there was, usually it ended quickly by one of the other elite’s hands if he wasn’t chosen to fight first.

b o r i n g.

everything’s absolutely boring. battles aren’t something he likes doing outside of work unless he’s recognised, in that case he enjoys showing off, since he is an elite four and it’s always fun to flex that power over people that he has. sure, he’s no champion but he definitely wields his own power, as does the other three of their lovely quartet.

and what a lovely quartet it is, with the person he’s spotted walking across the street. he’d recognise that shortie (in his eyes, anyway!) anywhere.

“my my, isn’t it my favourite shrimp!” he calls, walking over with his usual shit eating grin, cat like eyes narrowed. “enjoying your break, are we?”

[analyshade-blog]

yooo i just woke up so like this for a starter!! no cap atm