in starlight

avril | 26 | sgp

[rylandsgrace]

Forrest Gump (1994) dir. Robert Zemeckis

[izhaar-e-ishq]

[anatomies]

2024 was easily one of the worst years of my life since 2010. Everything I did was pointless fruitless and nothing made a difference. I worked like a dog and was treated like a dog and basically it was just such a bad year. I was so unhappy most days and so tired other days. Nothing I wished for came. I was envisioning a very different year for myself but nothing went according to plan. I feel trapped, backed into a corner, scammed by my own delusional decisions. All I was chasing was freedom and happiness and I have neither.

I’m afraid of having a worse year this year. I’m afraid of it being the same.

I have more people around me but I feel so alone. Simultaneously crave companionship but actually just really want to be left alone.

[anatomies]

How can I fast forward? How can I go back? How can I just stop?

(2024 sucked)

[hopelessvalentines]

“nothing is ever lost to us as long as we remember it.

-..@wholesome-suggestion @asoftwrongness @vibeshiftsurvivors

[idleheathen-deactivated20250507]

My Bed - Tracey Emin // The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky // unknown // R.M Drake // Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood // unknown // Franz Kafka, Diaries, 1910-1923 // Najwa Zebian // unknown // Badflower - Family // Charlotte Green - You Say You Don't Want A Boyfriend, But You Know That's Not True // Ophelia - Friedrich Heyser // Jasmine Pierce for Reductress

[moonlitfairytale]

Natalie Wee, Least of all

[oliverscarlin]

Carolein Smit - Rakker mit gouden trannen (Rascal with golden tears) (2009)

[venusparker]

the idea of love is so strange to me because it’s something i’ve always wanted, something i want, but i don’t think anyone could love me in the way i need. in a way i would enjoy. i’ve always been the caregiver and the lover and the one who cares more. i am the one who thinks too much and thinks about you all the time because i don’t know how else to be, and everything i see will remind me of you. i don’t know if that was ever meant to be returned to me, or if the line of love versus in love will make me sick. because my coffee order changes daily, but always stays sweet, and who can memorize someone who is always changing. i talk too much, and ramble about three thousand different things, and i don’t expect anyone to remember. how could anyone keep up? what am i if not exhausting and contradictory. what am i if not begging to be soft. begging to be remembered. begging to be seen. begging to be understood. i’m tired of constantly having to do things for myself, but accustomed to the routine. i love like it’s breathing, but to love me is a chore. i can’t picture anyone finding me in the smallest of signs or wanting to be the first one i turn to. i don’t know if anyone could ever be in love with me enough to want to take care of me. not when that’s my job, always has been, and i feel like i’m doomed to constantly repeat it. i carry this weight the same way i carry my heart.

[cupidsquilll]

[sadcypher]

How to feel like a person?

dont live with your mom

[aworsening]

What am I missing?

i. Fleabag, Phoebe Waller-Bridge / ii. i don't understand, @archbudzar / iii. Dog Bite, Stella Bridie / iv. Washing Machine Heart, Mitski

[aworsening]

On becoming someone else

i. War of the Foxes, Richard Siken / ii., v., viii., xi. Leisure, Hannah, Does Not Agree with You, Hannah Gamble / iii. unknown / iv. Mimmo Paladino / vi. Book 20e, In between here and there, Beata Wehr / vii. unknown / ix. unknown / x. @heartlessqueen

[lovely-abeille-deactivated20241]

a questionnaire, noor unnahar // haunted womanhood, heather havrilesky // lamb's head on a plate, viggo johansen // citizen illegal, josé olivarez // grief lessons: four plays by euripides; tr., anne carson

[fxlthyangxl-deactivated20240122]

[thecosmoswhispers]

i can turn you into poetry but i cannot make you love me.

(creds will be added in a hot sec! my bad y'all ;p)

[dk-thrive]

It would be neat if with the New Year I could leave my loneliness behind with the old year.

It would be neat if with the New Year I could leave my loneliness behind with the old year. My leathery loneliness an old pair of work boots my dog vigorously head-shakes back and forth in its jaws, chews on for hours every day in my front yard— rain, sun, snow, or wind in bare feet, pondering my poem…

— Jimmy Santiago Baca, from “It would be neat if with the New Year” in “Winter Poems Along the Rio Grande” (New Directions Publishing Corp, 2004) (via Wait-What?)