“and that’s definitely something i’m willing to try, but how was i supposed to know you wanted that?” she frowns, actively forcing herself to stop arguing and LISTEN to him as ben tries to explain his train of thought. it’s… jarring, to think that she and ben could be on such wildly different pages where their relationship is concerned, and her brow furrows as she considers that ben felt the complete opposite of the way she felt, all this time. “i didn’t know you were so… upset. i obviously don’t want you feeling insecure about where you and i stand. that must be really shitty.” at the very least, it’s a reminder that she should try to get over herself — that this conversation is about more than just her and her hurt feelings. ben DESERVES more — because he’s trying. for her. ben is serious and sincere as he reassures her, and so rey’s quiet as he addresses her doubts, point by point. he has all the focus he always does, when he’s arguing with her, but this time, she hears him out silently, lifting her gaze back onto his concerned expression hesitantly. no one has ever made such an effort to explain themselves to her before. finally, rey takes a step closer to him, closing some of the distance between them. “i believe you,” she murmurs. ben is so many things — stubborn and annoying and argumentative and short-sided — but he isn’t the sort of person who would HURT her on purpose. he isn’t like the people who have done it to her before. and it couldn’t be clearer that he thought what happened was a mistake. “it just made me feel bad.” she sighs, looking at her toes again. “but i know you wouldn’t… do that on purpose. i’m, um. sorry that i always assume the worst. i didn’t meant to — you know. i just got upset.” she inches forward another step, hoping ben will take the HINT and close the remaining distance between them. “thank you for… saying all of that. i don’t know how you always just, like. do it so easily, but, um.” rey shrugs, trailing off into silence again. she’s still avoiding ben’s gaze, even as he leans down to be closer to her, uncomfortable with the amount of attention now focused on her and the way she feels even though she’d asked for it. picking at the hem of her sweater, she quietly admits, “i feel that way, too. HAPPY. and i do… really like you, even if i’m not always the best at, like, expressing it. i like… spending time with you, and talking to you, and — everything. i like you a lot, ben.” her teeth worry her bottom lip as she risks a glance at ben, struggling helplessly to articulate the complex, messy way she feels. “when you say you’d put your job at risk,” she starts, “i’m not… like this because i hate your job. i mean, i do, a LOT, but… that’s not all of what holds me back. i don’t know what else it is, but… it’s not you. you’ve made every effort to make me comfortable, and i want to do the same for you. somehow.” her brow furrows again, and rey shrugs. her face is unsure as she directs it back towards the floor. “i don’t know, i guess i have a lot to think about.”
how could you not know that i wanted that? he can’t help but think, though he thinks twice before saying as much out loud. it’s not rey’s fault, ultimately, that she lacks experience in this particular area. there’s no use in making her feel bad, especially when he could have easily voiced his needs and concerns, like a grown ADULT should have. he’s just glad they’re having this conversation at all, rather than waiting and hoping she’ll figure out what he needs from her on her own. “i wasn’t... upset. not all the time. and it’s not like i was constantly doubting... this. i like to think i can read you pretty well—when you’re happy, at least.“ but rey is human, and she isn’t always happy, naturally. it probably doesn’t help that he’s perfected the art of pushing her buttons, either. but the real issues arise when he feels like he’s being ignored. it’s easy to ignore his insecurities when she’s around, but it’s hard not to doubt himself and her feelings when he hasn’t heard from her in a few days. not that that should be rey’s problem, he thinks. at least—that’s what he told himself, until the manifestation of his insecurities showed up at his front door a few moments ago, complete with long blonde hair and a tiny pink dress.
so it’s relieving, to say the least, when the other finally lifts her gaze to meet his own, grateful she’s given him the opportunity to explain himself in the first place. “yeah?” he breathes, his brow arching hopefully. when she takes a step closer, he smiles, hesitating for only a moment before closing the distance between them in a single step, his fingers lifting to place a reassuring hand on her arm. “it’s okay. i’d be really upset, too. i hate that i made you doubt the way i feel, even for a little while. but honestly—it’s nice to know that you WOULD care, if i had another date.” obviously, it would be far more concerning if rey had shrugged his date off and moved on. the fact that she’s upset at all means that she cares, and that’s more than enough to get ben through these next few months, or however long she might need to figure them out. “you don’t have to thank me.” he murmurs, “you deserved an explanation. and i just think about—the alternative, you know? either i share how i feel, or you walk out the door. seems like a no-brainer.” as he speaks, he lifts his hand again, fingers gently caressing the skin on her cheek in the hopes that she’ll look at him. he can sense her discomfort, though this time it merely makes him sigh. “i don’t need you to be the best at expressing it, really. i always want you to be comfortable around me. but just—hearing small stuff like that, every once in a while... makes a difference.” he gently assures, almost giddy after hearing those few words—i really like you, ben. maybe it should be obvious, after everything they’ve been through. but it isn’t. at least, not until now. “are you sure? i know there are some... technicalities, that can seem daunting. i couldn’t blame you for having those doubts.” not to mention, those doubts are tangible, and seem far easier to address than whatever rey has yet to figure out. “you’re already doing the same for me. now, i mean. we should have a good couple of months before i need more verbal affection.” he says with a soft laugh, though he’s really only half-kidding. sliding a hand down her arm, he watches her expression closely, giving her a gentle squeeze. “can your thinking wait until after dinner? better to think on a full stomach, anyway.”
