Anda's cozy corner

Because I needed something to keep track of all the cool stuff out there. All who come here, please expect fandom stuff (mostly Avengers, Supernatural, bits of Doctor Who), character meta-analysis, art, anti-bullying and anti-harassment posts, pretty landscapes, feminism, pictures of delicious food, occasional heated and lengthy debates on a variety of subjects and on sometimes bits of personal stuff.

[fyeahgothicromance]

[professionalchaoticdumbass]

IT

[octal-alchemist]

FUCKEN

[y4wnd3r3]

WIMDY

[ihni]

Next year, I humbly request for someone to please remind me NOT to go overboard with the fucking gingerbread.

[andartha]

Do NOT go overboard with the fucking gingerbread!

[aesterea-archived]

more on writing muslim characters from a hijabi muslim girl

- hijabis get really excited over pretty scarves - they also like to collect pins and brooches - we get asked a lot of questions and it can be annoying or it can be amusing, just depends on our mood and personality and how the question is phrased - common questions include: - “not even water?” (referring to fasting) - hijabis hear a lot of “do you sleep in that?” (we don’t) and “where is your hair?” (in a bun or a braid, usually) - “is it mooze-slim or mozzlem?” (the answer is neither, it’s muslim, with a soft s and accent on the first syllable) - “ee-slam or iz-lamb?” (it’s iss-laam, accent on the first syllable) - “hee-job?” (heh-jahb, accent on the second syllable)

- “kor-an?” (no. quran. say it like koor-annn, accent on the second syllable) - people tend to mess up our names really badly and you just get a sigh and a resigned nod or an awkward smile, maybe a nickname instead - long hair is easy to hide, short hair is harder to wrap up - hijab isn’t just covering hair, it’s also showing as little skin as possible with the exception of face, hands, and feet, and not wearing tight/sheer clothing - that applies to men too, people just don’t like to mention it ( i wonder why) - henna/mehendi isn’t just for special occasions, you’ll see people wearing it for fun - henna/mehendi isn’t just for muslims, either, it’s not a religious thing - henna/mehendi is not just for women, men also wear it, especially on their weddings - there are big mehendi parties in the couple of nights before eid where people (usually just women and kids) gather and do each other’s mehendi, usually just hands and feet - five daily prayers - most muslim kids can stutter through a couple verses of quran in the original arabic text by the age of seven or eight, it does not matter where they live or where they’re from or what language they speak natively - muslim families tend to have multiple copies of the quran - there are no “versions” of the quran, there has only ever been one. all muslims follow the exact same book - muslims have no concept of taking God’s name in vain, we call on God at every little inconvenience - don’t use islamic phrases if you don’t know what they mean or how to use them. we use them often, inside and outside of religious settings. in islam, it is encouraged to mention God often and we say these things very casually, but we take them very seriously - Allahu Akbar means “God is Greatest” (often said when something shocks or surprises us, or if we’re scared or daunted, or when something amazing happens, whether it be good or bad; it’s like saying “oh my god”) - Subhan Allah means “Glory be to God” (i say subhan Allah at the sky, at babies, at trees, whatever strikes me as pleasant, especially if it’s in nature) - Bismillah means “in the name of God” and it’s just something you say before you start something like eating or doing your homework - In Shaa Allah means “if God wills” (example: you’ll be famous, in shaa Allah) (it’s a reminder that the future is in God’s hands, so be humble and be hopeful)

- Astaghfirullah means “i seek forgiveness from Allah” and it’s like “god forgive me” - Alhamdulillah means “all thanks and praise belong to God” and it’s just a little bit more serious than saying “thank god” (example: i passed my exams, alhamdulillah; i made it home okay, alhamdulillah) - when i say we use them casually, i really mean it - teacher forgot to assign homework? Alhamdulillah - our version of “amen” is “ameen” - muslims greet each other with “assalamu alaikum” which just means “peace be on you” and it’s like saying hi - the proper response is “walaikum assalam” which means “and on you be peace” and it’s like saying “you too”

[missandaei]

As a Muslim this post is so very important and it makes me so happy that it gives the small facts and details that one might be unaware of or confused about.

[soberscientistlife]

NOTE TO SELF-SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!

[authorkims]

[balambwanderer]

[sic-semper-hominibus]

[spitblossoms]

[outofcontextarthur]

[arkan-dreamwalker]

Age-old advice which is more relevant nowadays rather than less. This is the second iteration of it though. The original version is: “Never write anything in a letter you wouldn’t want to see in print.” Advice handed down by my mother from her forbears.

[allronix]

From the IT department. We archive EVERYTHING. And Outlook autosaves every couple seconds.

[ri-writing]

“Dance like no one is watching.  Email and text like it will one day be read in court.”

[fittingoutjane]

And please, for G-d’s sake, don’t air the union drama on the company server!

[fullcravings]

Matcha Cheesecake

[flowerinaflame]

[bogleech]

This is the funniest and most thoughtful I’ve ever seen an organization use a meme and it’s good people with good goals who don’t just want your money on top of it

[imnotoverlyobsessive]

For those of you who aren’t aware the Monterey Bay Aquarium is actually a really cool place!

• they are non-profit

• they have a living kelp forest!

• it focuses on local ocean wildlife

• they were the first aquarium to get a great white shark to eat and they are the only public aquarium to display a great white shark for more than sixteen days

• they have a seafood watch program where they promote sustainable seafood

• they are actively fighting against ocean pollution

So yeah support them, they’re awesome and I love them

[satan-666s-stuff]

They also have a tumblr @montereybayaquarium

[unlettered-heathen]

It looks like there’s-

there’s m-

there’s many bene-

[hotvampireadjacent]

Classico momento Mexicano

[lucymonster]

If you are anti-darkfic, you are anti-survivor

I’ve had a bee in my bonnet since this incident the other day, and I figure it’s probably time to get it out of my system.

Darkfic is not a new phenomenon. It’s as old as the hills. For as long as there have been fic writers, there have been fic writers using the medium to explore themes that are taboo in mainstream fiction. Torture and gore, death and destruction, rape and sexual abuse. Every author has their own motives and inspirations for the content they produce, and there’s no ‘average’ darkfic writer. But what I can tell you - anecdotally, from a full decade’s worth of experience drifting in and out of various darkfic communities - is that when you involve yourself with these authors, you start meeting survivors. Lots of survivors. In what I think it’s fair to call a statistically significant concentration. 

For some, their survivor status is incidental to their controversial interests; for others of us, past trauma and mental illness are intrinsically tied to what we read and write. Darkfic can be a lifeline, a validation, a liberation, a profound and unbeatably intense catharsis for the shit we’ve got stored in our heads. Darkfic enclaves within fandom are places where we can air our darkest and most desperate fears and fantasies in a safe, supportive environment, in the company of others who remind us that we are not broken or defective just for wanting the things we want.

And here’s the thing: literally no one in these communities wants to force outsiders to join us. We recognise that our content is stuff that the majority of people don’t want to see, and we do our best to protect the rest of fandom from involuntary exposure by using appropriate trigger warnings. We don’t want to hurt anyone, we don’t want to ruin anyone’s innocence - we just want to be left alone to do our thing. But tumblr callout culture has taught people that “speaking out” against things they don’t like is cool and brave and socially progressive. It has created an environment where virtually the automatic response to distress, discomfort or personal offense is to look for a perpetrator, a culpable oppressive villain to whom the offended party can deliver a vicious “smackdown” while their friends look on and cheer.

I’m not going to argue just now about whether that’s ever an acceptable way to treat people. Regardless of anyone’s personal feelings on callout culture as a whole, there’s an intersection between darkfic and trauma survivors that you guys all need to understand before you go targeting darkfic authors as convenient representatives of everything you think is wrong with the world. So let me lay this out as simply and clearly as I can:

When you oppose darkfic because it “harms survivors”, you are talking directly over large crowds of survivors who will tell you they find darkfic to be a validating, healing experience.

When you claim that darkfic is self-destructive and unhealthy, you are privileging your personal beliefs over the lived experience of other people.

When you accuse darkfic authors of glorifying and supporting real-life abuse, you accuse survivors of glorifying and supporting their own abusers.

When you blame darkfic for supporting rape culture, you are making victims responsible for the actions of their oppressors.

When you set conditions around the creation and enjoyment of darkfic - aka “it’s only okay if you’re a survivor” - you create a culture of coercive disclosure, where survivors are expected to trade their right to privacy for the right to live free of harassment.

When you criticise darkfic authors for using survivor status as an “excuse”, you are locking us out of our own communities and denying our past traumas for the sake of a political argument.

If you are anti-darkfic, you are anti-survivor. I’m sick and tired of watching vulnerable members of my community get harassed and bullied by people who claim to be acting in the interests of survivors. I’m sick of being told that survivors like me aren’t survivors at all, that our very existence is toxic and harmful, that we have no right to speak and be heard on an issue that affects us so intimately. 

Anti-darkfic fans, you need to pull back. You need to realise that your comfort and safety, while important, are not more important than the comfort and safety of other people. You need to understand that it is your responsibility to learn how to peacefully coexist alongside people who experience the world differently from you, even if their experiences make you unhappy or uncomfortable. You have no right to ask us to stop existing so that you can feel at ease. You have no right to demand that we prioritise the needs of some survivors over others. You don’t own fandom, and you have no right to dictate who does or doesn’t get to participate.

You are not brave heroes speaking out against the spread of moral degeneracy in fandom. You are bullies, deliberately and systematically targeting trauma survivors with your abusive tactics. It really is that simple. And it needs to stop.

[shinelikethunder]

WELL FUCKING PUT. Addendum: coercive disclosure is not the only reason it’s a terrible idea to draw a line in the sand between survivors and non-survivors liking darkfic. Fiction is a way to explore various aspects of a theme or situation in a controlled, safe environment–including aspects that could never be explored in real life without harming real people. It’s a way to explore, dissect, understand, and rehearse traumas that could befall anyone. For those who’ve actually experienced something similar, it can help them process it, or be an outstretched hand and a voice saying “you aren’t alone; either I know that feel, or I can imagine having that feel if I put myself in your shoes.” For those who haven’t, it’s an outlet for anxiety, a mental preparation, a “what if?” and a “how might someone react to–?” And even the most twisted, fucked-up darkfic is usually an exercise in empathy: empathy for characters we already care about thrown into terrible situations, and also a space outside of actual RL horrors where we can take a deep breath and attempt the kind of radical empathy that lets us understand what drives people to do abhorrent things. As far as the first one goes, I certainly don’t think anyone should be compelled to partake if it distresses them, but I do think that actively discouraging and shaming people for trying to empathize with another’s suffering–even if they go about it badly or the execution is shoddy and distasteful–is utterly toxic behavior. As for the second, the kind that consists of trying to imagine your way into a perpetrator’s shoes: it may make you wildly uncomfortable, but understanding the reasons for a thing is among the best tools for recognizing and preventing real-world evil. Beyond that, dehumanization–even of villains, bullies, and abusers–is a dangerous impulse. No one’s required to empathize with the people who’ve hurt them, but making a fucking policy out of attacking everyone who tries only plants the seeds of further evil and abuse. And we need these stories. Desperately. One of the reasons noncon/dubcon fic in particular has such a staggering variety of weird, fucked-up, iddy tropes and clumsy/insensitive/offensive executions is that we’re fucking marinating in rape culture and have very few scripts or outlets to talk about it. All of it. Even the ugly, unsavory parts, the impulses we know are wrong, the desires we hate or feel guilty about and can’t discuss without being accused of straight-up validating whatever heinous cultural messages planted them in our subconscious. Even the dumb, unrealistic power fantasies of fighting off rapists, taming rapists and making them love and respect you, walking away unaffected and being able to laugh it off as a wacky misadventure, being comforted by someone whose love (and/or healing cock) will magically fix everything. One person’s insensitive is another person’s escapism; one person’s offensive is another person’s “thank god, I’m not the only one broken enough to have that awful thought.” Fiction–particularly the communities that have formed around fanfiction–is one of the very few no-holds-barred places where we can Fucking Talk About It, without the pressure to speak only in hushed tones and behind closed doors where decent people won’t be exposed to it, or to uphold the image of a perfect model victim who never has ugly, unacceptable thoughts about the ugly mess left behind by an unspeakably ugly act. When you shame and police darkfic in fandom, you are taking that space away from the people who need it the most. You are telling them to their faces that they’re filthy, abnormal, tainted and contagious, and that they need to either shut the fuck up or keep it in the shame closet where it belongs instead of sharing it in public with other people who might understand. You are, in other words, doing the exact thing that’s tied with “I don’t believe you” for first place on the list of What Not To Say To A Survivor Opening Up About Their Abuse. Survivors aren’t the only ones with a tangle of conflicted thoughts, feelings, and neuroses about sexual violence and rape culture who benefit from exploring it in fiction, but you can be damn sure they’re a major constituency. The absolute last thing they need is some white-knight ‘anti’ bullying them into silence with concern-trolling about whether their “coping mechanisms” are “healthy” or whether they’re setting a sufficiently good and wholesome example for teh childrens. The “only if you’re a survivor using it to cope!” bullshit is also noxious because fiction lets us handle difficult issues through several layers of distance and displacement, isolate particular aspects, transpose them into different but related situations, etc. Just because someone’s not a survivor of the exact thing they’re reading or writing about doesn’t mean they don’t have very real pain they’re trying to process. And again, empathy. I don’t give a shit what your sexual-assault history is; if you read my fucked-up Hydra Trash Party porn about Steve Rogers getting gang-raped by Crossbones & co and staggering away still shouting “FITE ME U PATHETIC ASSHOLES” even though he wants to die inside, and it hits you where you live, I’m fucking glad you found it. If I read your fucked-up Hydra Trash Party porn and hit a line that makes me feel like you’ve plucked something ugly and painful and private directly from my brain, frankly I’ll be even more impressed if it turns out you were extrapolating rather than writing from personal experience. And if your badwrong noncon porn is directly at odds with everything I’ve experienced re: rape and its aftermath? I don’t live inside your head, dude. I don’t know what you’re drawing on or what demons you’re exorcizing. I don’t even know whether you’re writing from firsthand experience that’s dramatically different from mine. All I know is that whoever your target audience is, it ain’t me. One final note on noncon fic specifically: it works on the exact same principle as consensual nonconsent play IRL. No, the character(s) didn’t consent; neither did the persona being acted out by someone playing the victim in a con-noncon scene. The consent that distinguishes it from real-world violation isn’t between the characters in the fantasy; it’s between author and reader. The back button is the safeword. And in contrast to one of the dangers of IRL con-noncon play, it’s a safeword the author has zero power to override or ignore.

[pro-survivors]

The back button is the safe word. 

[athenadark]

dark fic can also and should also exist for its own sake

yes, it can, and often does, explore trauma - to make this anonymous I’m going to use the movies of Clive Barker, because like it’s as dark as mainstream cinema gets [its not french new extremity but it would have been if the sfx had been available]

Hellraiser explored his own trauma at being raised catholic and gay, his own feeling that his sexuality made him monstrous and beyond redemption and his awe at the leather daddies and bdsm doms who appeared to him to have his shit together whilst continuing his own monstrousness, the idea of enjoying his own suffering and the juxtapositioning of catholic guilt

does that mean everyone who enjoyed Hellraiser had to have that specific conflux of trauma? - judging by the terrible sequels no

Candyman explored the generational trauma of poverty [and race and slavery in the movie] does that mean only black poor people can watch it - no

what about the midnight meat train - he was riding the tube late at night and thought this train could go anywhere and who would know and it made a fantastic film about identity and corporate oligarchy by a Japanese director who almost certainly never took the 3am tube through angel islington

so does a fifteen year old girl in a middle class house reading the books of blood finding comfort about exam stress suddenly get excluded because the violence is not about history or sexuality

dark fic represents different things to different people at different times and all of those are valid

maybe you had a shitty day at work and want someone torture your fave, maybe you are having a great day and just want the post dark fic comfort

it doesn’t matter why you read darkfic, are you accosting people at Waterstones reading James Patterson or Shaun Hutson about their trauma? Dark fic exists because at some point we want it, and that is more than enough reason to write it, and you know what else is a great reason “because i want to”

saying dark fic only exists because of survivors is doing both dark fic and survivors wrong, it’s almost fetishing other people’s trauma and is just as puritanical bullshit as it shouldn’t exist -

they exist because there is a place for them and that is really only the reason they need

[soothifying-sounds-asmr]

Iceberg Lava Cake by cqxrena

[transfagdotcom-archive]

Voted wettest sounding video on tumblr

[thededfa]

Me: wettest sound?

*turns on sound*

Me: oh. Yeah. That’s a wet sounding video

[brokentripod]

I need an umbrella to watch this video

[were---ralph]

NOTHING could have prepared me for when i unmuted

[supermodelcats]

MEOW_IRL

[tunashei]

Your wish is my command

[the-real-seebs]

no, sweetie, you’ve made at least six small mistakes

[cruzfucker]

i hate when the teacher’s like “write about a bad time in your life” like i ain’t tryna get a social worker up my ass, thanks tho fam

[skary-child]

This ain’t no joke I had to write a essay about what your scared of so I did it (I was scared of growing up and where my life was going) it was great got a 100 but then I got sent to councilors office and was sent to therapy cause they thought I was suicidal and on the verge of breaking…Apparently they ment like spiders or some shit…

[xzienne]

Also like, not everyone finds that at all useful or cathartic.

“Write about some difficulty you’ve experienced personally.” “Aight fam let me just break down into tears and skip the rest of my classes.”

[chronicreality]

Yes! I had a psych professor ask us to discuss outloud the hardest thing that ever happened to us literally two days ago and I said “you realize the position you’re putting us in? I feel obligated to lie to not only save my peers the awkwardness but also because I will find no relief in answering honestly but rather anxiety. The hardest thing in my life is having people repeatedly tell me I should find some sort of catharsis in reliving my trauma so someone else can feel pity for me!”

The whole class backed me up because they didn’t want to either! Those kind of exercises are only helpful for people who don’t have any real past/current issues– which is no one btw.

[inqorporeal]

On par with this are those fucking self-assessments where they want to to be optimistic and positive about the future. You’re sitting there drowning in college stress and anxiety so bad you can’t look another human in the eye, fighting depression so that you can eventually achieve a piece of paper that might get you a better job if the economy doesn’t tank itself (guess what, it did), and the most optimistic thing you can think of is that the class ends in 20 minutes.

[lierdumoa]

#why do they do this though ~ @inqorporeal​

OH! I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS!

There’s a WIRED article that explains the history behind this practice. 

Basically, this guy named Jeffrey Mitchell had a traumatic experience, then after months of PTSD, he told a confidant about the event that traumatized him. Retelling the event to a confidant was so cathartic for Mitchell that his PTSD went away after. He did a bunch of research to see if his personal experience of catharsis and relief could be replicated in other people suffering from PTSD. Years later he published a paper proposing a formalized psychiatric treatment revolving around this idea that expressing a traumatic experience helps relieve it. The paper was so influential that the whole psychiatric community adopted “critical incident stress debriefing” (CISD) as a standard treatment for PTSD.

Unfortunately … it’s bullshit.

Not only does the CISD treatment program Mitchell came up with not help the majority of patients who try it, but it actually makes PTSD worse in the majority of patients who try it.

The WIRED article explains why:

CISD misapprehends how memory works…. Once a memory is formed, we assume that it will stay the same. This, in fact, is why we trust our recollections. They feel like indelible portraits of the past.

None of this is true. In the past decade, scientists have come to realize that our memories are not inert packets of data and they don’t remain constant. 

…the very act of remembering changes the memory itself. New research is showing that every time we recall an event, the structure of that memory in the brain is altered in light of the present moment, warped by our current feelings and knowledge. 

Basically, Mitchell waited until he had some emotional distance before trying to recall the memory, and he had full control of the situation. It was fully his decision. Nobody was pressuring him to talk about it. So he felt safe. Thinking about the memory from a place of safety allowed his brain to re-contextualize the memory as harmless.

Conversely, pressuring a patient to recall a traumatic memory, particularly when it’s still fresh in their minds, makes the patient feel very unsafe. Recalling a bad memory in this unsafe context only serves to re-traumatize the patient. 

[link to the whole article]

[glorious-spoon]

basically, there’s a big damn difference between choosing to confide in someone you trust and being pressured to make a public spectacle of your trauma

[satirizing]

THIS JUST IN: Forced Public Recalling of Trauma Not As Helpful As Voluntarily Processing Trauma In A Safe Space

[wizardarchetypes]

disturbed by how little ppl acknowledge the secondary health risks of vampire bites. if your vampire lover is drinking your blood you MUST be up to date on your tetanus shot. puncture wounds are at especially high risk for tetanus infections. just because your partner was born in 1312 doesn’t mean you have to die like it.

moreover they should be prepping the bite point with an alcohol wipe.

and while I’m at it, I’ve noticed a blithe disregard for health & safety when it comes to blood pacts. can’t believe I have to say this but you should absolutely NOT be cutting your palm open with the pocket knife from your belt holster (??????)

if you’re expecting to be in a blood pact/oath situation please just pick up some sterile finger lancets from the pharmacy. cannot stress this all enough.

[wizardarchetypes]

Please y’all!! tetanus is NOT caused by rusty metal. It’s a bacteria found damn near everywhere, and wounds infected with saliva are especially high risk for tetanus infections.

it’s also a common misconception that vampire saliva is antiseptic. Vampires spread that myth on purpose. They also CAN cross running water. Make them bathe and brush their teeth!!!!

[spiritual-vibrations]

[foodffs]

Spicy Lentils with Paneer and Caramelised Squash

Follow for recipes

Is this how you roll?