[andrewminjos]

group project

group project #anxiety #depression #bipolar #selfhelp #mentalhealth

Recently, I had the thought that life is a giant group project. I hate group projects. I was homeschooled so I almost never had to do them, but when I did it was awful. The main time that stands out to me was a leadership class I did. I came up with the idea, I wrote the pitch, and I offered to present it. One other person made a PowerPoint presentation (that I edited) to go with my speech. The…

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[andrewminjos]

The Susan

I want to talk about God now I think. Because I miss them and I think it is important I get this out somehow. To start with, I had never questioned the existence of God, not really, until a little over a year ago. I grew up in a very religious family. Except for their religion never felt stifling or unloving the way I see it in movies and hear it from other people’s lives. It was a source of joy…

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[andrewminjos]

When I was a teenager I used to lay in my bed and feel so sad and alone. I just wanted someone to come to hold me for a while. I would pick up my phone to call for help and then realize, oh, I have no one to call. It’s the main problem with being terrible at asking for help and hating to lean on people. When you need help there is no one there to lean on. Of course, there is always my family.…

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[andrewminjos]

not talking to a professional

not talking to a professional #depression #anxiety #bipolar #mentalillness

In the never-ending list of things I did not realize was a problem because I was ignoring them, I am too anxious to talk to my therapist. Which I might have realized sooner if I had not been putting it off on account of being anxious about talking to my therapist. Possibly I need to analyze my feelings instead of ignoring them and then being surprised when my problems turn out to be…

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[andrewminjos]

Uninhabited

Uninhabited #depression #bipolar #meantlillness #mentalhealth #anxiety

When I read people talk about depression or see descriptions of it online, I usually do not relate. This is interesting because I am diagnosed with depression and should probably know what it feels like. The thing is that they describe it as pain. Over and over I read how depression is a pain that is so deep you can’t describe it. How it is overwhelming and awful and so so painful. I sort of…

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[andrewminjos]

this is my brain at this time #mania #bipolar #fuckandrewlloydwebber #depression #mentalhealth #anxiety #mentalillness

It is currently 3:32 in the morning as I am writing this sentence. I have cried three times in the last twenty-four hours and have eaten three slices of pizza, a tootsie-pop, a burrito that I do not remember eating, and one very large chai latte. I can not find my headphones which means I am stuck with my own thoughts (that has never been a great thing) and I am currently sleeping only during the…

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[andrewminjos]

off the meds

off the meds #bipolar #depression #mentalhealth #anxiety #health

When I first started taking my meds I was really baffled by the idea of not taking them. You hear about mentally ill people who just randomly stop taking their pills and spiral out of control. I was confused by that idea. The pills were so clearly what was making me better that I could not imagine just deciding not to take them. Then I went manic. And I stopped taking my Wellbutrin for no real…

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[andrewminjos]

apparently scared of cardboard

apparently scared of cardboard #mentalillness #bipolar #anxiety #depression

We are moving house again. Here is the thing…I don’t mind moving. Leaving friends and places is usually sort of a relief. Usually, by the time we move, I have embarrassed myself enough times and in front of enough people, I am really looking forward to never having to see them again. So, it is nice to move. I also don’t mind settling into a new place. I have a great talent for making myself…

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[andrewminjos]

What I have been doing (not joining a cult)

What I have been doing (not joining a cult) #mentalhealth #podcast #lastpodcastontheleft #heavensgate #cult

I have not written as regularly as usual. Sorry about that. I got busy with school and napping. Also, I did not feel like writing about how I was feeling. It is a lot to write about myself and what is going on in my head. It feels very self-centered and self-aggrandizing. It feels a little like I think people care about what is going on in my head. Which I really don’t think anyone except my mom…

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[andrewminjos]

April Book Club

April Book Club @hollyblack #bookclub #youngadult #bookrec

The Coldest Girl in Coldtown is a book that I loved and my mother certainly read. Her main complaint was that the girl was sort of apathetic. Like everything was affecting her less than it should have been. Like she was having fewer feelings and reactions than my mom thought was right. It was not engaging enough because it was like she was feeling everything through a bubble. I loved it for…

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[andrewminjos]

Glass People

Glass People #depression #bipolar #mentalhealth #health #selfhelp #anxiety

Last night I was thinking about glass. Sometimes when people are calling someone weak or damaged they will compare them to glass. What they mean is fragile and easily broken. I am not sure how accurate that is. I have seen glass hit the ground and bounce. I have watched a sculpture crack and be thrown back into the fire to be made into something new. Even when glass does break, it shatters.…

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[andrewminjos]

my weird robot body

my weird robot body #depression #bipolar #dissociation #mentalhealth #mentalillness

tw: dissociation and brief mention of assault A pretty common side effect of anxiety is depersonalization and derealization. You probably will not hear your therapist or many people with anxiety mention it though. Because it is hard to explain and hard to find coping mechanisms for. It also makes you feel like you are losing your mind completely. Depersonalization means feeling separate from…

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[andrewminjos]

sorry this one is just sad

sorry this one is just sad #depression #bipolar #suicidalthoughts #mentalhealth #gettingbetter

tw: suicidal thoughts Earlier today I had something of an epiphany. I was driving in my car, dissociating and having a small panic attack when it hit me. I am totally unprepared for any kind of future that might exist for me. When I was little I said I wanted to be a marine biologist because I loved dolphins and I wanted to spend all day with them. Then I took a science class and realized that…

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[andrewminjos]

March book club

March book club #bookclub #bonegap #faceblindness

One time I read a book where the main character could not recognize faces. It was an issue because he had seen someone be kidnapped and he could not describe who took her. Other than the man was tall. Except no one had ever bothered to notice that he could not recognize faces and he did not really know how strange it was so he couldn’t explain. So his brother was upset at his idiot brother for…

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[andrewminjos]

non-playable character

non-playable character #videogames #bipolar #depression #mentalhealth #agoraphobia #mario #nintendo

TW: Suicidal thoughts When I used to watch movies before my brain decided it could not focus on something so repetitive or dramatic, I always admired the heroes. That is sort of the whole point of the hero of a story. You are supposed to admire them and think they are great. However, I never wanted to be the hero of a story. Actually, I sort of felt bad for all the other characters. The ones…

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[andrewminjos]

the cavernous void of adulthood

the cavernous void of adulthood #depression #anxiety #bipolar #college

I start college next week. Really, I am going back to college. The first time I went I was sixteen and I stopped a little after I turned eighteen. I did college classes at the same time as high school so I could knock out some credits before I started real college. Except then I never really did start real college. It was a bit of a miracle that I finished high school, actually. My last semester…

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[andrewminjos]

february book club

february book club #bookclub #adventure #LGBTQ+ #mentalhealth

This month’s book is one of my favorite books of all time. Probably because I love the main character so much. He is one of those rare characters that has stuck with me long after I first read the book. His mind and my mind work in a similar way that makes the book easy for me to read and it made the whole story strike a chord with me. In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan is a book about another…

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