Summary: Kisaki’s life up until now could be summarized with a word: lonely. The only things that keep him going are his extraordinary intellect and her. The ray of sun hitting the lonely, distant, cold moon.
Pairing: Kisaki Tetta x Hinata Tachibana
Warnings: spoilers?, alternative timeline, Takemichi goes back to the past, fan theory, angst, gang violence, bullying, degrading, nerd!kisaki, introspective, character study.
Words count: 3.4k
His tiny nervous hands scribble automatically on the thin paper, like them alone know the answer.
He double-checks the answer written on the last problem, adjusting the enormous glasses on his scrawny face. He’s sure, the two answers to find x^2 must be +½ and -½. Too easy.
Kisaki’s face detaches from the sheet of paper and his bright greyish eyes focus on the distant clock, right over the chalkboard. Technically he still has half an hour to finish the assignment, but he doesn’t need more time. He checked everything meticulously, plus he doesn’t have any sort of doubt over his answers.
Do you have any headcanons of Kisaki being in love? Like for real, him knowing that what he is feeling is real love compared to what he felt for Hina? I adore the way you interpret him
Thank you so much! 🤍
I have way too much to say about him, so it's under the read more. I will restrain myself as much as possible but I think I went a bit off the rails here. 😅
The more I talk and write about Kisaki the more I realize I am absolutely head-over-heels for this monster masquerading as a man. I need him to feel happiness. I crave it.
So Kisaki Tetta in love?
Kisaki really thought he knew what love was. He was always too weird, too shy, too smart, too quiet. His peers teased the poor kid so much. So it makes sense that he latched onto the one person who he thought made him feel like an actual human being and, once he latched onto her, he told himself he was in love and that was how it was supposed to be.
His “love” for Hina was a maladjusted child’s idea of love that he never let go of. I think Hina eventually became an excuse to get whatever he wanted. In his mind, if he still had his feelings for Hina, the ultimate goal, then everything was worth it.
Kisaki’s idea of love is twisted — it’s obsessive, it’s needy, it’s all-encompassing. Kisaki’s idea of love is as unhealthy as it gets.
So experiencing real love? Like soft, gentle love? He has no idea what to do. He still wants to own — he needs to possess. He can’t help himself really. I think those feelings never leave him – he is too far gone by the time Hina turns him down. Way too far gone to ever have a healthy relationship.
He loves it though, he feels something new, something exciting, something different. A new obsession. Real love just makes him more unhinged – it certainly isn’t something that makes him better. He is addicted to every moment of the ‘head spinning’, ‘butterflies in his stomach’, ‘warmth spreading across his body when he sees you’, ‘want you to be happy no matter what’, ‘supports you in everything you do’ kind of love.
Kisaki is also way beyond a 'who are you texting' kind of guy. He is a ‘having people follow you around’ type of guy, a ‘have your passwords to everything’ kind of guy, but he is also the ‘spoil you rotten’, ‘my baby gets everything my baby wants’ kind of guy. The ‘most passionate, loving sex you’ve ever had’ type of guy, the ‘my baby comes first always’ type of guy.
The feeling of being loved in return is what really throws Kisaki.
Has he ever experienced being on the receiving end of love? Probably not. Almost everyone he interacts with is afraid of him except for Hanma, I mean we don’t know what their dynamic really was, but their interactions were the most genuine we have ever seen Kisaki, the only time I think we have seen him look happy. Did his parents even love him? For him to end up the way he did? I don’t feel like they did.
I think he has never had someone actually love him.
And feeling loved for the first time? The feeling of someone being soft with him? Of seeing someone genuinely in love with him? He doesn’t understand.
I think he hates himself honestly. He knows he has had to manipulate everyone in his life to ‘like’ him. He isn’t Mikey, he isn’t Takemichi, people don’t want to follow him, people don’t want to just be around him. Kisaki is a genius, he knows exactly who he is, exactly what he wants, but he also knows he can’t control himself, and he probably despises all of it, who he is, his life, just everything, especially after Hina.
So love, a love he never thought would happen to him. Kisaki Tetta, an absolute monster, being loved. He will do ANYTHING to keep it. He will literally kill anyone to keep it. If he loses it? Well exactly what happened to Hina will happen to you and everyone you know. Be prepared to be loved to death. Tetta has no limits, nothing holds him back, ever.
In the end, I think he is so capable of real love. I think he would recognize it immediately. Once he was a little older it didn’t take him very long to acknowledged what his feelings for Hina really were. He knows himself too well, he is too smart to think that that was actual love. Especially once he experiences the joy of real love. But he can’t help but be the most obsessive, controlling man you have ever been in love with. He doesn’t really know how to love properly.
All Kisaki ever wanted was to be liked – to be loved. Every single thing he did was because he was a sad, lonely kid who wanted someone to care for him.
He needs to be loved. He needs to be told he is worthy of compassion and happiness. Because no one has ever said it to him.
No one ever told Kisaki Tetta they love him and I’m over here crying about it.
Draken basically grew up with no parents, in a brothel, raised by the people who worked in that place. The lack of a parental figure hurt him. While addressing the issue with Mitsuya, he implicitly said how he wished he had a mother or a father.
Also, getting married, bulding a family and having kids used to be in Draken's plans for the future.
If I put these informations together, I can't help thinking that the fact he wanted to have kids is very telling, because he would have probably given his own children all the love he himself never received. Once adult, he would have been such a good and present father. And, from a narrative point of view, the fact that his love interest experienced a similar suffering during her childhood (Emma too was abandoned by her mother) holds a meaning. Emma learnt the importance of having relatives and experienced family love when she met her brothers and her grandfather. With this background, and considering her caring nature and the way she loved and protected and valued her family, in the future she would have probably been a better mother than her own mother.
In my opinion, all of these Draken and Emma's experiences combined together reinforce the idea (which sadly becomes something that can't come true) of them being such good parents in the future.
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