An Entangled Bank

I am a twenty-something trans woman and this is my transition blog. It is a personal record of my thoughts, feelings, and progress in my transition. It is also a way for me to reach out to the larger community, so please feel free to message me. I also have a crafty blog where I post things I make from stuff: @yarnismyguiltypleasure.

[anentangledbank]

Sixteen Weeks

It occurs to me that it’s been a long while since I’ve updated. It’s now about three and a half months since surgery. The external stuff is all healed over and the swelling is down a lot, but still lingering a bit. I’m having some delays in healing on the inside, but nothing major. I’m seeing a gynecologist in a couple weeks to see how things are going in there. Functionality is good, but I’m still figuring out how to work the new arrangement. I’m down to twice daily dilations, which makes it a lot easier to get things done during the day. I’m back to work as of a couple weeks ago, which is going well, though it’s been a bit tiring. I should be getting the affidavit from the surgeon in the mail soon, then I’ll be able to start the process of getting a new birth certificate!

[anentangledbank]

Today makes one month since surgery. I had my four week follow-up with my doctor on Wednesday. Apparently, aside from a bit of suture line spreading, everything is healing okay. Overall, my pain is pretty manageable; I’m down to just taking ibuprofen as needed. Sitting for too long or prolonged activity are still uncomfortable and tire me out, but I was able to get out for some nerdy presentations today. Getting to the one month mark also means that my maintenance schedule relaxes slightly, which should make it a bit easier to get other things done. I’m really looking forward to a month from now, when I can get back to a normal level of activity.

[anentangledbank]

I spoke with a nurse today about my symptoms. I’d been worried about suture line spreading and possible infection. She said I’m progressing normally and that I just need to keep doing what I’ve been doing to keep everything clean. So, good news there. Everything’s pretty raw yet, but my pain’s not too bad as long as I don’t overdo it with outings. I’m down to just acetaminophen and ibuprofen for pain and swelling. Hopefully I can ease down on those soon—I’m sure my liver would thank me.

[anentangledbank]

The reaction’s doing much better. I just took the last in the course of prednisone, so hopefully that takes care of it. Healing is slow, but progressing. I’m able to handle visitors or brief outings a bit better now, between all the dilations and hygiene of course. 😅 The clinic has been in contact to follow up with me. The next thing will be to meet with my endocrinologist/OB-GYN in a couple weeks to make sure everything looks okay and talk about my hormone regimen.

[anentangledbank]

Flowers and well wishes for my homecoming 💐❤️

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I’ve had a delayed allergic reaction to the antibiotic (cephalexin) over the last few days. I started getting itchy, red welts all over my body and yesterday started getting weak and chilled, even after stopping the antibiotic, so I went into the emergency room last night. They’re having me take a short course of prednisone, along with diphenhydramine (Benadryl), which seems to be helping. I’m doing much better today, though still quite itchy. One more drug allergy to add to my chart!

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Last night was a bit rough, physically and emotionally. After the travel, I had an increase in bleeding, I was struggling with keeping things clean and dry, and upset by some (admittedly common and minor) healing issues. With that, and the hot flashes and dilations and being off estradiol for so long, I finally had my overwhelmed, ugly cry. I’m just starting to figure out how this is going to work at home and I’m very glad I’m not alone during my recovery. I can see progress, though—parts of the incisions that can be easily kept dry have already closed. I had to step down a size on the dilators following the travel yesterday, so I’m trying to gradually reintroduce the larger size today. Bleeding is less than yesterday, but still enough to make it hard to get anything done apart from keeping clean and dry. Can’t wait for that to be over with.

[anentangledbank]

I’ve arrived home safely. The travel was a bit rough on the incisions, so I’m trying to take it easy. Really wanting these things to heal quickly. They’re kinda freaking me out right now. Swelling is surprisingly not that much after the flight, but what there is is right next to the incisions. Not helping my anxiety (I can only air dry so fast!)

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Waiting for our flight at 12:30-ish. Today’s shaping up to be lots of walking and sitting. Cue pelvic pain. Thankfully, the gate seating in Montréal has no armrests, so I’m laying down and letting an oxy soak in. Also, hot flashes and night sweats are fun, but I finally get to go back on my estradiol once I arrive home!

[anentangledbank]

Day 8: Making final preparations to depart from the recovery home. Dr. Brassard just came by to talk with us one last time and address any concerns. Sweetest surgeon I’ve met, I swear. Getting all emotional now. 😂 I don’t think I could’ve asked for better care than I’ve received here.

[anentangledbank]

Day 7: The swelling and bruising are improving significantly. Dilation is my life for a while. My current struggle is just trying to keep the incisions dry between all the dilations, rinses, showers, baths, and plain old peeing. I was able to get out of the house today long enough to enjoy some Syrian food with the family. I fly home tomorrow! I have to be out of the room by 7 AM, so I’ll be up with the sun to dilate one more time before getting on my flight. Small things: wearing a flowy sundress today and realizing that I don’t have to worry about a bulge showing.

[anentangledbank]

Took a walk to Île Perry. Beautiful day and it was good to get out again, but I think I overdid it a little. Resting and icing my crotch.

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Day 6: Feeling more rested this morning. The catheter was removed after breakfast with no issues. I had to call the nurses the first too times to verify that I’m peeing okay. We have to urinate into a graduated receptacle and log what we drink and how much we pee. So, now I know my bladder capacity. 😆 It feels much better to not have a bunch of gauze and tubes hanging off/out of me. This maintenance schedule is intense, though. Breakfast, dilate, rinse, shower, air dry and ice, lunch, dilate, rinse, air dry and ice... Thankfully, it will decrease gradually over the next several months.

[anentangledbank]

Day 5: I was able to get out of the house with Sarah for a bit today and take a walk in the park by the river. Saw lots of mild mannered geese. Things have improved significantly since the sutures came off: sitting in any form, walking, showering, repositioning, and getting in and out of bed are a lot easier and less painful. The bath soaks we have to do are much more relaxing as well. I’m hoping for a more restful night. The last bit of foreign material (the catheter) comes out tomorrow morning. Gotta drink lots to prove that I can function without it. 😆

[anentangledbank]

Day 5: The internal packing was removed today, so all the packing sutures that have been hurting me are gone! It was a bit tender afterwards, but I can now move my legs more freely and with less pain. I think the pain from the sutures has been draining me something awful; as soon as I got back to my room, I just wanted to pass out. I’m hoping I’ll be able to get some more quality rest now. We also start dilations and saline rinses today, which is a gooey mess, but not as uncomfortable as expected. It’s a bit of a production that takes about an hour, and we get to do it three more times today. On the plus side, I can now sit in the dining chairs with relative comfort (still with the donut) and I’m feeling less like a human sausage casing.

[anentangledbank]

Day 4. Drained, but starting to feel human again.

[anentangledbank]

Day 4: The external packing (aka lobster tail) has been removed! When they snipped the sutures, it was a big release of pressure, but then everything felt tight because of the swelling. I’m a bit scared to look at it with my hand mirror, as everything still has a lot of healing to do. But, afterwards I was able to take a shower for the first time since surgery, which was awkward, but a relief. I washed to surgical site by hand, so I was able to gauge the nerves a little. Despite being very swollen, the sensation is good—I’m not noticing any numbness so far. Well, some, but the important nerves seem to be okay. I finally got into some real clothes (a skirt and tank top) and my hair’s clean, so I’m feeling slightly more human. Internal packing comes out tomorrow. The remaining sutures are pulling a lot today, so my pain is up a bit. The bruising is a bit more impressive today. Icing the surgical site now, but I may ask for something more for pain. At least I’m eight pulling sutures fewer.