✝Angle of my Nightmare✝

[slimetony]

if i get shot do i own the bullet

[slimetony]

can i keep it

[jimmyjabbed]

michael schur’s shows + text posts

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

its wild to me that there are people out there who can actually complain about getting bad service. like, did you know if your package is late on amazon prime and you contact customer service they’ll give you a free month of Prime and a five dollar credit? ANY time that one of your packages is late? because I sure as fuck didn’t! I never thought to complain! an amazon employee could come in my house and beat me with a hammer and i’d just sit there and be like “its ok, it’s like this sometimes, i understand. the holidays can be stressful. i get it.” 

[jumpingjacktrash]

did you know it’s possible to complain about service errors without being angry? you can even be friendly and nice about it!

“hey, so i think i got someone else’s chicken fingers, i ordered the quesadilla. oh, the cook misread the order and has to remake it? ok, i dig, i’ll wait. you’re offering me free breadsticks while i wait? sounds good, thanks!”

DO speak up, DO be specific about the problem, DON’T be blamey or sarcastic or snippy. DO realize it may take time to fix the problem, DON’T turn down extra goods/services they offer to make it up to you.

mistakes happen. businesses have a procedure for fixing mistakes. apology items are part of that procedure; if you turn them down, it doesn’t look like you’re not mad, it looks like you’re too mad to accept their apology but too confrontation-shy to say so. i promise that when you accept the free breadsticks your server heaves a secret sigh of relief.

[roxilalonde-deactivated20251105]

showing up late to a meeting with an iced drink is a power move. like with hot drinks the cup is opaque and people cant tell the temperature so they dont know how long ago you got it. maybe its hours old. maybe you just got caught in traffic. who can say. but iced drinks. its clear. they can see the ice. they can see if its still frozen. they look you in the eye and they know you were standing in line fifteen minutes ago and made the conscious, deliberate decision to get a mocha frap instead of being on time. and then you made ANOTHER conscious, deliberate decision to bring it into the meeting with you, informing everyone in attendance that on your list of priorities, each and every one of them ranks firmly below one (1) mocha frappuchino.

[notaroadrageracasualtalk]

This is so powerful. I’m blown away.

[babyanimalgifs]

I don’t know what’s funnier.. the baby elephant chasing the birds, or when he fell and ran to his mom xD

[imonlyadumpling]

Elephants are too pure for this world

[chroniclesofhal-deactivated2018]

I love the mums reaction like “I know what’s coming”

[princesstigerbelle]

[a-few-0f-my-favorite-things]

[twilightown]

CAUSE EVERY TIME WE TOUCH I GET THIS FEELING

EVERY TIME WE KISS I SWEAR I COULD FLY

CAN’T U FEEL MY HEART BEAT FAST, I WANT THIS TO LAST

NEED YOU BY MY SIDE

[the-husbando]

This is the closest gif that can really capture the utter chaotic energy that is released when people hear this song

[9secretsigns]

A 13-year-old Girl Scout in San Francisco recently set up shop outside a marijuana clinic and sold 117 boxes of Girl Scout cookies within two hours. The cookies were such a big hit, she’s been invited back.

[cumdealer-deactivated20200206]

[boss ass bitch plays in the distance]

[ectoplasmicbiologist]

Is that seth everman

[ruinedchildhood]

biggest plot twist of my childhood

[altonzm-deactivated20170213]

french recipes: if you’re not making this in paris then what’s the point. fuck you

italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house

[thirdtimecharmed]

american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked

[svynakee]

chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void. 

[orriculum]

English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy

[digitalfare]

Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.

[jamesandlilys]

Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie

[monsterhighalumni]

Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts

[wereyoulookingforsomething-deac]

Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring over the stove. the food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one will appreciate it.

[moldychesee]

Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy combination of the three

[dixon-arrows-deactivated2018052]

Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART, TOUCH IT. LICK IT. SMELL IT.

[beckyhop]

Every time I see this post, I learn more about how different countries’ cuisines AND neuroses.

[visionssofgideon]

Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and that means 500 versions of this dish that has 500 spices so gl 

[onceuponamirror]

ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion. 

[jumpingjacktrash]

internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sister’s third birthday that i completely made up, and a copypaste from alton brown.

[piedude]

Irish recipes:

[mr-psycho-bunny]

[marisatomay]

someone: it’s okay! you tried your best!!

me, with no idea of what my best even looks like anymore:

[failout4-deactivated20220804]

Me: *drops something while eating*

My pet, running at 876 mph towards the dropped food: time to C O N S U M E

[obimomkenobi-deactivated2020062]

i can’t see/hear the phrase, “you’re beautiful” without the primitive part of my brain producing a perfectly clear rendition of James Blunt going “YAH BYÜTEHFA'AL”

[lbitch]

[pochowek]

(kermit voice) shawty i don’t.....