theo @afteralmostdying - Tumblr Blog

I can’t get into noah kahan he sounds like hozier if hozier worked at buzzfeed in 2016

They say ooooh be a good boy for daddy and you'll get a reward. But then the reward is just gay sex. This is bullshit. I wanted a skateboard

crabanarchy

Then they say if you're a bad boy daddy will punish you. But what's the punishment? More gay sex! You can't escape it. This whole damn place is in the pocket of Big Sex

stringcage

I was gonna ask you- K- will you come to my fourth of July party this summer 🥺? Don't go to Dick's. Come to my party, we'll have so much fun, it's so substance, no one will know- K I don't want to do that- mmmm we could have a dream or even two 😍! Your brother will be completely alone... in the trunk of my car ✨ >:/ Maybe. Maybe.

#im crying

kelliealtogether

yuri-pdf

“go to hell” is basic. “i hope the guy you have a repressed homophobic gay crush on spends days and nights that blur together dreaming up impossible things with you and then leaves the moment he’s gotten what he’s wanted to run back to the hetero rich guy you joke about him fucking except maybe it’s not a joke because he keeps choosing him over you again and again” is real. it’s possible. it’s terrifying. it happened to my good friend joseph kavinsky

lizpaige

ndnbutch

the author’s thinly veiled nothing #notwriting #straightupnotwritingit

queer-here-and-in-fear

shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply

"how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post

"_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior

"woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares

"and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.

"and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all

".. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat" for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity

queer-here-and-in-fear

this is prime proof that this ENTIRE WEBSITE is autistic because nowhere else would a no tags post that's just an informative list about slang get this much traction.

queer-here-and-in-fear

anyway more addittions

“30-50 wild hogs” for someone making ABSURD excuses for violence.

“what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament” for how do you know that without being a part of it.

“anyone in this thread smoke weed” for the shit you people are saying is so off topic this might as well be a general discussion forum

“dogs are boys and cats are girls” for ooh ur mindset did not grow past 4th grade, huh

“color theory in a childrens hospital” for bending over backwards to not agree that YEA, that thing Came Off Weird

“you are a tar pit” for someone finding any reason to respond with outrage.

“is the __ in the room with us right now?” for I Don’t Think That’s Real.

“bean soup? im allergic to beans!” for ik this doesn’t work for you, but that’s not a flaw. not everything can be for you.

“people irl: hey man hows it going” for this will Never Matter irl

sphyrne

hey do guys ever think about how if vimes didnt get yeeted to the past in night watch, he'd never have known or heard of mossy lawn (nor of his skills as a doctor) and in the present they might not have been able to save sybil.

datsderbunnyblog

Oh...

constellation-sapphic

charlesoberonn

Heartwarming story: Little girl doesn’t have to do anything to fund her dad’s surgery because his expenses are covered by his country’s universal healthcare.

charlesoberonn

Human determination: Man bikes 18 miles to work every morning because he wants to and not because he can’t afford a car and would be fired if he’s late.

charlesoberonn

Spirit of Brotherhood: Neighbors host housewarming party for elderly resident who doesn’t need help in paying rent because his pension is more than enough.

hyperlexichypatia

SO INSPIRING: Local middle school students bake dozens of cupcakes because their home economics class is doing a baking unit. Their school is fully funded with everything they need.

blandandtasteless

This feels like calibrating my normal detector

mewy101

I could never find the right way to tell you, have you noticed I've been gone?

#project hail mary #art

cerastes

Fuuuck I just loss 20000 dollars in adverisement revenue and potential sales when that guy over there didn’t look at my flyer because he was talking to the girl he was walking with. The sensible option here is to ban talking while walking since it’s literally theft.