@theartofmadeline
Xuebing Du
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PR's Tumblrdome
oozey mess
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
noise dept.
wallacepolsom
if i look back, i am lost
$LAYYYTER
Sweet Seals For You, Always
🪼
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One Nice Bug Per Day
YOU ARE THE REASON
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
izzy's playlists!
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@arfid-is-dumb
gxrl i do not care if being fat “makes you hot” or not. i do not care. you need to eat so you can experience life as a full fucking person. you are a whole ass person bitch, not an entity that can solely be reduced to being desirable as an object!!! you have other concerns or fulfillment in life besides ensuring how fuckable you are!!! eat your damn food!!!!
eww dude keep your skinny fetish to yourself
Here’s a random: damn this would have been impossible a decade ago go post
Went out to Pride with friends and was not particularly stressed about food and we got Ethiopian food after and I have no idea what exactly any of this was but it was good.
I still struggle all the time with actually eating enough but my ability to try random foods is way better than I would have ever expected 10 years ago when I first started treatment.
obviously dietary requirements aren't a joke but my grandma sometimes runs errands for her church and i asked her what she's up to today and she said extremely seriously "ive got to track down the body of the gluten free christ, julia"
if you’re not fat and have an ED you need to loudly support all fat people NOW especially fat comrades with eating disorders. like the only way we are getting out of this body fascist world alive is together. We abandon fat people, we fail, and everyone suffers.
The most basic, intractable fact about mental illnesses is that you simply cannot willpower your way out of them. The only exceptions to this rule are the ones I have, which continue to disable me due to lack of determination and other grave personal flaws
guy who has a mental health condition that comes and goes: i’m cured this time actually i can feel it
same guy when they start having symptoms again: what the fuck is happening and why
"girl dinner" "boy kibble" can y'all just eat a meal gender neutrally
gender neutrients
If you tell neurodivergent people they need to "get comfortable with being uncomfortable" I am putting gravel in your shoes. No you can't take the gravel out. You have to deal with it. Dealing with it makes you a better person. What do you mean "pointless suffering".
Except, at some point in your life, you are going to get gravel in your shoes. And maybe you'll have to deal with it for a while until you can stop and take your shoe off and rub your foot. And if you can recognize this as a natural consequence of wanting to go on a hike and that not every trail can or should be perfectly smooth and gravel-free or have a bench exactly where you happen to need it, then there will be more trails open to you and you will hike farther on them.
Because you'll learn to kick the rock into the side of your shoe so you're not stepping right on it. Or wear different shoes that will keep rocks out better, or let you remove them more easily. Or sit down on a log or a stump or a (bigger) rock to take your shoe off sooner instead of waiting for a bench.
Ok I think I've tortured the metaphor enough. The point is, building distress tolerance is not about pointless suffering or building "character." It's about recognizing that your own life and relationships will be measurably improved by learning to - sometimes, within reason - adapt to your surroundings rather than demanding that they adapt to you. You are always capable of taking responsibility for yourself. Nobody can take that away from you. Build that strength. Own yourself.
Signed, your ADHD Auntie Jem
you have to be kinder to people with memory issues.
you have to be kinder to people who are slow processors.
you have to be kinder to people who don't understand your jokes.
you have to be kinder to people who forget important dates.
you have to be kinder to people with cognitive decline.
you have to be kinder to people who were always this way, too.
you have to be kind. you have to be kind.
HAVE THAT CHARACTER GAIN WEIGHT AS A SIGN OF HEALING: NOW
practicing self care less out of self love and more for the sheer logical reasoning of it’d be kinda stupid of me to expect myself to be able to function without proper maintenance
“oh i don’t deserve rest and relaxation, i haven’t done enough, i haven’t earned it” and my car’s breaks don’t deserve break fluid because they aren’t breaking well enough to earn it. that’s what you sound like!!!!!
Springing off of my addiction post once more, I am also skeptical at best of 12-step programs, because their framework has just never remotely aligned with my actual experience.
The substance I was addicted to was heroin. While I was actively addicted, it absolutely came before everything else. My life shrank around it. I kept using despite very real, very obvious negative consequences. If you’re looking for something that fits the “compulsion + harm + loss of control” model, that was it.
But what’s always sat strangely with me is what happened when that context changed.
Once my abusive relationship ended and I was no longer in an environment where it was readily available, it was shockingly easy to stop. I’m not saying it was physically comfortable. My body was pretty pissed off for a while. But psychologically, it just didn’t have the same hold anymore. I wasn’t spending my days white-knuckling cravings or constantly thinking about it. It dropped out of my life in a way that, according to the 12-step model, is not really supposed to happen.
And that’s where my issue with that framework starts.
Because 12-step ideology tends to assume that if you have ever had that kind of relationship with one substance, it reveals something fundamental and permanent about you. That you now have a generalized “addictive nature” that will attach itself to other substances or behaviors if you’re not constantly managing it. That you are, in some essential way, always on the verge of transferring that pattern onto something else.
And that just hasn’t been true for me.
I was a near-daily cannabis user for years. When it started consistently making me feel physically uncomfortable instead of good, I stopped. No drawn-out battle, no existential crisis, just “this isn’t giving me what I liked about it anymore” and I moved on.
I drink occasionally, in social or celebratory contexts, and I genuinely find alcohol kind of boring outside of that. It doesn’t have much pull for me.
I tried gambling once, got annoyed at how tedious and overstimulating it felt, and left the casino in under an hour. I have not felt remotely compelled to revisit that experience.
I use the internet a lot, and I play a handful of video games, but I can also go on a camping trip with no signal and be completely fine, unless you want to try and find something pathological about nature photography, in which case you can blow it out your ass. If anything, I generally enjoy the change of pace. There’s no sense of panic or withdrawal or “I need to get back to my computer/consoles immediately.”
So when I hear the idea that addiction is this broad, transferable trait that will latch onto anything with quick reward or low friction, I just don’t see it reflected in my own life.
What does make sense, looking back, is context.
When I was using heroin, I was in an abusive relationship. My environment was unstable, stressful, and honestly pretty bleak. The substance didn’t just exist in a vacuum. It fit into a specific set of conditions where it functioned as relief, escape, and regulation.
When those conditions changed, the behavior changed with them.
That doesn’t mean there was no dependency. There obviously was. It doesn’t mean there were no consequences. There very much were. My grades suffered. I dropped out of college. I lost my apartment because staying out of withdrawal and numbing out from the abuse felt more important than paying rent.
But it does suggest that what we call “addiction” might not always be this permanent, identity-level trait that needs to be managed forever. Sometimes it looks a lot more like a relationship between a person, a substance, and a specific environment.
When that’s the case, then a framework that assumes universality - “if this happened once, it will always be waiting to happen again, with anything” - is going to miss a lot of variation.
I’m not saying 12-step programs can’t help people. Clearly they can, or they likely wouldn’t exist in the way they do. But I do think they’re often treated as the model of addiction rather than a model that fits some people and not others, and when your experience doesn’t match that model, many people who swear by them will assume that you are misunderstanding yourself, in denial, or “not taking it seriously enough.” This paternalistic attitude only serves to make me even more skeptical of the framework.
For me, what mattered wasn’t declaring myself permanently “addictive” or treating every pleasurable behavior as a potential threat.
What mattered was getting out of the environment where that pattern made sense in the first place.
Rat Park, people. Stop forgetting about Rat Park.
“addiction” might not always be this permanent, identity-level trait... Sometimes it looks a lot more like a relationship between a person, a substance, and a specific environment.
I have helped change more individual behavior by changing the environment around them than I have by working on their behavior.
this is going to be difficult -> i am capable of doing difficult things -> i have done everything prior to this moment -> this difficulty will soon be proof of capability
this difficulty will soon be proof of capability.
I've said this before but it bears repeating. You need to stop drowning yourself in irony and fake selves. Say something true and beautiful today or else.
You need to be earnest. You need to stop hiding yourself into falsehoods, before you can no longer separate them from you. There is no difference between pretending to do something as a bit and doing it earnestly, given time. You need to be earnest.
You cannot assemble a self out of bits and jokes and trolling. Speak with your heart open and bleeding, rather than see it covered in layers of poison
what doesn’t kill you makes your nervous system more sensitive for the rest of your life
