кιη∂, ωσяη, вυт ησт ωєαк

[kotenbu]

✧･ﾟ:* ◕ ◡ ◕ *:･ﾟ✧

[aseaofquotes]

Gayle Forman, If I Stay

[unwrittenmelody21-blog]

:3

[angustii]

bornsurviivor

A small laugh that causes her shoulders to move slightly exits through her lips, ❝ Yeah– I can see where you have a point. A heads up is always nice. ❞ Then again what did she know about leadership, she hardly knew about the person she was– or is. Though that would probably change someday.

Brown hues observes him for a few moments between the entangled vines and leaves that are the barrier between them, just in the way he holds himself is enough to give away his position, at least in her opinion. Though once he speaks again her eyes redirect themselves and find a new thing to settle upon, a slight and swift exhale of breath escapes her lips in an attempt to move a stray strand of hair from her face, though it resumes its place soon after.  ❝ I’m sure you will. Too bad I won’t be here to see your success. ❞

   “Guess that’s the best heads up I’ll get. Glad Min at least told me somethin’

     about my position tomorrow, it’s a whole bloody hell of a lot better than

     scramblin’ around like a bloody slinthead the next day,” he says with a small

     shake of his head, fingers still placed upon his hips before he lets them 

     drop back to his sides where they belonged.

   She seems to have a lot of faith in him, something that gives his ego about

     the following day a little bit of stroking, especially because of the fact that

     he was a bit unsure about everything that was going to happen in the

     upcoming days. Strange happenings in a place they’d been familiar with for

     so long truly wasn’t the best thing in Newt’s eyes and it could make his job

     as second in command a lot harder than he wanted it to be. “I’ll tell ya’ all

     about it, alright? You’ll be dealin’ with your own successes tomorrow in the

     shuckin’ Maze. We need ya’ out there, after all.”

[angustii]

bornsurviivor

She had no right– no reason– to blurt out everything she did in the manor that she had. Esperanza doesn’t know what’s gotten into her, normally she’s relatively good about keeping the lid on her emotions, but for some reason– with him it’s almost as if she wants to spill everything. Confide in him like she had never been able to do with anyone. And yet she’s going about it all wrong. Quickly she wipes her eyes with the back of her hand to make any evidence of what had just happened disappear.

When he utters words of possibly having a sibling a sickening dread begins to develop again, similar to the one the prior night. Damn she was screwing up. ❝ I would have liked to meet her– ❞ Despite having no knowledge of who this girl was her words were genuine, if she was anything like her brother, Esperanza would have more than likely liked her.

The girl returns to a seated position, injured leg spread out like before, back resting against a slab of wall or ceiling; she couldn’t tell the difference. ❝ I’m sorry– again for lashing out at you.. I guess I’m not as good with people as I thought. ❞ Perhaps it was because the heat or the hot sandy air that continued to filter in and out of her lungs, or the constant sleepless nights she faced that caused her to be this way. Or even the minimal human contact she got, it wasn’t like this place was hustling and bustling.  

   Maybe the heat gave off the same blurting effect as the Flare did, the fact

     that one was hardly able to handle their emotions any longer. That’s what

     Newt thought anyhow, although it could just be the fact that there was a

     great amount of stress occurring through everyone Flare or not and that 

     was certainly not going to go away anytime soon. Still, Newt knows he can’t

     do anything to control it, especially with the ever growing disease that’s

     beginning to eat away at his brain every single second he spends being

     alive. He doesn’t want to become one of them. He can’t.

   “So do I,” Newt says, even though it’s completely and utterly irrational to 

     say such a thing. “Partially not though, ‘specially ‘cause I’m dyin’ right now.

     She’s probably dead, ‘specially if she wasn’t in a Maze. Either died from the

     Scorch or gettin’ the disease. I don’t get why I’m so bloody sad about it, I

     didn’t even know ‘er,” he babbles for a few moments before dragging his

     dirtied fingers across his eyes as if tears were there. He thought they were

     at least for a moment.

   Both of their legs are spread out to assist their injuries, hers new and his

     long term, and it’s strange how they have such a strong similarity in that

     factor. Tired eyes close for a moment, dark veins beginning to become more

     and more prominent upon his eyelids and it’s almost terrifying how close the

     virus is to spreading to his entire body. “ ‘S fine. I’m probably gonna be 

     screamin’ my bloody head off soon enough anyway. Shouldn’t even be with

     ya’ but it looks like neither of us have got anywhere to go. Bloody horrible,”

     he says as if he’s truly about to die right then, although he wouldn’t have a

     problem with such. What a gruesome thought.

[angustii]

bornsurviivor

❝Mm well if kinda was the reaction you were expecting then I’m sorry I’ve disappointed. ❞ Another chuckle escapes her lips, partly because of her words and his actions. This was in fact probably the most playful teasing she had done in her lifetime, and it was an entirely different form because it was him. Things were sure to dilute a bit when others were around, she knew what it felt like to be stuck in a room with a rather sappy public couple, but when it was just the two of them she was likely to be this way.

Once his arm moves around her again she takes that as the green light, so to speak, to move back into her old position. Fitting at his side as if she had done it a million times before, except this time she’s looking at him. Eyes roaming over his features before speaking again, ❝ You have the most wonderful smile, you know that? ❞ It send a warm feeling through her whole body, and knowing that at this moment she had made her contribution to it appearing made it even more so. ❝ Then again you probably get that often. ❞

   Newt chuckles right back at her, specifically because of the fact that he 

     catches onto her teasing right away. Dare he start sounding like the typical

     lovestruck boy and say that such an action is cute? He would say such a 

     thing out loud except for the fact that it is a little embarrassing for him to

     formulate just yet, so maybe he’ll say it when he’s ready to actually utter

     those words intelligibly. “Ya’ didn’t disappoint at all. Not even bloody close,”

     he responds as if he doesn’t understand her jesting, although it’s rather

     apparent that he does so.

   Fingers are moving gently against her arm, but almost in an absent way like

     he was just softly thinking upon it, before he hears her utter those words

     that make him perk up just slightly. Said smile flashes upon his features in

     response to her compliment, truly appreciating it probably far more than she

     would’ve thought he would. “Yeah, I do actually. I like hearin’ it from ya’ a

     lot more then the rest of ‘em though. Not that I don’t appreciate ‘em or 

     anythin’,” he says with said smile growing slightly more, obviously quite 

     happy.

[angustii]

bornsurviivor

❝ Alright. ❞ The word that signifies her understanding is quiet, soft even, accompanied by the air that leaves through her parted lips. She hopes that he’ll sleep just as he said, but anything could happen. When the mind was always uneasy and drowning in emotion it was hard to get any sleep, she would know; the girl had to live with it.

Esperanza looks over to him once more before silently making her way out of the Deadheads. Despite the eerie vibe it gave off the place was not frightening to her. It could be rather peaceful if you were looking for a place to think, she’d sometimes come here during the nights where sleep was no longer an option, and the place was filled with the breaths of the other sleeping Gladers.

   Newt knows that he should’ve invited her to stay, especially because she

     more than likely couldn’t read his mind to understand that he wouldn’t be

     disturbed by her if she followed him to his resting place. However, he has

     made the mistake of keeping his lips sealed together and his woes inside.

     Well, what else was different about the blond male than that? He couldn’t

     think of a more distinguishing feature.

   At the moment, he isn’t sure whether it would be best to go directly to a

     hammock or into the Homestead or into the Medjack’s shack. Was he really

     classified as a sick patient? He didn’t think he would be left alone if he 

     slept in a place as open as a hammock, so the boy has a feeling that either

     staying in the depths of the Deadheads or going to the Homestead was the

     best bet. So the male flattens the leaves on the ground and leans up on a

     nearby tree, closing his eyes in attempt to rest.

[angustii]

[ text ]: I accidentally sexted my mom. ( i literally have no idea what this is but i cannot breathe for some reason bc of it so here )

Random texts.

[ text ]: I accidentally sexted my mom.

[ Text ] : “WHAT?”

[ Text ] : “….Wait, who were you going to send it to in the first place?”

[angustii]

subjecta1-thebetrayer

[ text: Newt ] Good because I’m stuck in a car with my mom now, therefore I will have to escape at some point. Don’t think I can handle being in a confined space with her for too long. 

[ text: Newt ] Even so. I’ll try and make sure that doesn’t happen.

[ Text ] : “Bloody awkward.”

[ Text ] : “Eject yourself from the car if it’s necessary.”

[ Text ] : “Joking, joking, don’t do that.”

[angustii]

mxrloe

( ○ A | M ○ )

  Well if such words didn’t leave  more  questions  than  answers  in Anna’s

   mind she wasn’t sure what would.  Walking, as they both did, every single 

   leaf and tree reminded her of the Glen; not because a lot of trees had been 

   found there  in  many  more  places  than  the  small  forest,    but because, 

   somehow,   some way,   she suddenly found herself missing it,  and above 

   all…    she  found  herself wondering just how many other differences there 

   could actually be in the boys’ maze and her own. Of course she would ask… 

   eventually,    when  she  was  sure  such  inquiries  wouldn’t  open cans of 

   traumatizing  worms  for  everyone  around  her       ( perhaps  even  when 

   everyone  sat  around  a  campfire  eating  whatever  it  was  Newt and her 

   found during their little adventure into the forest ).     Still,   his other words 

   were enough to send a chill down her spine;    her memories      ( the ones 

   she had ever since waking in  that  elevator ),     were enough to make any 

   sane  and  tough  person  cry.    Roughly,    to  Anna,    was  a  damn  huge 

   understatement.   “It’s not as much pessimistic as it is realistic,”   Anna  

   allowed,   forcing her arms to loosen and fall at her sides with gentle slaps 

   to her thighs.   “I mean, the world was also sort of being led by people who  

   were  slowly  going  insane  due to some deadly virus,   so I think part of it 

   might not be their fault.” She paused,  realising just what her words stated,  

   and  she  quickly  lifted  her   hands  at   her   sides  and  looked  in  Newt’s 

direction.    “Not that I condone their actions,   obviously.   They were sane  

   when all of this crap started, but still.” 

•○♦○•

   There was something about Paradise that reminded him of the Glade, 

     which temporarily struck fear into his heart that this could be formulated by

     WICKED and that it was all another trick, but there were enough things that

     proved to be different that brought comfort to Newt once more. He could 

     see the differences in the vast amount of space they had, the natural wind,

     the potential for weather, everything that just seemed as if it couldn’t be

     man made. It was hard to be optimistic, especially after everything Newt 

     and the others had been through as a group and within their own minds, 

     but that was something they would have to do now. They were in a place

     where it seemed as if it was acceptable to be foolishly stupid, at least in his

     viewpoint, but he found that they needed some of that after being so alert

     for so long. It was true that their instincts would be heightened for some 

     time, especially because of the fact that they couldn’t just change each 

     other like that, but Newt was hoping that it would become easier for all of

     them soon enough. This place had to be their new home...it was only the

     reasonable thing to do. “ ‘S true,” he replies in reference to the girl’s words,

     thinking upon them for a moment before biting softly on his bottom lip, his

     eyes taking glance around the forestry once more.

[angustii]

.

[roskflr-deactivated20160125]

Good Bye- Newt.

[angustii]

mzrnner

       Thomas glanced over his shoulder, the grin apparent on his face before he shrugged his shoulders. “Hey come on – I am always quality have some faith yeah?” He pushed into the house, happy to find it quiet and deserted like he had expected. A plastic bag was already on the kitchen table with a few things to help get the blood into the balloons rather than all over themselves. Setting the newer bags down he began to tug out the supplies before laying the bags down as a barrior.

   “I’ve got a lot of faith, I’m just sayin’ that if we don’t get in there not even

     faith will give us somethin’ good. It’s an encouragin’ tactic, Tommy.” He

     gives the other a smile once more before following after him into the house,

     excited to begin their little project that was certain to be some fun to them,

     but maybe not so much to others. Newt helps Thomas as they approach the

     table, organizing the supplies for what they would need for their first part of

     it and what they wouldn’t need for all of it. It was shaping up to be an 

     amazing Halloween.

[angustii]

mzrnner

            Thomas stays silent still, not sure exactly how to respond to Newt’s previous statement. He knows Newt cares, and is trying to portray that as much as possible to Thomas. But he suddenly feels stubborn – his head finally closing itself off from the obvious emotions that are sinking into him. He isn’t sure how to go about it, and he wonders if before his memories were taken from him if he had been the same way. He felt as if he needed to come off as strong, but it was obvious sometimes it didn’t come so natural as everything else did. “Our roles have really switched” He could almost laugh, but he knows the sound wont leave his lips as he wants it too. It wouldn’t be a truthful laugh itself, and he didn’t want to offer something like that to Newt especially not now.             He returned to his previous postion, laying on his back before staring up at Newt once more. What could he possibly say that would convey any sort of explanation to how he was acting? He was acting like a child, but then again he still was one. It wasn’t fair to anyone in the Glade – they were kids and yet they were the ones being tested. “You’re the only one I can come to Newt” he finally whispers, though its soft and if the blond hadn’t heard him he wasnt about to repeat himself. “I just am not used to talking about these things. Its frustrating because I don’t know how to sort any of the things im feeling. Its like a battle all the time”

   Newt hates when Thomas gets like this, especially because it’s incredibly

     frustrating to get him back into the real world. It makes Thomas seem like a

     toddler almost, too stubborn to even look at Newt and that’s something the

     blond strongly dislikes. The only reason he’s pushing is because the blond

     knows for certain that Thomas is not better and it was obvious in each and 

     every way he was acting. Now, Newt didn’t expect him to get over the fear

     from the nightmares, certainly not, but the way he broke from him was

     different and Newt knew himself from the amount of nightmares he had

     experienced. “What do ya’ mean?” he asks in a soft manner, watching the

     back of Thomas’ head in hope that the boy would at least halfway shape up

     and face Newt in some manner. The back of his head wasn’t as appealing 

     as Thomas’ face and that was for sure.

   When he turns around, the boy almost sighs in relief but knows it wouldn’t

     exactly be appropriate to so he keeps it to himself. He turns on his side and

     rests the side of his face into the palm of his hand, dark hues watching as

     Thomas looks at nothing in particular. “I know,” he starts, somehow able to

     hear him as if the crickets and others noises in the Glade had silence for 

     just a short enough time so that Newt can hear him. Without even realizing

     it, fingers reach over and run slowly through Thomas’ hair in attempt to 

     calm him down. “I’m not expectin’ ya’ to pour your guts all over the Glade 

     floor in emotions, but I am expectin’ ya’ to at least look at me. I know ya’

     aren’t happy, ‘specially ‘cause ya’ aren’t your normal self, but it ain’t the 

     best when ya’ lie,” he says softly before leaning over, pressing a soft kiss 

     on Thomas’ forehead.

[angustii]

[ text ]: I accidentally sexted my mom. ( i literally have no idea what this is but i cannot breathe for some reason bc of it so here )

Random texts.

[ text ]: I accidentally sexted my mom.

[ Text ] : “WHAT?”

[ Text ] : “….Wait, who were you going to send it to in the first place?”

[angustii]

subjecta1-thebetrayer

[ text: Newt ] Trust me, I’m fighting the urge to.

[ text: Newt ] If I turn up on your doorstep within the next 12 hours don’t be alarmed.

[ Text ] : “I invite it.”

[ Text ] : “I mean your mom might break down my door but it’s a small price to pay.”

[angustii]

mxrloe

( ○ A | M ○ )

  That was enough for Anna’s hand to lift and point in his direction;   not  as  an 

   accusation, but as if she were about to disclose an very important idea, when, 

   really, she simply meant to point out that…   “Ah, there’s a difference.”  She 

   stated,    still smiling,    as  if  the  two  were building a puzzle,    or finding the 

   differences  in  one  of  those  games  in  magazines  instead of  talking about

   something that so  easily  could have been the end of everyone they knew, of 

   themselves.    “In the Glen, whenever a girl chose her job,   she had to stick 

   with it. Get better if they sucked, learn to accept their decisions.  I don’t know

   if that was the right call or not, but it’s what we did.” Finally, her arms folded 

   under her chest,  no means   for anything other than to feel secure in her own 

   bubble as they walked,    and  even  daring  to  state something she had been 

   entirely  too  self-conscious  to state through out all the time she’d been even 

   explained  step  by  step  what  the  Maze  trials  had  been and their purpose: 

  “I  don’t  know,    but  none  of  it  makes sense to me.”    She simply stated, 

   feeling her entire  frame  slowly slip  into  awareness  as they ventured into a 

   part of Paradise they had never done before.    “I  mean,    yeah,    WICKED 

   wanted  to  find  a  cure,    but  how  exactly does sticking kids in mazes help 

   achieve that?    It simply makes no sense.” 

•○♦○•

   His eyes trail directly to her finger as it points at him in almost an 

     accusatory manner, although Newt knows far better than to think something

     like that with the type of conversation they were having. The blond listens 

     to her words as she explains how things were done in the Glen as they had

     called it. “ ‘S probably somethin’ that worked good for ya’. They’re always

     sayin’ that boy’s minds are different than girl’s minds,” Newt says with a 

     shrug, not sure how that really means anything. “Could just be a bloody 

     rumor or a joke they made to make us look like slintheads, but there might

     be some truth about it, ‘specially if ya’ went about doin’ the Maze in a

     different way than us,” Newt babbles once more, although it’s said more in

     an explanatory manner in comparison to one where Newt can’t seem to find

     an end to his words. His eyes take over the calm forestry over their 

     surroundings as his brain takes in the words from her mouth in an act of

     multitasking. “WICKED never makes any sense to anyone. They say they

     want a cure, but they sure as bloody hell were desperate enough to treat us

     roughly. Didn’t seem like that world was gonna make it anyway; hate to be

     so pessimistic about somethin’ like that but it’s the bloody truth.”

[angustii]

bornsurviivor

Esperanza hadn’t meant to shout, hadn’t meant to raise her voice and cause turmoil in the situation. But it was the fact that he didn’t understand and that wasn’t his fault, it was hers. Everything was her fault. ❝ My brother! ❞ After those words depart from her lips she feels her legs begin to shake, ready to collapse onto the floor. This would be the first time she had spoken about him aloud to anyone, it was both a relief and sent a nerve racking fear into her bones.

❝ Do you know what it’s like to be tormented everyday and every night by memories you were supposed to forget? That were supposed to be ripped from you– memories of faces that you watched change and die before your eyes? Memories of people who begged you to kill them because they didn’t want to be lost to the Flare– and you couldn’t do anything? You couldn’t pull the trigger. The look of disappointment and sorrow forever burned into your mind. Memories that you know should have been forgotten. ❞ Her once steady voice now begins to break in places, succumbing to the emotions she worked so hard to keep buried. Tears begin to brim the lower lid of her eyes, but they don’t spill over, there’s no use in crying and she knows that. ❝ I don’t remember how we were separated or why. That’s the question I ask myself all the time. Why? What did I do? What didn’t I do? I promised my parents I’d take care of him– those were their last sane words to me. One of the few fleeting memories I have of them. ❞

The girl pauses inhaling shakily trying to control the overwhelming feeling of fear she was receiving by revealing all of this to him. ❝ I don’t know why I remember more than most that come out of Wicked’s trials. And I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse to remember things– but I need to know. I can’t go to a safe place and try to live there knowing that he’s still out here somewhere– or dead even. ❞

   Her brother? Newt hadn’t been aware of a sibling relationship, but there’s

     something about it that hits him. It isn’t as if he relates on the same level 

     as she does, but Newt also feels some form of sympathy in the sense that

     he’s sure he had a sister himself. He remembers vaguely of her, although 

     he never referred to her as his sister, just by her name. Newt wonders how

     she’s even able to remember her brother, especially because of the fact 

     that they’d all gotten their memories taken away. Had she had them since

     the beginning? Had she picked them on on their travels during the Flare?

     He doesn’t even know what to think until she begins speaking, explaining it

     all to him.

   Well, it’s more like she’s putting him in his place compared to explaining to

     him what was happening and why she was reluctant to leave the heat and

     disgust of the Scorch. Not like Newt could leave himself or anything. This 

     was his permanent home. Pale fingers, because his skin was lightening the

     more and more sick her got, decrease in pressure from his ears as he tries 

     to relax himself, letting forth a soft sigh. No, of course he doesn’t relate to

     all of those things. Surely that was her point, to express to him in that way

     what Newt could never possibly understand about her. The blond boy finds

     himself feeling a little bad about it all, especially because he had jumped to

     an entirely new level. Again though, it was likely that such an action was

     performed through his anger, something that Newt wishes he could control.

     Damn the Flare, damn the spreading of it, and damn the fact that it was

     becoming more and more visible through those veins in his hands.

   “ ‘Course I don’t understand any of that,” Newt mutters absently, turning

     away from her. A soft sigh elicits from his chest before he moves back to 

     the small shelter in search for some sort of cool air. He didn’t know if it was

     because of stress or the actual heat itself, but Newt felt like he was about 

     to combust. “I think I had a sister. I remember stuff about ‘er. Glad she

     wasn’t able to see me like this.”

[angustii]

13. Sorry, I can’t hold on… I’ve already fallen for you.

Corny Pickup Lines

13. Sorry, I can’t hold on… I’ve already fallen for you.

   Newt snorts lightly at that, lightly leaning his shoulder up on

     Thomas’ much broader one in response. “What, did ya’ hear

     that one from Minho?” he questions, not using the pet name

     he typically uses on the Keeper. “Sounds like somethin’ he’d

     say, Tommy.”

[angustii]

grxxnieisms

Thomas rolled his eyes but he leaned forward to kiss him gently again, brushing their lips once more. What did Newt think he was doing. He closed his eyes once more and let the thought fade away, focusing only on the blonde before him and the way his chapped lips collided with Thomas’s own. There was something beautifully imperfect at the way they were and Thomas loved it.

   Newt sighs softly against Thomas’ lips when they come in contact with one

     another once again, his heart hammering furiously within his chest. How the

     other made him feel this way wasn’t easily explained by him, but what he 

     did know was that he never grew tired of chapped lips against his somehow

     softer ones even though they were still rather chapped on their own. His

     Thomas -- did he really just refer to him as that? -- was perfect in Newt’s

     eyes.