My Personal State of Mind

PAULO DiAZ DEL MUNDO 22. DECEMBER. 1990 --------------------------- -------------------------------------- WELCOME TO MY TUMBLR PAGE. Papi, as his friends call him, is a 23-year old Psychology graduate. He graduated from De La Salle University with a degree in AB Psychology. Currently, he is still on the verge of discovering what he wants in life. FOLLOW ME: m m --------------------------------------------- Disclaimer: All content featured on this website have been found over the Internet and are not owned by me, unless stated otherwise.

[randytemple-deactivated20180205]

Whatever is worrying you right now, forget about it. Take a deep breath, and trust in God.

[animaskie]

This feeling inside me

Sometimes, I just need to talk to someone who will not judge me, who’s just willing to listen to everything that I have to say..

Sometimes, I just want to get lost and not be found anywhere.. I want to have serene moment, where I do not need to think of anything.. Be carefree..

Sometimes, I just want to be alone, not to care about anything, feel free, feel alive, feel new.

This can no longer happen, this will just stay forever inside me until I explode, until this kills me in the end..

[animaskie]

Hi There!

Its been a while since I last updated my blog entry. If I remember correctly it was back in March 2013 since I last posted in tumblr.

Been busy catching up with life and all the things that happened.

I'll be sharing some of the most important details in a while.

[animaskie]

Fun filled Faces of ours.

              "Don't let anyone ruin what you guys have because most of them are just jealous, insecure and want something that they cannot have. Value every moment that you spend together."

Just want to share some of the pictures that we took together on our dates in Manila, Alabang, Laguna and Cavite.

Spending a whole day with my baby isn't enough and I know that someday we'll be together forever and by that we'll have the whole time in our hands going to different places here in the Philippines and visiting other countries that we want to go to.

Having you in my arms, a shoulder to lean on, a person whom I can entrust anything and everything in my life.. Well I must say that I am one heck of a lucky guy. :)

[animaskie]

The late mandatory year-ender 2012 blog post

               * tried my best to post an entry at least once every two weeks but most of the time, I'm not at home. Which is why I'm just doing my year ender blog now which is 20 days late already. HAHA! *

How do I summarize my 366 days of 2012. Well it was fun, exciting, lots of firsts and adventurous for the positive side however, I felt sad, dramatic, uneasy and weird for the negative side.

LOVE LIFE.. I had the best New Year of 2012 since I was able to celebrate it with a special someone but as days come along that someone drifted away and in time I got to meet a new special someone that is my girlfriend right now. I have no regrets and she makes me happy everyday. 

COLLEGE and CAREER.. graduated last February 2012, got employed last March 2012 as a recruitment under HR department til now I'm currently working for the same company though I might have plans looking for a new and better company but that's still not sure.

FAMILY and RELATIVES.. to sum it all up, there's only one major thing that happened to our relatives. My tito passed away last September 2012. Its been a short while but things have certainly changed.

[animaskie]

Pre and Post Birthday Celebration with my Baby. :>

                               * upper left: taken at my house, upper middle and right: taken at Banapple ATC                         middle left: taken at her house in Pampanga, middle right: taken at SM                                     supermarket in Pampanga, lower left: taken somewhere during the trip to                                         Pampanga, lower middle and right: taken at my house. *

December 21, 2012.. The day the world was supposed to end.     "What do you want to do on the last day of the world?" After office, my officemates and me, celebrated our Recruitment Christmas party at Mom's and Dad's in Macapagal Blvd. Before the eve of my Birthday, I left them and went to Mall of Asia to pick up my my baby and her officemate. On our way home, 12mn struck the clock and got the chance to celebrate 12:01 of December 22, 2012 with her.

December 22, 2012.. My 1st birthday celebration with her.     "Tying the knot with a promise ribbon"  Had our lunch date at Banapple Alabang at around 2PM. Went Alcohol shopping for the party that night. While killing the time at our house, I proposed to her in a korny but funny laughtrip way.. Since I have no ring to put in her finger, I decided to tie a knot on the ring finger. Had my birthday party that night and she got to meet the rest of my closest friends.

December 23, 2012.. The day I get to meet her family.     "220km travel for a very awesome day"  Waking up the next day, we started our roadtrip to San Fernando, Pampanga at around 12noon. Arrived at her house before at around 3:30PM. Got the chance to meet her lola, brother, sister and uncles. Spent the afternoon at SM Pampanga, where we ate and shopped then dinner at her house then stayed up until 11PM. 

Thank you so much baby for making my pre and post birthday celebration fun-filled and awesome. I love you so so so much!! Missing you already. :">

Everything that happened this weekend was so tiring but oh-so-worth-it. Definitely a priceless memory.

[animaskie]

I hate this.

And here I thought I am fine and happy already.

But why is this happening to me, to us? I don't think that I'd be able to live with this kind of feeling for the rest of my life. I feel uneasy, paranoid, scared, aloof, and all negative feelings whenever were not together. Part of me feels guilty because I have experienced this kind of feeling before. Maybe this is life getting back at me. 

Stupid Stupid Stupid feeling and decision.

[animaskie]

Crossroads

How will you be able to know if you have reached a crossroad? "A crossroad is something wherein you have to make a decision or a choice between two things with different pros and cons." From what I understand and know.

I guess I have encountered a new crossroad in this part of my life.

1. Choosing to stay in this relationship, yes its to early for me to say this I know, or should I choose to go.

Lately, I am now in a relationship, with the person below this post, however it came to a point that I am starting to doubt if I could continue on with this relationship. Why? Mainly because I'm doubting myself if I am ready to be in a relationship. Next, I am not convinced that she is telling me 100% truth and that she's not hiding anything from me which may affect our relationship. I love her so much I have to admit that but I cannot be in a relationship with a person that I cannot trust completely. I don't like the feeling that I am being lied to, manipulated or sweet talks me and making me believe. I cannot divulge further on what happened that made me feel this way.

2. Going to an event, which I have been invited by people who are dearest and closest to me and knowing that there will be consequences after this, or should I just go out with friends. 

I haven't been in touch with some of the people who became important to me for quite sometime. 2 days ago, they invited me to go to this event so that we'd see each other and get the chance to mingle and maybe relive the not-so-distant-past. I want to go so that I'd be able to see them again, yes I miss them, but I cannot because this would complicate my relationship with my girlfriend. If ever I will not go to this event, I'd go see my friends and have dinner somewhere. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh dear, I cannot decide on these two things that's making my mind crazy. I need my person, I need my best friend, I need my special someone who I feel very comfortable talking to.

*points a gun to my head, pulls it, brains splatters* problem solved... KIDDING!

[animaskie]

New world

                        " When I was on the verge of giving up and losing my mind, she came into picture "

A few months ago, back when I was about one - two months working, I suddenly lost one of the most important relationship I had. It turned to a point where I wanted to give up work, lock myself up somewhere, starve to death, go somewhere far alone, and everything that would make that heartache gone. I'm not good at pretending that I'm okay. I just want this feeling gone and be replaced by something light and happy.

Meeting this girl, who is with me, gave me hope, freedom, smile on my face, happiness, companionship and ultimately, love. We started out as strangers, then friends which lasted til the day she said she loves me.

 I can say that some of the negative traits that I possess were no longer there or were reduced significantly. 

Before: I used to say things out loud whenever I am mad/irritated/jealous. Now: I think before I act, contemplate and decide if this is the right thing to do.

Just one of the things changed over time. I know there are still a lot out there but I couldn't do it all at the same time.

Currently, we are trying to plan a trip out of town for this coming summer and/or post-valentine's outing. Feeling kind of ecstatic since I love going out of towns specially with the people whom I love and value the most.

[animaskie]

Business

I am planning to start my own small online store business, mostly cupcakes, cakes, brownies and cookies.

Some of the cupcakes that I'll make most of the time.

Still have to come up with a catchy name for the said business. The price list, the packaging, the design and some other stuffs.

But will most likely start this before December arrives and will most likely be operational on occasions and special celebrations and all.

What do you guys think?

Some plan, eh?

[animaskie]

We'll surely miss you.

               A photo tribute to our Tito Boy, who passed away last September 18, 2012. He's one of the adventure, out-of-town planners in our clan. Surely, our trips in the future will never be the same without him. One less person whenever we go out on trips. 

Some of the things that we'll surely miss about him.

He gave us the luxury of travelling to the different parts of the Philippines. He bought Jet ski and ATV way back in the 90's which made our beach outing more exciting. He also treated us to high-end restaurants after our Sunday Mass.

THANK YOU SO MUCH AND MAY YOU REST IN PEACE, TITO BOY. I DO HOPE THAT YOU ARE HAPPY AND CONTENTED WHEREVER YOU ARE. YOU'LL SURELY BE MISSED.

[animaskie]

Two of my favorites.

                    Red Velvet Cupcakes                                       Blueberry Cheesecake

I bake whenever I feel like baking, I am bored or I am craving for sweets. Cupcakes are my favorite whenever I bake, why, I love to decorate it with icing to make it look good and taste so much better. Cheesecake is my favorite type of cake, any type of cheesecake be it chocolates or fruits.

I dunno why but my passion for baking started when I wanted to make oatmeal cookies, then it started from there, making dozens and dozens of cookies then slowly trying different types of desserts then finally tried making cupcakes and cheesecakes and I found out that they're just easy to make.

Most of my friends, my taste-testers, told me that my baked goods are so good that I could turn it into a business. Well I wanted to but I dunno how to start.

So there, Want me to bake you something? Message me here or through facebook and I'll see if I can make it. :)

[animaskie]

More about me

                          Hello readers! The short biography that you are about to read is the author of this tumblr page.

Paulo or Papi, as his friends call him, is a 22 year old Lasallian Psychology graduate from Dasmariñas, Cavite, who is currently employed as a corporate recruitment assistant at one of the well-known company in the Philippines. He is still on the verge of discovering what is his meaning in life. There are a lot of professions in life that he wants, a future Psychologist, a frustrated Surgeon, a Math Teacher, a wannabe Actor and a field NBI agent.

A food lover which is why he loves to bake cupcakes, cakes, brownies and cookies and the sole reason why I am fat . He also loves to share the blessings and things that he has to his friends and family. 

An adult who has been emotionally hurt for more than once and is still searching for the right girl for him. 

Its easy to get to know him, he's very easy to approach and talk to but he may be shy and passive if he doesn't know you very well.

You may reach him through his facebook and twitter account that's located on the left sidebar of his tumblr page.

[animaskie]

Left hanging... Something new...

IT REALLY HAS BEEN A WHILE.. since I last posted on my tumblr page.

Who would've thought that it would end up like this. actually, this is not the first time that this happened, in fact it happened more than once, twice, thrice and it just keeps on happening but this may be the last.

I am only gonna post this once or talk about it the last time after this I am gonna let go of everything that's holding me back.

for the nth time, I was left hanging by my very closest friend. I am not gonna disclose the things that happened between us. This time, I might have caused it but I tried to fix things with her. For some reason, I don't know why she tried to push me so far away, well I'm guessing or no this is the reason why she does that. It's because she wanted me gone in her life for good. WHY? if ever she values our friendship or what-so-ever-complicated-life-we-had she would've made a move already or at least try to message me or something but since I know her very much this thing wouldn't happen.

I am not going to deny that I miss her, in fact I do really miss her so much. There are still times that I reminisce our time that we spent together, forced or not, planned or spontaneous, home or mall. Those 5 months that I had with her was one of the best and one of the worst moments in my life. I have no regrets that it happened but if I were given a choice to take back an action that I did, I wouldn't take back anything. It is because I did those, good or bad, in my own action and in what I really feel during that time.

I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU and I AM SORRY FOR THE LAST TIME.

Moving On... Good things do have come to an end and a new journey may begin. As on door closes another door opens.

As many of you guys know, I am currently working as a Recruitment Assistant Human Resources Department.

There's this girl that I met at work, she's also new in the company same as me, she works under the Accounting department. At first, it was just a happy crush because I find her cute, always smiling, attractive and full of energy. So I tried to know her more. After a few exchanges of emails and conversations we got to hang out the first time but then it followed every Friday, sometimes Saturday or Sunday. 

I knew her deeper and deeper. This is very new to me in a lot of ways. I'm not going to disclose what those are but it really is new. 

Many of my friends who saw the pictures of us in instagram, facebook and twitter told me that I am very lucky. WHY? its because of her physical appearance, they keep on telling me "Ang swerte mo ang ganda niya" HAHAHA! well it is true that she is very beautiful. Lucky coz of her personal appearance? Yes. She makes me happy whenever we are together that's for sure.

We have been going out for 2 months already, I know its still early to tell. But I can say that things have been going great. I enjoy each others company and who knows what will happen in the future. 

[animaskie]

Letters, Sweet Nothings, Messages and Sentimental Stuff

For some people, they keep EVERYTHING given to them by their friends, loved ones and family. I, myself am like that. I have kept every letters, sweet nothings, messages and sentimental stuff given by my friends and loved ones.

I kept them in a paper bag that is already filled with those stuff and 2 large envelopes containing huge birthday cards given by my friends.

For some reason, I like to keep them because it gives proof that a friendship or a relationship happened. I dunno, whenever I feel nostalgic over something or I just want to simply reminisce over the things that happened to me during my teenage years, I just get it and start to read them again. Some of it may contain happy messages and some of are sad, goodbye messages. 

It also gives me some sort of relieving those experiences over again. PLUS, I have at least one letter from my past girlfriends and letters coming from my crushes and friends. It also has a gift wrap containing a super short message from my best friend.

SENTIMENTAL STUFF. I know every person has a least one that are very sentimental to them. :)

[animaskie]

I can't keep this anymore

There are two types of person when it comes to sharing something. (1) this person shares his/her experiences, problems, challenges and basically almost everything that happened to him/her to everyone either via text, chat, blog, twitter, facebook and such while the (2) other one, keeps everything to himself/herself.

I believe that I fall on the first type of person. I share ALMOST everything to my friends specially to my close and trusted friends. However, there are certain things that I encounter that I'd rather keep it to myself because I believe that it would be better this way.

This certain thing that I am about to open up or share at my blog post. I believe that I need to let it out or burst it out so that I'd be able to release my deep sigh that I've  been keeping for weeks or so.

Most of you may already know what this is about, if ever you are reading my tumblr page then you might really know who it is, since I don't talk about other things these past few months.

So here it goes... There are times wherein I just want to give everything up, I feel so unappreciated, the efforts I made to make her feel special, the efforts I did to make her recognize me. I know what she'll tell me if ever I told her this, she'll just tell me that she did not make me do the things I did and that it is on my own action. So it really doesn't matter if she appreciated it or not. A little gesture of thanks or appreciation is pretty much okay with me. I don't need a payback or return of gratitude, all I want is that you somehow acknowledge the things I make to make you feel special.  Please don't tell me that you don't know how to do those things, I know you can because I've seen it. 

Whenever I do or say something sweet or something nice to you. I get no reaction, no comment or anything. What happened to the "AYIIIIIEEE" or "ANG KORNI MO NAMAN". Its as if you act like you saw nothing or if you are to say something you always end up saying "OKAY" or "IKAW BAHALA" or "WHAAAAT?" or "NYEEE" or "WHATEVER". It feels like a rejection or a slap to my face. 

I still can't figure out if you are trying to avoid me or you are pushing yourself away from me or you are just blocking everything I did. Its so damn hard to read your actions, your gestures, and as yourself.

I think I am already nearing my limit or maybe not. This Job that I took, is maybe what I need to somehow stay apart from you, maybe we both need this. I need this because I know it would make me a whole lot better and discover my the new side of me. You need this so that you'd be able to think a lot better and see if you really need me in your life, if not then so be it. 

ALL I REALLY ASK FOR IS SOME CLARIFICATION, A SIT-DOWN TALK OF EVERYTHING, LAY EVERYTHING DOWN THE TABLE AND TALK ABOUT IT. but knowing you, I know you want to avoid all of these. Yeah, I know you this much and it really is hard for me just to keep my mouth shut and just deal with this alone.

As I am writing this blog post, my tears fell down.

[ay-lexa]