Trauma, ED, Memes @anna-im-sorry - Tumblr Blog

Today was a good day. I ate good. Spent quality time with my family. I felt happy. A well deserved win guys!

Just another gut wrenching punch in the stomach

#life

I’ve been drifting through these past couple of weeks

feeling hollow, heavy, quietly breaking.

Everyone can see it—the way something in me has dulled.

They keep searching for a reason, like if they find the source

they can stitch me back together.

And my husband… he finally said it outright.

He told me to pull myself out of it,

to go find something I enjoy.

But right now nothing feels soft or bright or worth reaching for.

To him it sounds like excuses,

and maybe it does look that way from the outside.

I’m tired—tired of explaining myself,

tired of disappointing everyone,

tired of being the problem I can’t solve.

Some days it feels like maybe I don’t even want to be fixed.

Like maybe fading would be easier than fighting.

Like disappearing would hurt less than trying and failing again.

So I practice a little smile,

a lighter tone in my voice,

just enough sweetness so no one worries too much—

so he can hold onto the version of me he understands.

Maybe then I can fall apart quietly,

without feeling like my sadness is something I’ve done wrong.

He means well—I know he does.

But what my bruised mind hears is:

your pain is inconvenient.

And it stings,

because it feels true in the moment,

even if I know it’s the sadness twisting everything out of shape.

#mental health #author

disc90s

dankmemeuniversity

“I make things beautiful for them… and… no one makes things beautiful for me.”

“I asked my husband why he loves me?”

He listed every insecurity and flaw I have—wrapped them up like something precious. “Look, my love, I adore even your imperfections.” As if this were an indie film and we were lying on a roof, staring at the stars, sipping from our parents’ liquor cabinet.

But it’s not.

I’m desperately trying to hide from my flaws, hoping you might see even one gleaming positive trait in me despite the mess I feel trapped in. And yet… not one came to mind for you.

I could name a dozen beautiful things about you—tied up in a neat red bow of praise and adoration. But instead, you handed me Pandora’s box and called it a gift. And I’m so insecure, so bitter, that I can’t even appreciate the sentiment. For that, shame on me.

I want more. I’m greedy like that. I wanted something beautiful—something that made me feel seen. But maybe there is nothing beautiful about me.

No… that’s not true.

I’m just saying a lot of things I don’t entirely mean. I just wanted to believe you saw more than my flaws—that maybe you noticed something in me I can’t see myself. But instead, you mirrored every thought I can’t escape in my own head, and it’s driving me to madness.

I feel completely alone in this world. Nowhere feels safe or comfortable, because no matter how far or fast I try to run, I can’t outrun myself. The shame and guilt cling to me like something crawling beneath my skin, and I just want it all to finally stop

Today I ate only 849 calories. It may seem like a small thing, but to me it felt like a tiny win. I just want to feel pretty — to look skinny and beautiful

Girls girls girls do this!!! This is the workout that helped me to get rid of alot of the lower fat… if you are like me and end up rolling around :D put your hands into a diamond shape and put it under your butt to stop you from rolling, try it i swear you will see results asap

boulderfit-blog

DO THESE! :D Right meow, as many as you can!

vi0letvibes

these are wonderful and awful at the same time.

There’s this dark place inside all of us. The part of us were not sure we will ever be able to share with the world. Holding onto that piece of ourselves weighs so heavy. Almost like dragging a ball and chain with you.

Dissatisfaction

Disappointment

They creep into your lungs and take away your ability to breath. It’s hard to compare the pain of someone letting you down. Who are you to blame but yourself for having the expectations in the first place. I want to be put first..I want to feel loved. I don’t dare complain because I’m “irrational” “cringe” “weak” I want to cry but the tears are all gone I just feel empty. I want to die..it’s been awhile since this feeling has been so prominent, but it’s here and it’s burning bright.

killerquetiapine

everyone says “you can talk to me!” but they really just want to hear that you’re doing “good”, they don’t want to hear all the dark shit that’s really going on

quietthe

Reblog if your inbox is a safe place for all the dark shit that’s really going on.

Do you ever really recover from a Ed? Probably not. I feel like it’s a lot like addiction it’s just one day at a time. I’ll go through waves of positivity about my body and think wow my Ed wasn’t real I’m normal. But the moment something in my life goes wrong my response is to stop eating. The moment I see a girl who is perfectly skinny my response is to stop eating. The moment my weight goes over the number 104 my response is to stop eating. I feel like I’m making it up for attention and that me saying I have a Ed is like someone from a rich family pretending their poor. I mean I eat normally for awhile. Then feel guilty. Then restrict. Then fail. Then feel guilty. Like I’m just a horrible anorexic. Was their a point to what I was saying I don’t really know. I’m just writing it for myself I guess.

#anna #ana thoughts #anarexiz #low cal ana

pointless-existancee

Did anyone else go through a random recovery where your mental health just improved in general which allowed you to kick your ED mentality to the curb and see through body dysmorphia but then gained a decent amount of weight making you unhappy with your body and reverting back to ED habits even though you don’t have the same obsession anymore and now feel like you don’t really have an ED anymore because it’s not that bad you just have disordered eating and also kinda wish your mental health would just fuck up so you could at least go back to being a real Anorexic/bulimic ect. Because boy this feels shit and confusing and I really do feel like I’m faking it now.

lightlove-blog2

I wrote a poem:

If you are a porn blog-

I will block you.

- LightLove 12/21/17

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