BURNOUT
Today on my way to the university i was listening to the podcast of one famous American YouTuber who says that she feels like she was burned out and she had to stop making videos for a while as she understood that this is affecting her mental and physical health. I became really curious and couldnāt help but make a small research on this topic. Why did i decide to do this ? As very often it happens with people, because you think it is related to you. Let me tell you why i think it is related to me .
Well, in 2020 i got very lucky to be accepted to the university abroad. I was working a lot to achieve this and as well to finish my last year of bachelor in my country. I finally arrived, but my arrival was followed by load of stress. First of all, when i was leaving something devastated happened in my family that made it really hard for me to leave the place. Second of all, when i arrived it was really hard to adapt to a new school system and people speaking another language ( even if i knew the language before, it was still pretty hard to get used to it ). A lot of small things that were grain by grain becoming a huge pot of constant stress. In 2021, i found a great way to deal with it. Since everything was closed because of the Covid and i didnāt have many friends at that time, my solution was Discord and online friends. That helped me a lot during hard times, and i am still very grateful for that experience. I think this is the time when i turned from extrovert to introvert.
Times of Covid was hard for everyone in this world. Not only being stressed about getting sick and/or your older members of the family getting sick, but overall different life inside of the house. I should say around first wave of Covid i was pretty creative. I became a fan of K-pop and for those of you who are familiar with it, there is a loooot of information there everyday so you feel entertained all the time. Thanks to K-pop and BTS i started to be creative, even more than before. Every week i would start a new thingā¦.drawing, learning a new language, playing piano, singing, exercising, cooking and so on and so forth. I was blooming creative wise. Then when i came to a new country I got stuck in my room for quite a few month. At first it was hardā¦ My sleeping schedule got messed up so that i even had to force myself to go to sleep at 4am because i wasnāt tired. It all got a bit crazy ( and yet again very stressful cause some family matters were adding up to this -_-) That is when i found one Discord channel where i became friends with people from all over the world and got my creativity back. We were having movie nights together. We would do karaoke and drawing competitions. People were sharing their meals and animals. Overall a very safe community to be in. But we should not forget that all this was alongside continuing studying at school and a hugea$$ research work that i had to finish before July.
Thatās when i understood that i start to feel burned out. How did I understand this ? Well, i started to feel all tired all day long, i had really hard time concentrating on my work, I had to practically force myself to write few words in my paper. I couldnāt creatively inspire myself anymore, the music didnāt work, I couldnāt draw anymore, I lost passion about language i was studying. Everything seemed to not work. But as soon as i finished my research paper somehow I got more motivation to live and experience new country. Thatās how my summer passed by. But as soon as second year of Masters came back, and to it added the stress from a new job that i started during summer i felt even worse. I felt very suppressed and crashed. I am thankful to my friends for always being there, but being in my state i need a lot of Me-Time to keep on goingā¦
So coming back to todayās morning and podcast. I decided to check online what are the āsymptomsā of a burnout. And what i saw surprised me a lot.
I didnāt search for too long. I just looked up the first link that popped up on my Google search. But still very interesting. When i started to compare my recent behaviour to this table I got shocked of how many symptoms I have in common with it.
Feeling tired and drained all the time. I do feel tired all the time. No matter how many hours of sleep I had, I would still feel tired after waking up. Kind of apathy feeling. Lowered immunity, frequent illnesses. My immunity system got so week after my messed up schedule ( that continued since i was working in the bar and we would finish work always after midnight), that i have minor sickness seems like every other week. Changing in appetite and sleeping schedule. I donāt think it has to be mentioned once more. Sense of failure and self-doubt. Hear me out, it is constant for many years, so maybe i wouldnāt connect it to burnout but mostly to my personality trait. Feeling helpless, trapped and defeated. Well, i do feel this way even though i tend to not share this with others. Detachment, feeling alone in the world. I would say i feel alone, but i do tend to close myself from others and spend time on my own. Loss of motivation. Self explanatory. Increasingly cynical and negative outlook. Yes, thatās me. Hard to see a better side sometimes. Decreased satisfaction and sense of accomplishment. I understood recently that i donāt feel satisfied with accomplishing things in my life. I donāt care that much anymore. Withdrawing from responsibilities. I would say other way round, i donāt withdraw but i put more responsibilities on me and then i slowly drown in them. Procrastinating, taking longer to get things done. And this is something that is happening not only because of constant fatigue but also because of a block that I have that doesnāt let me to move on with my work. Using food, drugs or alcohol to cope. Mhmm yet again thatās me. Taking out frustration on others. Can be or i again hide it inside of me. Skipping work or coming in late and leaving early. How many times i woke up early and ready to go to school but never made it there because i didnāt feel like interacting with people.
Please, isnāt it CRAZY ???
I started to dig deeper into this and i found a Ted Talk in TED & Seton Hill University where Dr. Geri Puleo is bringing up the topic of burnout . During her talk she brings up other groundbreaking news. The surprising similarities between burnout and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And you wont believe how much in common those two actually have. She also mentioned that a long feeling of burnout ( and it can last for years if you donāt break this chain) can cause major health problems and in some cases ( which is proved) it can increase the chance of getting a cancer up to 10%. Dr. Puleo also mentions that it takes around 2 years after the realisation of this problem to get back on track and back to normal way of life.
All of this information above is just shocking to the point where i find it hard to believe that this is really a thing and not a personal trait problem.
But how do you get out of this ? Even if it takes two years, how to start this progress ?
Iām going back to the first link on google and what i see as a way out :
- Reach out to those closest to you.
Reaching out is really hard. It is hard to ask for help. It is hard to explain how you feel because another person have never experienced it to understand it. And talking about it makes you re-live your feeling and leads to even more depression and self-doubt. That is why i personally tend to deal with everything myself and i can already see a bad outcome of it on my mental and physical health.
- Limit your contact with negative people.
Oh, this i have been doing my whole life. And i am incredibly grateful for this side of me. I have no regrets cutting people out of my life if they deserve it.
- Find new friends.
I am working on that but it takes a lot of energy and i donāt have it.
There is a whole passage about your outlook on your work area. But i should say that i recently changed my job and i think it is already a good start.
There is also a sentence saying Find Balance In Your Life . Iām sorry but WHAAAAAt ?? I have been trying to do that my whole life, and i am still trying to understand the whole ālife is balancedā to live freely. But itās too deep of a conversation. Maybe next time.
Doing some sports may help to destress, so it can be a good way out. Minimising sugar is also a way ( but I already dont eat much of it). Eat Omega-3 to give my mood a boost. I should say any tasty food gives me a huge boost, a boost to take a nap. Avoid nicotine as it is a powerful stimulant leading to higher not lower levels of anxiety. Wow, didnāt know about this.
SO to finish this whole thing up. I think it is visible from what i am saying that i am burned out as hell. I seem to control it but it does affect me a lot. I think me hearing that podcast and making my small research is just a sign that proves that i have to keep on going and in future 2 years thing will get better. If there is anyone feeling the same way, maybe we can be friends and go through this together lol ?
Anyways that was a fun yet shocking blog for today. Hope it was interesting for you as well. See you next time !!
Will leave some links below >
Feeling burned out, emotionally drained, or mentally exhausted? These tips can help you overcome burnout and regain your balance.
