Anon Posting

I post things here so others *I* know DON'T KNOW who I am.

[anon-ventz]

A blog where I post / vent anonymously.. sometimes it's positive... sometimes it's positive. All emotions are welcome<3

Feel free to vent in the comments or my inbox... sympathy and understanding will always be recieved.

Diagnosed with MDD and GAD

Call me Ali or Alison.

She / Her , Cis.

Names will be changed for privacy reasons.

DNI : Racists , Homophobes / Transphobes , Judgemental Others (Negative) , Maps , Pedos...

Not welcome. This is a free, safe zone for others (and me, frankly,) to vent without judgement.

If you're any of these... I would advise to leave. Thank you.

[anon-ventz]

Type of Vent : Negative Vent

I don't feel great. I'm a bad friend... a bad person.

I wanna die.. but then yet, I also don't.

But then again?.. I do..

- Alison

[anon-ventz]

Type of Vent : Negative Vent

Man, I love Jolly so much, but I just..

I wish they were here, y'know? We have a long distance relationship and just...

I want hugs so badly. I want dates, I want hand holds, I WANT snuggling on the couch - I want all of it...

I get those things from my friends sometimes, but... shit, it's just not the same.

I wanna be able to brush their hair, go over to their house... watch shows with them, go to the park, go out...

I hate that I'm so selfish... I'm happy for what I have, why do I want more??

I hate myself so much... my looks, my personality.. why do they like me? Why do they want me???

I'm a worthless, not good enough whore.. I'm a selfish human being for wanting more of something that both of us have no control over right now.

I'm HAPPY with them, with US. I shouldn't want something more...

I ask for too much. I'm a bad girlfriend..

- Alison

[anon-ventz]

Type of Vent : Negative Vent

I don't think I'm making Jolly happy anymore

I know they're goin' through some stuff and all, I just..

I can't help but get the feeling that I'm not making them happy. That I'm a bad girlfriend..

I don't know if I'm overthinking at this point.

Cause what if I'm right? I'm not making them happy anymore?

Am I gonna tell them? No. No, I'm not.. I can't. They have enough on their plate, I'm not gonna add to it.

They shouldn't have to deal with my insecurities, it's not fair..

I'll just hope for a sign that they're still happy with me.. everything has just been so dry.

I'm just... gonna hope for the best.

- Alison

[anon-ventz]

Type of Vent : Negative Vent

Sometimes I wonder why I'm still here

- Alison

[anon-ventz]

Type of Vent : Negative Vent

I'm alone... fuck man...

Fuck, I'm so alone...

I'm so stressed and I.. I can't turn to anybody...

I don't... want to open up to my dad, my moms away, my cousins going through stuff, my PARTNER IS GOING THROUGH STUFF MY FRIENDS ARE GOING THROUGH STUFF--

I CAN'T FUCKING TURN TO ANYBODY!!!

The one guy I tried to just turned away and... I just...

Why don't I matter??

Why don't I matter enough? Why can't people take me seriously?!

I wanna matter, I want to feel important!! But I can't do that with these STUPID EMOTIONS IN MY WAY!!

Everything has been spiraling... Everything. Past, present... even maybe my fucking future, I...

I'm so scared. I need somebody, anybody so badly...

But I just can't have that.

Comforting others is just what I'm good at. That's all I am.

I'm nothing more to them. I'm a fucking tool for them to use whenever they need.

I care for my friends so deeply, but... I wish I could just turn to them when I need them too.

Why don't I have a support system?..

Why don't I matter?...

- Alison

[anon-ventz]

Type Of Vent : Negative Vent

I wish my parents never split up

I'm.. visiting my dad and they're still great friends! It's just...

We could've been happy... I could've been happy.

And I love my dads girlfriend, she's great!! My moms current ex... not so much.

I just...

I want to be a family again.

- Alison

[anon-ventz]

Type Of Vent : Negative Vent (?)

I haven't been eating lately. I don't know why...

Like I feel hungry but I also just don't want to eat. Dinner's gonna be probably in like a few hours... like, 5-6 hours maybe??

It's not that bad, I can wait.

But I feel like I'm gonna throw up if I don't... but I also don't want to.

I don't know, man... my periods done so it isn't that..

I didn't have dinner last night and I haven't eaten all day today..

I'm not sure.

- Alison

[anon-ventz]

Type Of Vent : Negative Vent

I fucking hate having MMD (Major Depressive Disorder)

All that happened was my stupid FUCKING milkshake being warm. It shouldn't fucking affect me this much and NOBODY UNDERSTANDS!!!!

My best friends don't understand and think I'm just upset because I am-- NO.

I just wanted a FUCKING milkshake to start this DUMB DAY. And now it's fucking warm.

I already had an episode last night... why can't things just go how I need them to?!

Why can't I just be okay?..

- Alison

[anon-ventz]

Type Of Vent : Negative Vent

Depression hit so hard you jusy cry at anything and everything that overwhelmes you - even if it's small for no apparent resson and you've been feeling like this for a good 2-3 weeks now

Haha

- Alison

[anon-ventz]

Type of Vent : Negative Vent

I genuinely still like my ex..

No, not Ender - Jolly.

I just... they lied to me, but... we were FINE until then!

I want to cry so badly I want them back... but I.. just can't say that...

All because I thought I was fuckin' poly... and okay, yeah, I realized they did lie to me even though I asked them not to..

But shit, man... if I just didn't... think that, we would've been fine...

I hate this...

- Alison

[anon-ventz]

Oh okay

- Alison

[anon-ventz]

Type of Vent : Negative Vent

I genuinely still like my ex..

No, not Ender - Jolly.

I just... they lied to me, but... we were FINE until then!

I want to cry so badly I want them back... but I.. just can't say that...

All because I thought I was fuckin' poly... and okay, yeah, I realized they did lie to me even though I asked them not to..

But shit, man... if I just didn't... think that, we would've been fine...

I hate this...

- Alison

[anon-ventz]

Got that stupid sudden wave of tiredness and just absolute dread again...

Ender reached out to me and... I guess we made up. He doesn't text me that much, but it's whatever...

I don't feel that well either. It sucks...

I just... I wanna sleep.

- Alison

[anon-ventz]

this isnt to long but i just need to talk about it. tw suicide all the time i think about how fucked up it is that i attempted at 11. four times. i had no idea how to do it, i had heard about people hanging themselves so i wrapped things around my neck, they all broke.

Things must've been so hard, anon... I am so sorry.

I'm glad your here today - glad none of it worked.

- Alison

[anon-ventz]

Type Of Vent : Negative Vent

I really miss Ender..

I remember all the good times we had, y'know? We always laughed and had inside jokes - we shared so much in common too!!

He wasn't a... great friend, though. He had his... moments and flaws, but...

Christ, I miss him so much. I really do... everything feels so boring without the guy.

I mean... we talked everyday, y'know? I would share my day, he'd share his... we'd go on and on about the most random bullshit...

He was somebody I vented to... somebody I shared everything with!!

Now everything we had is just... gone. Because of stupid, stupid misunderstandings...

"Replacing" him doesn't feel right. He was apart of me for so long, dude... he really understood me.

I have other friends, yeah, but... Ender was the guy. My main guy...

Sure I have Candy, Jolly, Sully, and Berry... but it just isn't the same.

All this... school stress isn't helping me either...

How do you move on from something that was important to you more than anything?!

It's like a part of me I had so much mixed emotions with left and I feel incomplete without it...

So much has been on my mind... too much...

- Alison

[anon-ventz]

about a year ago I had a really close friend, we'd been really close for years when suddenly she just stopped talking to me altogether and then a couple months later she sent me a text about how basically I was just a terrible friend and she hated me and never wanted to speak to me again but a couple of days ago I found out that her mom died so I have really mixed feelings right now because also like her dad isn't in the picture so it was just her and her mom and now I think she's living with her grandparents but she has a really bad relationship with them and I'm really worried about her but I know she hates me but like I never had any bad feelings towards her so I'm just like really conflicted rn

Anyway I just needed to vent and I can't vent to my irl best friend because he's really close to her so here I am I guess

This is really tough, anon. I'm so sorry...

I feel a lot is going on on both sides, y'know? She's going through a lot of stuff and it's possible she's lashing out on you because of it.

I personally don't know her or you, but, if anything, you could always try and reach out one more if you really wanna try and fix things. If it doesn't go well, it might just be time to move on. As hard as it sounds, this could be healthy for both of you so the friendship isn't toxic, y'know?

I send support and love to the both of you, anon. I hope things end up well.

- Alison

[anon-ventz]

Type of Vent: Negative Vent

TWS

I really want to just end it all... idk why.

I just got this sudden feeling of dying...

I was fine a second ago... I was with my friends, they made me feel so wanted...

I was with people I loved I was with the ones that care for me..

I was fine...

I don't understand...

- Alison