A Note from your Substitute

The sideblog of a 7-12 certified English and Social Studies teacher about life from the other side of the desk. I post about my own experiences substituting, and share educational tips, news, and resources. Accepting submissions!

[anotefromyoursubstitute]

Classroom Presence tips for a petite teacher?

[anotefromyoursubstitute]

Get your ass to class!

Freshman Friday Motovation

[get-educated]

Have to excuse the last bit at the end of the list but otherwise, great resource!

[anotefromyoursubstitute]

Student: You're from Canada.

Friend: YOU'RE from Canada!

Me: We're using Canadian as an insult, now?

Student: No, more like a stereotype/racism thing.

[anotefromyoursubstitute]

When the teacher you’re filling in for says for the students to watch a movie, and they left you Guardians of the Galaxy:

[fleecylovegood-deactivated20181]

Overheard At School With No Context: The Saga Continues

“How much glue would it take to fill this room?”

“Your hair isn’t curly, and it’s not even that lo -”  “MY HAIR IS BOUND BY THE ETERNAL DARKNESS.”

“Technically, you don’t have to be here right now.”   “Sweet. See ya.”

“Hey, can I borrow thirty-one thousand dollars?”

“Carl needs to die.”

“I think the first thing on my Facebook page should be: SAVE THE TREES, SAVE THE BEES.”

“Oh my god, new Justin Timberlake song!! Yay!!! Except it sucks.”

“I’ve been having nightmares about that starfish costume.”

Teacher: “Why is it so dark in here?”   Student: “Everyone’s soul has combined to form an endless black abyss.” *thoughtful pause* “Or the lights are off.”

[arsenicroguecatnipheart]

Things I Overheard at School Sentence Starters

because i can thats why

“SATs don’t mean shit; it’s like believing in Scientology.”

“Kick him in the groin and tell him you only date older men, not little boys.”

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE STILL TALKING ABOUT SPACE HELL.”

“This is the only school where we can have a bomb threat, two gas leaks, a shooting threat, and a teacher revealed to be a pedophile and still not get sent home.”

“E-mail him back and tell him he has no bolas.”

“You all never shut up, if an active shooter comes into this building they’ll come to us first.”

“If a shooter comes in during 4th hour I’m going to text my mother that I love her and accept my death.”

“You can’t rely on British prejudice for these things.”

“I eat people.”

“I told him his twos looked like Z’s, and he said, ‘say that to my face’ and so I did.“

“Whenever Lincoln dies, I cry.”

“A guy from my work gave me 100 dollars to buy a weighted vest.”

“Do you want to make a suicide pact in case we get snowed in at school and have to be stuck with these people?”

“I hate how you bullshit through life, but it’s quality bullshit.”

“Five pages every day for six months and I finished Watership Down.”

“Here you go, you damn hetero.”

“LISTEN, I DIDN’T GO TO CARTOGRAPHY SCHOOL AND IF I DID I’D MAKE BETTER MONEY AND BE RESPECTED ON A DAILY BASIS.”

“My mom could hack them!”

[anotefromyoursubstitute]

Overheard in the library

Middle school girl to her friend, mid chess game: Okay, now my prawn can take your queen.

[anotefromyoursubstitute]

overheard in art room

teacher 1: (on the topic of tempera paint) We can call it temper paint for short

teacher 2: Yeah it does make me angry when I have to paint. And hungry.

[funkyspunkyjunkie]

Yeah, sometimes I just watch clips from Vegitales

Some art kid in the hallway (via funkyspunkyjunkie)

[offdisplay]

I was going to throw this [tissue box] in the trash and you made it so geologically incorrect.

Sick student with an addled brain (via offdisplay)

[offdisplay]

And then we stop the heart because we can’t work on a squirmer.

A student quoting a teacher about open heart surgery. (via offdisplay)

[offdisplay]

Can you mumble louder?

8th grade boy (via offdisplay)

[anotefromyoursubstitute]

outside of my sibling's school, overheard from two yards away (said with disdain): oh my god it's like hotter than africa

[fittes]

overheard

one thirteen year old boy to another: like, I admire you. that doesn’t mean I wanna date you though

[kainalisibach]

Dude, she said thank you—thats basically like second base.

Stupid shit overhead at school when I express gratitude to a dumbass for opening the door for me 😒 (via kaliisabel)

[0verheard-at-school]

“I swear to god I’m gonna wax you”