[another-ordinary]

A poem about not having

I remember that day

When you said in front of me

Don't worry about yourself

I will always be here

Almost crying told you that

You ruind my life

every time i hear "dad"

Part of me want to die

Thinking about that

I never had mine

Worried that you are not coming back

always putting you first 

every day waiting for those three words

pretending it's alright

saying I understood

killing myself for you

Because you always wanted more

I gave you a million second chances

shed thousands of tears for you

I lied better than I read

and it's all for you to see

I'm waiting for you to stop drinking and start loving me

I remember when you said this for the first time

I love you darling - the drunkard said, not my dad

You saying these words was always my dream

But this scared little girl was dead

Because of father who never existed

Now after all this years

I think I made a mistake

That I allowed myself to believe

That you could give this love to me

Now I'm almost twenty years old

Crying on the bedroom floor

Because I haven't heard from you

Since you left this house

After ripping us all into millions pieces

With no instructions who to fix this

Mayby even when I said I hate you

Mayby even when I said I don't care

I feel like abended child

And now

Now that you're real gone

I know

That I never will be ready for this.

I won't be ready to lose my dad

Even if I never had one.

- another-ordinary

ZG

[another-ordinary]

Back to writing after 5 years

[emotionalwords]

[harmony-and-peace]

„Zanim zaczniesz się z kimś kłócić zadaj sobie pytanie, czy w ogóle ta osoba jest na tyle dojrzała, by zrozumieć inny punkt widzenia niż tylko swój własny. I tu wcale nie chodzi o wiek tej osoby”

- @harmony-and-peace

[witchyykitten-deactivated202501]

everyone talks about cutting off a toxic parent

but no one ever talks about the pain of wanting a parent but knowing yours cannot love you the way they should

[memesforeveryone76-deactivated2]

Say it louder for the people in the back

[deeptrospection]

[butterfliesoverfeelings]

Betrayal after betrayal,

I suffer after suffering,

I breathe their poison

and still survive.

How desperately I cling to life,

They hate me while I tried to love,

They kill me and I learnt to live.

[another-ordinary]

 I like this job I really like what I’m doing and I wanna be happy about it but what I don’t like is that I can’t stop thinking about her like it doesn’t matter what I do how much of happiness is bringing it to me she’s always on my mind and I can’t stop. I can’t do anything about it. I can’t get rid of her. It’s like she’s permanently a part of me that I can’t get rid of, a part that it doesn’t matter how hard I try it’s always going to be there. I wish I could talk to her and just go back to normal just forget all that. Just forget that it happened. It’s almost like I’m gonna be crying about her for the rest of my life that she’s going to hunt me until the day I die.

[another-ordinary]

Guess I’m becoming homeless this Thursday

[another-ordinary]

I hate that I don’t have anyone to ask for help, like how is it possible that in theory I have so many friends but still no one to ask for help

[another-ordinary]

What do you do when the person you want and need to talk to is the reason why you’re feeling like shit?

[another-ordinary]

I said I love you so many times and you never even thought that I really meant it

[another-ordinary]

I stood up for myself for the first time and you are ignoring me which makes me regret everything I said even though it was all true but I can’t afford to lose you

[another-ordinary]

I just unscrewed this from a pencil sharpener… you would never know what this means unless you went through it…

[another-ordinary]

Not wanted

You always stop talking when I walk to the room,

and start after I leave,

in front of me you’re telling someone

“I have to show you something but not now”

You don’t talk with me

Everything I do is wrong,

When I offer help you don’t want it…

You invited me here…

You wanted me to come…

And now you can’t even talk with me?

Did I do something?

Did I say something?

Tell me because this is exhausting

- another-ordinary

ZG

[another-ordinary]

If you don’t want me here, just say it. It will hurt but I already feel not wanted so you will just ease the pain and make it stop quicker