I thought I had "severe social anxiety"

cloudy | 22 | any pronouns | queer | genderqueer | self-dx autistic | ask to tag | I try to use tone indicators when I remember/ think they're necessary but let me know if you'd like me to add them to any given post

[another-undiagnosed-autistic]

I just realized that the reason I never related to any of the "clothes itchy, I have specific clothes needs and preferences" symptom of autism is because I just. Internalized it differently?? Instead of being incredibly averse to certain fabrics or styles, I've always gotten really really excited about fabrics and styles that I like, and then tried to replicate it in all the clothes I own. Fashion is also one of my special interests, which definitely contributes. But I think this is why the conversation about sensory repulsed vs sensory seeking is so important when talking about sensory processing disorder, because the perception of (white, male, 12yo) autism is often that we are sensorily repulsed to, well, everything. But sensory seeking is often more or less an equal part of spd.

[another-undiagnosed-autistic]

alexithymia is like oh i have some stressful things coming up but im actually pretty chill about them im ok and not stressing except then i wake up a few days in a row not being able to sleep past 10 even when im trying to sleep in because my heart is doing the thing where i can feel it beating at all times as if ive consumed caffeine except i havent and its like ok i guess i am stressed even though in my brain im not??

[another-undiagnosed-autistic]

Ok so one of the things about how my autism manifests is that I have to be specifically invited to or told I can do something before I will be able to do it. Cursing, for example. I still don’t really curse when I’m not typing because I never started to, knowing my parents weren’t ok with it, and nobody’s ever really peer pressured me about it otherwise, they just think its a little funny and quirky when I bring up the fact that I don’t curse.

This is also a HUGE part of how social interactions work for me and why I find them so difficult. I need to be invited into situations and conversations and I need to be invited to be a certain way with somebody or comment on a certain thing. I always said when I was younger that I wasn’t shy, I would talk to anybody if they would talk to me first. 

And the reason I bring it up now is that I’ve recently realized how huge of an impact it’s had on my sexual identity. Until college, it was still a bit taboo to consider yourself as a sexual being, especially in my private catholic school. Other people were doing it, of course, because teenagers will be teenagers, but I’m only just realizing that the reason I never considered myself as a sexual being isn’t because I’m not interested but because I knew it was taboo and repressed it so hard.

I’m not mad at myself for all the years I considered myself aroace, because those labels were really helpful at the time and any other labels would’ve been forcing myself into an identity I didn’t understand yet. It is really funny though, when I think about it, because I decided out of the blue the other day to try on being a sexual being and then it’s like a switch was flipped and suddenly another part of myself that I never knew about came to light. All because being in college and around people who are so sexually free has given me permission to try it out.

[teacupesque]

Weird take:Autism should be renamed to sensory processing disorder and be a distinct medical diagnosis

Because the one thing that all people on the spectrum share is that certain sensory inputs are physically painful.

I think the reponse to things being painful being to punish the ways to cope with that pain WITH MORE PAINFUL STIMULI to be unbearably evil. (I.e. behavioral therapy)

Punishing people's response to pain, no matter how awkward it is, is wrong. Unless they are hurting themselves or others then intervention needs to happen.

But the intervention should be removing the painful stimuli, not punishing the person for being in pain because of it.

That's like immediately grabbing a person's obviously, bone-sticking-out kind of broken leg during an accident and squeezing it repeatedly and then shouting at them to stop screaming about it.

The other things about developmental delays, inability to function or awkwardness make sense. A person cannot focus, study, speak clearly, or do anything "normally" while under such duress. Hell, a person can't be held liable in court under duress.

Why do we put the stress on the adults and children in pain to magically stop being in pain? They can't control that. It's unfair.

I think the renaming would also focus more on how to make the world stop being so painful in the first place and less on "why are these people being such a nuisance" because hello, people don't do that to like, people injured in disasters.

Did I scream at my mom to stop being weird on chemo? No. I looked stuff to try to make her more comfortable because she was in so much pain.

There are at least lots of studies and funding for pain research.

If this is a bad take, infodump at me about it. I'm in the mood for large amounts of info to be dropped on me also I am a six piece chicken McIdiot who misses things.

[ifihadmypickofwishes]

There are some gaps in the logic here.

Sensory processing issues don't just mean that some inputs are physically painful. Issues with sensory processing can also mean underreacting to certain input. This can actually be dangerous with certain senses; if someone puts their hand on a hot stovetop and doesn't get the "Stop!" signal clearly, they could get seriously hurt. Sensory processing issues can also mean getting garbled sensory information that isn't necessarily painful. "My arms hum when I get nervous" is garbled, but not painful.

Sometimes removing the painful stimuli is not possible. If the thing causing someone sensory distress is their own body, they're just kind of hosed.

Even for people whose sensory issues are sometimes or always painful, pain is not always a constant. The social issues, special interests, language impairment, etc., don't all go away when the pain goes away.

Brain scans show a variety of neuroanatomical differences in autistic people in areas that are not normally used for sensory processing. This suggests that there are multiple things going on in our brains, not just differences in the parts of the brain that primarily handle sensory input.

People may not behave poorly towards those injured in disasters, but they can absolutely be ableist to people with chronic conditions. This is not a one-time, clearly visible event like getting in a car accident would be. Autism is a long-term deal.

I do think you're giving people a bit too much credit in saying that people would realize ABA-style therapy is bad if we changed the name of our disability. Mistreatment can still occur even when a disability is understood by others.

(The question of whether people can be held liable in court if they were under duress depends on the court, the alleged crime, and the alleged form of duress. That's a side issue though.)

[autisticjoy]

i pretty strongly disagree with the renaming, firstly because ‘sensory issues’ isnt the common denominator for autistics, that’s technically a separate disorder that already exists and a lot of autistic people have, to the extent that if youre diagnosed with ASD the SPD is basically implied, though not always applicable.

the bigger issue i have with this is that it seems to be glossing over the actual definition of autism? like i understand that critique can be levered at official diagnostic criteria but theres ‘critique’ and theres ‘making up definitions to a word thats does actually mean something’. autism is (extremely simplified and from memory) a) issues with social situations/relationships, and b) “limited” or repeated or otherwise unusual interests and behaviors. other common traits include sensory processing disorder, but thats not the central trait of autism.

to clarify, the fact that sensory issues arent taken seriously sucks and needs to be fixed as soon as possible. causing people unnecessary pain and disbelieving them and forcing them past their pain limit is all awful and should absolutely be addressed. i just disagree that this would be the way to do that, as non-autistic people can also have sensory porcessing disorder and (although admittedly rare) autistics dont always struggle with it.

[another-undiagnosed-autistic]

Yeah I basically completely agree with the other two. SPD, while usually co-morbid with autism, is definitely its own thing in some cases. For example my roommate deals with it so much worse than I do and I am autistic whereas he is not. 

My primary struggles with autism are definitely anxiety and social skills related more than anything, though I do deal with SPD on a lower level. There definitely should be more recognition of the fact that SPD is an autistic struggle that should be grappled with more by society at large, but it’s not The Autistic Trait. 

We call autism a spectrum for a reason and trying to box in the definition to just one thing can be harmful to both autistics and non-autistics.

[vergak]

I seriously don't get all the negative discourse around self diagnosing autism, especially as an adult. "Just go get diagnosed" ah yes, autistic people, famous for their ability to navigate medical bureaucracy without clear instructions, how easy for them to get a diagnosis! Why didn't they just think of that!!!

[another-undiagnosed-autistic]

One of my least favorite Neurotypical Things is when they ask you a question like what you would do in a certain situation or something to that effect and you’re supposed to humor them and say something you would never actually do and if you say what you would actually do they’re disappointed. Like “would you run into a burning building for me” I mean probably not but not because I don’t like you? I just wouldn’t do that because I’m not fireproof? 

[autisticadvocacy]

How an understudied trait has skewed autism studies for decades | Spectrum | Autism Research News

Many autistic people have a little-known trait called alexithymia, defined as having difficulty identifying one's own emotions. New research suggests that the overlap has been confounding studies of emotional issues in people with autism for decades.

“The ‘alexithymia hypothesis,’ if correct, may not only explain the broad range of emotion-processing difficulties autistic people appear to have… It could also shake up how autism is screened for, diagnosed, treated and even defined.”

[bisexualbaker]

[Link image: The reflection in a handheld mirror of a white person with dark hair and blue eyes, their expression blank. On the tiled wall behind the mirror are yellow sticky notes with various emotional expressions drawn on them End ID.]

I’m wondering if this is also present in ADHD, with our executive function problems related to emotional regulation and such.

[another-undiagnosed-autistic]

That Neurodivergent Feel when you fact drop a random fact because your brain collects them like pennies and it was relevant to the conversation and then your friends make fun of you for knowing it and then reference it ALL THE TIME as a little inside joke and you have to pretend it doesnt sting a little because you just wanted to share a fun fact to contribute to the conversation, not to be a know it all

[another-undiagnosed-autistic]

My sister: *decides she absolutely must go through her clothes and purge what she doesnt wear when she should be getting ready for a clarinet lesson* tbh I might be ADHD

Me: tbh i think autism runs in our family

My sister, without missing a beat: you right tho--

[another-undiagnosed-autistic]

i always hear people in neurodivergent circles talk about having poor interoception but is it possible to have overactive interoception instead? like how you can either be sensory seeking or sensitive, but just with interoception instead. because i find that one of my worst anxieties is with health because often i freak out over the smallest discrepancies in my body and am extremely intolerant to pain, like one of the main reasons i never got super involved in any athletics is because i could never get past the initial pain that comes with exercise. idk if this could be yet another autism thing that i always just assumed was a me thing but its interesting to think about.

[another-undiagnosed-autistic]

My mom read a book with an autistic character in it recently and it apparently mentioned sensory hypersensitivity in it or something because she was telling me about the book and mentioned it but a while after she finished explaining it to me she went and said she thought she had a bit of sensory hypersensitivity and also my sister (theyre both really sensitive to loud noises whereas im not but my sensitivities are in other areas) and I’m just sitting there like play it cool play it cool oh god what do i do i can’t just say i think four out of the five of us in our family are autistic but youre so close--

[another-undiagnosed-autistic]

I’ve told exactly one person in my life that I think I’m probably autistic because we’re really close and she told me once she thinks she’s ADHD but she’s had conversations with her mom about getting diagnosed and her mom sucks and told her she doesn’t have ADHD and she shouldn’t self-diagnose and last night my probable neurodivergence came up in conversation again because idk I think I keep seeing it in places where previously I just blamed anxiety and she told me that there’s a difference between being autistic and having a few autistic traits and she was like “cause I have a few autistic traits too but that doesn’t make me autistic” and first of all I am so convinced she actually is ADHD or some type of neurodivergent despite what her mom has tried to convince her so that’s not a great argument and second of all,,, I know??? Like this isn’t just me reading a few relatable Tumblr posts, I’ve read the DSM-V, I’ve done research, there was a while there when autism BECAME my special interest, which is what I will call it because I am, actually, convinced I’m autistic, and it’s just so annoying cause I know some of this comes from her mom sucking but also some of it is just a lack of knowing what autism really is because most people don’t really know and it’s times like these when I think a diagnosis would be really helpful but then I remember all the discriminations that come with having an official diagnosis and the money it costs and the possibility that even after all that money I might still not get diagnosed if I don’t have a doctor who actually knows their stuff when it comes to autism and it just sucks and I just needed to rant for a bit so yeah.

[another-undiagnosed-autistic]

me: I don’t need fidget toys I usually just fiddle with a pencil or something anyway and I’d never use them

also me after getting spinning tops for easter: why can I literally not stop myself from spinning these any time im near them what

[autismeow]

There are so many stereotypes surrounding autistic people, but a couple of the most frustrating (to me) are that we are emotionless and lack empathy. Luckily, the autistic community has made great strides in changing that - especially for the "lacking empathy" one. However, there are a lot of neurotypical and non-autistic people who now think that all autistic people are extremely empathetic. I want people to know that isn't always true.

Autism is a spectrum of many different traits, which means that there are people in both groups - extremely empathetic autistics, as well as autistics that have lots of trouble with naturally feeling empathy. There are also plenty of people in-between. I think with advocating for ourselves, a lot of times, we focus too much on pushing only one idea, when we should be making sure everyone is represented - not just one group (the empaths, for example).

If we keep pushing just one idea, sure, we will definitely change peoples' views. However, we're leaving out the autistic people who don't experience empathy, and we need to make sure they feel seen, too. We need to make sure neurotypical people understand that autism is a spectrum, with every single trait varying from one person to the next. We are not all the same. We don't want to create a new stereotype in place of an old one, right? That would cause plenty of new issues.

This is the same with pushing that we are all filled with emotions, all the time. I am on the hyper-empathetic, hyper-emotional side, but there are so many people who are not. Many autistic people have something called alexithymia, which affects their ability to recognize their emotions. This is common in people who have low introception (the ability to detect physical needs). There's a misconception that it means they don't have feelings, which is not true at all. It just means they have trouble recognizing what physical feelings mean in relation to emotions, causing them to have trouble identifying which emotion they're experiencing. Someone with alexithymia might be really sad or really angry, but aren't able to tell. They just know they don't feel good.

If you want to read more about this, @pixiesbigwhy on Instagram recently made a great post about autistic people and empathy. Pixie does lack empathy, and has trouble with introception, so they are more qualified to speak on that than I am. They also have many more very informative posts on many different subjects.

Autistic people are not robots. They are not all the same. We are just as different and our individual traits and experiences vary just as much as they do with anybody else.

[tfw-adhd]

[another-undiagnosed-autistic]

Teachers who dock your grade based on participation are ableist and I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to realize it’s not my problem if a teacher makes a class inaccessible to me.

[somewhat-neurodivergent]

i’ve had teachers take points off of assignments because i “don’t participate in class”, but being in a google meet with 10+ kids for almost three hours makes me really overstimulated…. I put off my homework until the afternoon/nighttime because of it.

[another-undiagnosed-autistic]

I was having a (mandatory) meeting with a prof a few weeks ago and she brought up my participation grade which is a B right now and she asked if there was anything she could do to help so I told her to call on me more because that’s really the only sure fire way to get me to talk in class and she was like hmmm but what if you just raised your hand more instead? Granted it’s a language class so I understand why participation would be important but like you literally asked me how you could help and then just proceeded to not??

[another-undiagnosed-autistic]

I used to make fun of how “shy” I was by bringing up this one time in middle school when a guy told me he thought I was mute after I said something and I laughed it off because obviously I wasn’t mute, I talked, just not in situations I wasn’t comfortable in, and now knowing that I showed textbook signs of selective mutism when I was younger (and a bit still but much milder) this exchange makes a lot more sense