Um... hi... so basically...

any pronouns / 22 thousand years old / transitioned into nothing / lesbian / you were born with a dick in your brain

[oldbutchdanielmolloy]

i like my music and it makes me happy and i dance and i smile and i groove to the rhythm

[antelopebitterbush]

actually genuinely not a joke going to kill myself

[antelopebitterbush]

anyone? seriously?

[acid0174963047393649462528135]

[antelopebitterbush]

about to perform the insomniac's gambit

[antelopebitterbush]

ocd so powerful i start making a gameplan for impossibly unlikely scenarios at the job interview. if there's a bomb, i throw myself atop it, blow up, shower viscera everywhere, etc, am remembered as a hero. if the interviewer asks me to get on my knees and open my mouth, i am doing it. if i start uncontrollably pissing my pants, i speedrun kill myself.

he asks me regular interview questions like "how do you handle conflict" and i straight up do not have an answer

[antelopebitterbush]

guh

[antelopebitterbush]

how come i've lived ten thousand years and still don't know jack shit. i've been working for years, but i can't think of any marketable skills i possess. i've been living in a fantasy land where, if these others goals don't work out, i can just go back to retail. but now even the retail jobs won't take me. what.

[antelopebitterbush]

housing some cherries right now. looking at job listings. i have to get out of here i have to get out of here i have to get out

[gawdland]

what doesnt kill you makes you go out walking on sunny days until you end up on a tree-lined street where you can look up at the gaps of sunlight and realise you miss them more than anything

[str-ngeloop]

the trouble is with intellectual self-minimization is that there's an incentive for it -- never make any claims that anyone could take issue with and you'll never need to defend them and you'll never need to face-off against power-knowledge. Then again, I am seeing now how self-minimization could also be a more selfish way to protect beliefs that you worry deep down could be refuted by others in a way that you may find convincing. If you're attached to these positions and you're also attached to the identity of being someone with epistemic rigor, then you might avoid bringing these beliefs up in front of other people you trust and who you see as a justified epistemic authority for fear of having them confronted. For fear of either -- being forced to defend them -- even if you have a defense ready there's a social cost there, there's an emotional cost there -- but there's also an epistemic risk of being convinced that certain beliefs aren't justified. and being forced to abandon a position you're attached to, or forced to feel the ego-dystonic awareness that you're not as rigorous and ironclad as you saw yourself to be. and that others can see it too. I think, partly, I hold on to the notion of being a person who cares deeply about epistemic rigor because I hold positions that if seen at low resolution in bad faith could mark me as being part of a camp I don't actually want to associate with.

I also think that chains of logic built to defend positions from attacks (which are themselves motivated in various ways) are markedly different than the chains of logic one actually takes to arrive at a position, which is different again than the chains of logic you might present to teach people in an intelligent way. the pedagogic justification is different from the defensive justification is different than the immanent justification.

[antelopebitterbush]

#yass

[antelopebitterbush]

drink my penis potion

[antelopebitterbush]

i must kill

[batavias]

I think this is the most romantic image in the world

[deactivated1053489]

Masculine and feminine are over. Its just The Urge now. The desire. The torment.

[antelopebitterbush]

shaving my whole body excepts the armpits and bush for feminism