You Look Different Each Time
Hi Mom,
Iâve probably only seen you less than eight times in the past five years. You look different each time. Sometimes Iâm not even fully aware that I lost you and that you are just another person in my dreamâŚuntil I wake up. I then have regret because itâs not every day I get to see you and have a small conversation or enjoy a crazy adventure with you. Usually the dreams I have about you are short. Except for the first one. I remember each piece of it very clearly. I was hanging out with my friend Emil in your room. We were watching television and all of a sudden, there was a knock at the door. Emil stood on the bed to look out the window to see who it was. He said, âDude, its your mom.â Without hesitation, I ran to the door and he followed behind. Right when I opened the door, you were there. You looked healthier than ever. Your hair was brightened and your body was glistening because of the sun. Right when I was about to break into tears, it was like the scene of that dream cut to you hugging me saying, âIts okay baby.â It really felt like your presence was real and that I felt your actual comfort when you hugged me. Right now, this is the first time I am seeing you in a lucid dream. Iâve been walking around a quiet neighborhood and creating what I want to experience before entering a house. Iâve gone through a couple so far. And whenever I walk down the street, I just keep creating the thought that no one or nothing will appearâŚbut you did. I was walking down this street and I see a shadowy figure coming my way. There were streetlights but even my vision in dreams is terrible. When you were about fifty feet away, I smiled and started to walk faster towards you. Out of all the times Iâve seen you in a dream world, I never had this much time to talk to you. I never had control of the dream where I would want you to just stay and listen to me. But I want to continue believing that I do not have that control right now. I want to know that you are standing here in front of me not as a visual image that my mind has retained. I want to know that it is really you. I want to know that you are okay and I donât have to be afraid when my time comes. I want to believe that I heard your footsteps upstairs more than a few times. And I wasnât the only one who heard them. I want to believe that the bright silhouette that passed through Michael and his aunt the same day of your wake was some form of you. I want all of this to be real. If I could watch an old VHS and see you in motion, why canât this be you right now? I love you mom and regardless if you say anything right now, Iâm still going to cherish this moment...whether I am creating it or not.
âŚI love you too babe. I miss all of you and just know that you donât have to be afraidâŚbecause I wasnât.










