cruciō

you have an army of words hidden behind your teeth, ready for a battle they’ll never see. .

[antientia]

crazy... it’s been 4 years since i logged into this account, woahhh.

[illuminosity]

moon: it is a tragedy, yes? that you have all the light in the galaxy to offer, while i may only reflect yours? / sun: but dear moon, i am lonely, i am poison to the touch. too often the ones i love come away with burns. if you dream, dream to be the stars, for mortals send up their dearest wishes and secrets to the stars. / stars: envy us not, we are but pinholes against the canvas of the sky. envy the moon, the center of the masterpiece, the sovereign of the wolves and the tides and the night.

“celestial dialogue”, paperharbors (via gabriellightwood)

[antientia]

“Someone was talking smack about you; long story short I spent a night in a cell.”

in the room occupied by two, there is laughter - it’s quiet, and dances on a thin line of a chuckle and full-out laugh. amusement paints her features as she lays back against the chair, and rests her arm against the handle. 

such a statement leaves her feeling flustered, though she senses the presence of sarcasm ( she’ll forget about the latter temporarily ). 

“ah?” it comes out as a soft whisper, but the way soojung perks her head up with a brow raised and how the corner of her lip etches into a small smirk exhibits traces of interest and curiosity.

“so how did it go, ashe? tell me all about it - from what happened to the night in a prison cell,” she says with her arms crossed loosely against one another. although soojung doesn’t show it, she’s somewhat grateful (to have someone who has her back).

[antientia]

incoming: ( new ) starter call. like this post for a starter; mutuals only, please!  add my aim ( acinitium ) if you wish to plot, or you can leave your aims below!

side note: i removed the previous starter call because of inactives and such.

[antientia]

“you’ve told me that story twenty times already.”

hidden beneath a facade of normalcy holds excitement and anticipation. soojung isn’t normally like this, she’s a peculiar child who runs too far and loses herself in coming back. 

and it’s just like this. she loses herself amidst the story she’s telling. 

           i: (time.) truthfully, she doesn’t keep track of time and often states that it moves too quickly for her liking (silly soojung, time was just a concept made from mankind). she tells haneul the story of how she met this boy during a trip back to shanghai, china. she remembers little details about him: his hair was freshly trimmed, he had a cheeky grin plastered on his face, he wore black on the hottest day of the week. she doesn’t know the exact location or how she met him. to be frank, soojung doesn’t recall asking for his name and only remembers the way he looked. 

          ii: (memory.) the boy was only a memory. she tells haneul about how he persuaded her into doing things she wouldn’t normally do, things that were far from her comfort zone. she tells her about the times where he taught her how to be free in the lightest sense because he knew how she was: clever yet lost. he taught her how to find herself (in shanghai). 

“you’ve told me that story twenty times already,” haneul mumbles, her voice is quiet but it’s loud enough to catch soojung’s attention.

a soft laugh emits past her lips and she leans back against the couch, bringing up a pillow to lightly hit haneul (who retaliates for too quickly). “well, it doesn’t hurt to listen to it a twenty-first time, right?”

[antientia]

                                      a kingdom of open flesh leaves                            behind broken bones and bloodied remains.                                     the pain that lingers is a tragedy.                                          a bitter kind of destruction.

[antientia]

Sunrise & 11:11.

aesthetics themed questions ( enter ) // not accepting

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go” - t.s. elliot.

there is a realization that testing one’s ability to move forward allows them to find their limitations, preventing themselves from taking the risks, it also hinders the chances of the individual from finding themselves. 

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

answered here ( enter )

[avaritiem-blog]

[ ... ]

her slightly anxious figure brings back his calm and collected attitude, and he slips into an unoccupied chair as he watches her, curiously. “sure you don’t wanna know? not even a little bit?”

[antientia]

temptation and the eagerness to know shows through her movements. she’s staring him down with sharp eyes and the subtle way she cocks her head to the side is her way of showing curiosity. 

pride shows absolutely no signs of its appearance in her. ( and it shouldn’t given the fact that soojung has been at a constant battle with the sin ).

she makes no comments about his wariness, assuming that the elder had his reasons for staying quiet. and she doesn’t really mind for she would be silent about her own matters as well. 

soojung doesn’t ask until seokjin brings it up ( and thank god he did because curiosity had been consuming her for the past five aggravating minutes ). it’s weird, she thinks, at how an individual can be so wrapped up in something and all it takes to reduce the level of concern was to be exposed to the matter.

“of course i want to know, but if it’s nothing illegal, why were you so anxious about it earlier?”

[fuckyeah-fx]

vousmevoyez

[antientia]

handwriting + 11:11

aesthetics themed questions ( enter )

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

father, tell me why your grip was strong that i was never able to grab a hold of freedom.  

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

answered here ( enter )

[antientia]

Fairy lights, daisies, matte, 11:11

aesthetics themed questions ( enter )

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

to know why my father committed an act of infidelity. if love is as amazing as he says, i want to know why he lied to my mother.

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

i have several notable accomplishments in my life, but i guess it’s the fact that out of the many applicants that applied to the company i’m currently in, i was one of the top few that passed the rounds. 

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

i wouldn’t. change is a rather extreme concept that i wouldn’t want to touch upon ( she’s not used to it, is what she wants to say ). there are chances that i could die tomorrow, so what makes things different if i were to die in one year? 

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

i. i think being able to possess the ability to go back in time would be cool. i want to see where things went wrong, but of course, changing things up would be drastic for the future.ii. i wish to meet some of my favourite authors and poets such as c.s lewis (yes, he’s dead), and rowling as their works impacted my childhood. it’d be nice to hear a few words of advice. iii. meeting nietzsche is rather extreme but i found his work to be influential, especially in the case of a specific work of his: genealogy of morals. his thoughts in “first treatise,” were rather intriguing. i guess having this as a wish is absurd but i want to know how his mind wrapped around the concepts of “good” and “bad”.

[dalsvn-deactivated20170506]

[ ... ]

“ sorry, ”  he says, the words falling flat compared to his earlier apology. he’s sure she knows why, considering she’s part of this entire “not-getting-along” thing they have going. he directs his gaze away from her but questions, “ shouldn’t you be at work? ”  then, as if thinking better of asking her anything, he grimaces slightly and shakes his head, “ forget i asked. ” 

[antientia]

dull mornings. blue skies. cold air.       it starts like this,  loud chatter. hot coffee. comfort.       a beginning to a new day. 

the line at the coffee shop throws her off, given that the business was never that busy to begin with. but she waits because she doesn’t really mind the line ( she can never start her day off without a bit of caffeine in her system anyways ). it takes a few minutes to pass for soojung to finally order her drink and slide over to the next line - this time to await her order. 

while she waits, soojung doesn’t hear the concern that grows from the crowd behind her until she feels a rather gentle ( yet harsh ) push against her that has her turning around. her eyes dart towards the puddle of coffee and then towards the male behind her and she’s about to forgive him until her mind focuses and realization sinks in.

she doesn’t say anything but instead, utters a soft scoff under her breath. she can feel the sudden shift in his behavior the moment he recognizes her. gratification emanates strongly within the two that it causes a rift in their so-called ‘friendship’. “all good,” she says, a tinge of indifference is evident in her tone. “but taking back a question the moment you ask is rather....” she pauses, sarcasm befalling her. “rude, don’t you think, moonchul?” his name slips off her tongue, tainted with bitterness, and ill thoughts of him relay in her mind. “but to answer your question, no, i have the day to myself today. and besides, if i didn’t take the day off, you wouldn’t have had the pleasure of seeing me again. honestly, when was the last time we’ve actually had a proper conversation? a year?” she asks but doesn’t really care for an answer. it was only a matter of keeping him on alert, and having him realize that his sense of self-satisfaction against her was getting nowhere. 

[antientia]

winged eyeliner.

aesthetics themed questions ( enter )

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

addressed to: jung soojung,

how are you, my twelve yearold self? i have a favour to ask of you.

be freeyourself.

perhaps the favour is too grand and too extreme at your age, but i hope you listen to my words carefully and do not make the same mistakes i did.you are young now but life will come at you at full speed far too soon if youdon’t unleash yourself from the grasp that father has on you.

expectations runs through your blood and the need to alwaysachieve better than everyone else will be suffocating.

i know.

this is why i ask this.

sincerely, the future you.

[antientia]

black nail polish, pantone, 1975.

aesthetics themed questions ( enter )

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

1) to do something my parents would never let me do 2) overcome my fear of deep water3) do something rebellious

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

give her trust, she’ll return in love. tell her stories, she’ll give you memories. hug her goodbye, she’ll kiss you hello. spill a tear, she’ll offer her shoulder. her name is song hyera.loyalty and commitment. unforgiving and generous. troublesome and vengeful. quiet and reserved. spiteful and merciless. he’ll wrap his fingers around your neck and snap within the blink of an eye. he is wrath. his name is jung junseo.with passion, comes desire. with a drive, comes a crave. he's demanding and eager. it’s easy to yearn for him. it’s easy to be consumed by him. he is lust. his name is jung seojun.

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

flowers blossom on the 5th of may. there’s laughter and chatter. the sound of waves clashing against each other can be heard from a distance. the sea breeze is gentle against her porcelain skin. she’s happy, she’s free. she’s laughing, she’s smiling. the metal spoon against her fingers is cold and heavy, but she manages. mother tells her to be careful when she’s playing in the ocean. father tells her mother that it’s okay. 

they’re smiling.they're a family.soojung is five years old at this time. 

[antientia]

sunrise, painting, thunder

aesthetics themed questions ( enter )

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

don’t think. it complicates things. just feel, and if it feels like home, then follow its path. - r.m. drake.

to her, the quote signifies the importance of serenity. staying calm and finding comfort in things will allow her to be at the best of her ability.

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up. 

i don’t dress up for halloween, and even if i had the chance, i still wouldn’t. ( she’ll actually want to put together a simple ‘cosplay’ outfit of tifa lockhart from final fantasy. but she won’t say that in person. )

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

answered here. 

[scxttish]

ohhh but a long distance relationship plot where they only have skype, phone calls, social media, and texts to keep their relationship going!!! and they go through all the usual relationship stuff except it’s so much more difficult because they’re not even in the same state/country so every little thing is magnified. so there’s longing and jealousy of any physical relationship the other has and late phone calls where they have to comfort each other when it seems like all hope is lost. and then eventually they finally meet/reunite and it’s super daunting because they’re not used to being physically together but my god they’re so happy and in love and cute as hell!!!

[antientia]

Grunge, Old Books, & Thunder.

aesthetics themed questions ( enter )

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

to jung soojung,

always put yourself first.

your future self.

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

she’ll stay quiet, but the question will resonate within her mind. it’s the fact that her parents have her wrapped around their finger at a young age that soojung wishes to break free from it. freedom. she wants to be free. 

but their hold on her strengthens with each burning grasp.

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

take someone’s life away from them.