ephemeral

a mere forgotten memory.

[antrgrde]

Are you just going to disappear on me again?

angsty sentence starters

He didn’t mean for it to happen again—he didn’t mean to disappear without a word. Honestly he just forgets. He forgets where he is, what he’s doing, the day—he forgets. It’s been happening more frequently (that’s what Taehyung has been telling him and what he’s read in his notes) where he suddenly just forgets. He forgets everything that happened and he’s a blank slate. It’s dizzying just knowing that his memory is failing on him and that he can forget the people he’s met randomly in the middle of the day rather at the end of the day. What has he done to make it worse—he honestly doesn’t know.

Seokjin can’t look at him in the eye—he can’t bring himself to tell the boy that he doesn’t remember his name, that anything that occurred between the two of them is gone. Lost somewhere in a void. Memories of their friendship (they are friends, right?) slipped between his fingers. The only thing that brings him relief is that the boy looks familiar, he thinks. He recognizes him at least and there’s a sense of familiarity, he just can’t put a name to the face.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I… I didn’t mean to.” He honestly didn’t. “I didn’t mean to disappear—I kind of… forgot?” It sounds like an excuse to him—it isn’t, but at the same time it does. He would give him empty promises of not disappearing, but he knows it’s impossible.

It’s impossible for him to give promises because he forgets them in the end. He forgets all the promises he gives and even if he writes them down he can’t go through with them. He gives the boy a small smile, “sorry,” he says again. “I-I’m sorry.”

Sorry is the only thing he can really say anyways, even if it’s as empty as his promises.

[inboxmemethings-deactivated2015]

Angsty Sentence Starters

Are you just going to disappear on me again?

Are you saying that this is my fault?

Don’t pretend like you ever cared.

Everything was a lie, I was just using you.

Forget you ever met me.

How could you leave me here?

How long have you known about the affair?

I always knew I’d end up hating you.

I don’t think I can trust you anymore, or ever again.

I hope you never forgive me for what I did to you.

I needed you and you weren’t there.

I never want to hear your name again.

I remember when you made me happy, I don’t know what I was thinking.

I should have never trusted you.

I thought you said you’d never hurt me.

If this is goodbye, make sure I never see you again.

It was fun while it lasted, but I can’t do this anymore.

Just the thought of being around you makes me feel sick.

People have died because of you!

Please tell me what I did wrong, what I can do to fix this.

There’s no such thing as love, at least not between us.

Was everything a lie?

We used to have something great and now I can’t get far enough away from you.

We’ll never be able to go back to how we were.

What about all those nights, do they mean nothing to you?

What we had meant nothing to me.

You can’t just walk away like nothing happened!

You never want to see me again?

You used to give me hope and now you give me nothing.

You’re so caught up with impressing everyone that doesn’t matter.

[iunmo-archived-blog]

          "Aish, seriously? Now you are just using made-up stories so you can clear me out of your zone?" He lets out a low groan emit from his mouth, getting a bit annoyed at the latter’s words in which he assumed that it was a joke just to tease him. "You know, Seokjin. If you want me to go away you could’ve just said so instead of wasting my time. And to think that I see you as a very nice person, and then I got this? A guy who seems to avoid me at all cost?" 

[antrgrde]

"I... no, no I'm not trying to... I... how do I..." He freezes up-- he doesn't know what to do, what to say. Whatever he says right now wouldn't be considered the truth. He doesn't know how to prove his condition, it's almost impossible to prove it, not unless he wants them to live with him for a day. And he doesn't-- he knows he's only going to freak out in the morning finding a stranger in his apartment. How the hell does he solve this-- it could possibly end with him showing the man his journal. A last resort he's almost willing to take.

"This sounds ridiculous, but..." He's hesitant, but this is the only way, right? "I have amnesia? I'm not certain myself, it's written in my journal," he brings out a tattered journal and shows it to the man. "But I... apparently I'm not able to create anymore new memories and it's been two... three years since then. Here, you can look through it if you want."

[antrgrde]

pops in! hello i'm gonna go on a semi-hiatus kinda since... um i really need to focus on school, but i'll still be rping on the side (thursdays and weekends at most!) but i'm still open to plotting (here's my halfassed plots page, it doesn't have to be these tough) ;w; and if you'd like to plot hmu in my inbox

[brokenly]

[bangtan]

Handsome Jin

Cutie Jin

Charming Jin

Pretty Jin

[antrgrde]

; disappearing || ksj & kth

[taevinyl-blog]

There was something about Taehyung that made him stick through. Was it because he was that loyal? Or he couldn’t bear the thought of losing someone he grew attached to? Him and Seokjin were quick to be friends. There were some mishaps when Taehyung felt frustrated the first few times why Seokjin would forget about him so easily. But finding out the truth, it made Taehyung feel closer to his new friend. Years now since then, now here he was. Walking into the same hospital that he dreaded because of how the atmosphere felt but was always looking forward to just hang out with Seokjin.

He was sitting down on his usual spot along the rows of blue chairs, he was in the social room and he felt Jin’s presence next to him. Taehyung’s lips curled up into a grin, causing his eyes to crease to half moons when he greeted the other but a sudden feeling settled on Taehyungs chest when Seokjin said sorry. “Hey..you know how I feel about that..” He mumbled quietly. 

For being younger by a few years, he looked up to Seokjin for how brave he is to deal with his amnesia. “You know I am here to stick through..” He meant it. Every word. Playfully ruffling the others hair, Taehyung always tried to find new ways to have Seokjin remember him. “Did the doctor tell you anything new?” His head tilted, he always tried his best to keep up with the latest news, he was the type to always worry himself to sick honestly.

It truly probably was how Taehyung felt. He was a loyal good kid, he would take time out of his school and work to see Seokjin as possible and to tell him everything. It was usually just appointments ever since the release but Taehyung was always on high alert, trying his best to analyze the other when it felt off or when the look in Seokjin’s eyes caught him knowing that something was wrong. It was hard on them both honestly. But that was what friends were for.

[antrgrde]

Seokjin doesn’t understand—he doesn’t understand how one person is so willing to stick by him, even though he ends up forgetting them the next day. Taehyung is written almost every day within his journal and somehow there’s always a new polaroid of him. Taehyung has been there by his side and he can’t ask for anything more. Their constant interactions became another routine for him, he might not remember Taehyung, but there’s a sense of familiarity when he sees him. There’s a trust he feels and he doesn’t want it to disappear. He laughs, pushing Taehyung’s hand away. “I’d say yes—but you know how my memory is.” Always forgetting and he’ll only forget more really.

But he can’t help but to frown slightly. Today was odd. The doctor said nothing about his condition. He didn’t say that he was getting better, that it was the same or if it were getting worse. Nothing was said, but he knows there’s something wrong with him. His headaches are getting increasingly worse and becoming more frequent (something he jotted down), it’s not normal, but he doesn’t want to worry Taehyung. He’s already a burden to begin with.

Seokjin shakes his head and smiles slightly. “No, not really. He didn’t tell me much actually.” He really didn’t, but he already feels like he’s lying to him. “He did say that everything is the same and he doesn’t think it’ll get worse,” he says. “Not unless I bump my head or something.” He stands up, pulling his satchel over his head. “Remind me to write it down later? Please?” He’s been at the hospital long enough—too long really and he wants to leave. “Ready to go back?” He grins. “Don’t think I can spend another minute here really. We can go back to my apartment and watch a movie, I’ll cook you something too.”

He’s ready to go back, to escape the suffocating air. He wants to soothe the unease he feels and the anxiousness. The lack of answers he got from the doctor was worrying, but he doesn’t want to think much of it. He hasn’t gotten one of those headaches he mentioned in his journals, so that’s a good sign, right? It’s good, right? But really, he doesn’t know.

[iunmo-archived-blog]

          "Hey— Seokjin. Stop messing with me okay? I know you know me and vice versa. There’s really no way you could’ve forgotten me in just twenty-four hours." He nudged the other’s shoulder softly with a frown appearing on his features. "So this is how it goes, huh? Do you do that to everyone or just me?"

[antrgrde]

His frowns deepens, the man knows his name-- does that really mean he knows him? "I'm not. Why... why would I be messing with you?" he says, flinching a bit when the man nudges him. The man knows him, but he doesn't know him. He knows his name. Was his memories gradually becoming worse? This wasn't mentioned (written really) in his last appointment with his doctor.

"I don't-- I, er... it's a condition I have? I'm sorry if I forgot about you or anything that happened yesterday," he looks down at his feet, "I can't really help it."

[antrgrde]

!! just a little note, i might not be on as much since the next couple of days i'll be moving into dorms and that other jazz, but we'll see! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

[iunmo-archived-blog]

          "What do you mean you don’t remember me? We literally just met yesterday!" Alex can’t believe of what was coming out of the male’s face, in which it caused him to roll his eyes out of disbelief. He remembered everything clearly of what happened yesterday, why can’t the latter even remember Alex’s name? Surely the male was just kidding, right?

[antrgrde]

Seokjin frowns, he doesn't understand why the man was getting so worked up over this. He isn't anyone he knows and he doesn't recall meeting anyone new yesterday, nor was anything written within his journal about meeting anyone. But the latter is certain that he met him. "We met... yesterday? Are you sure you aren't mistaking me for someone else?" he asks.

[antrgrde]

Thoth, Bran, Cernunnos

Thoth: Do you like to read/write?

"Yeah! I love reading—" He pauses and frowns. "But now I always lose my place, or I find my bookmark at a page I’ve never read yet. It’s… odd?" 

Bran: How is your health?

"My health has been fine— I think." He reaches for his journal out of his bag and skims the pages. "Yeah, it’s been fine. My memory has been fuzzy for… a while now." He looks down and smiles softly, running his fingers through the pages of his journal. "That’s nothing to worry about, right?" 

Cernunnos: What is your favorite animal?

"Dogs! I like dogs!" He exclaims before pouting and crossing his arms. "But people told me I’m not allowed to take care of one anymore. I can take good care of them— why am I not allowed to have a dog?"

[antrgrde]

horus , aphrodite .

Horus: What is one thing you’ve had to fight for in your life?

"Normality in life probably," he says with a shrug. "Normality is hard now with… my memories like this. Basically I’m living with a routine and in ignorance—" A sigh escapes and give a small sad smile. "But even if I say this, I’ll forget it anyways."

Aphrodite: What do you think of yourself?

What does he think of himself? He hasn’t really thought much of it, nor has he ever been asked the question. “Handsome?” He laughs. “No, just kidding. Honestly I think I’m awkward and really forgetful, but I can’t do much about the forgetfulness.”

[antrgrde]

Mythology Asks

Anubis: How do you feel about death?

Atum: What are your greatest imperfections?

Bastet: Do you have any cats?

Hathor: What brings you joy?

Horus: What is one thing you've had to fight for in your life?

Osiris: Do you believe in the underworld?

Ra: Do you have any major responsibilities or importance?

Thoth: Do you like to read/write?

Arawn: What is the most terrifying thing you've ever done?

Bran: How is your health?

Brighid: Tell us about your relationship with your father.

Cernunnos: What is your favorite animal?

Danu: What is your relationship with your mother?

Morrigan: What do you think happens when we die?

Olwen: What is your favorite flower?

Rhiannon: Have you ever been betrayed?

Bragi: What kind of music do you listen to?

Freya: Have you ever been in love?

Freyr: Do you have any children?

Hœnir: Are you a silent or talkative person?

Iounn: How old are you?

Loki: What is the best trick you've ever pulled on someone?

Odin: What is your family like?

Thor: Would you consider yourself pretty powerful?

Tree: What have you done with your life? What are you going to do with it?

Aphrodite: What do you think of yourself?

Ares: Are you an easy person to anger?

Athena: Would you consider yourself an artist?

Apollo: Do you play any instruments?

Dionysus: Do you drink?

Hades: Do you have a bad reputation?

Hekate: Have you ever tried to communicate with the dead?

Hermes: Have you ever stolen anything?

Poseidon: Are you a moody person?

Zeus: Are you a confident person?

Jupiter: Would people say that you are intimidating or fairly approachable?

Pluto: Where do you think we go when we die?

Apollo & Dianna: Do you prefer to be up during the day or at night?

Mars: Have you ever gotten into a fight?

Minerva: Do you generally give good advice?

Proserpine: Have you ever felt trapped?

Plutus: Do you have a job?

Venus: Have you ever had your heart broken?

Vesta: Do you like being home or do you try to get out whenever you can?

Morpheus: Do you daydream often? Of what?

[antrgrde]

; entry #1 { 140815 }

❝ Today was normal—I think. I wouldn’t know but it sounds the same as the previous entry I wrote. I woke up—ate breakfast, went to work, had lunch, went back to work and came home with dinner. Is there anything out of place other than that? Taehyung visited me though, he had to remind me of who he was (in the end I still couldn’t recall who he was), but it was fine, I had my journal on me. My entries lately have been getting shorter and shorter and I don’t think I mean to leave it like that. Again, I wouldn’t remember. I wouldn’t know. Maybe it’s because there hasn’t been anything memorable lately or I've been more forgetful lately… Ah, who knows? ❞

                                                                                                        –Kim Seokjin

[antrgrde]

; disappearing || ksj & kth

The hospital shouldn’t’ be anything new to Seokjin. He’s been there before… in a coma apparently, but he’s been there and it shouldn’t make him feel nervous, it shouldn’t make him feel uneasy. But it does, it puts him at unease and he tries all he can to avoid it, but he can’t. He has to go, it’s required of him to go every month ever since he was released from the hospital. But today the anxious feeling is more apparent, something was going to happen—something definitely was going to happen and he doesn’t know what. Maybe he felt this unease yesterday too, maybe that’s why he asked Taehyung (a friend he can’t remember—but he’s certain he knows him) to accompany him. Seokjin shakes his head away of all the thoughts, he shouldn’t think too much about it. He’s already at the hospital, he’s already in the waiting room, waiting for his name to be called.

Think of the present, he reminds himself. Just don’t think of the future because in the end he'll forget it all.

Taehyung is next to him humming a tune—he feels slightly at ease, but all he can do is stare down at his lap. He just has to get this over with, he won't remember it anyways. He looks up and gives the boy a small smile. “Um,” he turns to Taehyung, “thanks for accompanying me? It’s probably troublesome being friends with someone like me.” Especially when he can never remember Taehyung’s name or face. “Sorry.”

[antrgrde]

; interrupted || ksj & jhs

Seokjin’s life is a routine—it’s a routine he doesn’t remember, but is aware of. It’s a dull routine and he’s completely aware of it, but the routine is necessary and he has no choice but to follow it. He can’t function without a routine and it’s terrible, it sucks, but in the end he doesn’t remember it because the next day all those memories he’s created are gone. All the faces he’s seen throughout the day, the food he ate, the scenery that passes by him as time ticks away, it’s all gone. And he isn’t aware of it, he’ll never be, not unless he can turn back time. But it’s impossible—it’s possible for time to be turned back and he can’t wish for it because that wish is forgotten at the end of the day.

Today isn’t any different. Seokjin starts it by simply waking up, memories of yesterday are gone and he groggily checks his journal—then his phone for any memos or videos he possibly uploaded. Brushing his teeth is next and actually making himself look decent for the rest of the day. Then breakfast, quick and simple, and then he heads to his part time job. And then it repeats—waking up, ‘recalling’ the lost memories, breakfast, work, lunch, home, dinner and sleep. It hasn’t changed since he was released from the hospital and it’ll never change.

The flower shop is a second home to him. He can’t return to college (something he has to note down in his journal everyday) and he’s resorted to working in the flower shop. Seokjin’s knowledge of flowers hasn’t disappeared and the owner knows of his horrid condition, it’s all fine. The only downside to working in a flower shop is the lack of customers (it’s fine really—there’s no regular customers to remember), there’s nothing to entertain himself with except for the people that walk by the large windows. There’s a light tingling and he looks up. An unfamiliar face—but then aren’t all faces unfamiliar to him? A practiced smile forms on his face and he greets the man.

“Welcome! How may I help you?”

[antrgrde]

peeks head in, hi-- i finished plot page-ish? and so, maybe plot with me? maybe... even if there isn't a lot, we can still come up with something soo \o/ i'm here ready to part-- plot.