#blvjae

[madeintokyo]

hologram.

i scrubbed the smell of saltwater from my skin ; it's much stronger now than it's ever been . ( aqvatik )

          [ some say he's sick — maybe it's true. maybe it wasn't at first. a mere caricature they dreamed up for him when he came home with a cheshire grin on lips too red (brandishing sharpened teeth) and bruised knuckles. when all of his ten fingers, skeletal and imbrued with  b l o o d, caressed the white bodies (canvases!) mommy bought for him & he created masterpieces as pretty as the fear in her eyes. what can he say? he's much changed now, he is once again that quiet boy everyone used to hold dear but no one takes notice of it (no one takes notice of little things, after all), so the image remains. that's okay.

he adapted anyway. (truth be told, he kinda got worst.)

he's never told anyone about this — that there is never real silence inside his head, that he has never slept soundly since he was seventeen. he dreams everyday and some come true, some hide in the back of his broken mind (they spill on late nights, leaving him awake), some make him cry, though most are just memories. of mommy, gangsters, cold neon lights, pale skin and messy sheets.

delirium hits him when he can't fall asleep & his brain hurts. (maybe he really is sick.)

a faint ringing sound coming from the door crowns him woozy, drawing his gaze away from the window and all his musings crumble. he rises with his favorite toy (a pack of cigarettes) in the palm of his hand, attempts to poise himself by swallowing the smooth air as he stumbles his way across the studio. he doesn't even bother to look into the peephole before he opens the door.

and now he's staring right at melancholy — the one he's got a crush on. ]

          " ... "

[ inhale, exhale. ]

          " You look a little lonely. "

[madeintokyo]

i.

" you're cold. "           " i don't feel cold. " it's all the same. fingers like skeleton tracing the piece that has been engraved upon perpetually icy skin ; an unfinished path on lower hip writhing around the back. ink and blood in his head, ink and alabaster before his eyes. the reflection of that gone night bitten by desire flickers in his mind and he remembers it too well. inhale. exhale. he feels his dead heart tatter painfully slow but he doesn't show it. love hurts, he knows. and the murmuring of the tattoo gun once again whispers through the quiet room, swaying with the frail beat of rain kissing the windows. he's not the same. not since the white rabbit lured him away into the labyrinth of love, keeping in its pocket the feelings he held for ahn jaehyun that he ran away from, that he wanted to deny real bad because he was unsure if it was right to even play with the idea of being with such man. innocent, he was – and curious, too so he merely smiled. still, he was in love, wasn't he? he followed, teetering with excitement after the white rabbit like a child when promised a candy until he fell down the hole. he's hit bottom and he can't climb back up. he feels down all the fucking time. eat me,  d r i n k  me ;

this is only a game.

yoichi's been eating his dinner in the bathtub, staring too long in the mirror, finding comfort in the cruel embrace of solitude. and his smiles don't reach his eyes anymore, even as he gambols around the funhouse of a nightclub sometimes, seeking another taste in someone else's mouth to forget his, warmth in a stranger's arms but he still feels cold, cold, cold. he hates the cold but those cold hands keep touching him even when they're not there, wrapping around his neck so tight, always caressing his body ; they never leave him. "it's done," he breathes out softly then wipes away the excess ink and seeping blood from the finally complete tattoo, wondering if it means anything at all to him. just like how he wonders if what they have is only ephemeral. if his gazes that linger for a beat too long make him special but maybe he looks at others the same way, too when they're not together and he feels a little lonely. does jaehyun like it? when he's on his back, arching for more, leaving marks on his pale skin which flagrantly read crazy love heavenly pleasure. or perhaps he is simply a decision made on a whim just like any other. for someone who talks too little, yoichi thinks too much. he steals a glimpse at the clock [12 AM, november 16 ; please don't remember] then watches him rise, walking to the mirror slowly and turning to admire the work of art. "it's pretty," a sigh escapes him. the younger soul looks on with a morose smile and dewy eyes as jaehyun comes closer to him a while later. he stands right in front of yoichi, tall and gorgeous, watery moonlight cascading down his bare skin before he grabs his chin, staring into those teary eyes. why are you so sad? is the question written all over his features. he doesn't understand, he knows. but he leans in, planting a gentle kiss upon a fluttering eyelid then the other. he draws back only to brush his lips against anxious ones and he mutters, "happy birthday." you can want me but you can't have me.

[madeintokyo]

night time, my time.

" I’m useless and I know it–          Auditory hallucination ;

                                 You said, "I don’t care what I’m thinking about                                                  but I’m thinking of you right now." "

Tᴀᴛᴛᴏᴏᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘɪᴇʀᴄᴇᴅ souls contorted their bodies to the haunting music in a serpentine dance with hollow eyes, liquor animating them whilst the ever infamous radiation, the addictive brand only Izanami could bleed, made them dream of suicide. Though, amidst the neon lights and electronic fumes, the violent sea of unknown faces where there was a fight on one side and a fuckfest on the other, silence still conquered the dark place... Or perhaps, he was wrong. Perhaps it was just an old friend, after all – loneliness, was it? Laced with ennui, the sigh leaked from his mouth, a sound ringing pellucidly in his ears despite the loud slow tune that the black walls shivered to the moment he swayed out of the body art parlor and into the dim side of the nightclub. It hardly came as a surprise that Yoichi was not exactly attracting a lot of cash tonight unlike usual, he looked like shit even though he had cleaned himself up and did his best to look presentable. Blackened eye. Busted lip. Bloody nose that he had gotten tired of wiping and so, he let the red liquid trickle down to his mouth where he would just lick it. The normal things that would happen whenever a young gangster lighted upon a rival. He flounced to the bar aglow with expensive drinks and candies, nodding at the bartender who was also a friend in silent gratitude when she offered him one of the latter of the two things. The boy stripped the sweet of its fancy wrapper then popped it in his mouth, savoring the bizarre taste [like the establishment itself] that had no effect on him or any of the other employees, but would certainly ignite his darkest desires had he been mere mortal. His honey eyes smoothed along the crowd as he bit down on the lollipop in his hand, kinda dying for something or  s o m e o n e  to arrest his attention.

[avgxst]

" i just need you to write us something beautiful ".

"I don’t know what you mean by that," August replies, each word with increasing vehemence. With his torso leaning over the piano, August buries his face into crossed arms resting against the sheet music rack. His knee bounces beneath him with growing frustration; the notes, the melody were there yet August, try as he might, couldn’t grasp them. 

[seulchi-blog]

dream ,

Dream: Three wishes I have.

"First of all— for me and my sisters stay together forever. I hope that nothing will ever seperate us. Also, I wish to be able to— understand myself and my emotions which remain a mystery to me. The same goes to my understanding of this constantly changing world."

[aptcryptic]

∯∯∯ ,

∯: and here i thought you'd learn the first time that playing the victim is practically useless. just stop already.

∯: you tell me i'm amazing but really, it's actually you. because i'm really not all that great. you know me, so it shouldn't be a surprise when i say that.

∯: you know exactly how they treat you, yet you continue to stay with them. because you love them? you can't live without them? please, this isn't high school. grow the fuck up.

[antrgrde]

horus , aphrodite .

Horus: What is one thing you’ve had to fight for in your life?

"Normality in life probably," he says with a shrug. "Normality is hard now with… my memories like this. Basically I’m living with a routine and in ignorance—" A sigh escapes and give a small sad smile. "But even if I say this, I’ll forget it anyways."

Aphrodite: What do you think of yourself?

What does he think of himself? He hasn’t really thought much of it, nor has he ever been asked the question. “Handsome?” He laughs. “No, just kidding. Honestly I think I’m awkward and really forgetful, but I can’t do much about the forgetfulness.”

[lightboats]

♣ uwu i really like your style of writing and think it matches with kiyomi very well. and i just want to say you're a sweetheart and i'm happy to have a thread with you ( even if i'm terribly slow otl )

( you sweetheart, you = u = ! i'm so excited to write with you & have these two develop together. he's a completely sweetheart - and so are you, of course, and i'm already liking the small comic relief (?) Kiyo has with Jaehyun. don't leave ever. )