I've come to realize at 40yrs.
“You can forgive and not speak to those that hurt you with their works.” This statement impacts incredibly differently when you practice removing those people and their works. Entertaining draining people cause your mental space chaos. Plummeting you into spaces you have to fight and claw out of daily. When you remove the conditioned behavior of believing you have to deal with people because of anything they may have been to you at any time in your life (believing you're being loyal) you kill the need to associate yourself. Loyalty should be a reciprocation virtue, not one-sided foolishness. You should never have to sacrifice your peace to others. A friend who jas allows you to cry, scream, or word vomit all over them, but tells your inner darkest secrets, or doesn't stand up for you against others but instead joins in with them to gossip, spread lies, or regard you- doesn't deserve loyalty. #TakeCare Family, those who share the same strands, should always defend you. However, it would seem they're the first ones to hold you in low esteem. Depending on your upbringing, you could feel you have to overlook their disrespect- lacking a better term, just take it. You don't want to be disrespectful by defending yourself because they're your elders right. ABSOLUTELY NOT. Strands can be snipped while maintaining respect with a simple “Take Care” or no words at all.
There should never be a time where you feel so loyal, to anyone, you have to be emotionally or mentally beaten down repeatedly. Love doesn't feel like a death sentence and enduring abuse over and over again for the sake of love, loyalty, or any other suitable devotion is a form of self disservice.
Personally, I think as an adult one should've learned to have a disagreement and still maintain respect. In that thought- yes, fight for your relationships with people. In marriage, friendships and within family there will be disagreements, and arguing will happen. It will bring you into a In a relationship where there is a small fight that can grow into a bigger battle. Put your gear on, and talk it out. Debate- in fairness to get to a mutual understanding and respect. However, there is no requirement to continue a battle if war won't result in restoration. Just like in the Art of War, there needs to be a plan to rebuild the damage. Be knowledgeable to your efforts and the purpose behind them. At the same time, understand if their measures don't match yours, there needs to be a cutting off of sorts. Restore love in whatever way your own spirit says you need it. Whatever it looks like, their actions- not words, in front of you aren't the same actions behind your back, it if the disrespectful or low valuing of you continues then there are still smoldering infernos and continuing those associations would just result in your mental space living in a third world level of depression. Holding grudges, laying in wait to pounce when you feel devalued, it becomes an expectation. You're expecting to be devalued. How sad must the people, your teachers- if you will, have had to be for you to always expect to be devalued. I know all about the regretted opportunities not speaking up, I know all about the regretted arguing your side. Oh but now, I've come to realize that life is more than what’ve I've bee conditioned to see and with the help of my life partner, I know I can forgive and walk away.
