Monterey Bay Aquarium
šŖ¼
will byers stan first human second

Andulka
Cosmic Funnies

Love Begins
AnasAbdin
we're not kids anymore.

titsay
Stranger Things
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Today's Document

Kaledo Art
Claire Keane
almost home
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
I'd rather be in outer space šø
Aqua Utopiaļ½ęµ·ć®åŗć§čØę¶ćē“”ć

PR's Tumblrdome

No title available
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Bangladesh
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from Sweden

seen from Malaysia

seen from China
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
@anyrainyday
the songs like āscooby doo where r youā but heās always right there. like the fucking dog is never hiding or missing or anything so what the hell
yesterday i drove by an elementary school in dc called Horace Mann Elementary and their mascot was a centaur and it took me a second to make the connection and when i did i i almost started screaming but i was in the car with my coworker who i donāt know very well so i had to silently suffer for what felt like hours. horse man
Real life Bad Santa doesn't f*ck about!
A Wisconsin mall Santa decided to handle one of the naughty list members early this year when a young girl told him her Christmas wish was for her stepdad to stop molesting her. He and four of his elves attacked the guy, who was waiting nearby, and pummeled him unconscious.
An eyewitness recalled, āSanta didnāt say nothing. He just grabbed the back of the guyās skull and headbutted him REAL hard.ā The witness continued on to say, āThen Kringle got on top of him and just started pummeling him. He was laughing and screaming āHo! Ho! Ho! Motherfucker!ā
I love this.
There should be more stories like this
This is beautiful. I support vigilante Santa.
āhe just left in the middle of an argumentā dump him āhe rolls his eyes when I start to cryā dump him āwe never agree on what movie to watch and we always go with his choiceā dump him āwhen heās mad heāll stand up straight and tower over meā dump him āhis friends make me uncomfortableā dump him āhe didnāt appreciate the gift I made himā dump him āI donāt like that he drinks every dayā dump him āsometimes he ignores what I said during sex unless I say it againā dump him āhe told me he doesnāt like it when I wear my favorite sweaterā dump him āhe threw something when he got mad onceā dump him āhe wonāt yell but sometimes heāll just stop responding until I stop talking about itā dump him āhe doesnāt want me to go to my friendās parties without him, but he never wants to goā dump him āhe pouts and says his last girlfriend did it for himā dump him āhe plays pranks on me that I donāt likeā dump him āhe doesnāt think my jokes are very funny and makes fun of me for itā dump him āhe wants me to wear more make upā dump him āhe got angry that I cut my hairā dump him āhe still hasnāt met my parentsā dump him āhe talks about me giving him kids, but weāve never talked about our futureā dump him āhe whines that condoms donāt feel as goodā dump him āI like having a boyfriend, but I have to put up with a lot for this oneā dump him (:
āall he wants to do whenever we hang out is make out/have sexā dump him āhe gets upset when he has to go somewhere with meā dump him āhe doesnāt like my friendsā dump him āhe complains about spending time with my familyā dump him āhe says that i need to do stuff for him because he bought me somethingā dump him āhe blames all the problems in the relationship on meā dump him āhe gets mad when i donāt text him, but he never texts me firstā dump him āi had to actually convince him to watch a movie with meā dump him āhe makes everything into a competition, and he always has to winā dump him
being in a relationship shouldnāt make you feel as though youāre boxed in by what your s/o wants. itās your hair, do what you want with it. if he doesnāt want to make concessions for what you want to do, but always wants you to follow along with his plans, then you need to find somebody more flexible. your likes and interests are not OWNED by your significant other, nor should they be. youāre still you, regardless of relationship status, and you need to celebrate that.
concept: instead of hedwig, Harry goes into the pet store and this little snake in the back of the store talks to him, obviously gets his attention more than the other animals, and harry feels sorry for it so he takes it home. Then the snake helps Harry throughout his years at hogwarts as harry carries it wrapped around his hand all likeĀ āpssssst, haaarryyy, the dark lord isss coming sssā or just petty shit likeĀ āhaaaarrryy, now is the time, assskkk out cho chaaannnggā
The snake getting really agitated in second year and Harry likeĀ āAw, whatās wrong little friend?ā
And snakeās likeĀ āNah donāt worry itās cool, itās just that big fuck-off snake in the pipes that keeps making you think youāre hearing thingsāitās like, ten thousand foot long, and Iām a corn snake, so you know. Bit intimidating.ā
Third year he eats Scabbers and saves them all a lot of time
concept: willy wonka and harry potter take place in the same universe the ministry of magic haaaates Willy Wonka
āMr. Wonka,ā Dumbledore smiled warmly, looking down into the Pit from his podium. The members of the Wizengamot muttered disapprovingly, shifting in their seats. Willy Wonka, clad today in a bright magenta suit and tophat, beamed cheekily up at them from his chair, his silver-gloved hands cradling his chin.Ā
āMr. Dumbledore,ā He replied brightly, with the barest hint of a lisp.Ā
āI trust you know why you are here?ā Dumbledores question was crisp and businesslike, but the twinkle in his eye gave away his amusement at the situation.Ā
āNot at all! Iāve nary a clue,ā Wonka wiggled his eyebrows. Dumbledore audibly stifled a laugh.Ā
āYou are accused of improper use of magic, improper use of muggle artifacts, and several counts of using magic in front of a muggle,ā Dumbledore reminded him. He conjured a projection with his wand. Displayed in grainy sepia was Willy Wonka, arm around a boy of around 10. Behind his back, he twitched an ash wand, and machines in the background around them whirred to life, producing all manner of sweets.Ā
The projection ran its course and collapsed, and Dumbledore stowed his wand back inside his robes.
Wonka smiled and fiddled with his hat.Ā
āHow do you plead?ā Dumbledore asked, leaning forward eagerly for what would surely be an amusing trial.Ā
āNot guilty on all counts,ā Wonka said, perhaps a tad smugly.
The members of the Wizengamot muttered amongst themselves. Not Guilty? Impossible!
Dumbledore hushed them quickly.Ā āExplain, if you would. We have, after all, quite a mountain of evidence.ā
Wonka stood and brushed a bit of dust off his suit. He tipped his hat mischievously.Ā āOf course,ā he grinned.Ā
āFirstly, use of magic shall only be considered improper whereby it is applied to cause harm or applied recklessly. All magic used in my sweets is rigorously tested for both safety and taste. It is not used to cause harm, but to bring joy.ā Wonka paused to adjust his jacket.Ā
āBut surely,ā Dumbledore said, leafing through his notes,Ā āyou cannot deny that you illegally charmed several thousand muggle artifacts?ā
āAh, but I can,ā Wonka said, now twirling his cap in his hands.Ā āMuggle artifact refers, of course, to any muggle made object. But, you see, I built those machines, each and every one. They are not muggle machines at all, but wizarding machines, built by a wizard. The factory itself, as well. You could argue that, as machines are a muggle invention, I still broke the rules, but then I could argue that every wizard dwelling with any charms applied to its walls is in violation of the law, as muggles were the first to make bricks.ā
The Wizengamot glared silently. He was right, of course. Violating the spirit of the law was not illegal if one followed the letter.Ā
āAnd the last charge? These are definitely Muggle children, are they not? No magical talent, raised in muggle society?ā Dumbledore straightened his glasses and peered down at Wonka, his eyes still bright with intrigue.Ā
āNot at all,ā Wonka grinned, placing his hat back on his head.Ā āYou see, the ticket system was not nearly so random as I pretended. The tickets were charmed, they would only becomes visible to children with magical heritage. All the children chosen were second generation Squibs.ā Wonka bowed low, as if he were finishing a particularly well executed play.Ā
āWell, ladies and gentlemen, it seems no laws were violated after all.ā Dumbledore stifled a grin at the groans of angry disapproval from the Wizengamot.Ā
āBut he very clearly violated the intent of the rules!ā Spluttered a large, rather red faced wizard in the second row.Ā āHeās justā¦cheating! Heās cheating!ā
āAh, this is true, but he did not, technically speaking, break any of the rules. He did not expose muggles to magic, nor enchant muggle made objects, nor improperly apply magic anymore so than any magical confectioner. Iām afraid we have to let him go.ā Dumbledore smiled gently and put away the rather thick file with Wonkaās name embossed on the cover. For the brief second it was open, a list of hundreds of charges withĀ āNot Guiltyā inked beside them was visible. It was carried off by a house elf, and the Wizengamot began to file out until only Dumbledore was left.Ā
āYouāre a very clever man,ā He called down to Wonka.Ā āWe could use you at Hogwarts, you know.ā
āNo thank you,ā Wonka called back, grinning.Ā āSkirting the law is far more fun!ā
Willy Wonka is a fucking Slytherin.
WTF?Ā āHome Aloneā is 25 this year????
IāM SO OOOOOLD!
this is an excellent time to talk about my home alone sequel idea
its 25 years later. a group of men track kevin down to an american-style suburban house deep in the jungles of cambodia. they stagger into his office, bruised and covered in feathers.
āyouāre a hard man to find mccalisterā
ānot hard enoughā
jump cut. a military officer is talking to a cia spook.
āyou donāt understand. heās the best. i saw him take apart a taliban kill team with nothing but the contents of a hardware store and a box of toy cars.ā
cut to afgan desert. adult kevin in modern military gear presses a detonator. several cuts show a rube goldburg device launching paint cans into startled assassins via planks of wood.
cut back to dark office.
āheās dangerous. unstable.ā the spook says
intercut of a man trying to sneak up on maccalister when he steps on a rollar skate and falls down some stairs. thereās punji stakes at the bottom.
āthatās why heās the best.ā
lights cigar
cut back to officer talking to kevin
āyour country needs you.ā
āi needed my country, and it wasnāt there for me. why should i be there for her?ā
cut to shady military black ops in the jungle, vietnam war style. kevin, in tiger strip special forces camo, watches a helicopter take off and fly away. cut to inside. the team, weary, sits in dejected silence, when one of them suddenly bolts upright.
āMACCALISTER!ā
cut back
āwe need you for one last job. weāve assembled an elite team.ā
zoom on kevinās face
āno. i work⦠alone.ā
HOME ALONE 3
cut to man strapped to chair in dark room. kevin is in the background, fetching something. he circles around him, rubbing his hands together.
āyouāre going to tell me what i want to know.ā
āfuck you.ā the man spits.
kevin claps his hands to either side of the manās face. He screams.
COMING THIS CHRISTMAS
kevin watches a city burn. a man points a gun at the back of his head.
āno fancy traps to protect you here. what you got to say to that, maccalister?ā
kevin whirls, disarms him, and kicks him off a balcony.
āmerry christmas, ya filthy animal.ā
RATED R
this is the best thing Iāve seen all week
How well do you see color?
Iām cry I scored 60, I feel blind
so everyone is aware, a lower score on this means a better score.
I got a 30!!!!!!!! Yes!
7, but iām an art student so
I got a zero. I donāt study art or anything, I just really like organizing my crayons
WE ONLY USE LEASHES BECAUSE DOGS CANT HOLD HANDS
I still get emotional every time I think about Appa getting kidnapped and Toph trying to save him and hold the library up and then she cries apologizing to him because she canāt do both and she shook me up more than Passion of the Christ ever did
I feel educated
Where was this when I was in calculus