āMr. Wonka,ā Dumbledore smiled warmly, looking down into the Pit from his podium. The members of the Wizengamot muttered disapprovingly, shifting in their seats. Willy Wonka, clad today in a bright magenta suit and tophat, beamed cheekily up at them from his chair, his silver-gloved hands cradling his chin.Ā
āMr. Dumbledore,ā He replied brightly, with the barest hint of a lisp.Ā
āI trust you know why you are here?ā Dumbledores question was crisp and businesslike, but the twinkle in his eye gave away his amusement at the situation.Ā
āNot at all! Iāve nary a clue,ā Wonka wiggled his eyebrows. Dumbledore audibly stifled a laugh.Ā
āYou are accused of improper use of magic, improper use of muggle artifacts, and several counts of using magic in front of a muggle,ā Dumbledore reminded him. He conjured a projection with his wand. Displayed in grainy sepia was Willy Wonka, arm around a boy of around 10. Behind his back, he twitched an ash wand, and machines in the background around them whirred to life, producing all manner of sweets.Ā
The projection ran its course and collapsed, and Dumbledore stowed his wand back inside his robes.
Wonka smiled and fiddled with his hat.Ā
āHow do you plead?ā Dumbledore asked, leaning forward eagerly for what would surely be an amusing trial.Ā
āNot guilty on all counts,ā Wonka said, perhaps a tad smugly.
The members of the Wizengamot muttered amongst themselves. Not Guilty? Impossible!
Dumbledore hushed them quickly.Ā āExplain, if you would. We have, after all, quite a mountain of evidence.ā
Wonka stood and brushed a bit of dust off his suit. He tipped his hat mischievously.Ā āOf course,ā he grinned.Ā
āFirstly, use of magic shall only be considered improper whereby it is applied to cause harm or applied recklessly. All magic used in my sweets is rigorously tested for both safety and taste. It is not used to cause harm, but to bring joy.ā Wonka paused to adjust his jacket.Ā
āBut surely,ā Dumbledore said, leafing through his notes,Ā āyou cannot deny that you illegally charmed several thousand muggle artifacts?ā
āAh, but I can,ā Wonka said, now twirling his cap in his hands.Ā āMuggle artifact refers, of course, to any muggle made object. But, you see, I built those machines, each and every one. They are not muggle machines at all, but wizarding machines, built by a wizard. The factory itself, as well. You could argue that, as machines are a muggle invention, I still broke the rules, but then I could argue that every wizard dwelling with any charms applied to its walls is in violation of the law, as muggles were the first to make bricks.ā
The Wizengamot glared silently. He was right, of course. Violating the spirit of the law was not illegal if one followed the letter.Ā
āAnd the last charge? These are definitely Muggle children, are they not? No magical talent, raised in muggle society?ā Dumbledore straightened his glasses and peered down at Wonka, his eyes still bright with intrigue.Ā
āNot at all,ā Wonka grinned, placing his hat back on his head.Ā āYou see, the ticket system was not nearly so random as I pretended. The tickets were charmed, they would only becomes visible to children with magical heritage. All the children chosen were second generation Squibs.ā Wonka bowed low, as if he were finishing a particularly well executed play.Ā
āWell, ladies and gentlemen, it seems no laws were violated after all.ā Dumbledore stifled a grin at the groans of angry disapproval from the Wizengamot.Ā
āBut he very clearly violated the intent of the rules!ā Spluttered a large, rather red faced wizard in the second row.Ā āHeās justā¦cheating! Heās cheating!ā
āAh, this is true, but he did not, technically speaking, break any of the rules. He did not expose muggles to magic, nor enchant muggle made objects, nor improperly apply magic anymore so than any magical confectioner. Iām afraid we have to let him go.ā Dumbledore smiled gently and put away the rather thick file with Wonkaās name embossed on the cover. For the brief second it was open, a list of hundreds of charges withĀ āNot Guiltyā inked beside them was visible. It was carried off by a house elf, and the Wizengamot began to file out until only Dumbledore was left.Ā
āYouāre a very clever man,ā He called down to Wonka.Ā āWe could use you at Hogwarts, you know.ā
āNo thank you,ā Wonka called back, grinning.Ā āSkirting the law is far more fun!ā
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