reiner is one of the most singularly tragic characters of all time. he fought for love. he loved the enemy. his protective instinct carries the force of a goddamn 18 wheeler. he's forced to choose who to protect and forced to always regret his choice. he's the 104th's big brother. he's the armored titan. fuuuuuck man.
Hell. It took him years to ever admit to himself that he truly had fallen for you.
After years of loss, grief, sacrifice, recklessness and emotional volatility, he tried to convince himself that it wasn’t worth it. Not worth the potential heartache. Not worth showing his vulnerability.
He knew that if he allowed himself to love again, it would be too much to bear.
He knew that. Of course he did.
But some unfortunate part of himself allowed it anyway.
At first, your relationship started slow. Easy. Most conversations being after strategy meetings late at night or quiet debriefings after long missions.
But the formalness didnt stop at conversations, but it was also in the silence of standing next to one another as you stood watch or helping tend to each others injuries without saying a word.
Levi’s feelings didn’t start because of your dramatics, erratic choices and spontaneous judgments.
In fact, it was because you were the opposite.
You were calm under pressure, sharp, quick and efficient. But the one thing he noticed out of it all — you were selfless.
Thinking of everyone else before yourself, and then falling apart when no one else is watching. And unfortunately,
Levi understood that all too well.
_______________
The real realization of how dangerous his feelings had gotten for you happened during a mission that had gone wrong beyond Wall Maria. Smoke filled the air in a thick cloud through the abandoned and collapsed buildings. Scouts were moving rapidly across broken rooftop shingles, ODM gear cables slicing through the thick air in harsh hisses and zips. Voices of command echoing through the chaos.
There were too many Titans. Not enough visibility through the smoke and steam and limited gas supply.
A pure disaster.
Levi landed hard upon a rooftop, the sound of a large 16 meter Titan falling to the ground behind him. The large creature shuttered the ground as it collapsed, causing the shingles on the roof to rattle like teeth chattering in anticipation.
He shook his blades free from the remaining blood of the Titan, watching as it began to steam as it hit the roof beneath him.
“Hange’s squad! Move East!” Someone shouted.
But Levi barely heard the man’s voice. Because nearly 300 yards away, your horse screamed. His head snapped up instantly at the shriek, the noise loud and sharp, slicing through the wind as a Titan reached for its hind legs. It swiped at them with enough force to drag both you and your horse into an unstable, half collapsed building.
“Y/N!”
Your name ripped out of him before he could even think.
Every soldier nearby seemed to freeze in place. Not because Levi screamed. But because pure, unadulterated panic was present in his voice.
Like a flash of light, he took off before the rubble of the building you had slammed into even fell. The gas of his ODM gear exploded behind him as he violently launched across the street at almost terrifying speed.
A Titan reached for him, nearly blocking his path.
In a flash, he killed it without ever slowing.
A twist of steel and pure fury. Nape bursting into steam. Dead before its body even hit the ground.
Levi landed in broken building and its rubble seconds later, sheathing his swords as he began to dig through the broken stones and wood. Splinters stabbed his hands, rocks scraped his knuckles. “Y/n!” He exclaimed once more, shoving the debris away from him as he searched.
You did not answer.
The captain’s pulse thundered, his stomach lightly twisting. Because suddenly his mind started to flood with every image of every fallen comrade he had failed to save.
Isabel. Farlan. His squad.
He’ll be damned if he loses you too.
Not you too.
Please.
Suddenly, the debris and rubble shifted nearby, causing him to turn towards you as you desperately tried to push a beam away to free yourself, a rough cough escaping your lips.
Levi almost staggered with relief as he pushed his way towards you. Once he reached you, he pushed the beam away with enough force to nearly splinter its wood.
You looked up at him, slightly dazed as you coughed once more. “Levi?—“
His hands, rough and panicked, searched your body quickly for substantial injuries. “Can you stand?”
You winced as he helped you up, your stance lightly faltering as your ankle shifted beneath you, another sharp pain stabbing at your side. “Barely.”
A loud roar sounded nearby, along with heavy thundering footsteps. Both of your attentions snapped up to watch as three Titans moved directly towards your positions.
“Fuck.” Levi hissed. You were injured, preventing movement speed and space, and their gas cans were nearly empty.
Shit.
Levi looked back at you, glancing down at your ankle. “Good enough.”
He grabbed you firmly around your waist, his arm locking hard around you as he launched the both of you into the air, his ODM cables hissing and screeching as they shot outwards towards their target against a broken building.
You latched onto him, your fingers locking around his harness as you watched the gas from his gear.
Too much. He was using too much gas.
“Levi, your gas!—“
“I know.”
Suddenly you both twisted violently in the air as another Titan swatted at the both of you. Levi shouted in frustration as he turned, his blade slashing through the Titan’s eyes without hesitation.
Levi winced at the sharp pain that shot through his ribs at the sudden maneuver. Probably pulled a muscle. “Tch.”
Finally they half crashed, half landed on a nearby roof of a church far away from the cluster of Titans they escaped. Levi landed harshly, his right knee slamming into the building’s stone as he dragged you into safety.
It wasn’t until the brief moment of stillness they got while catching their breath that he noticed that he was still gripping onto you. Gripping hard enough to leave bruises in his wake. At this realization, he quickly removed himself from you. However, that didn’t stop the slight shakiness of his hands.
Just barely noticeable. But of course you noticed.
You stared down at his hands, your expression softening just slightly. “Levi.”
Levi quickly looked away sharply as he shook his hands to try and rid himself of the shaking, staring down at the ruined buildings below them.
Unfortunately, he understood.
Understood that this love he somehow got himself into was not safe.
It was brutal. It was possessive in an ugly way that he would rather risk his life, and God knows how many other lives, than to lose you. Somehow his love for you had now become a tangled mess that interfered with his sense of survival.
He had lost too much already. Too many people. The idea of losing you not only hurt, but it made him willing to become absolutely and utterly ruthless, almost merciless, to keep you alive.
You noticed the sudden change in his demeanor as he allowed himself to feel this sudden realization.
You then reached for his shaking hand as you tried to stand, causing him to turn back to you to help you up. Immediately, you noticed the fury falter from his eyes as he scanned you once more, checking for injury.
Levi stared at you almost cautiously. Because despite the blood, the terror, and the violence that settled uneasily beneath his skin, he somehow found steadiness within your grasp. Your gaze.
You look at him with understanding, respect, and a new profound gentleness that made his stomach twist.
You stared up at him, studying those grey eyes you had come to look for first in every room. “You saved me.”
Levi stared at you for a long moment.
“Always.”
________________
You had fallen asleep in the med-carriage by the time everyone arrived back at Scout Headquarters.
Levi had rode close to the cart, his eyes barely leaving you as he watched the medics tend to your wounds.
He had them bring you to your room at the south wing of headquarters. Luxury of being a senior scout.
Warm candlelight lit the room, casting dark shadows against the wooden floors, the golden light reflecting off of your skin. Levi sat beside your bed without moving.
The bandages that had been wrapped around your chest were just barely visible beneath the blankets that covered you. The bandage that wrapped around your head was stained in old blood from the large cut that a fallen piece of debris caused. Bruises darkened the sides of your neck where the collapsing building nearly crushed you just six hours earlier.
It had been too close. Too close he had come to losing you.
Levi stared at the bruising against your skin, his expression empty.
The memory of watching you collide with your horse into the already collapsing building replayed viscously in his mind nearly every time he blinked.
Most traumatic instances happened that way.
He was never able to escape the grief and pain of losing those he cared for. The nightmares never allowed for him to sleep.
Levi looked down at his wounded hands. Scraped and scratched from digging through the rubble.
He had heard mumbling of other Scouts saying they had never seen him so terrified.
But they were wrong. He had been terrified plenty times before.
This time was … different.
It was a reaction from a man realizing that the one thing that was holding him together was gone.
You shifted slightly in your sleep, causing him to snap out of his thoughts and look at you. The realization of you still breathing, still alive, hit him painfully in his chest.
He leaned forward slightly, letting his elbows rest against his knees while he watched your chest steadily rise and fall as you breathed.
Suddenly, the door to your room opened slowly. The soft creak of the wood on its hinges making Levi’s ears perk up ever so slightly at the noise.
Silence followed.
Then a familiar voice.
“Levi. You’re still here.” Hange said. Levi didn’t look back, his gaze lingering on your chest as he watched you breathe. Silence settled in the room momentarily before he let out a tired sigh. “Obviously.”
Hange made a small hum of acknowledgment. A beat of silence followed before they responded. “You should sleep.”
“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” His response was sharp, rough, and full of exhaustion.
“That, I know.” Hange sighed before they set down the bandages they had brought. “The medics were busy with other casualties and decided since Y/n was stable enough, I could bring the supplies they needed.” They slightly turned towards Levi as he glanced towards the supplies that Hange had placed on the nearby table. “I can come back, though. To change their bandages.”
“I’ll do it.” Levi said before his eyes flicked up to meet Hange’s. Light still flickered within them, though there was a small sense of hidden exhaustion and worry.
His gaze softened slightly before he nodded once to them. “Thank you, Hange.”
Hange bowed their head slightly before making their way towards the door once more. “You should rest, Levi. Y/n is okay.”
Levi turned away from them to look back at you, studying the movement of your eyes as they trembled underneath your eyelids. He sighed, closing his eyes briefly before he responded. “Twenty seconds.”
“Huh?”
Levi scoffed at Hange’s response before he stared down at his battered hands.
“For twenty seconds,” his voice then sounded …wrong.
Detached. Like he was still trapped in that very moment the building crashed down onto you.
“For twenty seconds, they had stopped existing.” Levi said, his eyes opening, finding the rhythm of your chest once again. He laughed once under his breath. A terrible sound.
“You know the pathetic part of it all, Hange?”
Silence.
“I couldn’t think.” Levi admitted. “At all.” He hesitantly reached for your hand. The same hand that grabbed his six hours earlier. “I’ve watched people die my entire life.” He continued. His throat tightened slightly which caused him to bare his teeth.
“I’ve experienced so much death in my life. Death of people I looked up to. People I trusted.” His hand lightly tightened against yours. “People I loved.”
Silence.
“Then suddenly it was Y/n and I just …”
He stopped.
But he didn’t need to say anything else. Hange understood. Here was a man driven by a love that was desperate. A man who had survived too much loss, driven by a love that was built from grief, terror, and devotion.
A love now driven by instinct. A need for their survival.
It was dangerous.
Hange dipped their head once more, opening the door, the soft creak sounding once more. “Don’t hesitate to call for help, Levi.” Was all they said before they exited.
Levi bowed his head, letting his forehead rest slightly on his shoulder as his gaze fell to the ground. Rain drummed against the window, creating a soft ambience mixed with your steady breathing.
He stayed motionless for several minutes, just listening to the steadiness of your breaths.
He adjusted himself just slightly closer, his hand still wrapped over yours. His grasp was careful, as if he were holding something sacred.
Your fingers lightly tightened around his, as if you noticed his movement and didn’t want him to leave.
He sighed, a slight shake in the breath. He brought his other hand up to the one he held of yours, bowing his head. He shut his eyes for a moment.
He then spoke softly into the darkness.
A nearly silent sound.
“You can’t leave me too.” The words barely above a whisper.
A silent but tired, desperate and terrified of having to survive yet another grave, plea.
You stirred slightly at the sound of his voice. When your eyes opened, they were slightly disoriented. Then, your gaze immediately softened as your eyes fell upon him. “Levi…”
The captain straightened himself immediately. All of the frightening emotion he finally let himself experience, nearly vanishing completely behind unsettling composure. Most people would’ve missed it.
But nothing went unnoticed with you. Especially when it came to him.
You tightened your fingers around his hand, your gaze studying his own as he stared back at you. “You stayed.” Your voice barely a whisper.
Levi stared down at you like what you had said offended him. “Of course..”
Your eyes then fell to his hands. His injured, scraped and scarred hands. The skin around his knuckles were split open, the skin around it raw and red from digging through stone and splintered wood.
Your breathing hitched slightly with emotion, your thumb just lightly grazing over the injured skin. You felt his hand jerk slightly as he winced.
It was then you realized that he would’ve torn the rest of the building down, if it meant he would find you.
Levi noticed the silence that followed as you stared down at his battered hands. He stared down at you, his gaze flickering towards your face. “What?”
You looked up at him for a long moment, studying his grey eyes. The eyes that were trying to hide emotion, and failing.
You then gently lifted one of his injured hands to your lips, pressing a soft kiss to his ruined knuckles.
You felt him freeze at your touch.
When you lowered his hand again, your voice was rough with slight heartache as you looked up at him.
“You … love like it hurts.” You whispered.
Something sharp flickered through Levi’s eyes and across his face. Because unfortunately… you were right.
Love for Levi had always been shaped from violence and from loss. It was something he had to hold onto tightly because this cruel world tried to tear it away from him.
And he’d be damned if it stole it away from him again.
the colors continue to drain each time levi rises from slumber. he refuses to acknowledge the aches in his chest, preventing the inevitable. it’s the little things he’s noticed; soon it’ll be back to the way it was. no messes, no continuous chatter, and no attachment. he’ll tell himself this in hopes of alleviating the pain but it never comes. the last meal you ate, it’s cold to the touch, ironically coating his body with warmth, knowing it was your favorite.
“tch, damn brat..”
a pair of boots messily scattered next to his, a reminder of what could’ve been. it feels like a punishment, mission after mission, whoever gets close has to die. it never gets easier, his soul shattering into glass. it was supposed to be different, this was the change you both craved; a life without titans, a life without fear of burying the other. it’s too late, the life you so desperately wanted has sunk into the grave. levi hadn’t dared to move his partners belongings, the feeling dawned on him that you were never coming back.
all of the shared kisses in his office, staying up late together to finish paperwork, fleeting touches when you walked by that no matter how hard levi tried, redness would cover the tips of his ears. the small smiles he’d save but never admit they were reserved for your eyes only. it's a shame he got comfortable, the best part of waking up next to you. a part of his mind doubts if he ever deserved such sweet things. what was the point if all was lost? a relationship doomed to fail. a moment passes.
breathe my dear.
a small gasp falls from his lips. oh. right. you always joked you'd kill him for thinking like this. always whispering sweet nothings to soothe the burdens he carries. you felt so much for him, how was this any fair?
"only you could do something like this, huh?” levi held his head for a moment, his body betraying him and sunk to the floor.
continuing to push forward after losing everything, time and time again, begs the question if there is anything left to live for. he’s tired. tired of thinking that peace was ever an option. the cost dwindles the thought to nothing. silence oddly feels eerie since your passing, only then does levi truly allow himself to grieve.
summary: between sleepless nights, bruised hands, and captain levi’s relentless attention, the line between self-preservation and self-destruction begins to blur. captain levi watches you like he’s waiting for you to make a mistake. the problem is that you can’t stop watching him back.
words: 5.6k
part: 3/? (pt 1) (pt 2)
content warning(s): age difference, power imbalance, loss of innocence, canon-typical violence, circa season 1 of aot, aged up recruits, slight eren yeager/reader, not so slowburn, eventual explicit sexual content.
chapter specific warnings: kissing, innuendos, beginnings of smut, slightly dubious consent
author's note: HOUSE real big CAR real big DICK real big EVERYTHING real big. porn next chapter lowkey. this is mostly a filler chapter kinda? next chapter will be mostly smut
Sleep last night did not come easy, which wasn’t surprising at all. Every time you closed your eyes, your mind betrayed you with thoughts of Captain Levi Ackerman.
Except this time it wasn’t the odd things that you remembered about him from random parts of the day like the way he strutted across the fields or how he held his blades in an odd clutch different from everyone else. Now, all your mind focused on was the feeling of his hands on your face, thumb running across the cut on your face. If you thought even harder, you could feel the heat radiating off of his body, the smell of linen and bitter tea.
But what your mind focused on the most was the way that he stepped away from you, acting as if it was the most innocent thing in the world, and walking out of the library to leave you stranded. You could remember the frustration you felt afterwards, alternating between grabbing him and dragging him into the library yourself or throwing one of the old dusty books at his head.
It was stupid. Everything about him was stupid. His stupid eyes, his stupid hair, his stupid voice, and his stupid self-control and how it decided to stop only when it was convenient to him. He should’ve stopped things before he decided to put his hands on you and looked at you like that. He should’ve stopped things before he made it impossible to think about anything else other than him.
You spent most of the night staring at the ceiling of the barracks, listening to everyone shamelessly sleep around you in their own beds. At some point, sleep must have somehow taken over you because when you opened your eyes, sunlight leaked through the windows.
There was a kick against your bed.
“Wake up.”
You groaned, pulling your quilt up against your face, shielding yourself from the light like you could somehow convince the night to come back. “Go away.”
To your disdain, the blanket was ripped away from your body through your hands, to which you opened your eyes. Turning your head, you saw Eren standing on the side of your bed, already dressed and ready to go for breakfast, looking well rested. Traitor. “I’m sick,” you lied, turning your back to him. “Tell the Commander.”
“Good morning to you too,” Eren said, his hand coming to your shoulder and pulling you back to face him from your lying position. You grabbed your pillow, which wasn’t really a pillow from the way it barely supported your neck, and threw it at his face. He caught it with one hand like it was nothing because well, it was nothing. “You know, violence isn’t really a healthy coping mechanism.”
You glared. “You woke me up.”
“You slept through the bell.”
That perked you up, sliding your legs over the side of the mattress and hauling yourself up. Everyone else was almost ready too, so you made sure to pick up the pace a little bit more, pulling the straps past your legs and throwing on the dark green scout’s cloak over your body, which seemed determined to remind you of how much little sleep you got. Conversations between different groups got louder the more awake everyone got, and eventually people started to make their way downstairs to the mess hall. Footsteps blended into a familiar noise of another day starting. You hated how every single soldier looked normal like they always did, and you felt like your brain had been put through a meat grinder once and then again for good measure.
As you walked downstairs, you almost tripped over your feet on the last stair, shielding your face from the redness that bloomed across your cheeks. You hoped that this wasn’t the start of a trend today, you really didn’t need more pressure on yourself and you definitely didn’t need any more attention from Captain Levi.
You tried and tried to drill that into your brain.
Connie and Sasha were already at your usual table when Eren and you walked over with your plates in hand. Mikasa, Jean, and Armin followed soon after, along with Reiner and Bertholdt. It was mostly silent between all of you, quick quips here and there because everyone seemed focused on trying to wake up rather than having any real conversation. Sasha was already through most of her meal before any of you could even get settled in, pushing Jean with her shoulder to try and convince him to give her some of his.
“You are an animal,” Jean informed her, but he relented and gave her half of his bread anyway.
Today was supposed to be normal.
The world seemed to have other plans.
You, Eren, Mikasa, Sasha, Connie, and Jean were asked to come back upstairs to one of the larger meeting rooms. This room was typically only used for the higher ups like Commanders and Captains, recruits barely came in there unless they were being reprimanded. Or at least that’s what Jean kept saying as he led your group into the room.
“I told you,” Jean muttered for probably the fifth time when he saw that Commander Erwin, Hange, Miche, and Levi were already standing at the front of the room. “We’re in trouble for sure. Thanks, Eren.”
“I didn’t even fucking do anything why do you always think its me —”
Your hand shot up to push Eren’s back, telling him to shut up once you were all in hearing range. Maps were settled down on the table, spreading across the entire surface weighed down by various books and folders. When you looked over them, you saw the folders that you were sorting through last night, so maybe you guys weren’t in trouble after all. It wasn’t a disciplinary meeting, it was a planning meeting. Once all of you were shuffled inside and the door was closed, Commander Erwin stepped forward and the chatter within the group silenced almost immediately.
The Commander stepped forward and glanced over at Jean. “At ease,” Erwin said. “You’re not in trouble.” Jean then visibly relaxed and a smile tugged at Hange’s mouth. Their eyes glinted with something that you couldn’t decipher when they looked over at Eren.
“We’ve received reports from several supply teams operating near the eastern routes.” Erwin placed a large hand against one of the maps, finger touching one of the paths traced with red ink. “Near Karanese, there has been some increased Titan activity near Wall Rose. As you all are aware, Titan’s have started to bleed into Wall Maria territory after breaching the Shiganshina district and its Wall Maria entrance. It seems like they have started to head for the outlier district of Karanese, causing disturbances and civilian unrest.”
You could feel Eren tense next to you at the mention of Shiganshina.
“Normally, this wouldn’t warrant an immediate investigation from the Survey Corps, but we are heading that way for another reason that doesn’t pertain to this particular group at the moment, and we are going there to get a firsthand look before the rest of the Corps follow.”
It was obvious that Erwin was not telling the full truth, but it wasn’t in your nature as a recruit to ask any questions to see what he was hiding. It must’ve been for a good reason from the way that you saw Levi give the Commander a side eyed glance. Your eyes lingered a few moments longer on the Captain and it seemed as though he felt it, flicking his eyes in your direction before immediately looking away. It was barely a heartbeat amount of time, enough to make your stomach drop before turning your attention back toward the map.
“You will be operating under Captain Levi, Section Commander Hange, and Section Leader Miche. Normally we would not take a group this small, but since Eren will be joining us on this mission, we thought it best to stay discreet. And it seems as though he is much less volatile when he is around people that he knows best.”
You glanced at Eren along with everyone in the room, and he looked vaguely offended. “I am not volatile.”
“Right,” Hange said, like they didn’t believe a word he said.
Erwin’s hand shot up. “As I was saying, you’ll travel along the inside of Wall Rose to Karanese to stay there a few days to survey the area before the rest of the Corps catch up with you. If everything proceeds according to this schedule, you’ll establish a halfway camp shortly before midnight tonight.”
Midnight tonight. Great, just the way that you wanted to spend your evening.
“Pack light,” Erwin instructed as everyone began to move toward the door. “You’ll leave three hours before sunset.” The meeting dissolved almost immediately after that. Chairs scraped against the floor and conversations began to start again, hearing Eren start to complain about having to sleep outside in the forest. Sasha hushed him, saying she grew up with the forest and it really wasn’t that bad.
The group of you spilled into the main hallway, walking towards the barracks to start gathering your things before departure. You were halfway down the corridor falling into step next to Jean before you heard a voice behind you that stopped your movement. Confused, Jean also stopped next to you.
“Cadet.”
Slowly, you turned around, seeing Captain Levi standing near the doorway of the meeting room. You saw that Erwin was already walking in the opposite direction with Hange and Miche. Levi held a folder beneath one arm, the same folder that you had organized in the library last night. Your pulse stumbled, remembering what you endured while trying to put them into the folder last night with him. “What?” you asked, immediately cringing at how defensive it sounded. Jean huffed a breath beside you, obviously bewildered by your question as well.
The Captain didn’t notice or he was choosing not to acknowledge it.
“The route reports.”
“The what?”
He gave you that look that crossed his face every single time someone said something particularly stupid during training.
“The reports you organized,” he continued, eyes searching yours while gears began to shift in your brain. Levi held the folder out toward you and you stepped forward automatically to take it, fingers brushing his for only a brief moment, being everything and nothing at the same time. When you looked back up at him, you could have sworn that you saw his jaw tighten imperceptibly, letting go and letting the folder rest in your hand. “You’ll be helping with leading the group since you’re already familiar with them.” Your eyes brightened. “Don’t let it get to your head. I know it's hard to think after hitting your head, but I didn’t think it would be this bad.”
Asshole.
“Yes, Captain,” you said with a nod. Levi gave you a glance as he walked away, disappearing into the meeting room, door clicking shut behind him.
Jean walked with you towards the barracks in the now empty hallway. “Am I missing something?” Referring to the weird interaction he had just witnessed.
“Nope.”
You pushed through the doors and it seemed the room was already chaotic, everyone frantically gathering supplies for departure. Once you made it over to your bed, you started to grab the essentials. You kneeled down to take the pack out from underneath it, placing it next to you as you reached for the bedroll and spare clothing you kept stored. Extra shoes and a small medical pack also made its way into the bag. You organized your stuff and then reorganized it to just make sure that everything you needed was there.
“Hey,” Eren called, walking over with his already packed things. “What did the Captain want?”
God, did anyone have anything else to talk to you about except Levi? You were already spiraling about the fact that you would be spending several days with him in close proximity, even taking some charge to lead everyone through the routes that had been mapped before. All of you would be together, so it wouldn’t be that bad, right? Nothing could happen. This wouldn’t be another library scenario where you found each other alone again. As long as you stayed close to Eren and the others, it would be fine.
You grabbed the file the Captain gave you and showed it to him. “Reports.”
“He gave you those?”
Nodding, you said, “They are the ones he made me get from the library last night.”
“Oh right, you never told me how that went,” Eren said. It was so normal the way that he said it, you almost wanted to laugh, but it hit you that he had absolutely no idea what had occurred in the library. No one did. You were holding this stupid weird secret from all of your friends and the only person who knew about it acted like it never even happened. If you thought about it one more time, you were sure that you would rip out your own hair.
You let out a huff. “It was boring. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”
Lie.
Lie, lie, lie. It made you feel sick. Eren believed you immediately, because why would you have any reason to lie to him?
“Fair enough.”
And then Eren went back to grabbing his things, shoving them into his pack. The guilt sat heavy in your stomach, you’d never really lied to any of your friends before. Not about things that truly mattered, and especially not things that made your chest ache every single time you thought about it. Though a part of you knew this was something that you shouldn’t share. What were you supposed to say? That Captain Levi touched your face in the library? That you made a fool of yourself telling him that he wanted to kiss you? Or, even worse, he walked away while you closed your eyes and practically threw yourself at him? Absolutely not.
Outside the barracks window, the afternoon sun was beginning its slow descent, which meant that in the next hour or so you all would be on horseback riding away from headquarters. You slung your pack over one shoulder and everyone else in the room was reaching the same conclusion. It was exciting, if you didn’t think of all the details. This was your first real expedition being in the Scouts, and as long as you didn’t die, this could be a good thing for you to show the higher-ups that you were more than just a recruit.
Sasha stopped near the doorway, prompting everyone to look. “Oh, it’s starting to rain.”
You immediately crossed to the nearest window and sure enough, there were small droplets starting to strike the glass, only a few, but you could tell that it would get worse throughout the night.
“Wonderful,” Jean muttered under his breath.
A knock echoed against the barracks door and a veteran Scout stepped inside the doorway. “We leave in fifteen.”
Golden hues of orange and pink stretched over the horizon, the sounds of horse hooves filling your ears. Fields of grass swayed in the breeze while the forest began to come closer and closer into view, casting long shadows across the landscape and the group you traveled with. You were closer to the front of the group, helping to lead the other recruits down the slightly marked road from past expeditions. For a moment it was easy to forget things like Titans and death. You adjusted your grip on the reins and glanced over at the formation.
The conversation between you and Eren, who was riding right next to you, drifted through easier territory. Mikasa joined in once in a while, especially when Sasha started to be concerned that she wasn’t going to have enough dried meat on the way there. Eventually the sun dipped below the horizon and orange skies faded into deeper blues, the temperature dropping enough to make you shiver.
Everyone was tired and everyone was hungry, ready to stop and set things up before the rain became something more than just drizzle. Thankfully, Hange seemed to agree, as their hand lifted near the front of the formation and the entire column gradually slowed, the smell of trees overwhelming your senses.
The relief was immediate when you slid from your horse, boots sinking into the damp earth below. The trees surrounding the group seemed to capture some of the rain, making it less wet but still enough to track mud on your shoes. Your legs protested the movement after hours from being on a saddle, walking over to tie your horse on a tree trunk and giving her a pat on the head. She huffed through her nose, nudging your shoulder for attention that you gladly gave her.
A distant roar of thunder echoed beyond the forest and the rain worsened immediately, becoming steady rainfall.
“Alright guys, let’s get the tents set up as soon as possible,” Hange ordered, pulling out their own tent from the supply packs attached to one of the bigger horses. The camp exploded into motion, Sasha and you going to grab tents for the recruits. They were big enough to house two people and people were already starting to section off into pairs.
You dropped one near Jean and Connie.
“I’m not sharing with him,” Connie said, pointing his thumb to Jean.
Jean rolled his eyes. “Just get it set up.”
Other tents dropped between pairs, and you went to grab the last one, though when you searched through the large bag, there were none left. Your brows furrowed, looking around to see if you had left one on the ground. But there was nothing, there was truly none left. “Uh,” you said out loud, escaping out of your mouth before you could stop it. “We’re missing a tent.”
Hange looked up from where they were hammering the stakes for Mikasa’s tent. “What? No we’re not — Oh. That’s right, we did tear one on an earlier expedition. I thought that it got replaced but I guess it wasn’t.” You stared at Hange, blinking. There was no way something like this was happening on your first expedition out.
This was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful and not horrifying whatsoever. Hange stood up and started counting, turning towards you when it was clear that the group was one tent short and the only person left over was you. “It’s fine, we’ll find you a place to sleep,” they said, walking closer in the middle of the group and you saw the moment the light bulb went off in their head.
No.
“Hange,” you said carefully.
Their lengthy finger pointed across the camp. “Levi has room! He always wants to have the tent to himself but I’m sure he’ll manage for one night.” Your soul left your body, following their line of sight and seeing Levi in the process of securing his tent. At the sound of his name, he looked up directly toward Hange. He hadn’t caught the last part of your conversation and you were not looking forward to what he was going to say when he heard the idea.
“What?” Levi asked, obviously annoyed that he had to stop working and stay in the rain for a minute longer.
“We’re missing a tent.”
“Absolutely not.”
He had finally seemed to put the pieces together about the situation. And it was even worse that now that he was publicly denying having anything to do with a tent involving you. Your head snapped over to him and looked at the way his grey eyes squinted, tips of his hair dripping with rainwater across his face. “Hange,” he said slower this time, “I’m saying no.”
“It’s one night. Do you really want a recruit sleeping outside in the rain?”
For a moment it looked like Levi was considering it, the realization hitting you like a slap across the face. The rain was getting worse, pattering across the canvas tents from the dripping tree leaves overhead. The Captain stood with one hand resting against the support beam of his tent, the damp fabric of his shirt clinging to his shoulders. He looked unimpressed with this whole situation, his typical stoic face almost a scowl. “There has to be another solution,” He pushed.
Hange clicked their tongue. “Name one.”
Levi looked away, sighing. “Fine.”
It felt like a death sentence.
Your mind betrayed you, replaying every detail that happened last night. Rough hands against your face, the look he gave you when you grabbed his wrist to stop him from pulling away.
I know you want to kiss me.
Maybe the forest floor in the mud would be okay.
“See? Problem solved,” Hange said, clapping their hands together and delightfully going back to the shared tent with Miche. Levi had already turned away from the conversation, hands returning to pull the ropes with noticeably more aggression. Something about it irritated you, the way he moved with visible unhappiness. You didn’t know why it bothered you though, it really shouldn’t bother you. He was your Captain and things were merely platonic. You definitely weren’t reeling still at the one-sided humiliation of the previous time you were alone with him.
You resigned, sighing and grabbing your pack to walk toward Levi — and now your — tent. Levi looked up from where he was kneeling, tying the last rope to the wooden tent stake at the front. He refused to even look at you, standing and pushing past you into the flaps of the tent. The dark green canvas fell closed and you stood in place, hearing the mud beneath your boots squelching. One moment he was looking at you in the library, wanting to pull you apart piece by piece, and the next he was acting like you were personally inconveniencing him, like you had planned for there to be a missing tent.
The rain started to soak through your jacket and you finally moved, ducking through the tent entrance.
“Take off your shoes,” Levi said with his back turned to you. “If you get mud on the floor I will make you sleep outside without a second thought.” No hello. No hi, how are you? Just threats. Vague threats of the same nature he said all the time to the recruits on the field. The tent was illuminated by a single lantern, oil burning as it hung from the center beam. It wasn’t a particularly large tent, just enough for two people before it turned uncomfortable. His side was already set up, bedroll placed neatly with his pack next to it, and the other side was empty for you. Everything on his side looked meticulously cleaned and organized, even his cloak was folded into a neat square in his corner of the tent.
You kicked off your boots near the entrance next to his, dropping your pack and taking the bedroll out of the straps. Thankfully, the canvas underneath your feet was dry, giving you much needed relief from the hammering rain against the top of the tent. It was painfully silent between the two of you, the only sound was from you trying your best to unpack your things in a way that wouldn’t upset him. Everyone knew that Levi was somewhat of a clean freak just by the way he acted around headquarters, but having to share a space with him was obviously a whole different thing altogether.
Thunder got louder above the forest and you took off your cloak, sitting down on the mat. Your shoulders were aching, exhaustion beginning to settle into your bones, though you still felt awake due to who was sitting across from you. Still silent, seemingly a pro at hospitality. He sat on his own bed, one knee bent while he was inspecting one of his blades before shoving it back into the holder. The edge had caught the glow of the lantern.
The silence stretched until you said, “You know.”
Levi didn’t even look up. “What?”
At least he answered, that was a start.
“You could try to stop acting like this is the most miserable thing in the world.”
Levi’s eyes lifted, annoyingly unreadable as they locked onto yours. “You’re in my tent.”
“I didn’t plan this!”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
The nerve of him to say something like that to you. Did he really think that you were trying to get closer to him when he made it very clear last night that he wasn’t interested in anything that had to do with you? He was the one who pulled away and you didn’t say anything about it when he did, and you hadn’t told anyone else. This was the last place that you wanted to be.
Or so you kept telling yourself.
As soon as you opened your mouth to say something, he already beat you to it. “Let’s get some sleep.”
It was the one good thing that he said to you today.
The darkness consumed everything in the tent. The only thing that provided light was the occasional lightning strike from somewhere far away. You stared at the ceiling, laying underneath the quilt of your bedroll, trying to keep warm. Sleep wasn’t seeming to come no matter how much you tried. You closed your eyes and started to count backwards, and when that didn’t work you listened to the rain pattering on the side nearest to you, and you even went as far as to think about tomorrow’s route by tracing the paths through your memory. Nothing seemed to work since every single distraction led back to the same place.
Levi. The painful knowledge that he was only a few feet away made you turn on your side and then back to your back, then to the other side trying to find somewhat of a comfortable position that might lull you to sleep. But from this position you were facing him, a lightning crash let you see his silhouette of him lying on his back.
“You sound like you’re trying to dig a hole through the ground,” he said suddenly, obviously not asleep like you thought that he was.
You kept your eyes on the place he was even though you couldn’t see him anymore in the darkness. “You’re awake?”
“What gave it away?”
You rolled your eyes even though Levi wouldn’t be able to see it. The darkness felt different now that you knew that he was awake, almost suffocating. “What, are your dreams keeping you up?” You asked, a childish teasing tone.
“Sometimes.”
The answer came and you were thrown off your game, so much that you thought maybe you had imagined it. You blinked into the darkness, another flash letting you see that he was still laying in the same position. It unsettled you more than if he had just told you to shut up like he usually did. It wasn’t like him to tell information about himself, but this felt different than just that.
Rain hammered against the tent. “What about?” You questioned.
Levi was silent for a full minute, then another. Enough that you were beginning to wonder if he was going to answer at all. You shut your eyes, thinking that the conversation had dissolved into nothing. A soft feeling of sleep creeped up on you, relief flooding through your body.
“People.”
Your eyes opened, staring back to where he was. People. A simple word that made you question what he meant. He didn’t dream about Titans or missions, or things from his childhood that he probably wanted to forget but couldn’t push down. The answer was . . . surprisingly raw. Levi never really struck you as the type of person who was haunted by other people. He was always so headstrong, so sure of himself, and he always commanded everyone's attention when he was in a room. He never seemed terrified about anything or anyone.
“Like who?”
You wished you could take the question back, it was too personal and too intrusive. Though you tried to rationalize it by telling yourself that he had already given you an inside look into his mind. The rain continued to fill the silence, steady, relentless. Wind pushed against the side of the tent, fabric shaking. Just like the last question, Levi didn’t answer. You began to be aware of your own breathing, the feeling of fog leaving your mouth every time you breathed out.
Perhaps he thought that your question crossed a line that he didn’t want you to cross.
Perhaps it was easier to put a hand on someone's face and make them flail enough to ask him to kiss them than talk about himself. You wouldn’t have blamed him, no matter how much you wished it wasn’t true.
Fabric shifted quietly from his side of the tent. It wasn’t much, but it let you know that he was still awake. The silence continued, in a way that should’ve been awkward but wasn’t, it was like he was weighing if he should say something or not. The world narrowed to the space between you and him, the same way that it had in the library. Suddenly the rain and the wind and the cold didn’t matter anymore.
When Levi decided to speak, you barely heard it over the thunder. “Lately . . .”
Another pause.
“You.”
Your heart was beating so hard that you were almost sure that he would be able to hear it from all the way over there. Though, the more you thought about it, he wasn’t that far away from you at all. Only a foot or so, enough that you could hear his steady breathing if you tried hard enough to. He said that like it was the most obvious thing, like it wasn’t supposed to affect you the way that it did. Your mouth went dry, staring with wide eyes where you knew that he was laying. Waiting for him to clarify himself, or take it back, or tell you that you completely misread the conversation.
“You hit your head,” he spoke, voice sounding irritated. Though it didn’t seem it was towards you, towards himself. “You were unconscious for two days.”
The lightning flashed again.
“You didn’t show up for training, you weren’t there to talk, and you weren’t there to give me those looks you think I can’t see.”
The two days in the infirmary, almost three weeks ago at this point. You hadn’t realized that he cared that much about you during that time, or even if he cared about you at all now. You thought back to what Eren said when you woke up from your sleep in the hospital wing, how he said that Levi was checking on you.
Is she awake?
Is she dead?
A crash brightened the space again, showing you just how close your bedrolls were together. Just a step away. You couldn’t stand it, the tension a physical weight making it impossible for you to breathe. He was close, so close that before you could stop yourself, you shifted a bit closer.
This was dumb, it was dumb and wrong. You were being an idiot. And still, you couldn’t stop yourself from doing it. You sat up and paused right next to him, sitting close enough to his bedroll that when the lightning flashed again you could see the sharp lines of his face below you, jaw set, eyes fixed on your face now that you moved towards him.
Reaching out into the gloom, your hand pressed against the pad of his bedroll right next to his face.
The kiss you planted on his lips was hesitant, a tentative probe, like you were trying to test the waters. And to your dismay, Levi remained completely rigid, a statue of muscle, lips completely unyielding to yours. Below you, he didn’t have the ability to pull away, but he didn’t lean in either. Levi simply stayed completely still, a wall of resistance that seemed as though it refused to crumble at all. Your eyes widened. You had made a mistake. This was bad, this was really, really bad.
You had just kissed your Captain. It wasn’t just something that you could fantasize anymore. It wasn’t just something that you could imagine happened if he hadn’t paused in the library. It was real, and it was dying in between the two of you. Like a beautiful blooming flower that had been set aflame, burning out into a crisp, lifeless.
There was nothing in between you two, you realized. It had been all in your head. You made things up to fill in the gap that you thought was there but it wasn’t. You’d be kicked out of the Scouts. One complaint from Captain Levi was enough to make that happen, you knew that. Erwin trusted him more than anything.
But then, the lightning crashed again, and he was looking right at you. It revealed the desperate look in your eyes, searching for something, anything.
Levi seemed to snap at that precise moment.
The change between the two of you was sudden and borderline violent. Whatever soft kiss you had given him was immediately swallowed up in the way that he kissed you, hand grasping onto the back of your head and anchoring you to him. He didn’t reciprocate, he consumed, knocking the air from your lungs as he continued this almost punishing pace of kisses. You could barely breathe, and the only amount of air that you could breathe out was immediately consumed by his mouth.
“You can’t help yourself, can you?” He muttered against your lips, though he didn’t give you any time to respond, because he pulled you so close on top of him to stun you. His hand on the back of your head gripped then, pulling you by your hair to push you away. You couldn’t see his face in the dark, only hearing himself gasp for air. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
+ genres and warnings: friends with benefits au, friends to lovers au (well i guess that’s open for interpretation lmao), modern au—college au?, explicit smut, mentioned/implied virginity
+ summary: friends with benefits with your best friend since middle school is probably a bad idea. friends with benefits with your best friend since middle school who you’ve also been in love with for the past seven years—all for the purpose of her gaining ‘experience’ so she’s not nervous to do it with some other guy she has a crush on—is probably a really bad idea. levi ackerman is not known to make great decisions.
+ word count: 3.5k
+ notes: truth be told, i don’t even know if i like this; i took this from an outline/draft of a series i’d planned but know i’ll never complete. it’s kind of unedited too heh, also if you’re a minor pls do not interact
Levi doesn’t think anything of it when he finds you on his doorstep on a rainy Saturday evening. It’s very much like you to show up unannounced and attempt to drag him into whatever activity you want to do that day. He’s fairly certain that Hange picked that up from you. Someone should tell her that it doesn’t work so well unless it’s you tugging on his arm sleeve and interrupting his otherwise peaceful evening.
So, for a while, everything is normal. You make fun of him for his use of, admittedly overpriced, organic butter when he toasts you a bagel; he makes jabs at you shuffling around his apartment like a semi-wet chihuahua, and all is right with the world.
Until it’s not. Because half-way into whatever stand-up comedy Netflix special you’d persuaded him into watching with you, Levi’s had enough of your nervous ticking. He doesn’t know if you think that he wouldn’t notice, but he does. And he knows it’s not the result of you still being wet or cold from the rain, seeing as you’ve long since dried off and warmed up.
You’re focused on the show (ironically, focused to a point of distraction), you’ve been twiddling your fingers since it started, and you’ve been fidgety since you stepped foot into his house. Quite frankly, he finds it insulting that you think he wouldn’t know something’s up by now.
So, he bends his knee, turns his body towards yours, lifts his elbow to rest atop the edge of the soft, and presses his cheek into his palm: “Alright, spit it out.”
“Huh?—What do you mean?” You look at him with wide, startled eyes. He looks back at you with unamused, expecting ones.
You crack a nervous smile, attempting to laugh off his command as incredulous, but instead, your voice comes out in what sounds like a pathetic attempt to cover up a lie—probably because it is, “What? Can’t I spend sometime with my favorite, surly psychology student?”
you've only been with your sweet boy armin for a couple weeks, but he's already so dependent when it comes to you... shy!nerdmin x reader
warnings: smut, virgin armin, spitting+saliva, oral sex, p in v sex, college!au, begging, masturbation, mild dacryphilia, very mild somnophilia, breast play, and so forth and so on.
mdni.
armin was the sweetest, most innocent ever.
he kept his grades up, and honestly, he was labeled weird to everyone. not that he cared. you were more known than him, and it wouldn't be wrong to say you were quite popular.
so when you told everyone about your relationship, which he almost begged you not to do, everyone was shocked.
now lets go back to the first sentence. armin was the sweetest, most innocent ever.
keyword, was...
before you came along.
all the skirts and short shorts you wore, all the crop tops or the way you were instantly comfortable with only being in a bra in front of him, despite seeing the way he put his pillow on his lap to hide the bulge in his pants.
aw, he was so sweet when you asked him to help you zip up the back of a dress you wore, and when you went out to go to one of the college parties with your friends, he stared at a picture of you on his phone as he got his rocks off in his room while his door was locked, waiting for you to come back to his house.
him telling all his nerdy little friends about how you're the best girlfriend ever, and even telling his mom about you.
"she's really nice. the best girlfriend ever."
what a mamas boy.
and yes, you were nice. the way you helped him with his hair every morning before you both went off to campus.
when you walked with him, you leading the way down the sidewalk, he just couldn't help but look at your hips... and your ass. the way it moved so nicely in any bottoms you wore.
when you helped him pick his pencil up in the hallway, the color of your purple panties flashing him from the barely dress-code-safe skirt, making him quickly look away with a red flushed face and making sure no one saw.
ugh, he gets boners every day. he's so weird. he has to go to the bathroom all the time, hiding his pants with his backpack just to go let out a nice one in some tissue and flush it down the toilet.
and it was so easy.
because he cum's quick.
despite everything he did, or fantasized about, or wrote in his diary about, you never did anything with armin.
until the night his parents left, and he had the whole house to himself for two days. but little did he know, two days was all you needed.
he stayed up later than you, and as he typed on his computer, trying to complete assignments early, he couldn't help but glance over at the way his sheets hugged your curves.
his eyes moved from your body, to his computer, his typing slowing down as they trailed back over to you.
focus, was all he was telling himself. but you were the most beautiful girl ever in his eyes. he couldn't focus on anything other than you. him and all his little chat friends knew that.
to make matters worse, armin was such a virgin. your typical virgin who knew nothing about women but that they had pussies and were almost scary to talk to.
he closed his laptop, sitting it on his nightstand and pulling the sheets off of his legs. why do these things always happen? he had another boner. he tried to tell himself he needed to stop jerking off to you so much, but gosh, you looked so damn good.
maybe if he just... palmed himself to calm himself down?
he reached down, putting one hand in his sweats and softly rubbing at himself. he let out a small whimper, closing his eyes and biting his lip.
no jerking off. only palming.
but he couldn't help but lightly squeeze at his dick, softly moaning at the sounds of your breaths, imagining them closer to his ear.
he had to control himself.
he took his hand out of his pants and sighed, scooting closer to you, and wrapping his arms around your waist, nuzzling his nose in your neck.
"y/n...?" he whispered, careful but to startle you. "y/n, I miss you." he whispered again.
you hummed, slowly blinking your eyes before reaching back and rubbing through the back of his head. fuck, you only made his boner worse.
armin closed his eyes and rubbed his nose in your neck, getting aroused just by the way you smelled.
you already knew what was happening. how? because every time armin gets horny, he touches your waist. any other time, he's too afraid to do anything.
"you miss me?" you mumbled, tilting your head away to make room for him. he slowly nodded. "yeah..." his warm, heavy breaths against you turned you on just like him.
you licked your lips as armin moved closer. that's when you felt him against your ass. "you're horny? that's why you miss me?" you sat up and pulled the sheets back. and behold, a damp spot on his sweats.
as his face got red, he slowly nodded, looking at his pants. he was so embarrassed with himself, but he knew you were the only one that would make his disgusting fantasies come true. you were the only one that would fulfill his needs, and that's all he wanted.
you smiled, pushing him onto his back and sitting on top of him. "you're such a cutie, 'min." you smiled, leaning down to kiss him.
poor baby could barely kiss you back, he was too focused on the fact that you only wore panties, and the fact that you were on top of him, and the fact that when you leaned forward, you slightly grinded against his bulge.
"ah.." he moaned softly, looking down. you felt him throbbing against you, begging for you with his body.
"ill help you..." you moved your hips once against him, making him close his eyes and whine a little. "but you cant cum quick. got it?"
oh god.
he tried his best, he really did.
but when you told him to sit up, just so you could put your ass in the air, and that perfect arch in your back to suck him off, he was on the brink of a climax.
the way you sucked his pretty pink tip so softly, and your saliva mixing with his precum.
the way you spit on it, and it dripped down to his base. he didn't know you could go that far down.
your warm mouth and hands wrapping around him so nicely, he couldn't help but beg.
"m-more... please..." he whimpered and stammered, his knees buckling and him gripping the sheets, being too afraid of grabbing your pretty hair.
"more?"
what a foolish request for armin to make.
"oh... my... gosh...!" armin moaned out, gripping your hips as you bounced on his aching dick.
ugh he was so embarrassed, because his eyes were watering. so much to the point that tears of pleasure were rolling down his cheeks.
the sound of skin connecting and your wetness mixing, the way his dick was bigger than you'd ever expect it to be, it drove both of you crazy.
"ugh, fuck, 'min!" you threw your head back as you kept your hands on his knees to keep your balance. the way your breasts bounced so perfectly in front of him, he couldn't help his self. he just wanted to look at them. and... play with them.
he raised your shirt, eyes threatening to close as he licked his salty lips at how soft they were, his warm hands brushing over your nipples, fuck, it all felt so good.
he loved that the more he pinched and rolled your nipple between his fingers, the more your pussy throbbed around him, and the wetter you got.
the more you moaned his name, and the more he wanted to cum.
"'m...'m gonna... you gotta get up..." he whined, grabbing your hips, but you didn't budge. you actually started bouncing faster and harder. "s-shit!" the sweat dripped down his forehead, and he slowly shook his head.
"you can cum in me, 'minnie..."
that was all you had to say before he whined and moaned and shook, digging his nails into your hips and bucking his more and more as you rode him through his limit.
poor armin, his dick was so sore, and it throbbed even after he came.
his only punishment for not making you cum with him was his face between your thighs, and his glasses on the nightstand.
he hummed into your pussy as your thighs nearly suffocated him, and his face was cutely squished between them. his lips and chin were so wet, and his eyebrows furrowed as he softly sucked and licked your clit.
he loved the way you nearly dominated him, and when you arched your back, constantly repeating his name mixed with curse words.
when your slick mixed with his saliva as he flicked his tongue over your clit multiple times, oh it was to die for.
he was getting off again, rubbing his hips slowly and subtly against the sheets.
he even put his tongue inside of you, bobbing his head back and forth. and when you started to throb against his tongue, he closed his eyes as you shook, and your thighs tightened around his messy head, finishing right inside his mouth.
dripping on his chin and around his lips.
"armin..." you bit your lip as he raised his head and crawled over you.
you kissed him, your own wetness mixing between you and his tongue. as you wrapped your legs around him, you felt the sticky substance on his pants between your legs.
armins hands slowly moved back towards your shirt, and under it, softly gripping at your waist.
he looked at you with his soft, glossy, blue eyes.
It's not because you never topped during sex before Levi injured his knee, it's just that it was usually him taking charge. That's just how he is, he likes being in control, likes being the one to bring you pleasure, to make love to you.
But after the war, he finds that he can't be on top for very long before his knee and back start hurting. You remember feeling his hips stutter, something which usually only happens just before he reaches his high – the only thing which can make him break that military-grade precision and rhythm with which he usually drives into you. But this time, he lets out a quiet curse, jaw clenching and biceps flexing on each side of your head as he tries to prevent himself from putting his entire weight on you when his leg gives out under him.
"F-fuck, this damn leg," he gasps, panting into the crook of your neck, sweat-slicked chest touching yours, the rapid drum of his heart close to your own.
"Shhh, it's okay," you whisper, swiping a lock of hair away from his face before gently rolling the two of you around.
His eyes widen as you straddle him, one hand finding his half-erect cock and stroking it, once, twice, until you feel him grow fully hard in your palm again, a little drop of precum spilling from the slit, rolling down your hand and wrist. He gulps, eyes a little glossy and cheeks flushed as you slowly guide him towards your dripping entrance, then sink yourself down on him, letting him fill you to the brim. His eyes flutter shut, throat bobbing, that prominent vein along his neck pulsing as he lets out a strangled sound from the back of his throat.
Slowly, you start to ride him, rocking your hips back and forth, gyrating and sometimes lifting yourself all the way off, just to sink back down again. And Levi whines, fingers digging into the meat of your thighs, leaving marks bound to show come morning. When he tries to thrust his hips up to meet you, you place a firm hand on his hip, a stern look in your eyes as you meet his gaze. "It's okay," you repeat as you continue to roll your hips, dragging out another sweet moan from his lips. "Let me take care of you for once."