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@aphobekavinsky
kids im gonna save you all some time, if you’re googling “am i gay quiz” you’re gay and that’s just the truth
please, please, please for the love of all that is lgbt, do not leave these comments on my posts about dealing with internalized homophobia. please
problems with the split attraction model, among others:
sexualizes LGBP orientations
encourages internalized homophobia
helps push homophobic identities onto others
encourages the use of h*mosexual
makes people think they can opt out of straight privilege
often used to invalidate lesbians in particular
One of the biggest misconceptions I had to unlearn about the internet was that it’s mostly teenagers behind a lot of the terrible, misinformed opinions you see. Nothing prepares you for the realization that it’s not a 14 year old edgelord typing that horrible discourse you just saw but actually 24 year old Ryan who works in accounting.
“Millennial Homophobia”
I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on discourse lately (esp the bad sides of aro/ace discourse and straight people calling themselves “queer” when they’re just straight with an asterisk for “read further to see why I’m a shitty person”). And frankly the thing I think that we need to acknowledge is that so much of it is homophobia but these people who perpetuate it say they’re not homophobic because “i love gay people! I keep up with discourse! I’m not like those homophobic preachers/politicians/insert figure here.”
I’m just going to call these people “Millennial Homophobes” because frankly… they’re homophobic but it’s reached such an insidious level that we don’t call it for what it is anymore.
Like let’s take the Bad Side of AroAce discourse who call us “allosexual” and claim we’re oppressing them by expressing that we have a sexuality. Somehow we’re being the bad ones in the situation for expressing “yeah I’m attracted to this person who is of the same gender”. By calling us allosexual, by insisting that we have a privilege and therefore should monitor ourselves and not ruin this G-rated vision of us, it’s an active censorship of our identity (I also want to point out that this criticism that is hurled is usually against LGBT+ individuals, esp when it’s in regard to the same gender). It’s not hard to draw comparisons to such memorable lines such as “I don’t hate gay people but like… keep that to yourself” or the favorite religious/conservative line “love the sinner, hate the sin”. It exists in that logic, that we have to suppress the public knowing to whom we are attracted. It’s not like we tell straight people the intricacies of our sex lives (unless they’re close associates and that’s a different thing), but this results from something as simple as one saying “I find _______ to be hot”.
Then lets take the recent phenomena of straight people trying to assert that they are “queer” because of honestly bullshit reasons. The one that really comes to mind is the woman who was like “i’m queer because I date cis men AAAAAAAAAAND trans men whoop dee doo”. That term is a slur, plain and simple, and people who have experienced immense trauma due to that term are allowed to reclaim it. And that woman doesn’t fit that label. I also think of straight girls calling themselves “femmes”, straight people insisting their fetishes and kinks make them “queer”, and straight men going into gay bars to pick up straight women. We get trampled on in this process. Our needs aren’t acknowledged, but rather we are put at the mercy of others. And the thing that is so insidious about these parts of homophobia (with the exception of the last example), is that they are veiled under a label of “wokeness” and because you use a couple of buzzwords and some HuffPo-level logic, you’re exempt from criticism? Fuck no. Just because you disguise your opportunistic self to seem The Most Woke doesn’t make you a person with true sympathies with the LGBT+ community- it just makes you pathetic and sad and show that you, like the men who creep on lesbian couples, like the straight women who use gay men solely as shopping partners, and like those who make us the heels of so many jokes; only think of us as pawns for your hare-brained schemes and performance art that should be labelled “I’m a Closet Homophobe But Don’t Want People to Think I’m Not Progressive So Let’s Add Some Bullshit”.
Obviously there are more examples of this but frankly I’m tired rn and I may add on later but… fuck this noise. I’ve been really fucking tired of this and I just wanted to get it out there.
introducing.. the lgbt langblr squad!
are you lgbt and learning a language? do you run a langblr and/or are you interested in making more lgbt language learning friends? then this is the net for you!
mbf: * pascal’s (wip) langblr (here) * oliver’s langblr (here) * (we’d appreciate it if you followed our mains as well but you don’t have to!)
rules: * must be lgbt and learning a language * must be friendly and willing to participate in group chats! * reblog this post so we know you’re interested! (signal boosts are very welcome!) * fill in this typeform
perks: * new non-cishet language learning friends!! * a group chat * a place on the members page of @lgbtlangblrsquad!
members will be chosen either when we reach 40 notes or on the 10th of august, whichever comes first!
that’s the last time i’m gonna reply to that same brand of ridiculous shit on that post but just like god i wish you fooles could fucking READ
“if you only use it as a personal identifier you’re fine that’s ok”
“but what about me! the person who uses it as a personal identifier!!!”
hey literally if you include “ace exclusionists” and terfs in the same breath you’re literally a tone deaf un-nuanfed piece of trash but keep making light of what trans women face lol
tag yourself im th cishet gays
i’m cishet trans people
Cis?
In my Trans?
It’s more likely than you think.
It’s 2 am and this is irrelevant but here’s my final say on ace discourse:
-If it’s possible for ace ppl to be gay, bi, pan, etc. Then it is also possible for ace ppl to be straight and when u say ace ppl can’t be straight you Are Also Saying They can’t be gay
- that said, if someone is cisgender and straight, they are not lgbt because this community was formed to fight against homophobia and transphobia. CisHet ppl are not opressed under either of those so they do not belong in this community.
-saying that cishet aces are lgbt because they are “outside of the societal norm” is disgusting and ur basically saying that lgbt ppl are not normal or that theyr strange… .. … also thats not why the lgbt community was created (see above)
the end goodnight
Look, these two charts are literally all that needs to be said about the ace discourse.
If your identity is the target of homophobia or transphobia, you are LGBT, regardless of the strength, regularity, or variability of your attraction.
If your identity is not the target of homophobia or transphobia, you are not LGBT, regardless of the strength, regularity, or variability of your attraction.
The ace and aro community and the LGBT community are capable of being two communities, with LGBT aces and aros being full members of both, not diminished in any identity. (Someone said that the Venn diagram cordoned off LGBT aces and aros somehow; that’s not how a Venn diagram works. A Venn diagram shows that a group or concept is common to two or more groups or concepts. If you want to know more about Venn diagrams, go look on Wikipedia?)
The LGBT community is a political entity developed to protect its members against, agitate for the end of, and develop resources against, homophobia and transphobia. Any other issue or problem, regardless of its merit, is best taken care of by another community. Intersectional issues that face members of the LGBT community can absolutely tackled, but issues that are purely about another concept or issue do not need to be taken care of the LGBT community.
And that’s all, folks.
hope this will clear the confusion.
this is important
Okay but like… non-pan people don’t always give a shit about genitals? This makes it seem like pan people are the only ones that would date trans/nonbinary people which is definitely incorrect
this seems a bit???? transphobic???? also a bit everyone-but-pan-phobic considering that it implies that all lesbians are transmisogynists, all gay men are transphobic, no one but pan ppl are attracted to nb ppl…. also where the heck does this leave bi ppl??
also “we want to cuddle and fuck all of you” makes me… so fucking uncomfortable what the fuck
also I’m so tired of nb and gnc being conflated
“my dad does wear a lot of jewellery… maybe the q***r thing runs in the family” holy shit
if the only men you’re attracted to are fictional or celebrities, you’re not attracted to men
this post is fucking trash and honestly harmful to young bi people, well done
if you identify as bi and are only attracted to famous or fictional men, you can still identify as bi and be attracted to men
don’t let people on tumblr dot com define your sexuality for you
Not this post needs an Official Bisexual Brand of Approval or some shit but like?? I don’t get why other bisexuals get so fucking pissed at this when it’s HEALTHY for bisexual women to engage with why they might be attracted to men? And it’s okay if they end up realizing that they weren’t bisexual in the end.
Like, we don’t have a bisexual quota we need to meet every month. Gay and lesbian folk aren’t the enemy. Things like compulsory heterosexuality and the expectation that we’re better of in m/f relationships are the enemy.
If you feel secure in your attraction to men, congrats I guess?? (Men aren’t exactly a prize but go forth and celebrate if you want.) But there’s nothing wrong with other people really thinking about whether or not that attraction is genuine for themselves and if they might be happier under a different label with a different understanding of themselves.
The idea of “sexuality is fluid” is a bit of a fucking farce but so is “never question the labels you have on now, if you think it’s attraction, you’re right.”
A lot of lesbians AND bi women benefit from realizing that, like, wow, sometimes life is a scooby doo episode and what what you think is attraction to men is just comp het in a mask all along. Even bisexual women might value and focus on that attraction more than they genuinely feel!! And it’s okay to acknowledge that!!
im gonna have to start asking yall to give me a Bisexual Stamp Of Approval every time i post about comp het or something
*taps on the mic* hey…uh…the idea of heteroflexibility and homoflexibility is fucking bullshit because there’s no such thing as a straight person that can occasionally like the same gender and a gay person that can occasionally like the opposite. Both are just bisexual people who have a much stronger preference for one gender.
ive been gettin shit for saying this for years lmao,,,its literally just internalised biphobia like you dont have to like genders /equally/ to be bi, you’re allowed to have a preference.
also i know people who have used “heteroflexible” when they were dating trans ppl lmao which is rlly transphobic and gross imo
if i were in a gay space and some idiot from this website was like “uh excuse me can you and your girlfriend not hold hands?? i’m romance repulsed and it makes me uncomfortable” i literally would knock their teeth out
you know damn well these people dont leave their houses
imagine being this ignorant as to why the lgbt community exists can’t relate
i’m not an “ace exclusionist”, though?
i don’t care if ace people are in the lgbt community or not. i’m not going to throw out a gay man because he’s ace, and i don’t see why ace trans women couldn’t be here. i’m not at all excluding ace people.
i am, however, excluding cishets. some of whom are ace. and that’s fantastic for them, but they are not lgbt.
it’s funny that we’re not called “kink exclusionists”. or “mentally ill exclusionists”. or “woman exclusionists”. theoreticallly, we are excluding people from all of those groups, oppressed or not.
but we’re not excluding them because they’re women, or kinky, or mentally ill, or whatever. we’re excluding them, because they’re cishets.
so. yes. that’s the view this week from me. i’m sick and tired of this fake term that implies things that are entirely not true about this debate. i don’t care if ace people are in here, i don’t care if lgbt people ID as ace, i don’t care if said ace people have weird discourse opinions.
i’m not excluding ace people. i’m excluding cishet ace people.
which, i guess, is the same thing as “all ace people” to some :/
Headcanoning real people is gross.
You can speculate all you want about historical figures. Fine. But you can’t be like uwu Oscar Wilde is my aroace flower king like? Actually? He didn’t exist for your own greedy consumption. He was his own person with his own struggles related to his love for men.
You prey specifically on men who loved men. Men who had to hide their love lives from the public. Men whose evidence of male-centered sexuality was destroyed or lost to time. And then you say “there’s no evidence he wasn’t aroace uuwuuuwuuuu” like yep! You’re right! We can’t prove anything because straight people have taken our history from us! We are systematically destroyed even in death!
Historians are DESPERATE to explain away affection between men. They’ll say they’re friends. Brothers. Mentors. And you guys come along and do the same thing and act as if we’re denying you your harmless headcanons.
We can’t have anything.
