pumpkin spice-peppermint poly

poly + mspec

[campgender]

polyamory ask meme

with questions for everyone & for folks currently in a polyamorous relationship! (remember to specify which category when you send an ask)

general

how did you first learn about polyamory?

what was your journey of realizing you’re polyamorous like?

what has been most surprising to you about polyamory?

would you marry one person? why or why not?

if it was legal, would you want to marry multiple people? why or why not?

what’s your favorite part of being polyamorous?

what would your ideal polyamorous representation in media look like?

what’s your favorite polyamory meme or slogan?

do you have any polyamory pride items? if so, what are they?

are there polyamorous relationship configurations you wouldn’t try? if so, why?

have you come out as polyamorous to anyone? if so, what was that experience like?

have you been to any polyamory meet-ups in person or online? if not, would you want to?

what’s something you wish more people knew about polyamory?

what’s a piece of advice you would give to someone entering their first polyamorous relationship?

folks in a polyamorous relationship

what words do you use to describe your relationship configuration?

separate beds, California King, or something else?

do you have any activities, traditions, or inside jokes as a group?

big spoon, little spoon, middle spoon, or sleeping by yourself?

how do you refer to each person in your relationship configuration to people you aren’t out to?

did you start out as a polyamorous relationship or open/expand a monogamous one?

do y’all share a netflix account or something similar?

how did you meet your partner(s)?

have you ever played wingperson for a partner & metamour who got together?

how do y’all spend the holidays - all together, some people together, or all separately?

what’s a challenge of being in a polyamorous relationship that people don’t expect/acknowledge?

what’s your favorite thing about being in a polyamorous relationship?

[apileofpolitepolyfrogs]

I'll just do this straight here since I'm not sure if the OP still wants people to send in asks. I'm poly, and currently in a polyamorous relationship.

what words do you use to describe your relationship configuration? Polyamorous with me being solo poly

separate beds, California King, or something else? Seperate beds, but big ones! There needs to be room to share but I love sleeping alone too

do you have any activities, traditions, or inside jokes as a group? My partner's house is basically our headquarters. They are the high-partnered person while I very rarely develop serious interest for anyone. So their place is where I meet metas, hang out, we play games, cook, and talk things out.

big spoon, little spoon, middle spoon, or sleeping by yourself? All of those are great!

how do you refer to each person in your relationship configuration to people you aren’t out to? "My partner", "my partner's kid's parent" (about that specific meta), and "friends" about other metas. I try to be out in more places but at work I'm in a vulnerable spot and can't risk anything. They know I'm bi because that is legally protected, but I'm not ready to fuck around and find out what they think about polyamory.

did you start out as a polyamorous relationship or open/expand a monogamous one? started out as poly! I figured myself out after my last mono relationship ended.

do y’all share a netflix account or something similar? Surprisingly little account sharing in our polycule - all my accounts are shared with the most random people, but somehow no constellation involves my partner or metas.

how did you meet your partner(s)? Through online dating!

have you ever played wingperson for a partner & metamour who got together? Nope - but I'm considering it O:-) One of my partner's dates is really great but my partner doesn't want to get serious for time reasons. I'm thinking about some polite meddling

how do y’all spend the holidays - all together, some people together, or all separately? Together! And I'm so grateful for it. I never used to feel like I was welcome anywhere during the holidays, and now I am. It means the world to me.

what’s a challenge of being in a polyamorous relationship that people don’t expect/acknowledge? The loneliness. I have very few friends who I can talk to about my relationship situation, plus I often question if there can be a happy ending at all for us. I try to go to meetups but a lot of the time people there are really busy with their own problems.

what’s your favorite thing about being in a polyamorous relationship? The community! Sitting together at breakfast, having every meal be a small potluck, having enough people around to play a game. Being with people who acknowledge that relationships don't have to be forced into a specific mold, and who are ready to work things out and find a way to be together that makes everyone the happiest

[apileofpolitepolyfrogs]

The day the "new poly flag vote" people start including the option to vote for sticking to the old design is

the day their survey will actually start to mean anything instead of excluding a massive part of polyamorous people

also the day that I stop blocking every account that shares the survey or promotes their new flag as representative in any way

[egobuzz]

First Impressions: Stampler Edition

[apileofpolitepolyfrogs]

Terry finding Ron on petfinder and Samantha being immediately interested in the most pure and oblivious way is my favorite thing in the world

[apileofpolitepolyfrogs]

It's not like the world needs more discussion about mspec labels, but: While they are definitely all valid, I personally find them way too restricting at this point. When I was still very young, I used to say I'm pan until I learned that bi is already trans&nb inclusive and I thought "oh cool I guess bi describes me well enough, then"

But today I feel like there's these definitions of how my attraction works attached to each label: Am I equally attracted to all genders, all the time? Do I have preferences? Do I only like some genders? Do I like people regardless of their gender?

The answer to all of these questions is: It depends. Is it Tuesday? Was it raining an hour ago? How strong was my coffee this morning? Did a carpenter bee try to drown itself in my rainwater collectors?

I don't think I'll ever consistently feel one of these modes of attraction. Sometimes I think I'll never feel attracted to a man again, and then the next day I wake up and I'm like "You know what's great? Dudes." And that's not even talking about how much variation there is in the amount of attraction that I feel at any given time.

[dinovamp-deactivated20221121]

asked my mom about people being in love with more than one person at once, and when she said she never had that happen nor would ever think like that really gave me some good long thoughts about the fact of “wait, can some people only love or feel interest in one person at a time? always?”

i don’t know how I, at 22, have managed to get taken aback by something to do with an aspect of attraction like that being different, because I assumed basically everyone had at least one point in their lives of having feelings for more than one person at once. At least at some point. Is this not the case? What’s going on here

[apileofpolitepolyfrogs]

I think it is so beneficial to think about it as a spectrum from

monoamory -- ambiamory -- polyamory

Some people really just never feel attraction/romantic love for more than one person at a time. Other people feel it, but have no desire to ever date several people simultaneously.

Then there's people who are like "eh, I could really go either way", which is how I think you get a majority of the "mono to poly relationship transition" success stories: It's rarely two closeted poly people discovering themselves during their mono relationship - my theory is that there's just a lot of ambiamorous folks who, when they're partner comes out as poly, can go "oh yeah, sure, I'm open to that."

Thinking of it as a spectrum protects everyone: Both the people who feel like they can't live without polyamory, and the people who are really unhappy with anything but monogamy. It frames it like the inherent inclination that it is, and not like a choice along the lines of "if you really cared, you'd try this for me!"

[apileofpolitepolyfrogs]

the weird baking society

I just read an old facebook post about putting gummy candies in brownies and I'm suddenly realizing what I find so hard about "reconnecting" with friends:

Now that everyone lives at least an hour away, has an important job and maybe a family, "catching up" has become a phone call at best, and 6 half-assed paragraphs of written updates at worst.

It's a chore to write a list of all recent changes in my life, and it has nothing to do with the fun that these friendships used to be. And yeah, I still have some friendships that contain play and creative fun, but all the people I'm losing touch with are people who used to bring me so much happiness and joy.

I don't want to tell you about my job, I want to know which questionable ingredient you've tried putting in your brownie batter this week!

I want to go to the lake and collect rocks, I don't want to talk about how our health has been.

And yeah, caring about each other's health is important! But it's exhausting and it causes me to put off responding to non-essential messages forever because they feel draining and empty at this point.

[apileofpolitepolyfrogs]

Sometimes it feels so weird to me that being poly requires so much more explanation and general... theory than, say, my queerness does. Friends will ask if we can get on a call because they’re curious about “how it works” - and I don’t know “how it works”, I just feel deeply lonely and desperately unfulfilled in mono relationships.

So for me, when they ask “how do you make it so you’re not jealous”, the answer is that I simply don’t feel that way. And I’m happy whenever people are curious and ask questions! I just find it funny, I guess. I wouldn’t be able to answer any “how does that work” questions about my same-sex attraction either.

[apileofpolitepolyfrogs]

immovable object (very cold ben&jerry’s) meets unstoppable force (the polycule with four teaspoons in 30°C weather)