You gave me a taste and then took it away
So I set out on the chase to touch you one day
For months, thoughts of you flooded my mind
How angry I was, thinking you should be mine
And then one day you softened a little to me
And I knew the sensation of your body, and arms around me
Sometimes we were close, and others far away
But so many precious, tender moments, my mind would replay
Over time, feelings changed, transforming silently
Until one day I couldn't deny what you meant to me
I don't know when I fell in love, I took it for granted
But the night we were alone at the party, it'd already happened
Two years in, I was bursting at the seams
I didn't want to hide it, I wanted to be seen
"I love you, Reuben" I sent to your old, disconnected number
And months later we confessed the same to each other
I reveled in the elation, I couldn't help but smile
After I don't even know how long I was in denial
The scare of hearing about the state of your health
Processing my father's illness, my mother's death
I couldn't take the intensity, so I shut down
I was paralyzed and handled it the only way I knew how
To completely withdraw from nearly everyone and everything
Being piloted entirely by the pain I was feeling
I let the pain, grief, guilt, and shame
Withhold my apology and keep me away
For a long while I didn't allow the feelings to be felt
When I thought of you, and how I left
My actions then were unthinkable and cruel
I couldn't face it, so I avoided thinking of you
One can only suppress guilt, pain, and shame for a time
Two to three years for me, because I so lacked the spine
To fully confront my actions and the pain that I caused
I yearned for you in silence at first, until it grew too strong
jbbartram-illu
origamiaround
romaincrisis
2087
dededos
