Everything Is More Beautiful Because We Are Doomed

My poetry blog (Title quoted from "The Iliad")

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

"Sit right here

Don't make a sound

Keep your thoughts

Under the ground

When I ask

You can respond

But don't, but don't"

For you I turn to music

They taught me how to play

All that I couldn't say

Ebony and ivory

String long forgotten notes together

Maple nape and spruce lining

Play all the constant notes forever

Walnut and mahogany

Please sing the words I can no longer say

The blood of blue has taken that part of me away

"Stay right here

Don't turn around

They will stitch

Your wedding gown

Did you think

You could get out?

Be still, be still"

For you I turn to music

From the balcony of my soul

For you I play the tunes that

Keep my heart from heating the coals

For you I turn to music

They have the chains in forms

Of silk and diamond rings

Ebony and ivory

String long forgotten notes together

Maple nape and spruce lining

Play all the constant notes forever

Walnut and mahogany

Please sing the words I can no longer say

What was that of destiny

Strings unforgotten love together

Who will hold the royalty

This life could never keep forever

What was that of destiny

What was that of destiny

What was that of destiny

Break the lock and drown the key

Ebony and ivory

String long forgotten notes together

Maple nape and spruce lining

Play all the constant notes forever

Walnut and mahogany

Please sing the words I can no longer say

The blood of blue has taken that part of me away

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

there's something about the scent of summer

that renders me at ease

the sweet soft chirping of swallows reflects me

a child lost in the breeze

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

"i'm not hard to please"

the words put me at ease

though i know that they're a lie

mustn't dwell on the sometimes

results yet to see

hearts arrest on our sleeves

bags from a day where we'd waste finer jewels

and wrap our worries within our dressing gowns

come alive, come alive

my darling, don't you cry

i'll take apart the finest kingdoms

put them at your side

come alive, come alive

no, darling, there's no time to waste

the butterfly flit, flit, flutters away

"the gods must be appeased"

our world's drowning at sea

mana drained and chests concave

mustn't dwell on the somedays

harder yet to see

bruised in a gentle breeze

answers demand for their words to be said

but we hold them in deep and we let them down

hide away, hide away

my darling, don't you stay

the people draw their poisoned arrows

aimed for you erased

hide away, hide away

my darling, there's no time to waste

my butterfly, flit, flit, flutter away

come alive, come alive

my darling don't you cry

i'll take apart the finest stars and

rest them at your side

hide away, hide away

my darling, you've no time to waste

the butterfly flit, flit, flutters away

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

sorry, i don’t mean to bother

it’s 2 am and i’m still caught in

not hearing your reply

i could never keep a secret

so i won’t ever have to keep it

even if it’s goodbye

i wish i talked to you more today

but if i had pushed you, would this whole set up fray?

if i don’t push enough, will we just fall apart?

oh, i am so in love

i know that you don’t feel the same

i know you don’t smile at my name

but i’m still caught up in all the butterflies in my chest

i know that we both tried but failed

i know this story has gone stale

but i’m still wishing we had a chance past what we professed

but i should let you rest

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

Running

I want to fly

I want today to be the answer to my time

The path that I choose to be

Take me alive

Let the future be the world I want to see

Hold my hand and take the lead

I'm always here running running

I want to walk running running

I want to fly running running

I want to die running running

I can't slow down running running

I can't be stopped running running

I want to walk running running

I want to walk running running running

You are a guide

And you remind me of the path I want to fly

Of the potential in me

Can I survive?

Or will the burden of it all take over my

Body, soul, and destiny?

I'm always here running running

I want to walk running running

I want to fly running running

I want to die running running

I can't slow down running running

I can't be stopped running running

I want to walk running running

I want to walk running running

Rise up

I'm taking on the world by storm

Hold on

I'm who I've never been before

So stay by my side

If you feel I deserve it

It's okay if you're not

If you're with me I want to be worth it

Be honest now

How do you feel?

You're just as important as me

I'll try to see

What's within me

I'll try to ground my own feet

I'm always here running running

I want to walk running running

I want to fly running running

I will survive running running

I can't slow down running running

I can't be stopped running running

I want to be running running

I want to be running running running

I want to be worthy of your praise

I want to be worthy of this name

I want light throughout me deep inside

I want the light in me now to shine

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

Time Machine

Waiting for a last dance under candlelight

Holding yourself under, don't want to cry

Memories playing, no time to comprehend

Melodies drowned by a deafening band

You aren't you, that body's not yours

A smile holds, but storms are ashore

Occasionally the front can't be held

A tidal wave starts to overwhelm

You've stepped into a time machine

Everyone has moved on, all that you know's here but gone

Your findings just feel bittersweet

And mostly they're just things you wish that you'd never seen

Dance through the waves of chatter

Tomorrow it'll matter

But today, you'll enjoy this time stream

Today, you're gone to the time machine

Gone through the car ride formalities

Tonight now a new day, it's time to sleep

But you're out here swinging in the dark

Bugs flocking to make their mark

Maybe you're you, but the mask remains

Geese by the lake echoing your pain

Makeup astray, the future's caught up now

But you can't just watch it all wash out

You're trapped inside a time machine

Grains of sand washed away, figures dancing as they fade

Your past chapter feels incomplete

Everyone has their end, but no one could fill yours in

The party's long been over

Tomorrow's here to sober

So today, what will it be?

Still holding onto the time machine

This sea's taken you out

These chains holding you down

There's no escaping reality

And no one else can set you free

Break away the time machine

Remake your world, let yourself be

You have so much to live for

Tomorrow brings a new door

So don't give up, don't let anxiety

Take all you have to see

You'll get through the time machine

Everyone's there for you, tell them and they'll help you through

It's okay to feel incomplete

And mostly, it's just things that are waiting to be seen

Your story's far from over

This ocean, rough and brutal

Can give you the most beautiful things

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

This head is like a war zone

Another fool is lost

Too many winding thoughts

I'm torn to shreds, left nothing here but bones

I'm slowly growing back

But I sense the next attack

Horizons seem cluttered with distance and I quite can't see

Beyond this ash that would suffocate me

I'm fascinated by all of these whispers that I quite can't seem

To look past their disguise

A second too long and an inch too wide

Remember those galaxy jeans I tried

That I got on sale?

But they don't quite fit

No, they don't fit now

A moment too soon and a path too fine

A mirror shows secrets morphing into lies

And hand too frail

Wants to bury further in

I'm tired, I want to go home

Couldn't support my head

Nearly found myself dead

Would anyone have been at my gravestone?

It doesn't matter now

I won't go in the ground

Could I still be something to strive for, even at this state?

When my best praise came from wasting away?

I'm fascinated by who looks at me now, my current everyday

Can't tell if it's love or hate

A second too sick and a child left loose

Decisions decided, no time to choose

Though I chose my fate

Somehow I'm not there

No I'm not there now

A balance too tricky and a life near gone

Brought barely by seconds back and taken home

Not consumed by hate

Where's my life supposed to go?

There's just too much going inside my brain

My body's full, but my will still feels restrained

When the time comes that my actions reflect what I want to say

Will I be okay?

A second too strict and a useless fight

Remember those galaxy jeans I tried

That I got on sale

But they don't quite fit

Can I throw them out?

A body too tired and a mind too lost

I want to get better but what's the cost?

Every page flipped past

Is one I wish would break down

My gravestone upturned

What's left to do with me now?

Be honest with me

Will I be okay now?

[lunaleedraws]

“Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away.”

-Andrew Boyle

dA version

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

Shoutout to literally myself for making my new avatar

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

Violet, amaryllis, anemone

A timid hope disintegrates with disease

Sunflower, daisy, forget me not

Her innocent dedication lost to thought

Hollyhock, hibiscus, wisteria

Endurance broken, brought to hysteria

Begonia, tulip, eglantine

May unrequited poems set her free

❀

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

Every light in my life has been taken

Yet you still keep taking them away

I am bruised, I am beaten and broken

But no bruise would keep your thoughts at bay

Where will this go?

You push me at maximum capacity

Yet still keep on asking for more

Am I alone?

You say that we're in this together

Yet doubt creeps at every shore

Every lie leaves bitter tastes in my mouth

When I ask, you just brush me away

I am bruised, I am beaten and broken

But this anchor is too deep to save

Is this too far?

Everyone keeps on saying so, but you say

The final port's too close to cave

Will this sea part?

Will I ever be able to reach my family

And understand their distant sways?

Will I ever be okay?

Every light in my life has been taken

Yet you still keep taking them away

I am bruised, I am beaten and broken

But every helping hand's gone astray

I'm obsessed with numbers, facts, and figures

A reflection has me plunged in its waves

But if I'm still alive by tomorrow

Maybe then, all these thoughts will just drain

Every light in my life has been taken

Yet you still keep taking them away

I am bruised, I am beaten and broken

And you slowly are taking my place

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

Self Doubt

What even are the words that I write?

Casualty, tears, terrors, and sorrows

Illustrating worlds and concepts that I can't speak

Out loud

Yet one other person

One better person

Takes that feeling down

I can never show this work

I can never show any

They aren't good enough, I'm never good enough

Why am I here?

Every crevice I fall into

Makes every moment feel worse

I could claw my way out

But I bit my nails off and they aren't sharp enough

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

I haven't seen you for a month, at least

And haven't stayed around even longer

You say you miss me every day, at least

But never really respond

And I try to make plans

You say you'll be there

But can't come last minute

And I try to tell you how I am

But you see someone that isn't there

I'm not your perfect little daughter

Your sweet baby girl

Who has no problems

And if you won't accept me as your son

Or your child

Or whoever I am

I'm not coming back again

We haven't really spoken since last year

And even then, I didn't tell the truth

We haven't bonded since I was thirteen

When I thought you were my world

And I bet you don't know I have scars

Don't know my favorite songs

Or even what my dreams are

And I bet you don't know what my favorite color is

Or even who my friends are

I'm not your perfect little daughter

Your sweet baby girl

Who has no problems

And if you won't accept me as your son

Or your child

Or whoever I am

I'm not coming back again

I'm tired

Of broken promises

Of empty compliments

That don't even describe me

I'm so tired

Of you seeing some sick mirage

That isn't even there

Because I'm not your perfect little daughter

Your sweet baby girl

Who has no problems

And I've tried too hard to be what you want me to

But I'm not your perfect little daughter

Your sweet baby girl

Who has no problems

And if you won't accept me as your son

Or your child

Or whoever I am

I'm not coming back again

I'm not yours

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

Lately, I've not been doing so well

I've been struggling to figure out

Who I am, what I am, where I am

Lately, I've not been doing so much

I've been recoiling at every touch

Everywhere, every stare, I can't bear

Yet you somehow stayed by me

You somehow loved me

And you somehow, despite your flaws, tried to help me

I know you wanted something you could hold today

Something you could show off today

Something you could touch and see

But if I write this song down

And sing it just for you

Would it be enough to just hold me?

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

Flame

Every word they say is so kind

Even when they don’t think so

Every action they make so sublime

But tell them and you’ll end in smoke

Set aflame

The words on this dark page

If only someone could come set it out

It’s something you should already know

But sometimes you have to let it go

And sometimes you have to set aside

All the words you think, just pass them by

And you could be right, but, you know

Sometimes it’s selfish to tell them so

And just how could you expect them to

Cleanly turn pass the page that you’re still turning to?

Every time you get a word in

They’ll take it back until it’s broke

Every time you can see again

They’ll burn past until you choke

And you keep making the same flame reference

Instead of saying their name

And it doesn’t fit them anyway

They’re too good for it anyway

It’s something you should already know

You’re selfish, but they’ll never tell you so

They try and they try ‘till they’re burnt away

The least you can do is bring back their flame

And you could be right, but you know

That you never are, you know, so

Why keep crying, calling their name

When every tear you cry would hurt them again?

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

Loss

Sometimes you lose things

But find them again

And then you are happy

But sometimes you lose things

And then they are gone

And you can never have them back

No matter what you do

No matter what you say

No matter what you try

They are gone

They have disappeared

You will never see them again

Sometimes you cry

Sometimes you scream

Sometimes you don't do anything at all

But a deep, dark, horrific storm still rages inside of you

Never to see a sunny day

Even if the curtains close

Withholding the terrifying plethora of grotesque vacancy from view

Even if you hold yourself

Composed, rigid, reformed

The perfect presentation of satisfaction and statute

Even if you believe

Every lie you tell to be true

You will never see them again

You will never see the light of day

You will never see a world without pain

You will never spend a moment of your life completely sustained

You can recover

You can mend

You can hold back

You can rebuild

But you can never forget

Your scars will never fully heal

You will never fill that hole inside of you

You will never be complete

Sometimes you lose things

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

Selfish

How can I improve on this?

Tell me but not in words

I’ll listen but you’re not heard

Because every line you try to speak

Only undermines me

You confide your deepest feelings

But don’t want me to say they’re wrong

You feel unappreciated

But don’t want me to tell it off

Maybe I’m harsh, maybe I’m just cynical

But try to hide behind a smile

Maybe I lie, maybe I have no morals

But I’m selfish, I’ll just deny it

How can I improve on this?

Tell me but not in words

I’ll listen but you’re not heard

Because every line you try to speak

Only undermines me

How can I improve on this?

Keep it up, you’re breaking me

But I won’t tell you this feeling

I know it’s selfish that your voice

Only comes out as noise

I confide my deepest feelings

But I never get a response

I feel unappreciated

But saying so gets me told off

Maybe I’m mad, maybe I’m just miserable

But try to hide behind these walls

Maybe I cry, maybe I’m devoid of hope

But I’m a mess, I’ll just deny it

How can I improve on this?

Tell me but not in words

I’ll listen but you’re not heard

Because every line you try to speak

Only undermines me

How can I improve on this?

Keep it up, you’re breaking me

But I won’t tell you this feeling

I know it’s selfish that your voice

Only comes out as noise

[apollo-and-artemis-bloom]

One Day

You laugh so hard you fall into hysteria

You sob so loud all of the neighbors complain

You're called a dramatic just wanting attention

You just wish they'd stop staring and go away

Maybe one day

You'll slit your throat and get to feel your life pour away

Hey, maybe one day

You'll hang that noose and you'll slip yourself into the fray

Or maybe one day

You'll talk too fast, you'll cry too hard, you'll never last

Maybe one day, maybe one day

You're practically tortured when you're stuck in silence

You cover your ears when the roaring's not tamed

You walk away quickly when they try to join you

You'll never be satisfied, oh, what a pain

Maybe one day

You'll get run over and no longer constantly blamed

Oh, maybe one day

You'll drink that poison and feel your intestines decay

Fuck, maybe one day

You'll lose your mind, drown in your tears, finally die

But please one day

Remember, you'll be alright

You can't end this game tonight