text dump 06.01
hello tumblr i am back with a fresh new look and a fresh new url and it is time for this blog to become a text and film photo dump so happy new 2022 and here’s something i wrote today
This is a short text about how sad I was the other day. The kind of sad that makes you wish you could click a button and disappear. Not die. But vanish, sort of. Just get erased from existence. Get erased from your own, but also other’s existence, from their lives and their memories. At times I think being alive is a selfless act on my part.
But you can’t erase yourself. So the next best thing is to erase your digital self. I deleted my Instagram account that night. No one panicked or said anything, I’m pretty sure no one noticed at all. I think that might have actually been the outcome I was hoping for, but I wouldn’t be able to say for sure.
I wanted to silence my ego, my ‘carefully curated’, as they say nowadays, internet persona. And she was silenced all right. There was silence in my head, too, on the first day. But on the second day the brain silence was already long gone. As it appears, deleting your digital self is not enough to put an end to the sadness.
I used to be good at cutting out sadness. I’m not sure if the start of this new year means I have to re-learn some things over again; cutting out sadness for example. Or if this is another variant of sadness, more dangerous, more spreadable, less controlable.
