Hello all!
I created a GoFundMe. I have made two before this one in the past, and chose to delete them both. I think ultimately, I felt embarrassed. Which is silly, right? I write about my struggles all of the time. This just feels...extra vulnerable. My family has helped me A LOT. I appreciate it so much, but they have not been shy about their opinions about me. That held me back until it didn't. Everyone has opinions. I can handle it. I've never felt more free.
I made a video about it. The GoFundMe, I mean. Spent four days in total on it. I am getting better at editing. I enjoy it a lot; I still have so much to learn. It's real and it's out there and people can think what they want about me. I am struggling, I am doing what I can. I am asking for help so I can hopefully get out of this hole.
Things are finally looking up. Enoch got a new job. The new spot we're dashing in is great. I am full of confidence. I know I can build something of myself. I am currently, even if it's not making me any money yet. I am doing things to get myself out there. I am sharing myself, my art and most importantly: spreading my seeds.
I started this blog last August. I used to have an account back in the olden days of twenty twelve. I was a fanblog for my chemical romance. Most of my posts were reblogs - I was scared to share my writing. I wrote a lot of gay fanfiction on stardoll.dom. I hid it like a dirty secret. Kept it from my irl friends. My mom read it once. Got on the family computer after I was done. I left the tab open; rookie mistake.
"I read your story!" She said.
"it was uh...really good." I turned beet red. I can still feel it.
Tumblr served as a safe space. It still does. That account has been lost. Email associated with my mom; password long forgotten. It didn't matter anyway; I wanted a fresh start.
I made this to share my art, yes, but it was mainly for my seeds. I need to stress that my seeds have been the most important thing this entire time. I sought to inspire change with my writing. I sought to be the change I want to see. I sought to use my voice. I never imagined I'd get here. I have shared so much of my heart and soul to you all. I write every single day. I create every single day. I can't believe there was ever a time where I didn't. I had a long period where I didn't create anything. Now, that is so foreign to me.
Can I be candid with you for a moment? I'm real worried I'm not going to make it out of this alive. Fascist America. I don't agree with the maga cult. I'm in poverty. I'm queer. I'm pan. I'm outspoken. I'm stubborn. Nonbinary - you name it. I'm on some list somewhere simply for ultilizing my freedom of speech. I had nightmares about my door being kicked down by ice. They drag me out as I scream. I don't have that nightmare as much anymore but unfortunately, that's a reality for many.
I was facing down the barrel of eviction in may. I almost gave up. I was willing to give up. We needed to pay in full, and we couldn't pay. There was seemingly nothing we could do. A few days before our court date, the property manager told us we'd have a week to get out before they replace the doors. Something in me shifted. The world no matter felt too big. I no longer wallowed and let it happen. Yes, worse things are happening to people every single day. That's all the more reason to fight.
I can't do anything to help others if I cannot help myself. I got a lawyer and was able to reschedule the court hearing, much to the property mangers determent. We pay lot rent, but we own our home. It was my partners grandpa's trailer. She told us it was pointless because we can't pay in full. She chewed into me when I mentioned I was talking to my lawyer about payment plans.
"That's what rent is." She said. "A payment plan."
I ignored her. My lawyer was able to get us the payment plan. An extra two hundred dollars put onto our five hundred plus a month. People treat you differently when you're struggling; when you need money. I get told I'm not doing enough. Told to save. Told to just work at Walmart (as if it's that simple). Given implications that I am a thief.
I plan on paying my family back. I just can't until I actually can take care of myself. I am doing all that I can. No matter what, I plan on doing some good when I finally have time and the money to do so. My seeds are free, but when I make it, I'm going to help others in poverty. We are people. We are not wrong or broken. This is the way our society is set up.
I got off track a little. On a tirade. This country is continuously becoming more dangerous. I am leaving my mark. With my face. My content. Art. Writing. Photos. My seeds. You name it. I am a person. A living, breathing human. I am important. I am something special. This will be my pinned post for at least until I can get my electric turned on. Rent is mostly figured out (I will update that on GoFundMe later) and electric is my main focus. We are in a heat advisory until July second. The heat is unbearable, but I worry the most for my animals. I have been checking on them frequently. Taking breaks from doordash to make sure they are watered and okay. Taking my dog outside for some much needed relief.
As stated previously, my seeds are very important to me. I wouldn't replace "let's plat a garden" with something I didn't feel was import. You can still find my valued poem here:
💬 6 🔁 31 ❤️ 195 · Let’s Plant a Garden Take a deep breath. Exhale. Slow down. Do you want to plant a garden with me? Be the change
I feel a bit better about it now that I am spreading my seeds on YouTube and Facebook. I do not want you to have to struggle to save me. Is that the best way to get donations? Probably not. That's me caring about your wellbeing. Please do not break yourself for me. Focus on you first. If you cannot donate, please like this post, like my videos, check out the GoFundMe page, and share it anywhere that you can. I will write a poem about any donations I receive. I will talk about you in them and how great ful I am. They will be on here and recited on YouTube. I'll shout you out. Any little bit helps.
If you have any questions at all, feel free to ask.
Videoes explaining my situation:
Gofundme link:
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Thank you all so so much for reading and being a part of my community. I am sorry that I have not been posting as much lately. I've been incredibly focused on getting this stuff set up. More poems will be coming your way soon. I think you learned a lot of lore in this. Stick around for more, if you want!
I love you all so incredibly much. You are special. You are important. I am happy that you are alive. I hope that you have a wonderful day.
Written by aprilfool🐸
6/30/2026