The Tiniest Lifeboat

Indie Heather McNamara blog with Elle McLemore as a faceclaim! Please read both the About and the Rules before interacting.

[havenandwonderland-archive]

REBLOG if you are willing to do platonic/ friendships with muses!

My friends and i are getting sick of seeing only smut and no other character relationships. Hell even being mortal enemies would be great at this point.

[cillianhelps-blog]

text message starters: part 4

[MSG:] Did you get your syphilis thing taken care of?

[MSG:] Fuck you, fuck your boyfriend, and fuck the chestburster that is dwelling in the disease-ridden void that you call a goddamn womb!

[MSG:] Oh my God, the babies you two make are gonna be so stupid.

[MSG:] You were too drunk to remember, but last night you puked in the bushes in front of the church and screamed “GOD IS DEAD.”

[MSG:] That audition for a commercial that I went to? Turned out to be porn.

[MSG:] Other than the guy jumping off the bridge while we were walking over it, it was a decent first date.

[MSG:] I woke up this morning with a hangover, rugburn, and a sore asshole. Care to fill in the gaps in my memory?

[MSG:] This is your stupidest idea ever. No, wait, cheese pants was your stupidest idea ever. But this is close.

[MSG:] My neighbor is now selling vodka in Capri Sun packets. I don’t throw around the term “genius” lightly, but…

[MSG:] Next time you charge a prostitute’s bill to MY credit card is the time I shove my shoe up your ass.

[MSG:] ABORT ABORT STOP TEXTING MOM’S IN ROOM AND SOMETIMES SHE LIKES TO READ OVER MY SHOULDER ABORT ABORT START TALKING ABOUT KITTENS OR SOME SHIT

[MSG:] I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend.

[MSG:] Note to self: if a Bronx hooker asks if you if you want to come to a party with her and her pimp, the correct answer is NO.

[MSG:] Boss walked in on me nailing his daughter. FML.

[MSG:] Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I’m downtown. Way too high for this shit.

[MSG:] I meant to type in “hotmail” and instead I typed in “hotmale.” And the projector was on in front of the whole room… I’m sure you can imagine what happened next.

[MSG:] I wish I could say this is the first time that’s happened, but that’d be a lie.

[MSG:] I’d say “you used to be so nice” but that wouldn’t be accurate.

[MSG:] She’s seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, ‘take me to McDonald’s.’

[MSG:] I will go to a lot of places in the name of getting laid. But I will NOT go to New Jersey.

[MSG:] How could you do that?! This isn’t Wall Street! We have a little something called integrity!

[MSG:] After sending me a dick pic, he asked, “yay or nay?”

[MSG:] Uhhhh, I’m pretty sure that pic you just sent me was for someone else… At least, I hope so.

[MSG:] Just a heads up: you’re probably gonna come home to find me baked and shirtless.

[MSG:] I’m at the point in my life where I’m gonna sell my eggs for cash.

[MSG:] I found this adorable pair of shoes, but if I’m gonna be able to afford them, I’ll have to rent out my womb to a gay couple. Thoughts?

[MSG:] Artificial insemination is SO expensive these days… why don’t we just use a turkey baster?

[MSG:] I woke up in someone’s flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.

[MSG:] We’re not even official yet and he’s cleaned up my puke twice.

[MSG:] Dude so last night I was eating out my girlfriend and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN’T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES.

[MSG:] So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times.

[MSG:] We blow off work on Friday, go to Disney, get drunk, and go on rides. You in?

[MSG:] Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.

[MSG:] Next guy to put a hand on my ass on the subway goes home without it.

[cillianhelps-blog]

text message starters: part seven (sexcapades gone wrong edition)

[MSG:] What part of “he tried to put his dick in my ear” do you not understand?!

[MSG:] Okay, so next time, maybe use a tighter knot?

[MSG:] HOW DO YOU LOSE A CONDOM MID-INTERCOURSE?!

[MSG:] As he was cumming he yelled “Yahtzee” then said I was free to go. That was my one night stand.

[MSG:] “Sorry” doesn’t fix the chafing around my asshole!

[MSG:] Relax, just get some good concealer and no one will even notice the bite marks.

[MSG:] Okay, so apparently asking a boy “who’s your mommy?” doesn’t have the same affect as “who’s your daddy?”.

[MSG:] He asked “who’s your daddy” and I said I don’t know.

[MSG:] If I pick up a girl, and then she picks up a guy, and we all leave together, did I pick up the guy?

[MSG:] On the upside, that’s one less thing on our sexytimes bucket list!

[MSG:] Come hell or highwater we WILL manage to have sex at work without getting caught one of these days.

[MSG:] Next time you’re taking nude pics for me, maybe glance around the room to make sure your MOM’S NOT THERE.

[MSG:] Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.

[MSG:] SLUTTIEST. HALLOWEEN. EVER.

[MSG:] I can’t believe you fell asleep in the middle.

[MSG:] Dude, I’ve got to get back on her good side. I’ve tried masturbating… it’s not the same.

[MSG:] Long story short, we had to call the fire department to get the handcuffs off.

[MSG:] I told you not to buy lube from a tourist shop!

[MSG:] What’s never happened before? The premature ejaculation or the ten minutes of crying afterwards?

[MSG:] So not only did my roommate NOT leave when he saw I had a girl there, HE STARTED SHOUTING BITS OF ADVICE.

[MSG:] Walked in on my boss nailing his secretary on the copy machine. It’s gonna be a VERY awkward meeting tomorrow…

[MSG:] Mom found our “collection.“ 

[MSG:] I don’t even know if I LIKE sober sex anymore.

[MSG:] Banging your kid’s teacher never ends well.

[MSG:] Her dad came home when we were "busy” so I ended up jumping out her window and getting dressed while I ran up the block to my car. FML

[MSG:] It’s just one of those days where I’m too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.

[MSG:] Turns out I’m not as bendy as I thought… it was fun trying, though!

[MSG:] We rented a porno to get ideas. Long story short… we need a new showerhead.

[MSG:] Never take sex advice from your older brother.

[MSG:] Any recommendations for how to tell your girlfriend about the pics of her sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?

[MSG:] HE WAS LOOKING RIGHT AT ME. JACKING OFF. ON A PUBLIC CITY BUS. I SHIT YOU NOT.

[MSG:] Speaking French in bed SOUNDS hot, but turns out I only know “baguette” and “bonjour.”

[MSG:] So the threeway turned out to be a twoway while the third one sat and watched in a chair.

[MSG:] NEVER ANSWER THE PHONE IN THE MIDDLE OF SEX EVER AGAIN

[MSG:] We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.

[MSG:] Long story short, she’s passed out, we’re both naked, I’m gagged and can’t get the knot undone, we’re in the closet at her mom’s house. SEND HELP.

[MSG:] Also, I’ve finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is okay.

[MSG:] I’m sorry I laughed. But, honey, you were trying to give me a striptease and you tripped on your pants!

[MSG:] So today I found out my mom’s dating my ex-boyfriend, and she’s kinkier than I am. Fuck divorce.

[MSG:] Well, I never thought in the future I’d be able to say “hey remember that Easter when I made porn?”

[MSG:] I have to admit, I’ve never heard of more than two people watching porn together…

[MSG:] I don’t think bruises are supposed to turn green.

[MSG:] That girl’s pussy is like White Castle, you crave it once in awhile, but next morning you regret eating it.

[MSG:] Never sneeze while eating a girl out.

[MSG:] I know he was trying his best to be sexy, but Johnny Depp, he is not.

[MSG:] PENISES ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE THAT OH MY GOD

[MSG:] So it turns out he’s not into bondage.

[MSG:] I’m straight, but shit happens.

[tibby]

[harrehspeaks-deactivated2016121]

just friends | a mix for falling in love with the female best friend who’ll never feel the same way [listen] 

01. lies (acoustic) | marina & the diamonds / 02. almost lover | a fine frenzy / 03. untouchable | taylor swift / 04. jenny (ballad version) | lily sevin / 05. sex (cover) | lauren aquilina / 06. breakeven (cover) | tianna and the cliffhangers / 07. jessie’s girl (cover) | mary lambert / 08. fool’s gold (cover) | nataly g / 09. say something (cover) | jasmine thompson / 10. let her go (cover) | arden cho

[ahotknife]

a playlist for bisexual girls. | listen.

[aprivxtething-blog]

@aworldwithoutheather

[vitruvians]

Insatiable Hedonists - A Playlist for those Rich Kids (listen)

Filthy Rich, Spoilt Rotten

[holocrone]

i will learn to love the skies i’m under  [♫]  [☛]  [★] a playlist for journeys about recovery and finding yourself

1. fink – pilgrim  //  2. carnival youth – brown eyes and all the rest  //  3. tom odell – i know  //  4. ben howard – under the same sun  //  5. of monsters and men – mountain sound  //  6. radiohead – codex  //  7. beach house – lazuli  //  8. the antlers – kettering  //  9. grizzly bear – colorado  //  10. angus and julia stone – i’m not yours  //  11. bon iver – holocene  //  12. the neighbourhood – sweater weather (pre-release)  //  13. dan auerbach – goin’ home  //  14. the national – sorrow  //  15. laura marling – what he wrote  //  16. ólafur arnalds – άgúst  //  17. emily and the woods – never play  //  18. mumford and sons – hopeless wanderer  //  19. apparat – goodbye  //  20. bark cat bark – iceland

[justrpmemesandmusings]

Send ◕‿◕ to play with my muse’s hair

[redscrunchy-blog]

@aprivxtething

IT WAS study period, true, but she preferred spending her time in the bathroom than actually studying for her vocabulary test. Who gives a shit about the word ‘myriad’ anyway? –It wasn’t like she was ever going to use that. Head tilts as she applies another coat of mascara ; paying no attention at the fact that the bathroom door swings open. (she knew who was coming in, anyway.)

“GOD HEATHER ; i called you in here 5 minutes ago.”

[aprivxtething-blog]

“I’m sorry.” Heather murmured, clutching her bag, hands flapping lightly. “Miss Fleming wouldn’t stop talking.” she explained, going to stand beside her, feeling so tiny and insignificant beside the blonde. “What did you need me for?”

[anotherrpmemeblog]

Send “Rumour has it...” and a rumour about my muse in my ask!

My muse will then react to it being spread.

[ohme-ohlife]

Visit Original Link

You thought by now you’d be So much better than you are You thought by now they’d see That you had come so far And the pride inside their eyes Would synchronize into a love you’d never known So much more than you’ve been shown

Hold on One more time with feeling Try it again Breathing’s just a rhythm Say it in your mind Until you know that the words are right This is, why we, fight This is, why we, fight

[oolb]

Visit Original Link

oh, an incurable humanist, you are. (forgive me, forgive me, forgive me-ology.)

[agcntstarbuckarchive-blog]

mini giveaway!

yoooooooo! i made it to 555 followers last night and i’m too lazy to do a formal giveaway, so i thought i’d do a quick lil icon thing instead! there are going to be three winners – one who wins a set of 100 icons and two who win a set of 50 icons. if you wanna enter to win, all you have to do is reblog this post and be following me. please don’t unfollow after the giveaway ends because that’s super rude. this is gonna end on march 15th, 2016 at 8 pm central time aaaand examples of my icons can be found below. that’s pretty much it, so go crazy~

[neverhavethatchance-archived]

Smol can’t reach something so Tol picks them up (Mac's a cheerleader, she's very strong)

Tol && Smol prompts.

✿ @aprivxtething

Lightly tugging on the side ofthe girl’s yellow jacket, Claudiaprepared to do something thatshe hated doing—asking for help to do something she wouldbe able to do herself, had shenot been confined to the bodyof a child.

❝ Mademoiselle Heather? Willyou please assist me in reachingthat? ❞ Claudia asked, pointing toa book on one of the higher upshelves of a bookcase.

[aprivxtething-blog]

Heather nodded, smiling gently as she picked up Claudia, helping her reach the book. “What book is it?” she asked curiously, eyebrow raised.

[angstmemes]

My muse just dreamt that they got killed by yours. Send me ‘✸’ for my muse to wake up from their nightmare and seeing yours.

[brittsmemes]

Put ☎ in my ask for your muses info in my muses phone:

NAME:

RINGTONE: 

PICTURE: 

LAST TEXT RECEIVED: 

LAST TEXT SENT: 

[sidnugget]

I push everyone away but in a way I’m doing them a favor