its funny to me when someone points out that the way christians talk about god like hes some sort of abusive lover or father and the christians come swarming in, "no, actually,"etc bc one of the turning points in my spiritual endeavors was when i saw an article that was named something like "only He can love you the most[...]" and immediately thought, "yikes, sounds like abuse to me."
imagine my surprise when i scroll down to the pins, passing by the comments, and i see a christian saying, "no, my godliness is not an abusive relationship." or whatever lingo they use these days. imagine the guilt that i felt, the disgust i automatically hurled on myself bc i didn't see the "5 bible verses why" at the end.
i prayed a lot after that naturally. i was catholic. i was apologizing a lot, too, for something that was completely instinctive on my end, a reaction that was brought after reading countless accounts from abuse victims and abusers and--there was a comment buried that really stuck out to me, it said, "even if He hurts me and throws all these obstacles in my way, i know it's because He loves me." it shook me so fucking hard.
in any other context, i'd deem this whole thing creepy. sounded like an abuse victim manipulated by their abuser so they'd think they deserved the abuse. but why was it that when you said it in a religious context, it was suddenly.... alright?
you are ugly, you are broken. if you do anything that's remotely out of line, then i'll have to teach you a lesson. you don't need to believe what other people are saying when you have me. you're lucky that i'm still by your side and helping you. it's because i'm a good person and i want the best for you. you deserve getting hurt.
why does it sound familiar?
you were born with sin, which is a bad thing. it's not something you can get rid of, and if you're too full of it, you can spend the rest of your eternity in agony and regret, but by following what i think is good you can maybe get on my good side. know that i'm doing all of this due to my infinite mercy and kindness. my vast heart can't help but help you estrange yourself from your sin, which i created and said was bad. by the way, if i send anything bad your way that's because you did something bad but i don't want to tell you which, or i just want to remind you how full of sin you are :)
so when i see a christian go, "no, it's not actually an abusive relationship," i just sigh. bc it was for me. it's cool that it wasn't for you, but don't derail me when it actually did. you're no better than Him.
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