when mental illness affects your studies
all of us mentally ill students finally reach a point where we think it’s so, so hard that we are unable to keep going, keep studying, keep living like this. I have reached that point again recently, but this time reached out for help, and am now trying to learn how to function at school now that I’ve come to terms with my illness. so, I thought I could share some advice based on my own experience.
to you who are now struggling, please don’t give up. do just that. you can overcome this and that is a fact.
for the love of God, tell your teachers.
sadly, deadlines don’t really care if you’re currently at your lowest point or just happen to be ‘in shape’ for completing assignments – you have to hand them in on This Day, period. But sometimes you feel so bad that you are either completely unable to finish that one essay or end up forcing yourself to write it and do it while gritting your teeth and crying like I did with my History essay earlier this year. when receiving feedback from my teacher (negative, of course, because the essay was utter shite), I wanted to answer her question why it was SO bad with ‘I am just very, very sick’ and ‘Please don’t think I’m not ambitious or hardworking anymore, I was doing my very best to deliver this and I’m sorry it’s bad’… but I didn’t. I was too afraid that she would think I was lying and too lazy to write a good essay, and that she wouldn’t understand. A few months later, my headteacher and I had a conversation during which she asked me if she should tell my teachers about what I’m going through, and never before in my life have I felt as relieved as in that moment when I was saying ‘Yes, please’.
not having to worry about what your teachers are going to think about the actions caused by your illness can be life-saving. If you think they won’t understand your struggle, you’re probably wrong – you are not the first and only student suffering from depression, anxiety or other mental illness; they have met many like you in the past and know exactly how to act to take some weight off your shoulders, and trust me, they will do everything they can to make it easier for you.
if you think there is no way out of your situation, stop for a minute, talk to someone, and change whatever you can, even if there’s only a tiny, tiny chance it will make you feel better and take some weight off your shoulders.
i thought I was stuck with Computer Science on Higher Level – although I try my hardest to understand what it’s about, I get grades below average and am really disappointed in myself. It became one of my biggest struggles, and I’m not even planning to become a programmist… It has been making my depression worse for a whole year, but I didn’t do anything to change it, just kept wishing I had picked Biology last year. I mentioned it during a conversation with a trusted teacher and she thought of a solution, asking me if I wanted to change my Language A level to Higher and then take up Biology on SL. And I was like ?? Life-changing?? Of course, I will have to study hard during the summer holidays to catch up with a year worth of material, but I’m more than willing to do that if it means not having to hear about Computer Science ever again. and once again, so much weight off my shoulders. Why I haven’t even thought of making that change before is a topic for another discussion, but my point here is, go make that change if you can. If there is another door, open it. Although it’s scary, it’s definitely worth it.
don’t suit your goals, make your goals suit you
one thing really hard to accept is that an accomplishment for you, a mentally ill student, might be different than an accomplishment for a healthy student. For you, passing this class alone may be a goal, not necessarily with the highest marks, while others strive for straight A’s. You have to understand that, in order not to add more to your worries, you need to have a realistic approach. For me, it was the hardest part, because I’m usually really ambitious and have a tendency to set the bar too high or compare myself to others. But what I needed to realise was that others are not ill, and I am, and if an achievement for me is something that they do effortlessly, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I am the sick me and they are the healthy them, and that is fine.
therapy, carried out well, can save your life, and I’m sure you already know that (because everyone keeps repeating that, literally everywhere, and it’s becoming highly annoying). I hadn’t realised that, though, until I experienced it myself. I have been suffering for almost two years before I finally scared myself so much that I needed to find a therapist as soon as possible, as I realised I was slowly becoming dangerous to myself and therefore people close to me. I was lucky enough to find a good specialist right away, who quickly diagnosed me, sent to a psychiatrist that prescribed me medicine, and continued therapy with me. But before I found this one, I had been to three others who did not understand me at all. I stopped searching, which was a mistake – please learn from my experience and don’t do that! If you can feel that the therapist you found isn’t right for you, look for someone else. Just don’t give up, because therapy really is important. You need to know that you can get out of this, and you need someone who will guide you and help you overcome whatever you’re going through.
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