Incorrect Dark Shadows Quotes

because really, isn’t that all Dark Shadows is?

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Jason: How do you like your coffee?

Liz: Alone.

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special meme edition 2/2

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special meme edition 1/2

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Stokes: Elizabeth! May I do a tarot reading for you?

Liz: Of course!

Stokes, laying down cards: Alright, this one tells me you're a lovely and darling woman, this one says your smile is heavenly, and-

Liz: These aren’t even tarot cards, these just pictures of me.

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Barnabas: Why are you wearing glasses?

Willie: (takes off glasses) Uh, um, reading.

Barnabas: Reading?

Willie: Mmhmm.

Barnabas: ...

Willie: ...

Barnabas: I didn't know you could read.

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David: But Aunt Elizabeth, I don’t believe in Santa.

Liz: -GASP-

Liz: Wait. Ghosts, werewolves, and vampires, but Santa Claus is where you draw the line?!

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Barnabas: It’s not natural for a woman to fight.

Magda: It’s not natural for a man to be as stupid as he is tall, and yet here you stand.

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Prof. Stokes: How many kids do you have? Elizabeth: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?

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David: (to Willie) What’s Willie short for?

Barnabas: Don’t be rude, he was just born that way.

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Burke: I have business connections in London, I travel there a lot. What part of England are you from?

Barnabas: Oh, uh, here and there, all over, really.

Burke: Accent's a little kind of... muddled.

Barnabas: (pleasantly) Really? So is your tan.

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Quentin, after briefly dying and turning into a zombie: I learned some very important lessons from all this.

Barnabas: I’m guessing they’re all horrible distortions on the actual lessons you should’ve taken away.

Quentin: Death isn’t real and I’m basically God.

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Chris: My curse has left me a sad and lonely man.

(knocking on the door)

Chris: (opens the door and sees Barnabas) Who are you?

Barnabas: I’m the sad and lonely man your curse has left you.

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Willie: You know I didn’t do it. The police will figure it out.

Barnabas: In case you haven’t noticed, the police of Collinsport are deeply stupid.

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oh shit i have submissions

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Roger: Hello, I’m looking for a man with dark grey hair, green eyes, and a little mustache? A specific one, mind you, I didn’t just wake up this morning with a craving.

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Willie: (angrily) Barnabas, you’re asking to hear something I don’t wanna say. But if I do say it, I think you oughta hear it!

Barnabas: If you have something on your chest, besides that grease stain, you’d better get it off.

Willie (shouting): Alright then! You asked for it! You’re a WONDERFUL guy, Barnabas! You’ve done everything for me. If it weren’t for you, I don’t know what woulda happened to me. You took me in here, you gave me a place to live, you gave me something to live for! I’m never gonna forget you for that, Barnabas. You’re tops with me!

Barnabas:

Willie:

Barnabas:

Barnabas: If I’ve just been told off, I think I may have missed it.

Willie: It’s coming.

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suggested by sights- uh, that is, by anonymous